Nighttime routines

[freezorburn]

STBXH moved out last week, and now I'm struggling with our nighttime routine. On the one hand, I'm used to doing a certain portion of our evenings by myself because STBXH works long hours and travels quite a bit. But now that he's moved out, and we are boarding the dog for a while, there are some key parts of our evening routine that are gone. DS (2~1/2 years old) loves feeding the dog and we can't do that now. He loves playing with trains and legos with his Dad in the time between dinner and bed. And now Dad isn't here anymore. And I can't convince him to play with me. And he wants to watch TV. In the last week or so, TV time has increased way beyond what I would normally like it to be. DS has become obsessed with watching Play-Doh kit reviews on YouTube! He pretty much wants to watch out of the box Fun Factory reviews over and over for 3 hours straight. And he has started to throw tantrums if the TV isn't on. It's gotten harder to get him up to bed and in a good frame of mind for bedtime stories.

I made some play dough for him to play with, but that only stayed interesting for a little while. We have lots of great toys for him, both in the kitchen and in the living room if we end up eating there, but he seems really disinterested in them right now. Maybe I just need to toughen up? How do you handle your evenings? How do you do meal prep and all the rest and make it an engaging (and safe -- I hate having DS in the kitchen because he is climbing all over everything -- I spend so much of my cooking time just trying to keep him out of trouble) time? Would love to hear others' experience/strategies. TIA!

[becwheat]

I was able to switch tv time for audiobooks. You can get some from the library, there are even free apps that tap into your library membership and you can download books on your phone.

It really helps DD calm down at the end of the day, and she can choose to just sit and listen, or play quietly while listening.

[20thirteen]

Well, my DD is still in a crib, so if she's up past her usual bedtime (7:30) and tries to stay up past the ultimate I'm-putting-my-foot-down-serious bed time (8:15, lol), I put her in her crib and let her cry it out. She's usually asleep within a minute or two. We, unfortunately, have a habit of watching a movie before bed. Whether it be Frozen, Wreck-It Ralph, or Lego Movie, she won't calm down for bed until the TV turns on. Hard habit to break in a house where the homeowner wants the TV on 24/7...

DD is also not 2 just yet, when I'm cooking, she wants to look at everything I'm doing and climbs on me and wants to climb onto the counters so I'm kind of in that same boat when it comes to cooking. I've come down to minimal ingredients with a short cook time when I have no one to watch her (some nights my dad tries to keep her occupied so I can cook). Baked chicken with rice and whatever veggies we have in the freezer is usually a pretty good hit. We also have frozen corn dogs, meatballs, I have a ton of soups I made and froze... Do you have anyone nearby that can help watch your DS? My mom comes over on Saturdays so I can make a few meals for the week, I can get at least 2 or 3 meals done before nap time and then DD usually sleeps between 1.5-2 hours so then I can make 1 or 2 more things. That's kind of how I get so much cooking done.

[20thirteen]

We used to have a sticky thread on TD for recipes but we don't really have one on here.

But Pinterest has some good ideas...:

www.fantasticfunandlearning.com/ham-cheese-roll-ups.html
www.rachaelraymag.com/recipes/rachael-ray-magazine-recipe-search/kid-recipes/20-easy-kid-cooking-recipes/
Pizza Quesadilla - your favorite pizza toppings, 1/2 T of sauce (more or less, up to you), 8in flour tortilla (or soft corn tortilla)
www.5dollardinners.com/monkey-breakfast-salad/ <-- huge hit

[freezorburn]

Feb 23, 2015 9:51:28 GMT -5 20thirteen said:

 Do you have anyone nearby that can help watch your DS?  

We live abroad and no family nearby, so my time to get things done is during the day when DS is either at daycare or with his nanny. I could probably budget a bit of time in the afternoons to do meal prep so that dinner is just a matter of pulling things out of the fridge and arranging things on plates. The nanny is usually available for a few extra hours here and there, but I do know she has another family that she helps out in the early evenings.

STBXH and I are going to try to do a nightly Skype call for him and DS, so even if that is anywhere from 5-15 minutes, it will be something.

I think I just need to get through this month. At the end of March/beginning of April we will be back in the states and will have family to help.

I'm also a bit worried because yesterday when I picked DS up from daycare, they said that he has been more withdrawn and not his usual chatty self for several weeks now. He's not joining in with group activities, preferring to stay in one area where he is comfortable. So he is definitely feeling like something is off.

[20thirteen]

I'm sorry to hear he's isolating himself. Fingers crossed the nightly Skype with your STBXH helps pull him out of it. Is your STBXH going to stay abroad or are you both moving back to the states?

[freezorburn]

STBXH has 6 months left on his contract here, and then he is planning to take a job on the east coast (our home is in the NW). Our visas are up for renewal in May, so not much point in us staying here beyond that. And anyway, he pretty much just wants us to move so that he can move on. I'm trying to tell myself that this is for the best -- maybe he'll snap out of it and realize what he is throwing away. And either way I can begin to heal and rebuild my life.

In couples therapy this morning he suggested that he could come home in the evenings to have dinner with DS and play a little bit, maybe even put him to bed. And then he'll go back to the flat where a friend is letting him stay. It makes for a fuzzy boundary where I'm trying to re-establish my own sense of space, but I'm willing to give it a try. DS misses him so much.

[20thirteen]

Well, maybe for the first week he comes over every night for X amount of time, and the next week 1 day less for a little less time and so on. Because when you move, DS is going to be without him again. That might not go over well, even if you're surrounded by family. This way, you're not ripping off the band-aid and rubbing the wound in lemon juice, you know?

[freezorburn]

Certainly worth considering. We have some time to figure it out. He is moving into another friend's flat next week and wouldn't be able to start coming over in the evenings until Tuesday next week.

It's so hard to know what is the right thing to do. It's going to be months before we can settle into any kind of regular visitation schedule, with his work situation being what it is.

[excited30]

I cannot offer much advice when it comes to how you are handling your child getting used to daddy not being there. I had my husband leave our home while I was pregnant so she's never known what it's like having him in our home. As for cooking/evening time routines, I have dd with me almost ALL THE TIME. We also do not have a tv, but maybe once a week she gets to watch a a dvd show on her portable dvd player for 30 min. So, as for distractions, I just have to get really creative. I cook things in larger batches. Like a HUGE pot of pasta/veggie sauce and then freeze in small batches so that all I have to do is heat up a portion of sauce and cook some pasta. I will crockpot a whole chicken (which mostly cooks itself) and eat a portion one night with some steamed veggies and rice. I will eat maybe one more portion and then save the rest for soup or a cold salad or freeze it for another night. I will leave all the bones in the crockpot and add water, some veggies and make a chicken stock overnight. All of those things use minimal time but are very good. I have learned the short cuts but how to eat healthy at the same time. I rarely cook for long periods of time around the dinner hour. I do my longest cooking in the morning or during her nap time when it needs to be done. I also got dd engaged by letting her touch and feel things of what I am doing (within reason).

I usually have to leave the dishes until after she's in bed. It's hard doing it all yourself, but you will find your own rhythm and the ways that you can cut out and other ways you cannot.