Parenting fears

[stargazerlily]

I was just wondering if any of you, whether FTMs or not, have anything about the upcoming years parenting your LO that completely scares the shit out of you? I'm sure we all have concerns and worries, but things that are borderline panic attack level.

I know for me, every since I found out LO is a girl, I'm petrified of the teenage years. I joke with DF about boarding school, but I'm really absolutely terrified of having to parent another teenage daughter. I have a DD who is almost 19, XH and I adopted her from foster care when she was 15/16, and even though I know she has a ton of mental health issues from all the crap she has been through (reactive attachment disorder, bipolar, ADHD, ODD, and we strongly suspect borderline personality disorder, XH and I are both in the mental health field so we went in with training and experience and still got our asses kicked literally and figuratively) and so that experience isn't necessarily a typical parenting one, but I'm really scared. Every time DD goes off on one of her rage episodes screaming at me finding a way to blame me for everything that happened in her life and then some, I feel a little more doubt creep into my head over whether I am really a good mom and if I'm going to be a good mom to this LO.

[rivers714]

I'm very worried about a girl myself. You have to be so much more careful because your body image is also going to rub off on them. Growing up there is much more social drama and it's super intimidating to think about.

[DawnLilly]

Outside dangers, not really parenting fears. I can't keep my son away from the farm and I know everyone watches him but there are so many dangers there. I'm sure with number 2 i will have a while new set of worries.

Parenting wise I'm worried about his preteen years. We have the same "I know, I know," stubborn, independent personality and I know we will butt heads.

[amelandre]

My biggest fear in raising my son is that somehow he will turn out to be one of those hateful bastards that thinks women aren't real people. If my son ever took advantage of a girl physically I just don't know what the hell I would do.

[samiamagirl]

Shit, I have so many fears, specifically the newborn age. Before we knew we were having a boy I also had the teenage girl fears, especially because I was a terrible teenager with a terrible relationship with my mom.

[robotpcr]

Yeah, teenage years with my girl for sure. Beyond all the body image stuff I was just super bitchy and nasty to my parents, who I adore now. Not looking forward to that.

[Deleted]

Jan 17, 2015 12:36:17 GMT -5 amelandre said:

My biggest fear in raising my son is that somehow he will turn out to be one of those hateful bastards that thinks women aren't real people. If my son ever took advantage of a girl physically I just don't know what the hell I would do.

My DH is a old school gentleman and he is constantly instilling the his ways on them. So far it has been great; DS1 is forever opening doors and helping girls at school. I think seeing a man do it on a daily basis helps, as opposed to a woman just telling a boy it's the right thing.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying that a female can't teach a boy to be respectful, but that having male role model helps.

[Deleted]

Ansplusalso.. I'm now having a girl after two boys. I have no clue what is going to happen but I'm going to take it one day at a time.

[samiamagirl]

It may not be that much of a comfort, but for you moms of girls worried about keeping them safe in the dating years, just look at those of us who will be raising the boys they may date. I'd like to hope DH and I will instill a deep respect for women in our son and treat them with the dignity they deserve.

[SassyPants150]

I constantly worry that I'm going to be reenforcing some habit unknowingly. Especially with 3 that are going to be 3 and under, I hope I'm able to give enough attention to all. It really stresses me out. I just feel like I really got the hang of one!

[amelandre]

Jan 17, 2015 12:48:08 GMT -5 @ajzmommy said:

Jan 17, 2015 12:36:17 GMT -5 amelandre said:

My biggest fear in raising my son is that somehow he will turn out to be one of those hateful bastards that thinks women aren't real people. If my son ever took advantage of a girl physically I just don't know what the hell I would do.

My DH is a old school gentleman and he is constantly instilling the his ways on them. So far it has been great; DS1 is forever opening doors and helping girls at school. I think seeing a man do it on a daily basis helps, as opposed to a woman just telling a boy it's the right thing.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying that a female can't teach a boy to be respectful, but that having male role model helps.

I mean, logically I know this, and my husband is a good role model, I just have that fear in the back of my mind. Like what are the odds he becomes a serial killer? Very low, but still scary as hell!

[rivers714]

I was so anti kid.. Then I had my son. It was the best thing that's ever happened to me. You won't even realize the changes as bad acukel

[stargazerlily]

As far as teaching daughters to have good self-esteem/sons to treat the girls they date well, my DF and I were having a huge talk about that the other day. It's been really cool seeing him grow with this pregnancy. I have my DD, but he's been more of a friend/mentor to her and is really supportive of my co-parenting relationship with XH. He's older than me (I'm 35, he's 46) and his BSC XW couldn't have children, so he hadn't considered becoming a father in years. Then he met me and I made it clear that it would be part of the deal with me, and he has just jumped in. He said to me the other day he's been thinking about how important it will be for our daughter to see him treating me (and her) right, and that he hopes that he can help her learn that that's what she will always deserve in a relationship. I left my XH after my daughter came to me and asked if we were getting a divorce, and that she could hear him yelling at me and me crying. And it hit me like a bus, that with all the baggage she already had from all the crap she had been through, I was teaching her that this kind of relationship dynamic was ok. I'm so glad that DF recognizes how important this is going to be to teach her. Our kids have enough crazy dysfunctional messages getting thrown at them by society, so even if we can't shield her from that, we can teach her to respect herself and not accept anything less than what anyone deserves in a relationship.

