Holidays with "characters" (can't think of a better word)

[cam]

I had two elementary-aged kids with me for a bit recently, so in the usual catch-up chit chat (how is school, how is [sport], blah blah blah), Easter came up as we always go as a group to see the Easter Bunny. So that brings me to my question that is perhaps a bit SNs related. Does your LO buy into the Easter Bunny, Santa/Saint Nick, etc (I guess Tooth Fairy, etc would apply but not as a holiday)? At Christmas, I was the mom explaining to a 3yo, "See that guy over there in the red hat? His name is Santa. He wants to bring you a present. Would that be okay? ::insert hesitation from LO here:: Don't worry, he will just drop it off so you won't have to actually see him." I started thinking about how I was just a year older than LO when I discovered Santa wasn't real, so I wondered if it was even worth trying to sell the concept. Didn't give it much more thought and didn't really talk to LO about Santa anymore one way or the other. Fast forward to Easter conversation. When asked if the Easter Bunny was going to bring him something, LO responded, "Noooooo." (in his 'Are you nuts?!?' tone). It got me thinking about it all again. I think I am leaning towards just not even trying to sell the concept (and explain it as is so he hopefully as respectful to others about it as can be expected). It is still fun to get a basket of stuff and hunt for eggs (or get a bunch of gifts in the case of Christmas). LO is very analytical like me, so I am thinking even if I did get him to believe, I don't think he will be excited by the characters themselves and may figure things out very early like I did anyway. Is this common in our world or is it just a thing with some kids regardless of SNs or NT? Does/did your LO buy in, and if so, was it well received? Thoughts?

[hopecounts]

Do what works for you just be careful around the possibility of him spilling the beans to other kids before normal (typically kids figure it out between 6-8 ime) since parents can get heated about it.

DD buys into it at least in terms of liking the concept, how much she believes is hard to tell.
She got excited about Santa coming and enjoyed meeting him this year (last year she was pretty uninterested didn't really care either way so we just did Santa but didn't make a big deal about it).
She LOOOOVED meeting Mickey Mouse and crew at Disney it was 'the bestest thing' though that's a little different.
I plan to just go along, not make a huge thing about it but as long as she's having fun with it KOKO.
So I would just follow his lead in your situation.

[namastebiotches]

This past holiday season was the first time ds had an awareness of Santa/Christmas. I wanna say the reason was a combination of school & holiday themed shows he watches.
Previous years, he was uneasy about taking pics/sitting in Santa's lap. He'd get really shy & noticeably uncomfortable nso we didn't push it any more than what he was okay with.
We plan to just follow his lead.

[cam]

Feb 24, 2015 10:13:44 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Do what works for you just be careful around the possibility of him spilling the beans to other kids before normal (typically kids figure it out between 6-8 ime) since parents can get heated about it.

DD buys into it at least in terms of liking the concept, how much she believes is hard to tell.
She got excited about Santa coming and enjoyed meeting him this year (last year she was pretty uninterested didn't really care either way so we just did Santa but didn't make a big deal about it).
She LOOOOVED meeting Mickey Mouse and crew at Disney it was 'the bestest thing' though that's a little different.
I plan to just go along, not make a huge thing about it but as long as she's having fun with it KOKO.
So I would just follow his lead in your situation.

He doesn't even converse with peers yet, so not worried about spilling the beans yet, and hopefully he understands not to spoil it by the time he starts talking with them. That is part of what I meant about being respectful of others about it (not spoiling it and also not being rude when people ask him what Santa/Easter Bunny is bringing/brought).

LO doesn't even want to meet TV/movie characters. MH asked him recently if he wanted to go meet Mickey some day, and got the same, "Nooooo." (in his 'Are you nuts?!?' tone) response that Easter Bunny got. My mom also recently asked him if he wanted to go with her to see Sponge Bob and got shot down. I then had to explain that they were going to watch a movie not actually meet SB, which he thought was a better idea.

[funchicken]

Both of my older two (4 and almost 7) believe in Santa and LOVE everything about Christmas. There is an almost six year age gap between DD1 and DD3 though, so when DD1 gets to the age where she no longer believes I still want DD3 to be able to enjoy it for a few years.

Because I don't want any of my kids to spoil it for other kids who still believe, when the time comes I plan to impress upon them that Santa represents the spirit of kindness and giving and that makes him real.

Also, kids who don't believe in Santa get underwear

[numbbears]

I stopped believing in Santa when I was 4 because I saw my mom pick up the same candy at the grocery store that we found in our stockings. And I did ruin Santa plus other characters for other kids because my mom didn't really emphasize not to. My best friend's mom had a rule that only kids that believe in Santa and leave cookies got presents from him. She's my age and still plays along for her nieces and nephews (and still gets presents).

