NWPR: Anyone ever been divorced?
Feb 26, 2015 13:16:57 GMT -5
Post by cagey on Feb 26, 2015 13:16:57 GMT -5
First of all - hugs, love, comfort.... I wish I could magically send them all to you, because this sucks so much.
My DH kind of went off the deep end when I was about 6 months pregnant with DS. He was depressed and felt like he was in a hole he couldn't get out of. He would tell me he didn't think it was me, but that he didn't know what he wanted anymore. It was gut wrenching and awful and I'm honestly still not totally over it (3.5 years later) I had to tell him it was counseling or I was out. Counseling was integral to our staying together and to him moving through his depression. It was also integral to me understanding how to deal with it - for my OWN mental health. My honest opinion is that you need to see a counselor alone ASAP to be able to understand 1) how this is impacting you 2) what strategies you can implement to deal with your own emotions around his behavior 3) to clarify your options the paths you can choose. If you're considering divorce, a counselor can be the best way for your to talk it all out.
I don't mean to be dramatic but what you describe sounds pretty verbally abusive. Calling your marriage and YOUR KIDS a mistake? Honestly, that's not OK. Your kids will internalize that. That's not okay. Constant yelling, screaming, put downs... ruining your shot (and your kids' shot!) at happy days EVERY DAY - that's not an OK situation to be in. Three years of this is not a "phase." You and your children deserve to be treated with respect at the very least - even if he can't muster love and affection.
FWIW my parents are divorced and while it had challenges and I'm sure it was tough on them, the relief that the fighting was over was palpable for my brother and I. I'm sure we suffered because of the divorce too but honestly - a happy home was such a relief, I honestly remember wishing they'd have done it sooner. My parents co-parented us really well and were always there for us. They are good friends now (which I'm certain was hard and took a lot of work) and I'm so grateful. My mom is happily remarried (dad and step dad are friends; and so WHOLLY different it blows my mind) my dad is happily single (after a couple of other ended marriages). So, know that divorce doesn't necessarily have to mean doom and gloom, ok? I would tell you that staying together "for the kids" would've been so much worse for me. NOT advocating divorce, but I just want you to know it doesn't have to be a disaster for your kids either.
Sending love and peace and hugs....
My DH kind of went off the deep end when I was about 6 months pregnant with DS. He was depressed and felt like he was in a hole he couldn't get out of. He would tell me he didn't think it was me, but that he didn't know what he wanted anymore. It was gut wrenching and awful and I'm honestly still not totally over it (3.5 years later) I had to tell him it was counseling or I was out. Counseling was integral to our staying together and to him moving through his depression. It was also integral to me understanding how to deal with it - for my OWN mental health. My honest opinion is that you need to see a counselor alone ASAP to be able to understand 1) how this is impacting you 2) what strategies you can implement to deal with your own emotions around his behavior 3) to clarify your options the paths you can choose. If you're considering divorce, a counselor can be the best way for your to talk it all out.
I don't mean to be dramatic but what you describe sounds pretty verbally abusive. Calling your marriage and YOUR KIDS a mistake? Honestly, that's not OK. Your kids will internalize that. That's not okay. Constant yelling, screaming, put downs... ruining your shot (and your kids' shot!) at happy days EVERY DAY - that's not an OK situation to be in. Three years of this is not a "phase." You and your children deserve to be treated with respect at the very least - even if he can't muster love and affection.
FWIW my parents are divorced and while it had challenges and I'm sure it was tough on them, the relief that the fighting was over was palpable for my brother and I. I'm sure we suffered because of the divorce too but honestly - a happy home was such a relief, I honestly remember wishing they'd have done it sooner. My parents co-parented us really well and were always there for us. They are good friends now (which I'm certain was hard and took a lot of work) and I'm so grateful. My mom is happily remarried (dad and step dad are friends; and so WHOLLY different it blows my mind) my dad is happily single (after a couple of other ended marriages). So, know that divorce doesn't necessarily have to mean doom and gloom, ok? I would tell you that staying together "for the kids" would've been so much worse for me. NOT advocating divorce, but I just want you to know it doesn't have to be a disaster for your kids either.
Sending love and peace and hugs....