I need some advice and a hug

[leahb12]

This is going to be long. You've been warned.

My DH took a position in Chicago about 4 years ago. We were in the Detroit area and were happy to get out. Both of my sisters live in the Chicago area. We don't see them a ton just because everyone is busy and we don't live super close. My parents were furious with me for moving, especially my mom. She always mentions us moving back, which is not going to happen. They've kind of accepted that we're here now even though they don't like it.

Fast forward to now, we're about 90% sure that DH is getting a job offer from Atlanta. The VP of this company is an ex-coworker of DH. They have kind of been pursuing him for months. They're flying both DH and I down there next week for 3 days and have set us up with a realtor. It's a 20% pay increase with a lower cost of living, not to mention a higher position for my DH. This job is also in a great suburb of Atlanta with great schools. We're really excited for this opportunity. My mom is, of course, furious. She is being completely unsupportive and is making up every excuse for us to not take it. She claims my DH's industry is going to fail (she knows nothing about it, she's just making things up). We're basically ruining her life.

I think how she's treating me is completely unfair. I try talking to her, but she just gets mean and starts making up reasons of why to not take the job. I know she's sad. I understand that we are moving farther away, but this is a great opportunity. How would you handle this? I've spent my morning crying because she called me just to basically yell at me that we're making an awful decision and it's the wrong decision for our family. Her arguments aren't very logical. She's just being mean.

[gazelle86]

First off here's a :::hug::: there's nothing worse then not being supported by your family, Especially your mom. I think you have to do what's best for your family and it sounds like a great offer. Maybe your mom just needs some time to let it sink in a little and then she'll come around. Hang in there!

[kmc84]

((hugs)) It sounds like she is just really upset that you are moving farther away. However, she should not be treating you that way! It's so hard to make a big decision like that and not have support. I really hope she gets over herself and realizes that this is a great thing for you and your family!

[luvboston]

Hugs! Your mother is totally out of line, the most important thing is your nuclear family. Who wouldn't jump at the opportunity for moving to a warmer climate where you don't have to worry about snow, cold and a gazillion layers? I think you should just play up the fact she will have a warm place to travel to and tell her you have to do what is best for your family.

[Deleted]

Hugs dear. This is really hard.

You have a few choices that i can see. First, you kinda ignore it. You listed to her complain and yell and you say nothing. Second, you tell her you guys are taking the job and listen to her yell anyway. Third, you ask her what's really bothering her. See if you can get her to communicate effectively. You always have the option of telling her to stuff it too...but that would create bigger problems for sure.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Totally sucks.

[jbdamonm]

Huge hugs lady! not cool of your mom.

I would take some space. And if she keeps pushing, tell her point blank "your behavior is not healthy for me to be around right now, and if you can't support me I am going to distance myself." And then maybe take Ducky's approach and ask her what's really bothering her, but I think things need to calm down before you can go there....

[Robeano]

Wow, you lot are nicer than I would be in this situation.

Honestly I would tell her she's being hurtful to you and your family and when it boils down to it, she doesn't have a say in the move and if she wants to be involved she needs to be supportive.

I heard a quote once along the lines that parents are some of the biggest people to hold back their children, not b/c of malice, but b/c they can't let go.

[julie216]

leahb12, I'm so sorry your mom is reacting this way. Sending you very big hugs. I know, without a doubt, that
my parents wouldn't be happy if we were to move away. My mom would be the diplomatic one, my dad would be pissed!
I agree with jbdamonm, I would also tell her she is pushing you further away then the miles are!

[chiwifey]

I'm sorry you're mom is responding this way. My entire family is in South Carolina and when I married DH and moved away, my mom was heartbroken which also broke my heart. She wasn't mean about it but she was hurting and I know your mom is too. I think I would just be open and honest about how she's hurting you and making you feel by responding the way she is. Share with her that it will hurt you to be further away too but you and your DH are just trying to do what you feel is best for your children and family.

I hope she comes around soon and isn't so hard on you. Big big hugs, friend!

