GTKY: what are your plans on telling?

[dazdareis]

I'll get this started

Who are you telling first and when?

DH and I are hoping to wait until 12 weeks as this will be (FX) our rainbow baby. I want to tell everyone ASAP, but DH wants to wait. On that note, I already gabbed to my mom & BFF as they've supported us with all of our losses.

[pickles4prez]

MH knows, obviously. 2 of my best friends know because we all play roller derby together and they have to cover my lie (currently I'm telling everyone it's a pulled tendon when they ask why I'm not hitting or scrimmaging). They've been so supportive during this last year of hell, I couldn't keep it from them if I tried.

MH and I are debating when to tell our folks. We want to make sure we are here for the long haul and will probably discuss our odds with my doc on Monday. My FIL has a loud mouth so I'm holding off as long as I can. >< I don't think we can hold out until 12 weeks, but maybe until 8 or so. Makes it easier since we don't live in the same town.

The rest of the world can figure it out when I start showing!

[zapgurl44]

I think I'll just let everyone figure it out. I guess if they ask I won't deny, I'm a horrible liar.

[blanche]

I told one of my best friends this morning about the positive test (he was my man of honor in my wedding) and MH, of course. I will tell my mom once we are totally sure. Everyone else I will tell at 12 weeks. I may tell one of my good friends earlier than that though. I am supposed to be her bridesmaid on October 4th (so I'll be 8 months pregnant). It's driving distance, so I could still do it, but want to give her the choice.

[lycih]

We'll tell my parents and my ILs after our first u/s (6w6d) since that's when we've told them every other time, regardless of the outcome. Both my mom and MIL had their own struggles TTC so it's been helpful when they knew about the losses.
I've obviously already told MH, and I've also told my oldest sister.
We'll probably wait until after the 12w u/s to tell the rest of friends/family.

[onyx]

I told my husband immediately. I wanted to surprise him but he knew I was testing this morning. I will probably tell my parents and my H parents early on. My mom will notice soon because I always have a glass a wine when we have dinner over there which won't be happening now! I do want to do a cute announcement though so I will be browsing Pinterest for the perfect one.

[mtnmomma13]

I have a good friend who is an u/s tech so I will tell her in a week or so since she'll do an early scan for me. Assuming all goes well there we will be telling both sets of parents late march. Close friends probably late April (after first tri screening). Otherwise people will find out as they see me!

[flyliceandcoffee]

We've had our share of losses, so we're probably not telling very many people before the first tri ends. We'll tell my parents, but that's about it.

[brightmidnight]

We've told my mom, 2 sisters, and 1 brother on my side, as well as my husbands parents and his sister. My two BFFs know as well. I'm not planning on telling the rest of my family for a while, so petty much only my closest "inner circle" of people know.

[onyx]

I decided to tell my mom, sister, and step dad today. I want to wait to tell most people, but my mom would notice soon and I wanted to tell her before she asked. I wanted to do something cute so I bought my 2 yo son a shirt that says "big brave brother" with a knight on it. She read it wrong and didn't understand the shirt at all. She read "Be Brave Brother". My sister noticed first and had to explain it to her. After she understood what the shirt meant she was super excited and happy. I just have to laugh that she didn't get it. I figured she would have understood immediately.

[dazdareis]

That's too cute glad they were excited!

I wanted to tell my in-laws today, but DH is very firm on telling everyone after 12 weeks. I've already informed him that I have a big mouth and that although I'll try my hardest, there's no guarantee that everyone will be in the dark until then

[rztrumpet]

DH and you guys are the only ones who know. We'll tell family after dr conformation (appt is set for March 23). ETA: I did tell DD this morning, but she's 14 months, and doesn't talk yet, so we're good .



Not sure how long after that we'll tell others, probably not long. We started spreading the word pretty openly with DD around 10 weeks. Once you see a heartbeat (my ob does early ultrasounds), your chance of miscarriage goes down a lot).

[snoris]

Just parents & best friend!!! I'd like to wait until after 1st tri to tell everyone else.

