Do you choose to work or do you 'have' to?

[pittpurple]

So we're slowly thinking about TTC #2. Given how long it took to have our daughter, it might not be an issue but there's a chance that we'd have a year or so of paying 2 daycare bills. Which would mean I'd almost be working for free. We talked about it and I think that I would actually keep working as I really enjoy my job. I live overseas so we have 1 year for maternity and I was climbing the walls by the end of it so I know I'm not great at being home all the time. So I'm curious - how many of you are working for reasons besides financial reasons? Is it totally crazy to work pretty much for free for a year?

[xctsclrx]

Not crazy if you love your job and especially if leaving it would be detrimental to your career long term. I also think there are a lot of benefits to daycare.

[twinmomma]

I'm the primary breadwinner and work because I love it. At this point DH is "working for free" if you factor in childcare. This week we actually discussed him staying home vs teaching next year and he wants to teach. If you're not losing money, do what makes sense for you so you don't lose the time and experience (and your sanity) in the workforce. A year is nothing!

[smalltownmoon]

Even if we could afford for me to not work, I would still keep a part-time job. I like to work, I want to justify my very expensive degree and I think it's important for me to stay in the work force so my daughter can have an example of a working mother. On a cryptic note, DH works a high risk career and I never want to be in the position to be scrambling to find a job if he was injured or worse. That's just me though! You should definitely what feels best for you and your family.

[shakinros]

When we lived in a HCOL area, it was similar for us with one in daycare. My nonprofit salary was almost entirely eaten up by daycare costs.

But almost eaten up is not the same as completely. I also had my health insurance coverage and the value to my career in still working is huge. I also don't like staying home.

Now that we're in a lower COL area, I actually clear some of my paycheck each month. It is way satisfying to see our progress towards financial goals. I don't think I could've kept the same salary if I'd had a year or two off from the workforce. I'd be starting again at a lower rate.

[Deleted]

I work part time after having my first baby last August. It is by choice....but with greater goals in mind. After paying for daycare and gas I really net very little. However, I am a teacher in a great private school where we want LO to attend preschool and elementary at a very significant discount. Also, my school provides my health insurance which would currently not be available through my husband's job. We have just accepted that we aren't currently going to see financial benefit from my job, but it is helping support long-term goals. And personally having some time each day where I go out and use my professional skills has a lot if value.

[somebabiesmom]

Both. I guess I'm lucky to want to do what I have to do.

[librarychica]

We would be fine if I didn't work, but we do much better when I am. I carry the benefits, and on top of insurance my company has excellent401K matching and other fringe benefits that my husband, who is self-employed, can't duplicate so even if I didn't clear extra it seems foolish not to work, especially since I generally like working. Also there is all the experience and whatnot that I would lose if I left.

In your situation I would make the same decision you have. A couple of years isn't a huge deal and you're working toward larger things in york career -- accumulating experience and so on. Plus it's your husband's responsibility to pay for childcare too -- I try to remind myself of that when I think of what a big chunk of my salary goes to childcare and make myself take half of it from his earnings in my mind. :-)

[b0710]

For me, it's both. I work because I love what I do, but I also work because we need the money to support our family. I always wanted to be a teacher, and I truly feel lucky to be able to do it! I also admittedly feel like my schedule helps with being a working mom because of the hours, holidays, and time off. I have asked myself what I would do if I won the lottery or came into a huge amount of money some how.....and I honestly do not know, but at this time I love what I do and could not imagine not working.

[welly01]

When I first went back to work after DS, it was because I had to. But now, I would never be a SAHM. I'm just not cut out for it. I don't necessarily love my job, but I enjoy the lifestyle that it allows us to have. Even if I was working for free, I would still continue to work. I still believe that the long-term benefits of working outweigh the downside of working for free.

[jlaok]

I work because I have to and because I want to. We'd have to really adjust our lifestyle in order for me to SAH. I don't want to do that and I'm very happy in my career.

I think it's fine to keep working even if the majority of your paycheck is going to daycare. Daycare is temporary, there are other tangible benefits (insurance, retirement, career building, etc.) that have to also be measured. Lastly, your salary will most likely go up and daycare costs go down so even if it's tight now it won't be in the future.

[2chatter]

If we want our lifestyle I have to work. We could live in a smaller home that is in a different neighborhood but still feeds the same schools, drive different cars, skip vacation and trips, eat out less, etc. and make it on DH' income. I don't want to "make it" though - I enjoy being comfortable and saving for retirement. It freaks me out no end to talk with the SAHMs I know whose husbands support their families - they in most cases have a very small safety net, comparatively minimal retirement planning and have to consider "this or that" pretty much all the time. I like living in my "sure, this and this and this" world.

