For those of you who had or looked into doulas, when did you start looking? Was there anything specific you were looking for in your doula, or any questions you found helpful to ask when interviewing? What was (or would be) a red flag for you?
For those of you who had or looked into doulas, when did you start looking? Was there anything specific you were looking for in your doula, or any questions you found helpful to ask when interviewing? What was (or would be) a red flag for you?
I don't remember when exactly...maybe early 2nd trimester?
The most important thing was that we (both H and I) clicked with her. After we had our initial meeting at Panera, my H looked at me and said hire her. Being comfortable with the person you choose to share the intimacy of birth with was the my most important criteria.
We waited until the first trimester was over since all my losses were before then.
I know it's cliche to say, but you will know when you meet someone you want to hire. We felt comfortable right away with ours and were able to open up to her easily. I found her on a local doula network page, and she had had a VBAC herself and that was what initially made me call her. She got it and understood what was most important to me. Also, I wanted to make sure she wasn't judgey about me being undecided about getting an epidural. I think a lot of doulas are pretty strong advocates of non medicated births, but I knew myself and my anxiety and was undecided until I was in labor and wanted someone who was supprtive of me making whatever decisions worked for me.
Backup doula if they are sick? How many people a month will they commit to? How far of a gap in between due dates? Availability around due date? (Ours promised to be in the area 2 weeks before my due date and only took 2-3 clients a month) Experiences with your personal OB -my practice loved my doula and that was super helpful Policies if you have a csection (we still would pay in full, which we felt was fair but idk if that's the typical policy)
I think it was mid-2nd tri. I needed someone I felt very comfortable with- I could ask questions without feeling dumb or judged. I could express my ideas and hopes with support, and DH felt very supported as my #1 coach as well. It also helped to know she had served as a doula at my hospital for many births, and was on good terms with the staff. I especially loved that she had lactation expertise. We met with her a few times before delivery, she was at the hospital with us the whole time and really helped with suggesting different positions, and she came over a couple times after we were home. I really appreciated how she was a part of the whole process.
Sorry I can't help with what questions to ask. We have 2 family friends who are doulas, so we just picked between them. One I knew I'd be very comfortable with, and the other I felt she'd push her own agenda or judge me if I chose the epidural (which I ended up getting). I was very happy with who we chose. Good luck!
Post by cookiesandwine on Mar 1, 2015 21:08:07 GMT -5
Forgive me for jumping in, but I have to add a question since there seems to be such good advice here already! I've thought about using a doula too but am pretty unsure, mostly because my labor with Sadie was so fast and my OB told me that this one may even be quicker. This is so cheap of me but I feel like I wouldn't get my money's worth. Is that a dumb consideration?
Forgive me for jumping in, but I have to add a question since there seems to be such good advice here already! I've thought about using a doula too but am pretty unsure, mostly because my labor with Sadie was so fast and my OB told me that this one may even be quicker. This is so cheap of me but I feel like I wouldn't get my money's worth. Is that a dumb consideration?
I think it depends on what your goal is for having a doula. Mine was to avoid a csection, and I felt like having our doula there gave me a strong and knowledgable advocate to help us try different things if it was looking like a csection might be suggested. For me, avoiding a rcs was worth the money even if i ended up being in labor for a brief amount of time . I was in labor for 36 hours though (doula was there for a big part of it) so I got my money's worth
Post by bantyrooster on Mar 1, 2015 21:47:23 GMT -5
I looked into them. Most in my area are pretty natural only. Which makes me sad. I love how sally says she supports all births. I do better in stressfull times with nonfamily support. So the reason I didn't go with one was because no one around here would fully support a medicated birth. So I would say someone who you are comfortable with and someone who 110% has the same birth goal/beliefs as you.
Forgive me for jumping in, but I have to add a question since there seems to be such good advice here already! I've thought about using a doula too but am pretty unsure, mostly because my labor with Sadie was so fast and my OB told me that this one may even be quicker. This is so cheap of me but I feel like I wouldn't get my money's worth. Is that a dumb consideration?
