New forum -edited

[therealbug]

Hi ladies, I hope you do not mind me stepping in here. I have an AL specific post that I want to make sure you are able to participate in. 

Everyone please participate in this poll. If you vote SS or no, please give your explanation for why. The admin vote on Sterling's Politics forum closes today and the new admin team will be making a decision on which forum to use. The goal is a forum that has all the diverse groups from TCF in it. We really want to make sure your voices are heard and your concerns are addressed.

If you are staying here or if you want a new forum built from the ground up for all the groups, please say so.

ETA - removed poll.

Ladies, I want to deeply apologize if anyone was offended or hurt by the poll. It was not my intent to cause any harm to this board. 

The question I asked seems to be a sticking point with several members in the AL community and I wanted to make sure all members of the loss community were included in any decisions that are made. 

I appreciate the comments that were provided and I will pass those on to the appropriate people. 

Again, I am very sorry. 

[heartpresidents]

therealbug, It would help if we knew a little more about the potential board. From what I can tell, this board is one of the least likely to keep track of or participate in drama so we're unlikely to understand what the heck is going on and how a new board would be different for us. (or is that just me?)

For example, do you know the intent around the organization of loss boards? One loss board encompassing everyone? 2nd & 3rd tri loss? Trigger warnings?

If we're being honest, I'm unlikely to go anywhere. But these are things we've discussed a little in the last few days and I know opinions may vary.

[Deleted]

May 24, 2017 7:18:01 GMT -5 heartpresidents said:

therealbug, It would help if we knew a little more about the potential board. From what I can tell, this board is one of the least likely to keep track of or participate in drama so we're unlikely to understand what the heck is going on and how a new board would be different for us. (or is that just me?)

For example, do you know the intent around the organization of loss boards? One loss board encompassing everyone? 2nd & 3rd tri loss? Trigger warnings?

If we're being honest, I'm unlikely to go anywhere. But these are things we've discussed a little in the last few days and I know opinions may vary.

Keeping the AL community together, with the same general rules and practices and atmosphere, is the goal. The AL forum that a lot of us have been on already has separate boards for early/late/child loss, and I've requested that wherever we move have a late term/child loss board to keep this group together.

A lot of people are working really hard to keep us together and protect us. Once the dust settles, maybe just check it out and then decide? I really don't want to lose you, but I can't stay here.

[therealbug]

May 24, 2017 7:18:01 GMT -5 heartpresidents said:

therealbug , It would help if we knew a little more about the potential board. From what I can tell, this board is one of the least likely to keep track of or participate in drama so we're unlikely to understand what the heck is going on and how a new board would be different for us. (or is that just me?)

For example, do you know the intent around the organization of loss boards? One loss board encompassing everyone? 2nd & 3rd tri loss? Trigger warnings?

If we're being honest, I'm unlikely to go anywhere. But these are things we've discussed a little in the last few days and I know opinions may vary.

heartpresidents, my understanding is this board is set up under the same format as here. I've asked that it have its setting changed so guests can view to help people have a better idea. 

Over on @sterlings politics forum, an admin vote is being conducted to select a slate of either 5 or 6 Admins. One admin would be the head admin with the other's overseeing the major categories in the forum. So, the loss boards would have an admin that comes from the loss community and there is the possibility that the head admin would be from the loss community (Princess Giselle). Link to ballot

The new admins want to make a decision on the forum. APTM is already built but was created by a member that many in loss had a problem with. She would be stepping aside as that forum's admin if it is voted to move there. There is also the option for the new admin team to create an entirely new forum. TOU, mods, and global mods would be addressed after a forum was settled on. 

The ultimate goal is that we come up with a place for everyone to be back together in one place. I think how that board would be different as compared to this one is if there is a mass exodus from here you may become an essentially closed community without an influx of new members. Parenting and the members who have signed up on that board want to make sure there is a loss presence on the board to be there for members who will need loss in the future. They are also wanting to try to promote and drive awareness of the forum to draw in new members in general. There is zero intention of making it into a business. 

[heartpresidents]

May 24, 2017 7:35:53 GMT -5 therealbug said:

May 24, 2017 7:18:01 GMT -5 heartpresidents said:

therealbug , It would help if we knew a little more about the potential board. From what I can tell, this board is one of the least likely to keep track of or participate in drama so we're unlikely to understand what the heck is going on and how a new board would be different for us. (or is that just me?)

For example, do you know the intent around the organization of loss boards? One loss board encompassing everyone? 2nd & 3rd tri loss? Trigger warnings?

If we're being honest, I'm unlikely to go anywhere. But these are things we've discussed a little in the last few days and I know opinions may vary.

heartpresidents , my understanding is this board is set up under the same format as here. I've asked that it have its setting changed so guests can view to help people have a better idea. 