[jenari]

I'm afraid of the initial 2U2 craziness. How am I going to meet both their needs and maintain any amount of sanity? It scares the shit out of me!

[stargazerlily]

beeorange I think a key thing will be teaching him to go for the right kind of girl, and then establishing a good relationship with her. One of my aunts has four sons, two of them are married and live long-distance, but she established amazing relationships with their wives and they're still all really close. As long as you don't end up being a BSC MIL I think you'll be fine

[katietopaz]

I have a general fear of having the power to totally screw up my children without meaning to. I think my parents did a pretty good job with parenting in general, but I still have emotional baggage that comes from how I was raised. No matter how hard DH and I try to be sensitive, loving, and careful parents, what kind of inadvertent negative impact are we going to have on our kids? That's terrifying.

[staccajaye]

Everyone has mentioned so far in the future.
I am shit scared about that first minute we walk back inside our house with our daughter. We left to the hospital just the two of us, and have arrived back with a child. WHAT DO WE DO.. OMG
I'm assuming it all comes naturally, and I am so excited but, fuck me its scary. Also im scared my boobs are going to be too big for her.... Yes I know thats dumb, but like, my tits are massive

*** don't put me on a post it guise

[freddyisready]

I'm afraid of my DH, lol. He was raised by his grandparents and is very 'old-school.' Sometimes I think he borders on anti-vax or will let out a racist comment. I'm afraid that something really random will come out and he will want to raise our children that way. Idk. This is hard to explain. Also, DH thinks out child will never cry or throw a fit, so I'm kinda wondering what will happen when it does.

[ajm0711]

I think, like a lot of other parents, those teenage years and even early adulthood make me nervous. It's hard to let people make their own mistakes, especially your own children, but sometimes that's how they learn the best.

I'm also scared of having too many expectations for her. I don't want her to have to live up to ridiculous expectations and then resent me.

[Poppy]

I'm afraid of tons of things. Having the time, doing a good job balancing work and a baby. Keeping the house up and staying organized. I mostly worry that I won't do a good job. I know how to care for a baby but I just worry I won't be as good of a mom as I hope to be. I'm sure every mom feels like that. Especially in the beginning.

I have also always wanted at least 2 or 3 kids. Now I don't know how I will have 3. Being pg again and then again, I'm just not sure I can do it. H and I both want siblings for this LO so I'm sure I'll get through it.

[lysbel]

Like many of you I am terrified of the teenage years. I also find myself worrying about her meeting the right person who treats her well and makes her happy. I wonder how I can make sure that I instill good morals/values and react to difficult situations with her in a positive way. So much worrying!

[CTri17]

Teenage years with 3 girls ::: shudders::: and definitely outside influences

[seventythree]

Jan 17, 2015 14:58:06 GMT -5 katietopaz said:

I have a general fear of having the power to totally screw up my children without meaning to. I think my parents did a pretty good job with parenting in general, but I still have emotional baggage that comes from how I was raised. No matter how hard DH and I try to be sensitive, loving, and careful parents, what kind of inadvertent negative impact are we going to have on our kids? That's terrifying.

katietopaz I feel exactly the same way... and I'll take it a step further to say I worry about being too hyper-aware of this worry will inadvertently turn me into an even bigger weirdo and mess them up even more, haha. This is why I am in therapy, people! Also my therapist is very big on NOT blaming parents, which is a struggle for me and my baggage (add to it that my parents have both passed away so I feel there was a lot... unresolved), but will hopefully help me to realize that I won't be screwing up this LO as badly as I might think I am.

I share many of the fears already mentioned here, from the first days not knowing WTF to do with a baby to modeling good habits and body image to raising them to be a respectable human being to surviving the teenage years. Part of the reason we are team green is that I am a worrier, and I didn't want to give myself months and months to just sit and worry about the specific difficulties of raising either a girl or a boy (most of which have been covered here).

All of that said, though, my good old laid-back DH once said the sweetest thing to me: "Don't worry so much. You just have to love them, everything else will fall into place." 

[smilz4782]

Before i read the whole thread:
Im terrified of having siblings who legit hate each other
Terrified of horrible teenagers
I'm scared of silly things with two girls like one will be prettier (by a LOT not just in a different way) and that will cause a problem
Afraid one will be the skinny one or the chubby one
Or one will be super smart and one super dumb
I'm afraid I'll compare them...
Can I quit now?!?!?!
I have to keep them alive and healthy and raise them to be decent human beings--that's a lot of fucking work!!