Returning work after baby....

[nurserachel22]

Hey folks,

I have been thinking about work life after baby is here... Again.

I was just wondering from those of you who already have kids about the transition from maternity leave back to work. I think that the thought of it is kind of stressing me because it has to be difficult to leave your little one, right? Just want to hear from those of you who have been through this part, and maybe about how it gets easier.. Or maybe for some it didn't and you became a SAHM. Posting something other than my aches and pains

[shmee]

I'm not gonna sugar coat it, going back that first day was one of the hardest things I've ever done. DD was 8 weeks and even though she was home with DH because we were working opposites, I was worried sick the whole time. I was so scared I was going to miss something, and it hurt to think about how much I missed her!

BUT it did get easier in time. It was really only that first week that I was tearful everyday. Don't get me wrong, now almost 3 years later I still have my moments, but it has gotten to be much easier than it was. Now as much as I love spending time with DD, there are days when it's tough and I look forward to going into work just so I can have some adult time.

So yes, it's very hard, but it definitely did get easier for me in time.

[rels09]

Yes, it is hard, definitely. It helps to have care that you are 110% confident in. If you have any hesitation about the care provider, keep looking. It's helped, now that my DD is a bit older, to see that my working has not affected her negatively at all. She is still extremely bonded to me (and H), secure, happy, etc. It's truly a lot harder on you than it is on them.

[jil]

I stayed home with DD for almost two years, and it was still hard to go back. For me feeling really confident with my child care providers and enjoying my job helped with the transition.

This time I'm planning to return to work after 12 weeks. I'm a bit nervous because that was also my plan with DD. I had some postpartum complications and a two hour commute, and after 4 months of recovery I knew that I still wasn't ready to return. It was one of the hardest decisions I've made.

Hopefully this time things go more smoothly. I do expect it to be challenging, but I really want to keep working.

[lgsdesigner]

It's hard. Really hard. It was for me, anyway.

With DS: I had to go back to work at 5.5 weeks postpartum (used all my time off when I was on bedrest), and I bawled like a baby the first and second day I dropped him off at childcare. He would cling to me and cluster nurse when I picked him up because he missed me so much. It was not easy. But...about 8 weeks postpartum, I was used to it, had my pumping-at-work routine down and was good.

With DD: I went back to work at 9 weeks postpartum, and it wasn't as bad. She was sleeping good, feeding good, and even though I missed her, I didn't cry. I just was sad the first week back.

[rocksforludo]

I was also only was able to take off 8 weeks with DD. She looked so little when I left her at daycare and it was definitely very hard at first. Harder for me than her. It's gotten a lot easier. For me, it helped to get a little bit of my pre-baby life back once I started working again.

Now, it's pretty easy with DD. She loves her daycare providers and her friends there. I know myself and know that I wouldn't be able to be a SAHM so that helps when I'm having days where I don't want to go in to work. And honestly, DD is sooo busy that sometimes it's a relief to send her to daycare where she can get her energy out with her friends. I can't keep up with her 24-7 while pregnant.

All that said, my favorite part of every single work day over the last 2.5 years has been leaving work so I can go pick her up at daycare. I love that part of the day.

[veganontuesdays]

Oh man, reading this thread is making my heart hurt. I have 3 months off with LO and I know it's going to be hard to leave him but I definitely need to keep my job.

[mpiemont]

The first day I left DS1 at daycare, I was an emotional mess. I took him in for a "practice day" the day before I actually went back to work because I knew there was no way I'd be able to function and see patients and concentrate on his first day. Every day after work I'd be like a maniac to get there and pick him up. But it got easier, we had our routine, leaving him wasn't as hard, and I was still so excited to pick him up at the end of the day.

[veenie]

I had 10 full weeks off and decided to take the last 2 weeks to transition back. I took her to daycare for an hour or two a couple of days the first week and two half days the following week. I think that helped a ton with going back full time. It wad still hard, but I got to ease into it. I am not a cryer, but I did shed a few tears the second full week. It was summer so I took a few half Fridays and that planned time off with her was great.

