Let's talk about the first time we had sex...

[carolyngrace]

cnumbers, ugh, I never understand men who are threatened by sex toys! You want to do different stuff WITH them, how is that not a good thing? And to think most of them probably look at such kinky porn. It's hypocritical to me.

Well, orgasms are totally mental as well as physical. The pressure about having one probably makes it way harder to do so! Like you said, you'll probably need lots of foreplay, maybe a little wine to relax (but not too much lol), feeling really emotionally connected, and maybe a touch of magic. Oh, and keep trying with yourself, too, seriously it can't do any harm.

A note on vibrators though: If you DO have an orgasm with that I personally believe it can make other orgasms more difficult, because it's so intense and its hard to match that intensity. I know women who feel "addicted" to vibrators for their orgasms. Best to just take your time and use your hands, probably, which is more similar to sex (or him using his hands).

[cnumbers]

Feb 21, 2015 22:37:49 GMT -5 carolyngrace said:

cnumbers, ugh, I never understand men who are threatened by sex toys! You want to do different stuff WITH them, how is that not a good thing? And to think most of them probably look at such kinky porn. It's hypocritical to me.

Well, orgasms are totally mental as well as physical. The pressure about having one probably makes it way harder to do so! Like you said, you'll probably need lots of foreplay, maybe a little wine to relax (but not too much lol), feeling really emotionally connected, and maybe a touch of magic. Oh, and keep trying with yourself, too, seriously it can't do any harm.

A note on vibrators though: If you DO have an orgasm with that I personally believe it can make other orgasms more difficult, because it's so intense and its hard to match that intensity. I know women who feel "addicted" to vibrators for their orgasms. Best to just take your time and use your hands, probably, which is more similar to sex (or him using his hands).

I think he was feeling a little insecure because i was his first (as I mentioned above) but I reassured him that I wanted HIM to use it on me.. I'm lucky that he hasn't been interested in porn since he was about 17 or since he got with me.. I believe him when he says so, I've even put it on before to get us in the mood and he hasn't been interested ''what do we need that for when I've got you..'' Cheesy I know. *eye roll* but I love him.

I think you are right. I am a very emotional person and I think I need to feel safe, cherished and pampered in those moments leading up too it.. The vibrator will stay collecting dust for now I think we are in bed at the moment.. He is on his phone beside me. I may distract him.. If I stop replying..

[sugarbean17]

It was in my bedroom while watching lord of the rings. I should get a nerd award for that. Nothing special or memorable beyond lord of the rings. Hehe

[Deleted]

@littlechivette cnumbers I just wanted to chime in on this because I've been there before. I never had an orgasm until I met my DH. That was 10 years ago, so now I consider myself an expert in getting off What it comes down to is being open and comfortable, lots of foreplay, and positions. Once you can nail down what works for you, you can achieve your goal in less than 5 minutes (which is great when you're pregnant and uncomfortable and don't want to be having sex for a long time).

My suggestions: let him get you off by going down town or try girl on top since it gives you all of the control over movement. I could be wrong but idk anyone that gets off doing it missionary. Also I agree with the others on doing it yourself for a while until you figure out what works.

[leenziepops]

Feb 22, 2015 11:01:51 GMT -5 @littlechivette said:

@littlebee, I don't see how people only do missionary...I get too uncomfortable. I think I'm just so worried about having another panic attack that I can never let myself truly relax, even after a couple drinks. I think once I have one good O than the relaxing part will be easier to achieve

we have our go to positions but I vouch for missionary as one of the best. It's so sensual with the full body contact and face to face connection. We stopped completely for a while due to my belly disturbing DH but switched to a modified version shortly after. We love it.