Over on @sterlings politics forum, an admin vote is being conducted to select a slate of either 5 or 6 Admins. One admin would be the head admin with the other's overseeing the major categories in the forum. So, the loss boards would have an admin that comes from the loss community and there is the possibility that the head admin would be from the loss community (Princess Giselle). Link to ballot

The new admins want to make a decision on the forum. APTM is already built but was created by a member that many in loss had a problem with. She would be stepping aside as that forum's admin if it is voted to move there. There is also the option for the new admin team to create an entirely new forum. TOU, mods, and global mods would be addressed after a forum was settled on. 

The ultimate goal is that we come up with a place for everyone to be back together in one place. I think how that board would be different as compared to this one is if there is a mass exodus from here you may become an essentially closed community without an influx of new members. Parenting and the members who have signed up on that board want to make sure there is a loss presence on the board to be there for members who will need loss in the future. They are also wanting to try to promote and drive awareness of the forum to draw in new members in general. There is zero intention of making it into a business. 

Is Princess Giselle the "Enchanted" screen name? 

I may be hallucinating, and I don't think she's active here any more to ask, but for some reason I felt like she was in support of a more combined loss board. Something that encouraged the early and later losses to support each other. Does anyone know if I'm making that up?

[heartpresidents]

May 24, 2017 7:32:15 GMT -5 @led said:

May 24, 2017 7:18:01 GMT -5 heartpresidents said:

therealbug , It would help if we knew a little more about the potential board. From what I can tell, this board is one of the least likely to keep track of or participate in drama so we're unlikely to understand what the heck is going on and how a new board would be different for us. (or is that just me?)

For example, do you know the intent around the organization of loss boards? One loss board encompassing everyone? 2nd & 3rd tri loss? Trigger warnings?

If we're being honest, I'm unlikely to go anywhere. But these are things we've discussed a little in the last few days and I know opinions may vary.

Keeping the AL community together, with the same general rules and practices and atmosphere, is the goal. The AL forum that a lot of us have been on already has separate boards for early/late/child loss, and I've requested that wherever we move have a late term/child loss board to keep this group together.

A lot of people are working really hard to keep us together and protect us. Once the dust settles, maybe just check it out and then decide? I really don't want to lose you, but I can't stay here.

Thanks @led. Keeping this particular group together is my biggest concern, too. I have not been able to find another forum (I've looked off and on for the last few years) where I fit. It's always because of how the loss groups are split. This group has helped me so much in the past 3 years, and I don't want to lose anyone like we did at the last switch.

[therealbug]

Yes, Enchanted and Princess Gisselle are the same. She is in support of what you guys need.

Here is her post on the subject of the loss boards: aplacetomeet.freeforums.net/thread/22/separating-loss-boards

[peaseblossom55]

I'll go where we all agree is best, work seems to be blocking all other forums sites but this one, so my participation on any other site will be very nominal if at all, just due to time I have outside of work.

[heartpresidents]

@led, I saw you just commented on that thread. It's still giving me the feeling of combining 2nd tri loss into the later term/infant loss. What was your feel from it?

[Deleted]

May 24, 2017 9:14:00 GMT -5 heartpresidents said:

@led, I saw you just commented on that thread. It's still giving me the feeling of combining 2nd tri loss into the later term/infant loss. What was your feel from it?

Honestly, I'm not a fan. But if you look at the board descriptions here it's the same way. I don't know. I think, personally, the 20 week mark is where I'm stuck. If you get past the AS and then have a loss, I feel like you could understand me. But 14 weeks? No. So maybe instead of splitting by trimester we split by weeks? I don't know. I'm not in charge of anything, but I agree with you.

[wrenofthesea]

I am torn. I will stay here if that is what many want, but I think that I will also join the other board. I have thought about it a lot and I want to participate on a board that will be open and visible to anyone who needs to find it and I worry that this place will not be that. I think back to after I lost Lillian and while IRL friends and support group were helpful I felt I needed something more. I found the board when it was back on TB (or TD, whichever you prefer) and it was a lot of help during some dark times.

As far as splitting the boards, would keeping it late term/child loss keep it mostly like it is here? Is it for rules that there needs to be the distinction between trimesters or weeks or whatever? I do agree that those whose loss is prior to 20 weeks might not be the best fit here. A friend lost her daughter at 16 weeks and while I was being very supportive and compassionate, she admitted that what she went through was not really relatable to what I went through and to this day she seems to remember and honor Lillian more than her own daughter (this might not be coming out in the best way, my thoughts are a bit jumbled, hopefully it isn't offensive).

