NWMR: 1st Birthday

[kendraj426]

I know this is probably a bit early to be thinking about DDs 1st birthday, but I like to be prepared. I'm very torn about how large of a party I want to have for DD. I know DH wants to have a large party, and I can understand to some degree. He has a large extended family that he is fairly close to and a lot of friends who he considers 'brothers', most of whom are married and have kids. I don't have nearly as many friends nor am I close to any of my family outside of my nuclear family. I'm pretty introverted, and for myself I wouldn't want a ton of people at a party for me. However DD is a different person and already very social with others.

I know that there are a lot of people who would love to celebrate her first birthday with her, and I would feel bad excluding them, but I also don't want to over extend myself. I'm torn between having a large party with all of our family and friends invited, and having just a small gathering of grandparents, aunts & uncles. If we invite everyone (and this list includes literally everyone that would be in consideration for a big party - I may decide to cut down if we go this route, but I need to start somewhere) we would be inviting somewhere around 60 people. If we do a small, intimate party of just immediate family, it would be 11 (plus the 3 of us).

So, my questions to all of you are: For those of you who have kids over a year old, did you have a large or a small party for their first birthday (or none at all)? What are pros/cons to having said party? Other thoughts?

[supertrooper1]

I seem to be in the minority, but I don't understand large parties for 1st birthdays. We just had the 3 sets of grandparents over for DS's 1st birthday. We didn't even invite the aunts and uncles, which I think ended up hurting some feelings, but oh well. I didn't want the large party and didn't want to appear gift grabby.

[mommyatty]

We were about 20 people. But DD's birthday is in summer, so a pool party was easy. Also, we kept it really simple. We got ready to cook pizzas, cupcakes, veggie and fruit platters. It wasn't a big crazy themed pintrest extravaganza. Everyone had a blast. They swam, talked, ate, and generally had a great time. We will do the same general thing for DS at the end of April, but probably no swimming. Even it Texas it will still be cold water then.

[emmaswan]

I had a small party for DD...just family and a few close friends. Same with her 2nd. I don't think we really had a big party until she was 3. She didn't really have friends before that age...once she was 3, she actually had relationships with kids from daycare and church. 

The first and 2nd birthdays were like night and day though...lol. Her first was at a park, we grilled out, and it was easy clean up. Her 2nd we had at our house. Big mistake. I cleaned for 16 hours, had a party, then cleaned for another whole day. I had her sixth at home and it was the same thing.

[erinshelley21]

We did the big party route, mostly because that's just what our families do. Plus I like having parties since we have a large garage that also has a bathroom so no one has to step foot in my actual house. DH has a larger family(Divorced parents, 3 siblings plus families, plus a "bonus" family that babysat him when he was a baby through 12), so they accounted for over half the guests. My family includes a few "if you invite this person, then you have to invite this person" situations. I know some people wouldn't give a rats about so and so getting mad, but sometimes it just seems easier to add a few extra people to the guest list than it would be to field awkward questions. So, large family for DH, plus my family that gets butt hurt about things, plus a few very close friends and the guest list adds up pretty quickly.

[2chatter]

Firsts in our family are family and closest friends who interacted with the kids a few times a week.
It was themed, etc. because I was down with doing that.

Do whatever makes you happy - DD might be "social" but that doesn't mean you have to have a giant party.

[mustardseed2007]

For DS we did a family only party with grandparents, aunts and uncles only and that is also what we'll do for DD. I decided to go that route after attending a few first birthdays that I really thought were kind of silly.

Also, I felt like I wanted to host the party in my home b/c at 1 there isn't a lot you can do at outside places (again, silly birthdays I had been to at a park where the babies were eating rocks, or at restaurants where the kids were just sitting there) and I didn't want to have to really host a lot of people in my home. I'm introverted also, and self conscious about my abilities to host a large party. 

Now that DS is a little older and we have friends with 2 kids, I could see doing a first birthday with friends for DD (at Gymboree or at my home although home would obviously be harder) but since we did family only for DS we're going to do the same for her. It takes such a load off. 

I would be up for hosting a larger party if my DH wanted it AND I knew he would help. If I had doubts that he would really be helpful to me (which in my case I do) then I wouldn't really take his desires into account all that much. 

[k3am]

1st birthday parties are definitely more about you, your family, and your friends than they are about the actual wee one having a birthday.