DS didn't understand what Christmas was. He's still really young, but the other kids in my BMB were asking for presents and waiting for Santa. I don't know if DS will ever get it, but we still do things like Easter baskets from the Easter bunny, stockings from Santa, pictures with Santa, regional holiday things, etc. more as traditions for us than anything else.

[BostonKisses]

My kid LOVES characters. This past Christmas was the first she sat on Santa's lap at Christmas Candy Lane, but that wasn't because she was afraid; it was because of the germ situations. Last May, the Penn State Nittany Lion was at our NICU reunion, and she went bananas over him. Same deal all summer at Hersheypark, and she always wants to have huge conversations with the characters when she sees them. She's all about the magic with it.

Ultimately it's going to come down to doing what your kid is most comfortable with and all. I agree with PPs that I'd be cautious to make sure your kid doesn't ruin anything for other kids at a really young age.

[mamaturtle]

I think DS was 3 when he refused to take a picture with Santa. Other than that, DS loves Santa. This last year, we went to our ASD holiday party and DS would not stop following Santa.

We had better luck with the Easter Bunny but we have gone to our hometown for the past 2 years for DS to see the special bunny.

DS does not know the Tooth Fairy exists because he has not lost any teeth yet.

[mirandah]

I strongly suspect my son is buying in solely for selfish purposes. I think he figured out that if he doesn't believe, he'll get underwear! Two years ago(age 5) was the first year he really understood the whole story. He wasn't buying the elf on the shelf (too analytical, "Mom, it's a stuffed toy.") He seemed intrigued by Santa, but didn't ask a lot of questions. I used the "I Spotted Santa" app to take a picture of our mantel with Santa stuffing his stocking. It looked remarkably real! DS was mesmerized, and told everyone about it.

This past year (age 6) it seemed to me that he's just playing along. Like I asked DS how Santa was supposed to get into the house if it is locked and he just shrugged and said he'd find a way (which isn't like him- he needs to know the actual answer.) He was, as usual, indifferent meeting Santa at the mall. I'm going to break it to him this year. I suspect his reaction is going to be "Oh noes, I won't get any presents!" I'll have to assure him that his Dad and I will continue to fill his stocking. I suspect he will tell me I'm a big liar and ask me why it's okay for parents to lie to their kids about Santa.

Same thing with the tooth fairy. He never asks specifics about the fairy herself, but he sure is interested in the loot.

[cam]

Feb 24, 2015 10:46:12 GMT -5 funchicken said:

Both of my older two (4 and almost 7) believe in Santa and LOVE everything about Christmas. There is an almost six year age gap between DD1 and DD3 though, so when DD1 gets to the age where she no longer believes I still want DD3 to be able to enjoy it for a few years.

Because I don't want any of my kids to spoil it for other kids who still believe, when the time comes I plan to impress upon them that Santa represents the spirit of kindness and giving and that makes him real.

Also, kids who don't believe in Santa get underwear

If we said Santa wasn't real in front of or to my mom, even if no one else was around, and even after we became adults, my mom would "scold" us (playfully threaten to not give any gifts).

[funchicken]

Feb 24, 2015 14:11:15 GMT -5 cam said:

Feb 24, 2015 10:46:12 GMT -5 funchicken said:

Both of my older two (4 and almost 7) believe in Santa and LOVE everything about Christmas. There is an almost six year age gap between DD1 and DD3 though, so when DD1 gets to the age where she no longer believes I still want DD3 to be able to enjoy it for a few years.

Because I don't want any of my kids to spoil it for other kids who still believe, when the time comes I plan to impress upon them that Santa represents the spirit of kindness and giving and that makes him real.

Also, kids who don't believe in Santa get underwear

If we said Santa wasn't real in front of or to my mom, even if no one else was around, and even after we became adults, my mom would "scold" us (playfully threaten to not give any gifts).

That's how my mom was, too.

[mrsbuttinski]

Santa is a little different than, say, Mickey Mouse in this respect. For kids on the higher end of the spectrum this generally breaks down one of two ways-

Either they buy into our shared cultural fantasy icons with gusto or they logically accept them as lies.

IM "anecdotal" E, this often breaks down along Sohn's Asperger subtypes in predictable ways. These are black & white thinkers. The fantasy boy is more likely to accept the existence Santa, the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy in the same way he might get stuck on Star Wars, LOTR ot Thomas the Tank Engine. The logic boy who is more likely to glom onto STEM is more likely to dismiss such beings as fiction.