[snowbigdeal]

SS - I don't care where we land, and I don't care who is in charge. I'm just going to go wherever the majority lands. It seems a little too targeted to me to name McBenny in this poll. I get that some people disagree with her, but I just think it's strange that out of all of the things that would lead people to decide on where to (re)locate as a community, that her presence and role would be the one around which to base decisions. I would rather be talking about board structure and organization (such as how early v late losses are represented, etc), and immediate loss board leadership, than about the overall site admin.

[snowbigdeal]

For example, I like this discussion about how to categorize loss by time period. I think it is important. When I had my loss at 33 weeks, there were not many boards that I could find that were specifically for late loss and stillbirth. Most that I found were combined with early/miscarriage loss, and that was frustrating, because it is a qualitatively different experience. So I do think it is important to have separate early and late loss boards. However, I don't necessarily think we should specifically divide them up by trimester or anything. Just early/late loss. That way people can self-select based on how they view their own experiences.

[snowbigdeal]

Also just an FYI, enchanted (princessgiselle) has been vote in as site admin/HBIC for whatever combined board will theoretically exist in the future, so this whole McBenny thing is moot.

[wrenofthesea]

Oh, and I voted on the other board (lifeafterloss) since I could access the poll easier. Just decided to discussion here.

[Deleted]

I am pretty sure that board would accomodate however many loss boards are needed under the loss heading by your community. The board they refer to as mcbenny's board (a place to meet ) started out when I made the categories for the board started. I started at just the main things we have here ttc if loss etc and Boards have been added as someone asks for them.

Enchanted likely will win the vote for hbic but there was some voting taking place when I last looked

If she wins she'd be the main oversight and construction admin
To decide if it will be a new site or just take over mcbenny's already started board with a full change of ownership. Mcb would be only a member or maybe mod only the planner board.

Each area category of the board is also voting to choose a sub admin for their group and that admin will be chosen to oversee the creation of boards for the their community (loss and if and ttc pg etc). Then as each sub board is made, each board can choose their own mods.

It's a reasonable plan and trying hard to have each group and even the smaller boards represented.
And I'm pretty sure there will be a place for loss moms maintained on the board even if the loss community from tcf all don't go

Excuse my busting in. I do agree that early loss, late term loss feel different and if you want separate boards for that then make them. I'd even like yo see a general coping with grief board but I can't make boards.

[therealbug]

May 24, 2017 10:17:56 GMT -5 snowbigdeal said:

SS - I don't care where we land, and I don't care who is in charge. I'm just going to go wherever the majority lands. It seems a little too targeted to me to name McBenny in this poll. I get that some people disagree with her, but I just think it's strange that out of all of the things that would lead people to decide on where to (re)locate as a community, that her presence and role would be the one around which to base decisions. I would rather be talking about board structure and organization (such as how early v late losses are represented, etc), and immediate loss board leadership, than about the overall site admin.

Thank you for your input on this and, again, I am really sorry. I did not intend to bring any drama to this board. It was a question that was targeted at a specific issue that seemed to be a sticking point with a segment of the loss community. I can see how it could be perceived as an attack on a member. I did a poor job of providing full context and apologize for any hurt I may have caused. 

[fikafairy67]

I said this over there as well, but I do agree with @led and snowbigdeal, early and late loss need to be separated. Late loss should probably be combined with infant loss, like it is here.

However, I really don't forsee us telling someone with a 16-17 week loss to go away from the late term loss board. There is a very big difference between an early loss and a late loss, but the lines in between those in the 2nd tri are kind of blurry for me.

Someone who I connected with on a FB group (with the same blood issues as me) lost her daughter at 18 weeks, another lost her son at 16 weeks, but both still viewed their losses as losing children, not just losing a pregnancy even though the babies hadn't reached viability age yet. I think people will go where they feel most comfortable, TBH.

[heartpresidents]

May 24, 2017 12:17:17 GMT -5 therealbug said:

May 24, 2017 10:17:56 GMT -5 snowbigdeal said:

SS - I don't care where we land, and I don't care who is in charge. I'm just going to go wherever the majority lands. It seems a little too targeted to me to name McBenny in this poll. I get that some people disagree with her, but I just think it's strange that out of all of the things that would lead people to decide on where to (re)locate as a community, that her presence and role would be the one around which to base decisions. I would rather be talking about board structure and organization (such as how early v late losses are represented, etc), and immediate loss board leadership, than about the overall site admin.

Thank you for your input on this and, again, I am really sorry. I did not intend to bring any drama to this board. It was a question that was targeted at a specific issue that seemed to be a sticking point with a segment of the loss community. I can see how it could be perceived as an attack on a member. I did a poor job of providing full context and apologize for any hurt I may have caused. 

I didn't take the response as implying drama was brought, it's a good discussion. You're fine as far as I can tell. No worries.