I love the excuse - any excuse - to get my friends and family together, so I'd be all about it. (I was all about it for her first. And her second). But a "big" party for us is in the 35-40 range - we just don't have extended family to get us that high. I've seen people go crazy for the first birthday - characters, and petting zoos, and elaborate decorations. Totally not necessary. You can do a bigger party with a lot less work, it definitely doesn't need to be fancy.

For DD's 1st, we had about 30 adults + 10 kids. We thought we'd cut down for her 2nd, but there's no one we're willing to skip sending the invite to.

[lynn0514]

We did a small party with just our closest family - I think it was about 10-12 people total. Part of the consideration for us, honestly, was timing. DD's birthday is 12/31, and we weren't interested in trying to schedule something bigger during the holidays this year, especially because we were already hosting Christmas for both sides of our family.

DD actually has a fair amount of "friends" her own age because of a playgroup/moms group that we participate in, but to me, it made more sense to have a bigger party including her friends when they're all a bit older and can get more out of it. (Plus I really don't want her to miss out on birthday parties when she's older just because she has a holiday birthday.) That being said, we're going to first birthday parties for two of her little friends in the coming months, so it can definitely go either way

[jess9802]

We did not have a big first birthday party - 19 people including us, but only three babies (DS, my nephew, and my friend's daughter). I hosted it at my MIL's house. As I recall we had a pretty easy meal: pulled pork sandwiches, pigs in a blanket, potato salad, chips and dips, and veggies, I made some cookies and bought a cake. Set up a water table on the back patio for the littles. It was relatively low key, but man it was freaking exhausting. For the second birthday, I picked up some Papa Murphy's pizza, made a cookie cake, and we invited the grandparents over. So much nicer and easier in comparison; I have much fonder memories of his second birthday than I do of his first.

I would talk to your husband and see what he wants and what his family expects, and then make sure he agrees to do a lot of the work necessary to pull off a big party if that's what he really wants to do. I'm an introvert too, and being exhausted from pulling together a party for 60 people would be enough to push me into emotional shut-down mode. The less you have to do, the easier it will be for you to deal with a large group of people. And accept any help others offer too - my MIL made the pulled pork and my mom made the fruit platter and dips. I didn't worry about party favors or decorations or anything that would show up on Pinterest because it's just a lot of work and I did not have the time or energy for it.

[alli2672]

Feb 19, 2015 14:50:32 GMT -5 mustardseed2007 said:

I would be up for hosting a larger party if my DH wanted it AND I knew he would help. If I had doubts that he would really be helpful to me (which in my case I do) then I wouldn't really take his desires into account all that much. 

This.  In addition to the actual work of the party make sure that your DH understands the cost difference between having a few people over and having to get a ton of food, huge cake, possibly rent chairs or rent a party space, etc.    For us, we can have a party for a few people and get cake, decorations, food, for <$100. But to have 60 people over is a few hundred dollars at least. 

[texasmomma22]

I am some what of an introvert person myself however when it comes to my child I want him to be the opposite. Which he is. I loved that other kids were there and he had so much fun. I do not live near any family so my party for him consisted of work friends. I would have loved to have a huge party. You can always keep things simple. Cake grill or pizza.

[sudokufan]

We had a tiny 1st birthday party with just family. I'm glad we did- it was easy to work around his nap, and after the cake smash we just excused ourselves for 10 minutes and dunked him in the bath tub, which I wouldn't have done with more people there. We'll do a bigger one for his 2nd birthday, because now he'll understand better what's going on and have more fun.

[jil]

For DD's first birthday we had a small party (5 people). I think party size has a lot to do with personal preference and your budget.

When I've been to large parties for one year olds I've had fun. But you don't really get to interact with the parents or birthday boy/girl because there is so much going on. I have never been hurt or offended that I wasn't invited to an acquaintance or family members' 1st birthday.

[kendraj426]

Thank you everyone for your responses! For those of you who had a large party, did you rent a space or did you do it at your house? If I rent a space, what would you recommend for kids under 5? All of the kids that would be invited would be under 5, most of them are under 2.

[jlaok]

We have only invited family so far, but that is 15 people. If we were to add our group of friends that would be another 14 people and 11 kids. Since I don't want to entertain 40 people we just cut it off at family. When the kids get older we will let them start inviting friends but for now we have tried to keep it on the small side.

