S/O Self-care Mondays- finding balance
Feb 19, 2015 7:40:56 GMT -5
Post by mrsbuttinski on Feb 19, 2015 7:40:56 GMT -5
By KJ DELL'ANTONIA FEBRUARY 17, 2015 2:59 PM February 17, 2015 2:59 pm 4 Comments
Last week, I invited Christine Carter, author of “The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and at Work,” to coach a few of us through the real world issues that get in our way when it comes to settling into a happy, functional routine at home and at work.
Lots of readers put up their hands, and we invited three — Julie, Wendy and Amanda — to expand on the things they thought stood most in the way of finding that “sweet spot.”
Julie described herself as “overwhelmed.” Between work and family demands, she found herself “feeling woefully inefficient at home and at work,” and wrote, “I know intellectually that I have a great life, but I want to feel it and appreciate it emotionally.”
Wendy, like almost everyone else who commented, desperately wishes that she could fit time into her busy life to exercise. She works four days a week; when she is not working, she has two small children to care for.
Amanda, a single mother to two elementary-school age boys who works full-time, is transitioning from work in an office to work from home. She’s finding it difficult to use productively the time she’s saving by not commuting. She has so much to do both at home and at work — now all in the same place — that she finds herself paralyzed, and often skips from one task to the next without completing anything. She ends up staying up late to finish her work, but by then she’s pretty tired and inefficient.
With all three, Christine looked for concrete strategies to make small shifts toward bigger gains.
Talking with Julie, Christine found that a lot of her overwhelm came from constantly checking her email and other news sources. She had too much information coming in all the time. “Using technology more strategically would help her be more mindful with her teenage children at home; and it will increase her efficiency and productivity at work.”
Julie is on a family vacation for a week, so Christine asked her to commit to taking that vacation completely, with a backup plan for who will address the issues that arise at work while she is out of the office. (Julie is a partner in a law firm.) Check email once a day, said Christine, with your strategic plan in mind. Also, Christine asked Julie not to hide the fact that she is on vacation from her clients, which would increase her stress.
After her vacation, Julie has established times and places when she will not check any device for email, Facebook, Scrabble, news, and so forth, as well as times and places when she will check:
I will not check any device in the kitchen/dining room, bathroom, or while in my bed. I will not check any device 45 minutes before bedtime, or before leaving for work. I will check work email at: 8 a.m. (upon arrival at the office), 10:30 a.m., 2:30-3 p.m., 4:30-5 p.m. (before leaving) and a 7 p.m. email check will be for dealing with personal email matters.
I will not check work email during lunch, and I will spend at least the first 10 minutes of lunch, when I eat at my desk, which is often, looking out my office window at the Portland waterfront. During lunch I may play Scrabble and check Facebook.
Julie and Christine discussed how and why this strategic (not compulsive) checking will lower her stress levels and increase her productivity, as well as give her greater access to the part of her brain responsible for generating insights, which is important for finding her sweet spot at work. Christine wrote:
We also discussed how uncomfortable all this not-checking may be at first. She will let herself feel how she feels, not resisting any emotions that come up, even if she is feeling anxious. We discussed how constant checking can numb uncomfortable feelings, like anxiety, but that it also numbs out pleasant feelings, like gratitude. Cutting out numbing behaviors, like constant checking, will eventually help her enjoy her life more!
As for the second part of Julie’s concern — appreciating her work and family — Christine asked her to actively practice gratitude, so that in addition to knowing intellectually she has a great life, she can also feel it emotionally. “Each morning she will write down (in a special journal) at least one thing that she feels grateful for. She’ll do this while she waits for her coffee to brew, just after she feeds the dog. She’s even going to keep her journal in a Ziploc bag next to the dog food bin, so that she doesn’t forget!”
For Wendy, with her job and two small children, a gym membership or daily yoga class is unrealistic. What is realistic, said Christine, and important for Wendy’s health and happiness: 20 minutes of moderate aerobic exercise four to five times per week, and a little strength training five days a week. Here’s how:
Establish a daily “better-than-nothing” strength training routine every weekday morning, before her children wake up: 15 push-ups, 25 squats and a 45-second plank. Eventually, Wendy will be able to expand this to more than one set, if she wants, but for now, we want her to start small. She will get stronger doing a short routine every weekday than she will doing a long one once a month (or never, as is currently the case). The trigger for her workout will be her alarm going off; the reward will be a little “yay me!” pat on the back. (Establishing a daily trigger and reward will help this exercise routine make a habit, so that Wendy eventually won’t have to will herself to do this.)