[countingthestars]

Right now the only other person who knows is DH. I'm not sure when we will tell both families. Probably close to when 1st tri is over. DD won't know until right before we tell people because I know shd won't keep it quiet.

[beaming]

I want to wait to share until after 1st trimester. We shared early with the pregnancy that ended in a m/c and it was pretty painful for me having to tell everyone. I'd like to tell my mom and my sister but I have zero faith in them to keep their mouths shut, so just me and DH for now. Luckily he and I mastered the "drink my wine when no one's looking" trick with DS.

[ashleymarie26]

DH is the only one who knows. We live far away from family, and will tell my parents in 3-4 weeks when we are going home for the weekend. I am bursting to tell everyone- the only things keeping me from spilling the beans:

1. I want my mom to be the first to know.

2. I feel she deserves to be told in person


DH'S family is even further away, so we will skype them right after telling my parents

[themrsjrd]

So far we have only told my sister in law because we know she can keep a secret and my husband was just bursting to tell someone. So since he told her, I'd like to tell one of my sisters who I also know can keep a secret.

As for everyone else, I think I'd like to wait until May if possible, like Mother's Day or Memorial Day. We are thinking of having the MaterniT21 (I think that's what it's called?) test so that's why I'd like to wait so late, to have those results in hand.

[blanche]

The one downside of telling my parents is now that is all they want to talk about! I really won't have news for them until my 8 week appointment...

[harvestmoon]

Our families know, and a few of my friends already know too. I'll likely wait to tell at work until at least 12 weeks, but I personally like having the support of the people around me, regardless of outcome.

I know not everyone feels the same, but I didn't like feeling like I couldn't refer to or grieve my first loss with people I see often because we didn't tell them we were pregnant to begin with. Since then we choose to celebrate it while we can.

Luckily our families and friends are all pretty laid back so telling doesn't really mean having to talk about it constantly or any necessary drama.

[rztrumpet]

So apparently DH and I rock at not telling anyone....

I told my best friend and one coworker, DH told his mom, we have plans to tell our "couple best friend" (who have a daughter DD's age) on Friday, and DH's best friends when he gets back from vacation next Wed.

We still aren't telling my family until at least 8 weeks because my parents are the WORST secret keepers in the world. Seriously, we told them about #1 at about 6 weeks with strict warning not to tell anyone, by the end of the week my mom had told her whole school (she was a teacher), my dad told all his coworkers, and they announced it at church (the church has people share prayer requests, and my parents stood up and told everybody). Yup, they lost my trust, so this time they don't find out until we're ready to go public.

[USCgirl]

Only my H knows and I am seeing family today for a dinner at BIL's. I am super nervous SIL is going to ask and I have to fib. I told my H to help me "drink" while we're there.

I will tell everyone else after the first tri.

[onyx]

We have told my mom, my step dad, my siter, my FIL, my husbands ex-step-MIL, yet my mom's cousin and her husband and children know, and two of my SILs know. I swear, my family has big mouths.

[forevermyfenix]

I've told my supervisor at internship. She has had 2 previous stillbirths, so I knew she'd understand my weird emotions. I've also told some great A'14 ladies that I formed a special bond with. Other than that though, I haven't told anyone else, and I don't plan to until sometime in May. I'm scared my family will not be supportive of another pregnancy so soon (just over 6months past losing Fenix) and they would have preferred it if I had waited a year after I got settled into a new job. But, it wasn't their decision, so, yeah.

[snoris]

Feb 27, 2015 14:58:34 GMT -5 forevermyfenix said:

I've told my supervisor at internship. She has had 2 previous stillbirths, so I knew she'd understand my weird emotions. I've also told some great A'14 ladies that I formed a special bond with. Other than that though, I haven't told anyone else, and I don't plan to until sometime in May. I'm scared my family will not be supportive of another pregnancy so soon (just over 6months past losing Fenix) and they would have preferred it if I had waited a year after I got settled into a new job. But, it wasn't their decision, so, yeah.