[redlipz]

I totally regret my "first time". I was molested when I was 8 and lost all self esteem since and I became a wild child a few years later and just wanted to feel "loved" I guess. When I was 14 I met this older guy that was super cute and everyone had a crush on him and what not. Well I sneaked out with him and we went up on this hill and he totally pressured/forced me into it and it freakin hurt like a bitch. After that he stopped talking to me and he told one of my cousins what had happened and she then called me calling me a slut and what not. After that it was all just downhill from there. My husband doesn't know about that, I'm still super ashamed about it.

My husband has been the only one who it's ever felt right with. And even with him, I could never do it with the lights on cause I feel gross.

[leenziepops]

Feb 22, 2015 14:42:27 GMT -5 redlipz said:

I totally regret my "first time". I was molested when I was 8 and lost all self esteem since and I became a wild child a few years later and just wanted to feel "loved" I guess. When I was 14 I met this older guy that was super cute and everyone had a crush on him and what not. Well I sneaked out with him and we went up on this hill and he totally pressured/forced me into it and it freakin hurt like a bitch. After that he stopped talking to me and he told one of my cousins what had happened and she then called me calling me a slut and what not. After that it was all just downhill from there. My husband doesn't know about that, I'm still super ashamed about it.

My husband has been the only one who it's ever felt right with. And even with him, I could never do it with the lights on cause I feel gross.

That's really awful. Big hugs for 8yo you. I'm so sorry. 

[Deleted]

Feb 22, 2015 13:16:06 GMT -5 leenziepops said:

Feb 22, 2015 11:01:51 GMT -5 @littlechivette said:

@littlebee, I don't see how people only do missionary...I get too uncomfortable. I think I'm just so worried about having another panic attack that I can never let myself truly relax, even after a couple drinks. I think once I have one good O than the relaxing part will be easier to achieve

we have our go to positions but I vouch for missionary as one of the best. It's so sensual with the full body contact and face to face connection. We stopped completely for a while due to my belly disturbing DH but switched to a modified version shortly after. We love it.

Agreed. Missionary is one of my favorites because it's so intimate, but I just can't "finish" that way. We can't and haven't done it for a while now because of my belly

[leenziepops]

Feb 22, 2015 16:28:32 GMT -5 @littlebee said:

Feb 22, 2015 13:16:06 GMT -5 leenziepops said:

we have our go to positions but I vouch for missionary as one of the best. It's so sensual with the full body contact and face to face connection. We stopped completely for a while due to my belly disturbing DH but switched to a modified version shortly after. We love it.

Agreed. Missionary is one of my favorites because it's so intimate, but I just can't "finish" that way. We can't and haven't done it for a while now because of my belly

so it can work if your DH has good upper body strength to keep weight off you. We mix it up with a push up position to keep off my belly but sometimes we still do the traditional missionary and there's full belly contact but it still works and I don't feel like we're squishing LO. Mix in a bit of your legs up in the air or on his shoulders to give his arms a break. 

[wegrowsheep]

First time for both of us was on our honeymoon. Not terrible, not mind-blowing, but we've improved a LOT since then

[periwinkledaydreams]

Im so sorry to everyone who has experienced physical and sexual assault in their past. I survived a traumatic sexual assault that seriously fucked me up for years down the road, at 19 when I was "technically a virgin".. but I ABSOLUTELY don't consider that to be the first time I had sex. Hell no! I think I was much more so "having sex" with my boyfriends back at 16 and 18, even though it was all just hands and mouth fooling around and we never did PIV. Unlike rape, those actions were consensual and sexual. Virginity is such a convoluted concept. I truly hope every one of you has found healing and respectful love.

Aannyywaayyy... the first time I had really real sex as in PIV All The Way sex I was 21 and totally in love with my boyfriend at the time, and we did it on the bathroom floor of a hotel room we were sharing with several other friends (classy I know!) It was fun. I ended up briefly engaged to that boyfriend, until he turned out to be absolutely crazy controlling weirdo!

I am happy to say that my life, sex and relationships have gotten better and better over the years since then, and my current love and the father of my LO is by leaps and bounds the best of the best in every way!