On the weeknights when she is home in the evening (most weeknights) she will watch a “guilty pleasure” TV show while walking on her treadmill. She’ll set the incline just to the point before it feels difficult. By walking instead of running and pairing this exercise with something she looks forward to doing, we are greatly increasing the odds that she’ll actually do it. The trigger for this habitual behavior will be putting her son to bed (while he puts his PJs on, she’ll put her workout gear on). The reward — again, this is important for habit formation — is the TV show.
Wendy will be measuring her progress using the “Way of Life” app, so we’ll be able to see what she’s done at the end of the week. Note: If readers that want to try this at home but don’t have a treadmill, there are plenty available for free on Craigslist. No excuses.
In achieving what is, for many, a goal — the right to work from home — Amanda lost many of the natural cues that signaled to her brain that it was time to get to work. Christine suggested that she design a routine to cue the start of a work day and increase the odds she’ll get into “flow.” She should divide her work into “Think Work” and “Action Items” (anything you can accomplish in 10 minutes or less). Christine encouraged Amanda to tackle her most important work without interruptions in the morning when she can do her best thinking, and to practice alternating focused work (single tasking) with breaks — real breaks, getting up and walking around and not checking email and social media, every 40-60 minutes.
For her “Action Items,” Christine suggests Amanda tackle one email or action item at a time, in succession: “Don’t try to multitask. Do this work from your laptop while you are at kids’ appointments, and when you are tired in the afternoon.”
Finally, Christine told Amanda to put a premium on sleep:
Do the four hours of work that you were planning to do late at night next week this Saturday morning, after getting 8 hours of sleep Friday night. Sacrificing sleep to work late at night is not a good way to do your best work, or to be more efficient or productive during the day. I probably don’t need to say this, but exhaustion will also take a toll on your emotional health, making you irritable or even unhappy.
That last is advice I always need to hear.
Very soon, Julie and Wendy will report back on how it went, and we’ll describe the progress Amanda is making. Meanwhile, if you have any advice to share or additional ideas for ending the email addiction, practicing gratitude, finding time for exercise or focusing when you work at home, please share.
parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/02/17/advice-for-finding-your-groove/?module=BlogPost-Title&version=Blog%20Main&contentCollection=U.S.&action=Click&pgtype=Blogs®ion=Body
Last week, I invited Christine Carter, author of “The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and at Work,” to coach a few of us through the real world issues that get in our way when it comes to settling into a happy, functional routine at home and at work.
Lots of readers put up their hands, and we invited three — Julie, Wendy and Amanda — to expand on the things they thought stood most in the way of finding that “sweet spot.”
Julie described herself as “overwhelmed.” Between work and family demands, she found herself “feeling woefully inefficient at home and at work,” and wrote, “I know intellectually that I have a great life, but I want to feel it and appreciate it emotionally.”
Wendy, like almost everyone else who commented, desperately wishes that she could fit time into her busy life to exercise. She works four days a week; when she is not working, she has two small children to care for.
Amanda, a single mother to two elementary-school age boys who works full-time, is transitioning from work in an office to work from home. She’s finding it difficult to use productively the time she’s saving by not commuting. She has so much to do both at home and at work — now all in the same place — that she finds herself paralyzed, and often skips from one task to the next without completing anything. She ends up staying up late to finish her work, but by then she’s pretty tired and inefficient.
With all three, Christine looked for concrete strategies to make small shifts toward bigger gains.
Talking with Julie, Christine found that a lot of her overwhelm came from constantly checking her email and other news sources. She had too much information coming in all the time. “Using technology more strategically would help her be more mindful with her teenage children at home; and it will increase her efficiency and productivity at work.”
Julie is on a family vacation for a week, so Christine asked her to commit to taking that vacation completely, with a backup plan for who will address the issues that arise at work while she is out of the office. (Julie is a partner in a law firm.) Check email once a day, said Christine, with your strategic plan in mind. Also, Christine asked Julie not to hide the fact that she is on vacation from her clients, which would increase her stress.
After her vacation, Julie has established times and places when she will not check any device for email, Facebook, Scrabble, news, and so forth, as well as times and places when she will check:
I will not check any device in the kitchen/dining room, bathroom, or while in my bed. I will not check any device 45 minutes before bedtime, or before leaving for work. I will check work email at: 8 a.m. (upon arrival at the office), 10:30 a.m., 2:30-3 p.m., 4:30-5 p.m. (before leaving) and a 7 p.m. email check will be for dealing with personal email matters.
