Buzzfeed inspired fun. awkward/funny sex stories.

[heatherj9603]

Saw a buzzfeed video about awkward/funny sex stories, and thought this would be fun and hilarious!

Mine is when dh and I were first married. Our first apartment had a rather large bedroom. So the walk from the light to the bed was a good 7 feet or so. I turn off the light and go to crawl up the foot of the bed. Place my left knee down and as I lift up my right knee, I had apparently ended up on the edge of the bed and NOT the middle. So my right knee lands on thin air, but the force of me trying to set it down forces me to fall. My leg hits the bed rail hard, my whole body flips over and now Im on my back on the floor. I was laughing hysterically but also crying because my leg hurt so bad! Dh gets up and flips on the light. And Im just laying on the floor naked with a leg that is already bruised and bleeding. He didn't know If he should help me up, or just laugh with me!

[dovahfel]

My favorite that my husband lets me share is one when we were camping. We had just got the tent set up (and the bed) and all our plastic bins were on the table waiting for us to get them in the tent. Well, it had been a long drive and we couldn't, ah, wait, anymore.

Well, as we are going at it in the tent at this abandoned campground 30 miles from the nearest human being, we hear this crashing sound as someone/something opened the bins and was now rummaging through them. We had our camera out there (not smart) and even though we were certain we were totally secluded, we thought someone was stealing from us.

My husband jumps up, grabs the crocheted afghan we brought with us (VERY open weave), wraps it around himself and charges out of the tent shouting "HEY! HEY YOU!"

As he gets the zipper open and gets outside, a deer freezes dead in its tracks, looks him up and down, and runs for it. I told him not to take it personal.

Turns out these deer were after our marshmallows....We're lucky it wasn't a bear! Now we make sure all food is somewhere animal-proof before the hanky-panky.

[heatherj9603]

dovahfel, I was laughing at your story, then laughed even harder when I gave it a love tit and it says I peed a little! Ha!

[housecarder]

When MH and I were dating I walked into his room and he was half laying on his bed with his feet on the floor. It was dark but he wasn't sleeping so I thought I'd be sexy and walked over, and put my hands on his hips with the intention to lower myself down to my knees. Well what I forgot to take into consideration is that he is VERY ticklish. When I put my hands on his hips he sat straight up, head butting me in the nose. There was a crunch and some blood and it was not sexy. He was terrified that I was going to dump him. We had dinner with his parents the next day where we had to explain why my nose was broken and my eyes were bruised.

[thechickencoop]

Camping this past year, DS was asleep in the tent so I took H in the backseat (car is parked on campsite) for a BJ. Well the backseat had a bunch of camping shit in it + a car seat so we kinda shoved it all toward the front. Turns out the child locks were on so after we were totally stuck. I had to shove all our cap back on Hs lap and climb over this mountain to get in to front seat to get out. It was kinda hilarious.

[mainewifey]

When H and I were dating he lived with his mom who had like 8 million cats. I had an allergic reaction to them and had a severe asthma attack in the middle of getting it on.

I didn't have an inhaler and didn't want to go to the hospital because I didn't have insurance. H got scared and brought me to his dad's house, where he explained to his dad that he nearly humped me to death.

To this day he doesn't believe me that it was the cats, he says it was his love making skillz.

[risscaboobs]

I can't really remember anything especially embarrassing at the moment, but I'll think on it. For now, I'm enjoying reading your stories.

[heatherj9603]

Okay this happened just yesterday...

On Sunday we got a new bed frame. It's 6 inches taller than our last one. Yesterday I sent dh a video of our small dog trying to figure out how to jump up here. Dh works as a service advisor for a car shop. He was in the shop and watched the video and was laughing. The lead mechanic asked dh what was so funny so he explained and showed the video. The mechanic said "oh taller bed!? Aka bend over and hump height?" Dh said he got so flustered and didn't know how to respond. The entire shop is ALL men so he's used to the sex jokes. But he just kept laughing because our reason for getting a taller bed was that EXACT reason! Lol

[ohinvrtedworld]

Man, I wish I had a good one! Mostly, our story is that one of us farts and ruins the mood by us laughing for a few minutes.

[Lollipop]

When DH and I were still dating, he shared a house with three other guys. He hates sleeping upstairs because he's a vampire (and he worked nights at the time) and the basement only had one actual bedroom. Being the nice guy that he is, he gave the bedroom to one of the roommates and set his "bedroom" up in an alcove just off the main room. Well, one of the roommies came down to give DH the rent money and totally walked in on us. Hehad asked if we were decent, and we said no, but he came in anyway. Thank goodness I was quick with the bblanket.

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

Feb 25, 2015 6:10:50 GMT -5 thechickencoop said:

Camping this past year, DS was asleep in the tent so I took H in the backseat (car is parked on campsite) for a BJ. Well the backseat had a bunch of camping shit in it + a car seat so we kinda shoved it all toward the front. Turns out the child locks were on so after we were totally stuck. I had to shove all our cap back on Hs lap and climb over this mountain to get in to front seat to get out. It was kinda hilarious.

So far I can't think of a hilarious one about me and my husband, but seeing this story reminded me of one we encountered.

We went camping one weekend at a really small lake campground. There was only us and one other couple in this specific circle drive. The first night, we got everything set up and were sitting by the campfire talking - it was a very quiet, peaceful night. Then we started hearing this, I shit you not, howling and moaning from the other campsite. Like, star-crossed lovers that only have tonight to be together!

Whatever. We brushed it off. Woke up the next day and had a great time fishing and hiking.

Saturday night comes, and these animals kept creepin' on our campsite (no food was out, everything was packed in the car). Damn raccoons would not stop! We were on the fence about leaving and decided to finally pack up when AGAIN we hear the singing/howling/moaning apparent ecstasy from the opposite campsite.

On our way out, as we passed their campsite on our right, which was quiet now (poor couple got a work out!), I replicated her moan/howl/song out the passenger window. We laughed until we were crying. It was so funny.

[BrewGirl]

A loooooong time ago when H and I were still dating, we went out and got really drunk one night. We came back to my apartment and had sex. A LOT of sex. This is the part of the story that I don't actually remember but was told by H. When we were done, I said I had to go to the bathroom. He said he heard me throwing up and ran in there to see if I was ok. I apparently said, "I just threw up", farted and then passed out with my head on the toilet seat.

Must have been a huge turn on cause we are still together.

ETA: I must be drunk now cause I can't spell.