[supertrooper1]

I could never be a SAHM. I'm the breadwinner, but even if I wasn't, I still feel like I need that purpose of going to work everyday and having other adult interaction. I would be bored staying at home.

[erinshelley21]

I work this particular job because I have too for a few reasons. DH is a firefighter and doesn't make very much money compared to nearby departments. I'm self employed and business has been rough the last few years and I don't make nearly enough compared to what I should be making when the industry was doing well. We basically work full time for part time pay and both are necessary. We also don't have to pay for childcare as my MIL watches DS while we work. Because of that I really wouldn't ever be able to justify not working.

[emmyg65]

Technically we could make ends meet without my salary, but it would change our lifestyle and make it hard to reach long-term financial goals like buying a house and saving for retirement.

Other reasons I work:
- I enjoy my job. I'm good at it and it gives me a lot of personal satisfaction.
- I worked hard to build my career and I don't want to do anything to hurt it or risk having to start again.
- I could never be financially dependent on someone else. That's just too scary.
- I don't have the patience or energy to stay home all day with my son.
- It's important to my husband and me to share in things relatively equally. We know people where one spouse works and the other stays home and it seems like parenting is the sole domain of the SAH spouse. Like the working spouse doesn't know even basic stuff about the kids because the SAH spouse handles everything with them.

[Deleted]

Sometimes I hate this question. I guess what I mean is, why does it matter if I choose to work or have to. Or maybe choosing and having to are the same thing? I'm not sure where I am going with this. Maybe I just don't like the question because life isn't always black or white, yes or no.

1. Financially I don't have to work IMO. In DH's opinion, financially I have to work because he likes having a lot of money.
2. Daycare is like 25K a year. It is soooo expensive, but I still make much more than that, but gosh for 25K you would think I could quit if I wanted to.
3. DH prefers that I work because he wants everyone to have interests outside of the home and doesn't want to interfere with my career trajectory. I think he secretly or not so secretly judges SAHMs.
4. I work because a. It is better for my marriage, b. I have a good job, not too stressful, family friendly, good PTO, flexible, in my career field/ makes a difference and a great boss. c. break from the kids, something else in my life than just "the kids"

Do I have have to work financially- I guess not, but do I have to work for us to be happy as individuals and a family/ marriage- then yes.Does it help our finances and provide me with health insurance and a retirement- yes.   So I guess financially I don't have to work, but personally/ marriage I do have to work. 

[k3am]

After we had DD, we determined that if we needed to, we could make it work for me to stay home. Sticker shock for DC was.. crazy. We live in a very HCOLA, and a month of DC ate up more than one take home paycheck per month. DD just left the infant center and costs are now down $250/month, effective Monday. But even just in those two years, after a raise and a promotion, DC is significantly less of a percentage of my income. If I'd pressed pause on my career, my career trajectory would have been significantly different.

I may not love my current company, but I like working. I like the paychecks, saving for retirement, social interaction, and having a solid career. I love being able to walk through Target, heading straight to the beauty department to check out product placement for one of my clients and know that I'm part of the reason that product is in the store and on the shelf, or seeing a certain plane fly overhead and being able to tell DD that I potentially financed the engine refurb for it.

And I love that when I pick DD up daily, she's stoked to see me. That smile just kills me.

[aydee]

I work for both reasons. I really love what I do and I think I would miss it if I were to stop working. Working helps me to feel useful and fulfilled, and in my profession I'm able to make a difference in people's lives. It's extremely rewarding.

I also work because we need the money. Our budget would be incredibly tight if I wasn't working. We would have to live very differently and our long-term financial health would be severely compromised.

I'm only part-time right now while my kids are little, and am not making much money at the end of the day since I'm paying for a nanny to be with the kids while I work. But it's worth it to me because I love what I do, I enjoy having some time away from the kids, and staying active in my profession will allow me to continue to have an active and successful career in the future.

This period of time when our kids are little and the cost of childcare is huge is time-limited. I know it will get better, and it will be in my best interests and our family's best interests that I continued to work during this time.

[mustardseed2007]

Feb 26, 2015 8:09:11 GMT -5 somebabiesmom said:

Both. I guess I'm lucky to want to do what I have to do.

Same here. 

[junewife]

I wouldn't make the decision to stay home based on just one year of extra daycare bills. Even if you "work for free" for a year, you're putting in time/effort to build your career longterm, which will net more upward mobility and money.

