Post by tjr42px on Feb 22, 2015 17:22:00 GMT -5
www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/02/20/why-dont-dads-complain-about-parenthood-like-moms-do/?postshare=831424456722168
My wife was on her phone and reading this to me. She asked if it sounded familiar. Ummm, yeah, but also a trick question. By relating to this I found myself complaining about not feeling comfortable complaining. Lol. I agree 100% with the part that states complaining somehow draws a parallel or brings about fear I might be lumped in with "uninvolved dad" who is just "playing dad" today. I admit this is self-imposed but the fear is that it is a true perspective and judgement. The criticism for 50% childcare feels true, but I have fewer feels about this. Criticism of parenting is abundant regardless (most often from fools without kids themselves!).
I recall a recent example of the "being required to emotionally share." My wife was wanting me to open up and I've been making an effort. So I shared and included why I didn't want to in the first place. I genuinely felt like I would be considered less of a man for what she wanted me to tell her. Not to my surprise I asked her "so what would your response have been if I asked for the male equivant of 'hold me'." Admittedly no one talks like that, but I was asking for her reaction to if I said "I feel really alone right now, I don't want to talk about it, but please just be here with me." She laughed...couldn't help herself laughed. Didn't even bother me, it just proved my point. How can I be the strong guy she swoons over on the movie/tv screen and be the sensitive vulnerable guy she says she wants me to be.
Mr. Cruze has it right. I'd like to (and so does my wife) teach our sons that it isn't less manly to feel and express emotion, but actually very "manly". We (my wife and I) talk about this a lot. But it just seems like such an up hill battle sometimes with all the subtle (and not so subtle) messages about what being a man means in our society. It would have scared me to think about how to keep my daughters safe from asshole Alpha males (knowing full well that is who will get their heart racing at the box office) but now I worry how to make sure my sons don't become those very jackasses.
*Disclaimer - in no way is this meant to take away from a woman's/mother's experience. I guess it is more in the vein of...we aren't so dissimilar when it comes to a lot of things if we really break it down.
My wife was on her phone and reading this to me. She asked if it sounded familiar. Ummm, yeah, but also a trick question. By relating to this I found myself complaining about not feeling comfortable complaining. Lol. I agree 100% with the part that states complaining somehow draws a parallel or brings about fear I might be lumped in with "uninvolved dad" who is just "playing dad" today. I admit this is self-imposed but the fear is that it is a true perspective and judgement. The criticism for 50% childcare feels true, but I have fewer feels about this. Criticism of parenting is abundant regardless (most often from fools without kids themselves!).
I recall a recent example of the "being required to emotionally share." My wife was wanting me to open up and I've been making an effort. So I shared and included why I didn't want to in the first place. I genuinely felt like I would be considered less of a man for what she wanted me to tell her. Not to my surprise I asked her "so what would your response have been if I asked for the male equivant of 'hold me'." Admittedly no one talks like that, but I was asking for her reaction to if I said "I feel really alone right now, I don't want to talk about it, but please just be here with me." She laughed...couldn't help herself laughed. Didn't even bother me, it just proved my point. How can I be the strong guy she swoons over on the movie/tv screen and be the sensitive vulnerable guy she says she wants me to be.
Mr. Cruze has it right. I'd like to (and so does my wife) teach our sons that it isn't less manly to feel and express emotion, but actually very "manly". We (my wife and I) talk about this a lot. But it just seems like such an up hill battle sometimes with all the subtle (and not so subtle) messages about what being a man means in our society. It would have scared me to think about how to keep my daughters safe from asshole Alpha males (knowing full well that is who will get their heart racing at the box office) but now I worry how to make sure my sons don't become those very jackasses.
*Disclaimer - in no way is this meant to take away from a woman's/mother's experience. I guess it is more in the vein of...we aren't so dissimilar when it comes to a lot of things if we really break it down.