[CurlieWhirlie]

You could tell YH if he really wants to have a large party *he* can do all the planning, and maybe suggest having a picnic or potluck at a park or something so you don't have to host all those people and kids at your house. But seriously, the kid is 1 year old. Small all the way.

[helenahhandbasket]

If you have the money and/ or space to do it-- I would.

We did not have either at the time, and just took my parents out to dinner with DD, H and I.

[k3am]

We did DD's first party in our house. Our second party will also be at our house... although there's about a 50% chance our construction won't be done, in which case, our friends have offered to have it at their house. (She offered it while she was drunk. Don't make promises drunk that you don't want to keep sober.)

[gamora24527]

We had a small party at home (12 people) for DS's birthday with cake and a few snacks. For his second birthday, we invited a few more people (like 20) and had it at a local park, again with cake and snacks. Both were as much as I could handle at the time and everyone was happy.

There is no way I would attempt to host 60 people at my home because it would be way too stressful. At least if you have it somewhere else, you don't have to clean

[callmeKD]

I haven't read the previous responses - we did a small (immediate family only) party on G's actual birthday - us, my parents, my MIL and my brother. we did a larger extended family party a few weeks later at my parent's house (they live in my hometown with the rest of my family). it was nice to spread it out. IMO it gets really overwhelming for the one year old to have so many people around plus open tons of gifts.

we're doing the same thing for her 2nd birthday.

[harperandco]

DD's first birthday party is next Saturday and we are expecting 50-60 people. I'm a party-planning freak though so this isn't abnormal.

[Deleted]

I did both. I had a large backyard BBQ for DS's birthday. It was also a housewarming although I never put that on the invite. I just had bought a house and wanted a large party so everyone could see it. It was lovely weather and it was wonderful.

For adD I had a small party it was winter and she was sick. We still had fun. It was a tea party, super cute. I didn't spend s lot of money on either one, that wasn't a deciding factor.

[amiee]

Feb 19, 2015 13:49:38 GMT -5 supertrooper1 said:

I seem to be in the minority, but I don't understand large parties for 1st birthdays. We just had the 3 sets of grandparents over for DS's 1st birthday. We didn't even invite the aunts and uncles, which I think ended up hurting some feelings, but oh well. I didn't want the large party and didn't want to appear gift grabby.

No, I agree. With my son I didn't start having larger parties until he was 8 and asked for them. I do a small thing at home and invite grandparents. I let others know they are welcome to come by during the day or near the date to celebrate, but I don't see spending all that money and having all those people for an event my kid won't remember.

[kendraj426]

Feb 19, 2015 20:45:30 GMT -5 amiee said:

Feb 19, 2015 13:49:38 GMT -5 supertrooper1 said:

I seem to be in the minority, but I don't understand large parties for 1st birthdays. We just had the 3 sets of grandparents over for DS's 1st birthday. We didn't even invite the aunts and uncles, which I think ended up hurting some feelings, but oh well. I didn't want the large party and didn't want to appear gift grabby.

No, I agree. With my son I didn't start having larger parties until he was 8 and asked for them. I do a small thing at home and invite grandparents. I let others know they are welcome to come by during the day or near the date to celebrate, but I don't see spending all that money and having all those people for an event my kid won't remember.

For me, the allure of having a large party is to celebrate with our family and close friends that we made it through the first year! Yay! Also, I know that everyone that would be invited to the party will want to celebrate with us anyway, so why not just have them all celebrate together? My hesitation is the fact that it's 60 people, and I've never thrown a party for that many people, nor do I really have the space, so I'd have to find an alternate place to hold the party. So, I'm trying to decide if it's worth the aggravation and stress to have a large party, or if I should have a smaller party and less stress.

I realize that my kid will not even remember the party. I'm sure this probably sounds selfish, but the party is really more for our friends and family, not necessarily DD.

[pittpurple]

We live overseas so have no family around. So we invited all our close friends for her 1st birthday (it falls on Thanksgiving so we do a massive Thanksgiving feast plus cupcakes). I think for her 1st birthday there were around 18 adults and a couple of babies and then for her 2nd it was something like 20 adults and 6 toddlers? We love doing it and since they're just our closest friends we can just do whatever is easiest (just put her down for a nap as usual and last year we just kicked the last few people out at bedtime). If we had family around we'd have them too!