It is really hard finding the balance and routine. It was probably 4 months before I felt like I had it to a manageable place. Ie, what time to get up, pump, feed, get to/off work, get dinner, housework, etc. It takes practice.

One thing I wasn't prepared for is how early she would go to sleep. Those first months of daycare she would be out by 6/6:30, so we barely saw her.

But, to this day I am very choosey about the time I spend away from her. I feel like I can give her my all when I am with her, and that's largely because of my time at work. I think it's great that some women can stay home, but that isn't for me.

[scattered]

I went back when Jack was 16 weeks old and it was very hard for me. In fact, I went down to part time and then eventually stopped working.

I think for me, it was a combination of things that made the transition difficult. First, I did not have reliable care. My parents were watching him, so I had *trustworthy* care, but they'd flake out on me hours before work or not show up at all. Second, I was in a job I didn't like anyway, so being "stuck" there and away from my baby was like torture.

I think if you enjoy your work and you have reliable care, the transition is a lot smoother!

[angelasashes]

Feb 18, 2015 16:59:15 GMT -5 veganontuesdays said:

Oh man, reading this thread is making my heart hurt. I have 3 months off with LO and I know it's going to be hard to leave him but I definitely need to keep my job.

I'm in this boat, too. Plus DH and I are still trying to figure out childcare.

[pinkbarebear]

I went back to work after six weeks with DD1. It wasn't all that bad for me. Of course the first few days were rough. It might have helped that she was with DH because we worked opposite schedules. It helped knowing that going back to work helped us all out and being able to afford what she needed was important. But pumping at work was a handful.

[kj808]

Honestly, it'll be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. I had 12 weeks off and still cried with both of my babies. My situation isn't even that bad - our parents watch our kids when we're at work - but it was still super hard leaving them. Over time it gets better, but right now I'm dreading the day i'll have to leave this one.

[saltyh2O]

I started a new job when DS was 18 weeks old and, for me, the hardest part was the transition period that came with learning a new routine and getting us all (meaning DH mostly) organized around the notion that I was working again and some things were going to be different as we learned our "new normal." The rigamaroll of getting up, showered, dressed, fed, nursing/pumping, packing the car, etc etc just takes adjusting to and that can be taxing. What could be done the night before was always done then, and otherwise I planned my face off to be sure each morning brought a minimal amount of hiccups.

We had great childcare so that wasn't a concern for us. Both DH and my schedules have some flexibility to them as well, so that helps tremendsouly. I drop off, and DH picks up, so we share the load there....he's a great partner in the kid department especially so that also is a HUGE gift that makes working FT easier on us all.

In truth, as much as I adore my son and love spending time with him, I'm just not wired to be a SAHM forever. I tried it out....it didn't take. Going back to work was hard, but staying home indefinitely would have been hard for me too. I'll have plenty to learn about navigating yet another new normal when it comes time to go back to work after this little girl arrives, but I'm taking a longer leave once again (we have a very progressive leave policy at work...18 weeks!). When it comes to this subject, it's a tough thing for lots of reasons, but they aren't "one size fits all" either, you know?

[onceinlovewithamy]

I must have a cold, dead heart because it was not difficult at all for me to to hand Hunter over at 6 weeks. I was like 'here is the kid. Here are some bottles. I gotta go have some adult interaction'.

I agree with @blackpearl08, it's harder for me to leave him now at three, then it was when he was a newborn. Yeah, they are cute and snugly, but babies don't do much. NOW, Hunter is the hysterical little person and I am sad that I miss the random thoughts that pop into his mind and immediately come out his mouth (seriously, this kid has no filter).

