Family and TTC

[kasaundrar]

So my mom and I are really close. I talk to her about everything. Today I mentioned my use of OPKs and she proceeded to tell me that I was weird and crazy for doing so. I don't really know how to explain it in a way to her that she will understand. Is it pointless to try and explain it to someone who is so against it? I guess I am just upset because I thought she had my back and now I feel alone. Sorry for the AW post just don't really know what to do in this situation.

[housecarder]

I try not to mention TTC to anyone in specifics because everyone has ideas about how it should be done. Unless she is open to new info and you can give her resources to look at I'd just take it with a grain of salt and just enjoy other things with her in detail.

[kasaundrar]

Feb 23, 2015 19:02:01 GMT -5 housecarder said:

I try not to mention TTC to anyone in specifics because everyone has ideas about how it should be done. Unless she is open to new info and you can give her resources to look at I'd just take it with a grain of salt and just enjoy other things with her in detail.

Yeah I guess I will have to do that. She keeps telling me I am "psycho" for trying to plan it. I don't see anything wrong with trying to know my body.

[Deleted]

Feb 23, 2015 18:53:58 GMT -5 kasaundrar said:

So my mom and I are really close. I talk to her about everything. Today I mentioned my use of OPKs and she proceeded to tell me that I was weird and crazy for doing so. I don't really know how to explain it in a way to her that she will understand. Is it pointless to try and explain it to someone who is so against it? I guess I am just upset because I thought she had my back and now I feel alone. Sorry for the AW post just don't really know what to do in this situation.

It's not worth explaining. I tried to explain them to my sister once and she was the same way. Unless you understand the usefulness or need for them it's not worth it.

Also, you're brave being so open about TTC with other people. Good luck with that.

[Rama]

Feb 23, 2015 18:53:58 GMT -5 kasaundrar said:

So my mom and I are really close. I talk to her about everything. Today I mentioned my use of OPKs and she proceeded to tell me that I was weird and crazy for doing so. I don't really know how to explain it in a way to her that she will understand. Is it pointless to try and explain it to someone who is so against it? I guess I am just upset because I thought she had my back and now I feel alone. Sorry for the AW post just don't really know what to do in this situation.

Tell her you were hurt by her words.  Explain why you use them -- to try to give you a precursor to ovulation, so you know you're having sex at the right time -- and tell her that if it really was that weird, the industry wouldn't be making so much money off of them.  Times have changed since she was TTC (unless she's done so recently, for whatever reason), and this is what you want to try to do to give yourself the best chances you can.

I'm the kind of person that's likely to challenge a misgiving like that, though.  Maybe that won't work on your mom, idk.

[kasaundrar]

Feb 23, 2015 19:05:21 GMT -5 @led said:

Feb 23, 2015 18:53:58 GMT -5 kasaundrar said:

So my mom and I are really close. I talk to her about everything. Today I mentioned my use of OPKs and she proceeded to tell me that I was weird and crazy for doing so. I don't really know how to explain it in a way to her that she will understand. Is it pointless to try and explain it to someone who is so against it? I guess I am just upset because I thought she had my back and now I feel alone. Sorry for the AW post just don't really know what to do in this situation.

It's not worth explaining. I tried to explain them to my sister once and she was the same way. Unless you understand the usefulness or need for them it's not worth it.

Also, you're brave being so open about TTC with other people. Good luck with that.

She is highly religious so I alway get the "if God wants you to have a baby you will" and I fucking hate that. I thought that opening up to her would help but I am glad I have all of you for support!

[kasaundrar]

Feb 23, 2015 19:06:01 GMT -5 Rama said:

Feb 23, 2015 18:53:58 GMT -5 kasaundrar said:

So my mom and I are really close. I talk to her about everything. Today I mentioned my use of OPKs and she proceeded to tell me that I was weird and crazy for doing so. I don't really know how to explain it in a way to her that she will understand. Is it pointless to try and explain it to someone who is so against it? I guess I am just upset because I thought she had my back and now I feel alone. Sorry for the AW post just don't really know what to do in this situation.

Tell her you were hurt by her words.  Explain why you use them -- to try to give you a precursor to ovulation, so you know you're having sex at the right time -- and tell her that if it really was that weird, the industry wouldn't be making so much money off of them.  Times have changed since she was TTC (unless she's done so recently, for whatever reason), and this is what you want to try to do to give yourself the best chances you can.

