Help for MIL Trigger Warning: Cancer

[mc13]

MIL was diagnosed with bladder cancer this morning. She'll be going into surgery on Tuesday, possibly Sunday if they can get an opening. Then we don't know what happens from there. Thankfully, we have no experience with something like this within our immediate families until now but unfortunately, we live 5+ hours away and have 3 kids under 2.25. What can we do to help? I'm at a loss. I don't want to show up with our clan and be more overwhelming than helpful. Is there something we can do from afar until maybe driving 6 hours to my parents, dropping the kids there, then just DH and I go visit? They have no family where they live and SIL lives even further away but is going up this weekend.

Open to any and all suggestions. Thanks!

[brandiewine11]

Sorry to hear that!

I agree with organizing something for meals and/or a cleaning service. If they have any pets, a petsitting/dogwalking service could be helpful if they will need to be away from home a lot.

Depending on how long she may be in the hospital or need to go for treatment (and how far from home it is), gift cards for gas, parking, local places to eat, etc would be helpful.

[rainbowbridge14]

First hugs! I know this is just anecdote but my grandfather had bladder cancer over 17 years ago and is still very healthy in his late 80s after surgery.

I think if your MIL is the type to enjoy visitors then going would be nice. We visited my grandfather in the hospital after his surgery. I was 13 and I sat with him and just chatted and he liked the company. If she prefers her privacy then maybe don't go but offer to help organize meals or house cleaning for them. You could also call and check in that way if you feel like they would appreciate hearing from you but the logistics of getting there are hard.

Offering to keep others updated through a group email or phone tree is also helpful. My family has running updated email chains that one person takes point on.

[Stringy]

May 2, 2017 15:22:06 GMT -5 rainbowbridge14 said:

First hugs! I know this is just anecdote but my grandfather had bladder cancer over 17 years ago and is still very healthy in his late 80s after surgery.

I think if your MIL is the type to enjoy visitors then going would be nice. We visited my grandfather in the hospital after his surgery. I was 13 and I sat with him and just chatted and he liked the company. If she prefers her privacy then maybe don't go but offer to help organize meals or house cleaning for them. You could also call and check in that way if you feel like they would appreciate hearing from you but the logistics of getting there are hard.

Offering to keep others updated through a group email or phone tree is also helpful. My family has running updated email chains that one person takes point on.

My dad is also a bladder cancer survivor - about 20 years ago...

There's a website called Caring Bridge that is set up for people to give updates about people who are undergoing treatment of whatever kind.  If she is the type of person who has church friends and a whole extended circle, it is really nice. If not, then email/text is probably easier.

[mc13]

May 2, 2017 15:09:18 GMT -5 @charlotte said:

Oh, maybe you could offer to coordinate a phone or email tree if they are the type of people who have a lot of friends/family who will want to stay informed. That way it won't be on your FIL to constantly be making phone calls and repeating himself.

ETA If he cost of a meal service is prohibitive, and they have a decent amount of friends/family/church members nearby, you could organize a meal train online where people just sign up at the provided link to cook and drop a meal off.

This is a great idea. And also Stringy's suggestion of possibly caring bridge site. She is so active in their church and has worked at Wegman's for 10+ years so has quite the large network of friends that will be wondering about how things are going.

[Crisco Salad]

How about a little activity care package? Some magazines, puzzle books, some favorite or approved snacks, nice socks. She can either have it at the hospital or home.