I think it depends on what your goal is for having a doula. Mine was to avoid a csection, and I felt like having our doula there gave me a strong and knowledgable advocate to help us try different things if it was looking like a csection might be suggested. For me, avoiding a rcs was worth the money even if i ended up being in labor for a brief amount of time . I was in labor for 36 hours though (doula was there for a big part of it) so I got my money's worth
That's a good way to think about it, that had never crossed my mind. There were a few things that happened during Sadie's birth that weren't common (I had a vaginal septum that had to be cut, she was sunny side up, they pulled the cord out from the placenta trying to hurry it along, manual assisted placenta delivery, lost a lot of blood) but I really didn't know what the crap was happening at the time. Not because they didn't tell me, but because I just wasn't in a frame of mind to comprehend! It was chaotic to say the least. I guess that's what my goal would be, a less chaotic delivery. But then I come back to the time factor and I don't think it's ever going to be not chaotic in a short amount of time, if that makes sense. Thank you heatherbee for the thought provoking question
Forgive me for jumping in, but I have to add a question since there seems to be such good advice here already! I've thought about using a doula too but am pretty unsure, mostly because my labor with Sadie was so fast and my OB told me that this one may even be quicker. This is so cheap of me but I feel like I wouldn't get my money's worth. Is that a dumb consideration?
I think it depends on what your goal is for having a doula. Mine was to avoid a csection, and I felt like having our doula there gave me a strong and knowledgable advocate to help us try different things if it was looking like a csection might be suggested. For me, avoiding a rcs was worth the money even if i ended up being in labor for a brief amount of time . I was in labor for 36 hours though (doula was there for a big part of it) so I got my money's worth
I was going to say the same--why would you want a doula? We had a doula for Dylan, but chose not to for Paige. Our doula was such a great resource and support system for me and my husband the first time, but we felt we had the tools we needed without the addition of a doula the second time.
Also, a doula isn't only there for you during actual labor. We had a few meetings with ours before the birth and she checked in with me throughout pregnancy (she was instrumental in encouraging me to switch care providers at 28 weeks!). I think this "labor prep work" was important in helping me achieve my goal of an unmedicated birth.
cookiesandwine my second delivery was 2 hours and 5 minutes from first contraction to babysit on chest. I still felt like it was worth the money. When I am in labor I am definitely not in the frame of mind to fully comprehend what is being asked of me or to convey my wants and desires. Having someone who had been to hundreds of births really helped. She was almost like a translator. She was much more familiar with me than the nurses, and much more familiar with what they wanted/needed from me than I was (hope that makes sense)
Thanks for all the input, it's so helpful! Robin's birth was a really long, messy induction that ended with 3 hours of pushing, an episiotomy, and a vacuum assist. I think some of those things could have been avoided if I'd had a doula, mostly because like others said, I wasn't in a frame of mind to express what I wanted or ask questions, and while my husband is wonderfully supportive, he's very good at taking direction but not so good being proactive about things. I feel a doula would be beneficial to both of us because she'd make him a better coach and I'd get great support as well.
I started looking at 12 weeks and locked one down at 16 weeks. In our case there are only a handful in our city. I wanted one I connected with so the earlier the better. This time I am going to try to have the same doula that I had the first time, so I will lock her down at 12 weeks if she is available.
For me I interviewed 3 doulas the first time. I went with vibe. I wanted a women that I felt comfortable with and that I felt like I could be relaxed around. The biggest question I had was how she would handle me if I wanted medication. I wanted someone who would be strong for me, even when I did not think I could be. I wanted a straightforward individual who would push me and be positive when I doubted myself. My doula gave me a no nonsense answer in the interview and I loved it. In labor I did demand drugs but she got me through transition. She was amazing and I am hoping she can be part of LO #2 birth.
cookiesandwine, One of the biggest reasons I want a doula again this time is because of Evelyn. If I go into labor I want my H to be able to focus on her and not me. I want his attention directed at taking her to my IL's or keeping her entertained. I will need someone with me though and a doula is the perfect person. She knows what to expect in labor and how things will progress. She also knows how to help me during the process.