We live in a HCOL area, but it would be feasible for me not to work. We'd be able to live comfortably and meet basic needs; we just have a few financial goals that would be extremely difficult to meet if I didn't (paying down our student debt, college savings for the kids, my retirement savings, owning the type of house we want). So I guess you could say I work because I want to, but my family is far better off for it.

I'm not cut out to be a SAHM, but I do wish I could cut back to like 25-30 hours per week without sacrificing as much career-wise as I'd have to in order to make that work right now.

[jil]

Somewhere in between. I stayed home for almost 2 years after DD was born and we were fine financially.

Currently I'm working part-time and enjoy my job. It is related to my former career but sort of a lower level (kind of diagonal down). I'm ok with it now, as it is less stress and less responsibility, but in the next 5 years I'd really like to be in a masters level position with appropriate compensation.

OP: It seems like you really enjoy your job and sounds like you didn't really enjoy staying home. If your daycare bills end up overlapping for one year that is pretty short term. Especially if you're still satisfied with your job.

[lucilleaustero]

I work because I have to. I live in a very high COLA and staying home is not an option. I am not wokring in a career, I am working a job. The pay is awful, but they are super flexible with time and get what having two little kids means. Going to appts, taking days off, leaving early when DS blew through his diapers in the outfit he wore to daycare and the spare outfits they have, they don't care. It is great to be here until the kids are older and in school and I can actually focus on finding a career.

[momofcatan]

Feb 26, 2015 8:09:11 GMT -5 somebabiesmom said:

Both. I guess I'm lucky to want to do what I have to do.

This. Stay at home is not for me, unless I could still send the kid to DC, then I'd be all for it .

[CoverGirl82]

I enjoy my current job - I have a great boss and great coworkers. To maintain the lifestyle we have, I need to work. I would love to work part time (3 days a week), but it's not really possible with my job. I also could not stay home full time - I would go crazy. If I did SAH, my DH would want me to go back to work once both kids are in school, which would could make finding a job in my area of expertise more challenging. I like contributing financially to our family, and being able to save for our retirement and the kids' college tuition. I want to be able to take the kids on trips and not have to scrimp and save to do so. I like being a role model to my LOs that women can be successful outside of the home. (Nothing against SAHMs with that comment. But I expect my kids to go to college so they can have a career and be able to provide for themselves and families. If my DD chooses to be a SAHM after that, that is her decision.)

[sunny]

Alright, I'm kind of an outlier here...I work more because I "have " to. If we could afford for me to be a SAHM , I would, because I would love it. BUT, I 'm very part time, and I'm only away from home 2 mornings a week. So I feel more like a SAHM than a working mom most days. I don't have benefits, no retirement savings, very low paycheck that barely covers the cost of gas. I'm not advancing much career wise bc my higher ups kind of judge us part timers, but if I left my work , I could never get back in my career. Us working moms have to make some complicated decisions.

[toratoratori]

Feb 26, 2015 8:09:11 GMT -5 somebabiesmom said:

Both. I guess I'm lucky to want to do what I have to do.

This.

[sandandsea]

Technically, I wouldn't have to work. However, we want to move to a top school district with better commutes, love travelling, DH has an expensive hobby he's passionate about, we want to fully fund retirement, pay for kids college, and live in a VHCOL area. So, to do all of those things, I work. We could stay in our current small house with mediocre schools, a worse commute, and only do some of the above if didn't work. But, I worked my butt off for my degrees and career and wouldn't want to walk away from my salary. And, once DS and possible #2 are in school, it'd be hard to jump back into my career at the level I am now with the same future opportunities. I'd much rather continue to work now, and then once kids are in school, maybe cut back to a steadier 32-40 hours/week instead of the 45-55 high pressure/stress stuff I do now.

[seadragon2013]

We live in a very HCOL area. My DH makes a good salary, but in this area it's just enough to live on in a two bedroom apartment. Right now my job gives us the financial flexibility to save for a DP, travel, and enjoy life in the Bay Area. I also have AMAZING benefits, which save us about $500 a month. However, if we have another LO while DS is still in preschool, my take home pay will only just cover daycare for two. I really enjoy what I do and the penalty for time off in my career is huge, so we are planning to space our LOs out more than we would prefer so that we only have one lean year.

[olenka]

I have to work. I cover about 80% of the expenses between SO and me. I don't even work in my field ( very few jobs in the city where I live), but rather took what job I could find after a period of unemployment. SO trades handyman time for daycare tuition, though, so there's that.

[puffandstuff]

I could probably stay home (or work part time), but the idea of being financial dependent on someone is really scary to me. I get paid a lot of money to do what I do and have a lot of flexibility. Since I've been here for 5 years, I'm trusted by management and they allow me to WFH when I need it.