[purpleroses]

To be honest, it was a rough transition for me, but that had some to do with having a pretty stressful and demanding job and DH's work travel schedule. You do settle into a routine and new kind of normal eventually though. For our lifestyle, outsourcing things like cleaning and yard work has made things more manageable and allows us to feel like the time we do have with DS is quality time. Now I like to focus on the quality of time I spend with DS, rather than the quantity. Depending on your pre-baby personality, you may also have to learn to let things slide around the house and with errands, etc. Allow yourself an adjustment period where you may feel a bit emotional and crazy (as well as overwhelmed) and don't be too hard on yourself.

For me, one thing that was hard in the beginning was feeling extremely guilty if I needed to go to a hair appointment or do something for myself when I wasn't working, as if I needed to maximize every potential minute with DS. I also had very conflicted feelings about returning to work, which I frankly didn't expect since I had always planned to keep working. One good piece of advice I received was not to make any immediate decisions about work until I had a chance to get settled in. I did eventually end up switching to a less stressful job, but was glad I took some time to think about what I really wanted in terms of working, trying to go part-time at my existing job, or finding something new.

[smile55k]

Feb 18, 2015 19:38:53 GMT -5 onceinlovewithamy said:

I must have a cold, dead heart because it was not difficult at all for me to to hand Hunter over at 6 weeks. I was like 'here is the kid. Here are some bottles. I gotta go have some adult interaction'.

I agree with @blackpearl08, it's harder for me to leave him now at three, then it was when he was a newborn. Yeah, they are cute and snugly, but babies don't do much. NOW, Hunter is the hysterical little person and I am sad that I miss the random thoughts that pop into his mind and immediately come out his mouth (seriously, this kid has no filter).

I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't really have a problem with sending my baby to daycare. She was 12 weeks, and by that time I was so ready to get back to work. I love my job and at that time I only worked 3 days a week so that made it easier. It got harder once she started crying when I dropped her off. Now she loves it, and I know she has so much fun playing with her friends and the teachers. The only bad thing is that I'm the drop off, and DH is the pick-up so he gets the happy hello hugs at the end of the day, and I get the sad to leave mommy hugs in the morning.

[missiep86]

It is hard, but does get better with time. I totally agree with the PP that said to really have a care taker you can trust. As time goes on, I really believe my son is more well adjusted because he is not with me all day. I really feel that him going to a babysitter who really works with him and treats him great is better than him spending every day with me. I tend to spoil him and it he gets super clingy when I am off for vacation.
With that being said, I'd still love to be a SAHM.

[nurserachel22]

Thank you ladies for your responses! Sorry I don't have time to respond personally to you all today, but I did go through and read each and every response. It makes me feel better to know these feelings are normal. And for those of you who were no as emotional about the transition, no you're not terrible parents thanks ladies!

[Cornflakegirl]

I am seriously dreading this! I plan on taking 16 weeks and then our LO will be with FIL during the day. I know I'm going to shed a lot of tears in the beginning but at this stage of our lives I can't imagine not working.

[smilz4782]

I'm super lucky with a flexible/odd hours ER schedule. I went back every other weekend after 12 weeks and then slowly would pick up a few more hours over the next three months and by the time she was 6 months old I was working about 20 hours a week. DH was her other caregiver so that helped.
The first day back was sad, I missed her all day and would let down about every 2 hours and had to pump often... But it got better. She's a tough baby/toddler and some days man I really like my hours away! And other days I miss her a lot.
With this one I'll go back every other weekend at 6 weeks. I think that will be hard for those two days in a row. But I'll have 12 days to work up to needing the two days "off"
I'm more worried this time about how DH will do with two at bedtimes :/

[purpleroses]

One thing I forgot to say in my last post was that the Working Moms board on TD was a great resource and major source of support for me when I went back to work with DS. I think it's called Working Parents here and, although I had stopped frequenting the board awhile back (I guess proof that you do eventually settle into a routine!), I lurked on there one day and saw that several of the regular posters migrated over from TD. I'd definitely recommend checking it out once you're back at work if you find that you are having a rough time.

(I should say that my original BMB was pretty much deserted with most of the regs having moved to a FB group by the time DS was born. Hopefully that won't happen here and it will remain a great source of support too.)