[leahb12]

Thanks ladies. I talked to my sister and MIL, who are much more reasonable. Like you all said, I think it's best just to give her space. I wasn't prepared for the attack this morning, and she clearly was. I know I can't make any decisions for my family based on her not wanting us to move.

[ruthie]

Others have given some great advice, but I wanted to say congrats on a new opportunity! We lived in Atlanta while DH was working on his graduate degrees. It's a fun metro area with lots to offer! And, MUCH warmer!

[mrsamyd]

leahb12, big hug. It is hard to uproot and start over with a new house, new friends, new schools, new city. It sucks that your mom isn't supportive, but to be obnoxious about it too is really unfair. I'm excited for you! ATL burbs are fantastic! I think space is good. I also liked @ducky719, comment about asking what is really bothering her (but be prepared for more bitching.

[mnj05]

Sending hugs! I agree that it's unfortunate how your mom is reacting but you've got to do what's best for your family. It sounds like an incredible opportunity!

[karabear4409]

I'm sorry. It really sucks when you are excited about something and your family isn't supportive. Big hugs. I don't have any advice, but it sounds like a great opportunity! Congrats!

[jenny935]

Hugs. I like what Ducky said - even if I wouldn't be good at it myself. I feel like being defensive or yelling back could make it worse, which would stress everyone out more. If you can get to the heart of the matter - her baby and her grandbaby moving further away making her heart break, for example - then maybe she'll be able to see the positives - who doesn't want to come to a nice warm place?? And with the raise and the cheaper cost of living maybe you'd be able to fly back and see them an extra time a year or something. Good luck, and double hugs!

[ccam]

I think it's completely understandable for your mom to be sad about the fact that you guys would be moving further away, my mom would be the same way too. But the way she is acting is really selfish. She needs to realize you are trying to do what is best for your family. Giving her a little space is probably best. Good luck! !

[snarlyvos]

((hugs)) sorry, sounds like she's venting her frustration in a mean and unfair way. Hope it passes soon. In the mean time, maybe you can figure out when it'll be convenient for her to visit your new home or how you envision the holidays, what ticket prices would cost or drive times. Then when she comes around you can share this and she won't feel like she'll never see you again.

And on a selfish note... I'm a part time Atlanta resident Welcome to the south!! Best part about the south... you will never have to shovel heat

[amandaleigh]

Big hugs. I hope your mom comes around to see why you would want to move.

[bellalou]

I don't think that is very fair of her.  I understand she is upset but it's pretty selfish and she should be happy for you that this wonderful opportunity has presented itself.  Since DH will be making more and cost of living will be lower, will that allow more funds for travel?  IDK how often you visited before but maybe you can visit once a month or every other month.  I'm sorry she's making this hard for you but you know deep down that this is an opportunity that cannot be passed by.  It's the best thing for your family.  I hope she can understand that or maybe you can help her to see that she is being a bit harsh.  It's one thing for her to say I'm really sad that you're moving further, I feel like I'll never see you, rather than say hurtful things and be mean.  GL.  

[imoverit]

She is not being supportive at all. She seems very selfish and is not handling this maturely. I'd take some time away from her to compose yourself and help her hopefully deal a little. Geesh. I'm sorry.

[mg0202]

I am wondering if your sisters received this much grief also, or is it just towards you?

We also moved from MI about 6 years ago. My mother did not handle it well at all. The difference is though my mom was sad. She wasn't cruel about it though she is the queen of guit trips.

It is hard to be away from everyone,but you have to do what is best for your family. This sounds like an amazing opportunity!

I agree they need some space to absorb the news, but then it needs to be discussed, she shouldn't be yelling at you over this. My mom is still unhappy about it, but has accepted it. Atlanta should have easy flights into Detroit. We also Skype a lot too so she can still see LO.

Good luck, family drama sucks

[christina]

Huge Hugs! This sounds like a wonderful opportunity for your DH and your family. I am sorry that your mom is reacting this way, it sounds like this is how she is handling her sadness over the situation. You need to do what is best for your family. Atlanta is an amazing area to live and has some great school districts.