Eek!  I'm so sorry you're worried about your family's support.  ((hugs))  As long as doc says it's okay there is no time table for CAL, and there's no 'perfect' time to GKU everrrrr.  I'm sure their fear comes from a good place, but GL anyway when the time comes to tell, my dear.

[4furrypaws]

Feb 27, 2015 14:58:34 GMT -5 forevermyfenix said:

I've told my supervisor at internship. She has had 2 previous stillbirths, so I knew she'd understand my weird emotions. I've also told some great A'14 ladies that I formed a special bond with. Other than that though, I haven't told anyone else, and I don't plan to until sometime in May. I'm scared my family will not be supportive of another pregnancy so soon (just over 6months past losing Fenix) and they would have preferred it if I had waited a year after I got settled into a new job. But, it wasn't their decision, so, yeah.

This. It is NOT their decision. I would be furious if someone voiced any opinion about when we were or were not trying!

((hugs))...you have us love! xo


AFM...I'm not keeping it from anyone. I will wait until I get our parents all told to tell everyone else. But with everything we've been through I don't hide anything anymore. I like to feel I've educated at least the people around me on M/Cs and loss. It's such a 'secret' topic which is such a shame.

So I'll most likely get the parents told this weekend and then others can find out.

[mtnmomma13]

Feb 27, 2015 15:25:30 GMT -5 4furrypaws said:

I hope this doesn't upset anyone by me asking, but I've always wondered about this. Does the fact everyone "hide" their pregnancies until after the first tri in some way diminish the way people feel about those who have suffered early losses? It came to mind again when the Duggar girl announced so soon and everyone was taken aback. But she basically said, this is a life and I want to celebrate this life. I applaud your willingness to educate people because miscarriage shouldn't be a taboo or secret thing.

ETA: Sorry, I trimmed the quote and apparently deleted it all together. This was in response to 4furrypaws comment about telling people early and educating them.

[4furrypaws]

mtnmomma13 I feel it's an old school practice. I carried three children. I held two of them in my hands after M/C at home. They are my babies. My angel babies. I don't want anyone to discount their lives or our love for them. I have their sonogram pictures framed and hanging in the house. Always will.

I feel terrible for ladies who hide their losses. It's such a heart breaking thing to go through and I wish people didn't feel 'ashamed' or whatever they feel and think they need to keep it a secret.

Thanks for asking...I'm always willing to discuss these types of things!

[pickles4prez]

For me, I personally cant stand the sympathy head tilts by people who I dont have a personal relationship with, just an organization relationship (I play roller derby, bitches will figure it out or won't).
It's not so much hiding it as not wanting to hear condolences from people I don't care about or don't especially like, but am forced to be in the same circles with.

[snoris]

mtnmomma13, I'm sure everyone will share the news of their pregnancy in their own time. I imagine some just find it nice to enjoy the secret with their SO for a little while. For me, I tell people about my pg who were there for my loss and will be there for me should I ever go through it again. I think every loss mama is different. I just feel sad when women feel they *can't* share their news (good and bad) because of cultural norms. I'm a fan of talking about my uncomfy past if it's going to help someone else out.

[lycih]

I will say that having multiple losses has made them much easier to talk about, as weird as that may sound. I'm very upfront with people now, and if that makes them uncomfortable, that's their problem, not mine. I think it's terrible that anyone would feel ashamed of a miscarriage or loss. That's such an unfair burden on top of so much pain and heartache.

The dental hygienist kept pushing last week whether or not I had a preference for a boy or girl, after I told her I had a daughter at home. I kept saying I really didn't care, and that either would be great. But she just kept saying "EVERYONE has a preference" so after she asked for the third time I just flat out told her that we'd been struggling and we'd already had a few losses and at this point, I'm honestly just hoping for a healthy baby that I get to bring home as a sibling for my daughter. She stopped asking if I'd be upset if it were another girl at that point.

But, that said, I still prefer to keep news of pregnancies somewhat private until around the end of the first trimester and only tell people with whom I am very close.