I'm the kind of person that's likely to challenge a misgiving like that, though.  Maybe that won't work on your mom, idk.

Thank you for taking the time to give me your advice. I appreciate it!

[squeakyduck]

Ugh. Sorry. I probably just wouldn't mention them again because I don't love confrontation.

Just explain that this'll help so that she can have a grandchild faster. In Australia they did a study and there was a ridiculously high number of people who sought fertility testing after 1+ year of trying that were simply timing sex wrong. FF has an "info tidbit" about it.

ETA: www.monash.edu.au/news/show/timing-crucial-in-achieving-pregnancy

[Rama]

Feb 23, 2015 19:09:17 GMT -5 kasaundrar said:

Feb 23, 2015 19:05:21 GMT -5 @led said:

It's not worth explaining. I tried to explain them to my sister once and she was the same way. Unless you understand the usefulness or need for them it's not worth it.

Also, you're brave being so open about TTC with other people. Good luck with that.

She is highly religious so I alway get the "if God wants you to have a baby you will" and I fucking hate that. I thought that opening up to her would help but I am glad I have all of you for support!

"Yeah, well God gave me the free will to help Him out and learn what the heck my body is doing, too.  I shouldn't put all the pressure on him."

I'm a heathenous ass.  Sorry if this offends you or anyone else; that kind of thinking just ticks me off.

[kasaundrar]

Feb 23, 2015 19:11:07 GMT -5 Rama said:

Feb 23, 2015 19:09:17 GMT -5 kasaundrar said:

She is highly religious so I alway get the "if God wants you to have a baby you will" and I fucking hate that. I thought that opening up to her would help but I am glad I have all of you for support!

"Yeah, well God gave me the free will to help Him out and learn what the heck my body is doing, too.  I shouldn't put all the pressure on him."

I'm a heathenous ass.  Sorry if this offends you or anyone else; that kind of thinking just ticks me off.

I completely agree. No offense taken

ETA: I don't know how to spell anymore

[BurritosAtEveryMeal]

That stinks that she doesn't get it but I think a lot of people think it's just so simple to make a baby. Keep doing what you're doing. And offer info when it feels like a good time. Or just tell us. We can commiserate.

ETA posted before I finished typing.

[Deleted]

Feb 23, 2015 19:11:07 GMT -5 Rama said:

Feb 23, 2015 19:09:17 GMT -5 kasaundrar said:

She is highly religious so I alway get the "if God wants you to have a baby you will" and I fucking hate that. I thought that opening up to her would help but I am glad I have all of you for support!

"Yeah, well God gave me the free will to help Him out and learn what the heck my body is doing, too.  I shouldn't put all the pressure on him."

I'm a heathenous ass.  Sorry if this offends you or anyone else; that kind of thinking just ticks me off.

That was way nicer than anything I could have come up with. 

[Rama]

Feb 23, 2015 19:14:31 GMT -5 @led said:

Feb 23, 2015 19:11:07 GMT -5 Rama said:

"Yeah, well God gave me the free will to help Him out and learn what the heck my body is doing, too.  I shouldn't put all the pressure on him."

I'm a heathenous ass.  Sorry if this offends you or anyone else; that kind of thinking just ticks me off.

That was way nicer than anything I could have come up with. 

I was raised Roman Catholic?

[teenybenoit]

Sometimes our parents can really suck, my dad took years to accept my stepson as a grandson, when no babies were popping out of me but were out of my brothers wife, we got left out of a lot of things that he wanted to do with his grand kids it was awful, his belief was that if it didn't come out of your own vajayjay it wasn't really yours. I have never discussed my fertility issues with him and I don't know if he actually realized how difficult this has been for me until I had my second mc at Christmas, since then he has softened a little.
It's old school thinking similar to the religious thinking and it's no less hurtful or shocking when they disappoint us.
Always remember us ladies are here for you when you need support. Hugs.

[housecarder]

Feb 23, 2015 19:09:17 GMT -5 kasaundrar said:

Feb 23, 2015 19:05:21 GMT -5 @led said:

It's not worth explaining. I tried to explain them to my sister once and she was the same way. Unless you understand the usefulness or need for them it's not worth it.

Also, you're brave being so open about TTC with other people. Good luck with that.

She is highly religious so I alway get the "if God wants you to have a baby you will" and I fucking hate that. I thought that opening up to her would help but I am glad I have all of you for support!

I hate the "It will happen when it's supposed to" argument, from both religious and non-religious. It's not helpful.