Either way presents a challenge for parents. The fantasy boys risks ridicule from peers if he refuses to give up what are considered childish beliefs. Parents have to disavow them of this misinformation in a manner that doesn't break the child's heart or cause the child to distrust the parent who lied to them in the first place. The logic boy's parents risk being voted off the island should their child undermine the Santa Experience for peers by being a know-it-all.

That said, at 3 it could be that your child hasn't emotionally bought in yet. A lot of little kids with ASD get more into these cultural expressions of the holiday as they get closer to 4 or 5. A few will have already made up their minds that such stories are a lies. It'll probably be clearer in a year of two.

[cam]

Feb 24, 2015 11:34:39 GMT -5 numbbears said:

I stopped believing in Santa when I was 4 because I saw my mom pick up the same candy at the grocery store that we found in our stockings. And I did ruin Santa plus other characters for other kids because my mom didn't really emphasize not to. My best friend's mom had a rule that only kids that believe in Santa and leave cookies got presents from him. She's my age and still plays along for her nieces and nephews (and still gets presents).

DS didn't understand what Christmas was. He's still really young, but the other kids in my BMB were asking for presents and waiting for Santa. I don't know if DS will ever get it, but we still do things like Easter baskets from the Easter bunny, stockings from Santa, pictures with Santa, regional holiday things, etc. more as traditions for us than anything else.

Similar bust here. At age 4, I called my mom out on all gifts having the same wrapping paper. She thought I was too young to notice yet, so she thought she could get away with it. I didn't ruin it for anyone though because it was strongly emphasized not to share that fact. One of my younger siblings believed sooooo long in fact.

MH actually was asking me where I got stuff or if there were extras of treats this past Christmas right in front of LO, and he didn't get why it mattered, so I am pretty sure MH will spoil it early even if LO does ever believe.

Like you, we will still do all the stuff just like we would have anyway, just as the spirit of Santa/etc rather than an actual person/animal/fairy/etc.

[cam]

Feb 24, 2015 15:17:39 GMT -5 mrsbuttinski said:

Santa is a little different than, say, Mickey Mouse in this respect. For kids on the higher end of the spectrum this generally breaks down one of two ways-

Either they buy into our shared cultural fantasy icons with gusto or they logically accept them as lies.

IM "anecdotal" E, this often breaks down along Sohn's Asperger subtypes in predictable ways. These are black & white thinkers. The fantasy boy is more likely to accept the existence Santa, the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy in the same way he might get stuck on Star Wars, LOTR ot Thomas the Tank Engine. The logic boy who is more likely to glom onto STEM is more likely to dismiss such beings as fiction.

Either way presents a challenge for parents. The fantasy boys risks ridicule from peers if he refuses to give up what are considered childish beliefs. Parents have to disavow them of this misinformation in a manner that doesn't break the child's heart or cause the child to distrust the parent who lied to them in the first place. The logic boy's parents risk being voted off the island should their child undermine the Santa Experience for peers by being a know-it-all.

That said, at 3 it could be that your child hasn't emotionally bought in yet. A lot of little kids with ASD get more into these cultural expressions of the holiday as they get closer to 4 or 5. A few will have already made up their minds that such stories are a lies. It'll probably be clearer in a year of two.

I do think he has yet bought into it yet, but I already see your description of the "logic boy" in him already. MH and I are both typically very logical as well, and LO is like an intensified version of the two of us mushed together. It seems like he is getting closer to the point where he might start to understand the concepts of these beings but also to the point where he will just as quickly start to question and analyze them.

[kmc2]

DS is the "fantasy boy" through and through. And DD the fantasy girl haha DS didn't really understand what was going on with this stuff until he turned 4, just before all the holidays this past year. DD turning 2 just before all the holidays this past year, knew exactly what was going already. They are both all about Santa, anything Christmas especially and anything character/costume holiday theme related. Singing Christmas songs or reminding them Santa is watching (creepy I know but it works) are some of my go to's when I'm desperate for peace when they're both flipping out and all else fails.


They both love Mickey and all that kind of stuff too. They are way less intimidated by people in costume than by "real" people which blows my mind. I think the association with getting good stuff and having fun during holidays and special times is strong for them too. I'm going to be more broke than I already am when I have to start dealing with the damn tooth fairy. My kids live for this stuff. DS is devastated that they do not celebrate or even acknowledge any holidays at school. They will not even do birthdays at his school. He was really pissed and sad about that. Yeah, my kids will NOT be the ones informing other kids that this stuff isn't real. They will be the ones in complete denial and not accepting the truth when the logical kids break the news to them someday.