Would you rather have your best friend...

[mrsmonogrammed]

Would you rather have your (childless) best friend fly in for your baby shower or to "help" you for a few days sometime after the baby was born? I can't decide which would be nicer!

[noeliav]

Baby shower. Then you could have fun and enjoy her visit together, rather than getting your feet under you as a new mom/baby pair with a visitor.

My mom came to help after DD's birth and that was perfect. The rest of my family (brother and dad; my sister is local) came about a month later for the holidays, and I was mostly unhappy at trying to balance visitors and still adjusting to our new normal. And we are a very close-knit, loving family.

[Deleted]

I vote for baby shower. If I were in your shoes, I would rather spend time with my BFF before the baby comes. If I was going to have someone come help after the baby is born, I would want someone who has experience with babies, like my own mom.

[ladysif]

Shower. Do you have someone who is willing to help a little after baby is born in terms of meals and general cleaning? (You can also let that stuff go/prep for it in advance so it isn't super necessary.) I just wanted to rest and sleep after, but with the constant influx of company, I pushed it trying to entertain/socialize and collapsed on the stairs (thankfully not holding baby) on day 4 because I was doing too much and not letting my body recover. You'll be able to enjoy her company so much more in conjunction with the shower. My 2 cents.

[mcp6286]

It would depend. If your DH is going to be home for a week or two after the birth, I'd pick shower. If he has to work or only gets a couple days, I'd have my BFF come when the baby arrives (but both mom and MIL totally stress me out, so I won't be having them around. If you like your mom, you may not need BFF's help).

[stinybean]

This is dependent on what your friend's experience is with kids. My bff had her first child in July & helped her as much as I could, even though I am only now going to be a ftm, I still have a ton of experience with children of all ages. She was able to get in naps and go to the dr while knowing her LO was perfectly safe with me. She has told me so many times how much she appreciated my help during the first couple of months. So, if your friend has baby experience and is willing to help I'd take her up on it.

[mrskblack11]

I would pick the shower. My mom has offered to stay with me once the baby arrives but I do not even know if I am going to take her up on the offer. I would rather spend quality time with my friend at the shower than when I am exhausted after giving birth.

[alayne926]

Shower

[baileybaileybne]

Oh woah, I thought this was a trick question. I would definitely say shower. I don't see myself wanting anyone at my house for a prolonged period (more than a few hours for a visit) in the first few weeks of LO being born. Unless you are otherwise going to be alone during that time, I'd definitely vote for the shower!

[veggiemo]

I think I would rather have her here following the birth? Mine flew in for the shower and that was great though. After everyone left the shower, the two of us got taco bell and went through all the gifts I received and it was one of the best memories! All that said, it would have been nice to have her here afterward. Maybe not right afterward, but maybe a week or so after? It would have been cool to have her watch DS while I showered, to take short walks with us, to run errands like getting stuff for the baby or refilling meds, etc. I just like having company and I spent a lot of my maternity leave by myself or visiting with people I wasn't really that thrilled to see.

Edited: Hmmm...I'm definitely in the minority. Mine has her family here though, so she wouldn't have stayed with me full time. Maybe if she would be with me 24-7 that would change my mind.

[Widget123]

A lot of my childless friends wouldnt really be able to help much and would want to stay up all night then sleep in late. So another vote for shower

[billyhorrible]

Shower. After the kid was born I just wanted everyone to leave so DH and I could have some family time together and try to figure out the new routine.

[belle0720]

Would she be staying with you?

I wouldn't want anyone staying with me besides H and my mom that early, so if that's the case then I would say shower.

If she has somewhere to stay and will just be coming over to hang out/help out, then it might be nice to have her come a couple of weeks after baby is born. That would also mean having to wait later to book a flight though and might be more expensive for her since you don't know exactly when baby will be born (unless you have a schedule C-section).

[wormgerm]

Shower so she can see you big and pregnant and celebrate with you.

After my nephew was born my sister was crying A LOT the first week and I think being unfamiliar with the hormone crash/exhaustion/transition to new life would make someone uncomfortable. I'm a ftm but I knew for her going through that was normal and ok, not like omg she has ppd.

[paintdadanta]

Depends, do you have anyone else around to help after the baby is born? If not than I'd rather take all the help I could get even if it's only small breaks or help around the house. If you have family or others around to help after, then shower would most likely be more enjoyable.

[leenziepops]

I would pick baby shower time for the quality time you can have together.

[erbear]

Shower! I love my friends, but I wouldn't want the responsibility of someone in my house/directing someone. If she comes in for the shower, you guys could have some time to yourselves - go get a mani/pedi or just out to lunch, you know?

[laurenlou83]

Baby shower!! Things will be so hectic after the LO is here... I mean, the extra help would be nice, but I think you'll appreciate some time with her before the LO arrives.

Mine is flying in from Cali for my baby shower and I am beyond excited! I haven't seen her since last May at our wedding!

[ktbear]

Feb 24, 2015 16:23:21 GMT -5 stinybean said:

This is dependent on what your friend's experience is with kids. My bff had her first child in July & helped her as much as I could, even though I am only now going to be a ftm, I still have a ton of experience with children of all ages. She was able to get in naps and go to the dr while knowing her LO was perfectly safe with me. She has told me so many times how much she appreciated my help during the first couple of months. So, if your friend has baby experience and is willing to help I'd take her up on it.

Yes, this. You said your friend was childless, but does she have any experience with babies (babysitting, nieces/ nephews)? Is she someone you are comfortable being around, even at your worst, and not feel you need to entertain? Do you have others helping you after birth? All things to consider. 

[Katerina]

Shower - but really only because I wouldn't want ANYONE staying with me when the baby gets here (DH will be home with me so I won't be alone).

[Deleted]

For sure help with baby after baby is born . But then I'm not a huge shower person so I would prefer the personal one on one time w a friend over seeing them at my shower and not being able to bond as much because of so many other people there.

[daydreamernyc]

Shower. I want the time after birth to be about DH and I bonding with our baby. Having someone else might make DH feel shut out.

[mrsmonogrammed]

So I'm leaning towards having her for the shower....I really just want to be able to relax and hang with her before baby gets here! And afterwards my mom is staying to help us so it could get crowded. Thank you for all of your input!

[dmoney]

Baby Shower. This way if she comes in for the weekend, you guys can have a girls day before or after the shower (depending on which day it is) and it will be a good way to catch up just the two of you.