[kasaundrar]

Thank you all.It means so much to me!

[Sparkly]

Feb 23, 2015 19:20:11 GMT -5 housecarder said:

Feb 23, 2015 19:09:17 GMT -5 kasaundrar said:

She is highly religious so I alway get the "if God wants you to have a baby you will" and I fucking hate that. I thought that opening up to her would help but I am glad I have all of you for support!

I hate the "It will happen when it's supposed to" argument, from both religious and non-religious. It's not helpful.

I am not super religious, but faith/spirituality has always been a part of my life. This whole thing of God wanting or not wanting people to have babies (among other things)... No. Just no. That is not how my God works. He (or she) is not some master puppeteer up there in the sky pulling strings. Nope. Not how it works.

That's all I'll say on that.

[icequeen]

Is she someone that got pregnant very easily without trying? Like more go with the flow and see what happens? If so, then that might be why she has trouble understanding why you would want to use OPKs. I would explain to her that everyone has different approaches to TTC and this way is clinically proven to be more effective to increase fertility. I would also tell her that it hurts your feelings that she is being so condescending about your decisions, when you have clearly done your research on the best methods to get pregnant as quickly as possible. Doesn't mean it will happen fast, but at least you have peace of mind that you are doing everything you can.

[squeakyduck]

Feb 23, 2015 19:09:17 GMT -5 kasaundrar said:

Feb 23, 2015 19:05:21 GMT -5 @led said:

It's not worth explaining. I tried to explain them to my sister once and she was the same way. Unless you understand the usefulness or need for them it's not worth it.

Also, you're brave being so open about TTC with other people. Good luck with that.

She is highly religious so I alway get the "if God wants you to have a baby you will" and I fucking hate that. I thought that opening up to her would help but I am glad I have all of you for support!

Ugh. God made a system so that He doesn't have to go around and micromanage every womb. 

[Deleted]

Feb 23, 2015 19:30:46 GMT -5 icequeen said:

Is she someone that got pregnant very easily without trying? Like more go with the flow and see what happens? If so, then that might be why she has trouble understanding why you would want to use OPKs. I would explain to her that everyone has different approaches to TTC and this way is clinically proven to be more effective to increase fertility. I would also tell her that it hurts your feelings that she is being so condescending about your decisions, when you have clearly done your research on the best methods to get pregnant as quickly as possible. Doesn't mean it will happen fast, but at least you have peace of mind that you are doing everything you can.

It does not increase fertility. It just helps you hit your fertile window.

[icequeen]

Feb 23, 2015 19:34:21 GMT -5 @led said:

Feb 23, 2015 19:30:46 GMT -5 icequeen said:

Is she someone that got pregnant very easily without trying? Like more go with the flow and see what happens? If so, then that might be why she has trouble understanding why you would want to use OPKs. I would explain to her that everyone has different approaches to TTC and this way is clinically proven to be more effective to increase fertility. I would also tell her that it hurts your feelings that she is being so condescending about your decisions, when you have clearly done your research on the best methods to get pregnant as quickly as possible. Doesn't mean it will happen fast, but at least you have peace of mind that you are doing everything you can.

It does not increase fertility. It just helps you hit your fertile window.

Thanks for catching that @led, wrong choice of words. That's more along the lines for what I was going for.

[mishy2010]

Sorry that someone you love is saying things that are hurtful. I don't get why making babies is something that people think you shouldn't use scientific methods for. You take your temperature to determine if you have a fever, you analyze blood in a lab for various things, you have Pap smears to detect cancer...why the heck is it so ridiculous to use OPKs to try and predict fertile days? God gave us a wonderful brain that allows us to use tools to understand the world around (and in) us.
All in all my advice is to just stop mentioning it to her. If she doesn't want to understand the science behind it then I wouldn't bother trying.

[longhornwino0907]

I'm so sorry your mom is not being open-minded about what you're going through. I'm really blessed that my mom is really supportive and is a great shoulder to cry on during our struggles. Even my MIL asked recently if I was temping because she knows we're having trouble, too.

My dad, on the other hand, was firmly in the "stop stressing, it'll happen when it's meant to and stress doesn't help" camp. And then we saw an RE, I had surgery, and then my dad said, "oh, so maybe it's not JUST stress." Ugh.

All to say that I'm open with my family but I'm also open about what kind of support I need from them. And maybe, if you have that kind of relationship with your mom, you could try that approach.