I will not check work email during lunch, and I will spend at least the first 10 minutes of lunch, when I eat at my desk, which is often, looking out my office window at the Portland waterfront. During lunch I may play Scrabble and check Facebook.
Julie and Christine discussed how and why this strategic (not compulsive) checking will lower her stress levels and increase her productivity, as well as give her greater access to the part of her brain responsible for generating insights, which is important for finding her sweet spot at work. Christine wrote:
We also discussed how uncomfortable all this not-checking may be at first. She will let herself feel how she feels, not resisting any emotions that come up, even if she is feeling anxious. We discussed how constant checking can numb uncomfortable feelings, like anxiety, but that it also numbs out pleasant feelings, like gratitude. Cutting out numbing behaviors, like constant checking, will eventually help her enjoy her life more!
As for the second part of Julie’s concern — appreciating her work and family — Christine asked her to actively practice gratitude, so that in addition to knowing intellectually she has a great life, she can also feel it emotionally. “Each morning she will write down (in a special journal) at least one thing that she feels grateful for. She’ll do this while she waits for her coffee to brew, just after she feeds the dog. She’s even going to keep her journal in a Ziploc bag next to the dog food bin, so that she doesn’t forget!”
For Wendy, with her job and two small children, a gym membership or daily yoga class is unrealistic. What is realistic, said Christine, and important for Wendy’s health and happiness: 20 minutes of moderate aerobic exercise four to five times per week, and a little strength training five days a week. Here’s how:
Establish a daily “better-than-nothing” strength training routine every weekday morning, before her children wake up: 15 push-ups, 25 squats and a 45-second plank. Eventually, Wendy will be able to expand this to more than one set, if she wants, but for now, we want her to start small. She will get stronger doing a short routine every weekday than she will doing a long one once a month (or never, as is currently the case). The trigger for her workout will be her alarm going off; the reward will be a little “yay me!” pat on the back. (Establishing a daily trigger and reward will help this exercise routine make a habit, so that Wendy eventually won’t have to will herself to do this.)
On the weeknights when she is home in the evening (most weeknights) she will watch a “guilty pleasure” TV show while walking on her treadmill. She’ll set the incline just to the point before it feels difficult. By walking instead of running and pairing this exercise with something she looks forward to doing, we are greatly increasing the odds that she’ll actually do it. The trigger for this habitual behavior will be putting her son to bed (while he puts his PJs on, she’ll put her workout gear on). The reward — again, this is important for habit formation — is the TV show.
Wendy will be measuring her progress using the “Way of Life” app, so we’ll be able to see what she’s done at the end of the week. Note: If readers that want to try this at home but don’t have a treadmill, there are plenty available for free on Craigslist. No excuses.
In achieving what is, for many, a goal — the right to work from home — Amanda lost many of the natural cues that signaled to her brain that it was time to get to work. Christine suggested that she design a routine to cue the start of a work day and increase the odds she’ll get into “flow.” She should divide her work into “Think Work” and “Action Items” (anything you can accomplish in 10 minutes or less). Christine encouraged Amanda to tackle her most important work without interruptions in the morning when she can do her best thinking, and to practice alternating focused work (single tasking) with breaks — real breaks, getting up and walking around and not checking email and social media, every 40-60 minutes.
For her “Action Items,” Christine suggests Amanda tackle one email or action item at a time, in succession: “Don’t try to multitask. Do this work from your laptop while you are at kids’ appointments, and when you are tired in the afternoon.”
Finally, Christine told Amanda to put a premium on sleep:
Do the four hours of work that you were planning to do late at night next week this Saturday morning, after getting 8 hours of sleep Friday night. Sacrificing sleep to work late at night is not a good way to do your best work, or to be more efficient or productive during the day. I probably don’t need to say this, but exhaustion will also take a toll on your emotional health, making you irritable or even unhappy.
That last is advice I always need to hear.
Very soon, Julie and Wendy will report back on how it went, and we’ll describe the progress Amanda is making. Meanwhile, if you have any advice to share or additional ideas for ending the email addiction, practicing gratitude, finding time for exercise or focusing when you work at home, please share.
parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/02/17/advice-for-finding-your-groove/?module=BlogPost-Title&version=Blog%20Main&contentCollection=U.S.&action=Click&pgtype=Blogs®ion=Body