Next year for her 3rd birthday we'll be a bit more organised with kid's activities though, they were too young to care last time but I think it would be better to have a bit of organisation. We'll probably invite kid people for the afternoon and extra friends for dinner or something, we have a teeny tiny house.

I would just think about what you want to do for you - the baby is too young to care, just give her some wrapping paper (or bubble wrap, a surprisingly exciting experience in my house) and she'll be happy with or without anything. So if it wouldn't be fun for you, I wouldn't do it for her sake just yet - there's time enough for that when she's old enough to care!

[ECB]

O.k., so my thoughts.

First, for DSs party, it was on the smaller side. But we have a small immediate local family and we invited a few close friends. DH as a large extended family, but they aren't local so it wasn't an issue.

But it snowed the weekend of his party, so that cut down the # of people who came. I want to say we about about 20 people, maybe, including kids?? Honestly- it was perfect. I was kind of glad more people couldn't come.

That being said, as YOU said, 1st b-days really are more about the parents than the kid. I agree that 60 people seems insane. But if it' simportant to your DH... I'd have a hard time saying "no" to that.

BUT here's the thing for me:

1st - HE NEEDS TO HELP PLAN!!! If he's the one who wants 60 people, HE needs to do the legwork to find a location that can host this amount of people. This absolutely should not fall entirely on your shoulders. He needs to step up and be involved.

2nd- he needs to agree that this is for THIS year only. 1st b-day is a big deal but in future years? You will not be having huge "let's invite everyone" parties. Get him to agree to this. Because I'll tell you this - first, you aren't going to want ALL THOSE PRESENTS every year. Second, you probably really don't want to get your child used to huge parties. Third, eventually, your kid isn't going to care about the family and YOUR friends. Your kid is going to want HER friends there.

I simply wouldn't want to create a precedence of having huge parties every year.

[kendraj426]

We actually discussed this a bit last night. I told him that I was bringing it up because if we need to book a place, we need to do it sooner rather than later because her birthday is right in the middle of wedding season, so if we want to do it at a restaurant or something our choices may be limited.

When I told him that we would be inviting 60 people, he was astounded. So, I laid out how many people he had said before that would be on his 'must have' list - 50 of which were his family & friends, 10 were mine. I said that we obviously can't host that many people at our house, so he suggested asking his mom to host at her house. I really find that rather rude to ask someone else to host the party. I pointed that out, but he brushed it off, so if he's ok with it, I'm not going to argue. However, I then reminded him that his parents are looking at downsizing soonish and have been looking at houses already. I wouldn't be surprised if they have moved out or are in the process of doing so by the time DDs party comes.

So, he's going to talk to his mom and try to ascertain if the extended family will be offended if we don't invite them. If she wants to have a party that includes her family, we are going to ask for suggestions from her on how we might go about doing that. This leaves the ball in DH and his mom's court to decide how to handle it, and we'll go from there.

Funny enough, after a while discussing this, DH was like 'This is why I hate holidays and birthdays'. I pointed out that we could just decide to have a party of our immediate families, and we would circumvent all this discussion and planning. The party would have 9 people - totally doable in our house - and be super casual. He didn't like that idea because he was afraid "people" (his family & friends) would be offended because they weren't invited. *eyeroll* You can't have it both ways dude!

[doodler]

We did a big party. We both have large'ish famlies. Mine is ridiculously huge so we didn't invite my extended family. They also don't all see LO on a regular basis, or exchange gifts, etc. DH's family is another story. LO is the first baby in like 30 years so they spoil him and are very involved. I send pics on a regular basis, etc. So we invited all of DH's extended family, my parents, grandmother, brother, his wife and their two kids, and a bunch of our close friends. I think we had around 40-50 total.

I already told everyone that this was a one time thing and from now on we will be doing a small cake and ice cream celebration with immediate family at our house until he is big enough to have "friend" parties.

[ss265]

Lol, DS1 had two first birthday parties. My family lives overseas and we ended up traveling there for his first birthday. So he had a birthday party in my home country with family and friends (maybe 30-40 people, including kids). Then when we got back to the States, we had another party for him here with family and friends (around 30 people). First birthday parties are a big deal in DH's culture though so that's why we had such a large guest list. DS1's second birthday party was just immediate family.

I think you need to be very careful with the precedent you set with the first birthday party. If you invite your DH's extended family for the first birthday, would you be obliged to do so, for the second birthday?