Post by cookiesandwine on Mar 10, 2015 9:04:07 GMT -5
Forgive me but I'm bumping this post up. A local doula group that works closely with my hospital is having a Meet the Doulas night next week that I'm going to (without H because he'll be OOT for work) and I'm kind of nervous!! I like that I can meet lots of the women in a lower pressure environment than meeting with someone one-on-one. But it's like speed dating times ten - you have to click with someone and then later on, they'll see your vagina.
Post by aylafsu1881 on Mar 10, 2015 10:04:00 GMT -5
cookiesandwine, Just ask general questions. I asked how my doula felt about birth, if she had kids, how many births she attended, why she became a doula, what she enjoyed about her births, if she worked at the hospital where I would deliver at, how she would handle me if I asked for pain meds. It is really just a informal chat. The big thing is to go on vibe. You will know if you like someone or not. The big thing is to like the person. Like you said they are going to see you emotional, naked, and vulnerable. You want someone that you feel comfortable with. I was a bit nervous about my doula even though I liked her at our meet and greet and our per birth appointment. When I was in labor though and she came to our house I was in a sports bra only. I was like whatever, she has seen hundreds of vag and I did not care in the least what she thought. She was great!
I agree with aylafsu1881 one of the big things for me was their thoughts on evidenced based medicine decision making. I didn't want a doula who was going to side eye me for getting the vitamin k shot, or didn't believe in vaccines. The other important thing was whether we "clicked." The only way to figure that out is through chatting with them.
Also, just to ease your mind. The first time I didn't shop around at all. I just went with the first one I came across. Even though I didn't agree with her views on everything, she was amazing at helping me control pain, and stay focused etc during labor and delivery. if they have been to a lot of births, they have an incredible wealth of experience to draw from.
cookiesandwine The strategy I've decided to go with is to find the one that reminds me most of Sally.
But seriously, I remember reading her birth philosophy when she started up her doula business and about how she believed in supporting what her clients wanted and not having her own agenda, and I think other than a personality click that's what I'm going to be looking for. I've started making a list and looking on websites of local places, and I've already crossed some off because their birth philosophies feel very judgy to me.
Post by cookiesandwine on Mar 10, 2015 11:57:56 GMT -5
Thanks ladies! I looked more at their profiles and several of the 10 are RNs and/or IBCLC's so I feel like they'd be less likely to side-eye the medical interventions (like vaccines, etc.) that I am clearly a fan of.
Thanks ladies! I looked more at their profiles and several of the 10 are RNs and/or IBCLC's so I feel like they'd be less likely to side-eye the medical interventions (like vaccines, etc.) that I am clearly a fan of.
That's another great point that I forgot to mention, but am also considering--lactation support! I had the batshit craziest LC with Robin, so having a trustworthy, not insane person to help with any nursing issues is huge for me.
So we met with the two doulas I/we were interested in. The first doula we met with right before vacation, and I immediately liked her. She said a lot of things that I connected with right away. She described herself as "crunchy light" and talked about wanting to support the birth we wanted. She gave a lot concrete examples of how she would help be our advocate during the birth process and was very clear in what she would and wouldn't do. She had a lot of experience with the hospital we chose (although not our specific OB practice) and even though we hadn't even hired her, gave us a lot of good advice of natural birth related questions to ask our OB (since that's what we're aiming for.)
We just met with the second doula tonight. She was also very nice, but I didn't feel like we had quite the same connection as with the first doula. For us, it came down to a few different things. Primarily, the first doula has a lot more experience than the second (like 100 births more!). Other factors were the first doula is a mother of three, and the second doula is not a mom herself. Also, the second doula seemed much more introverted than the first, and as someone who is very introverted myself, I realized that I need/want a doula that will help bring out the mama bear side of me more than support the introverted side of me.
Now I just have to figure out what to email the doula we won't be hiring. Any tips? I hate letting people down!
Post by bantyrooster on Mar 30, 2015 20:31:44 GMT -5
I think a doula is a very personal choice. Just let her know you felt you clicked, but found someone else who just felt right. I think she will respect and be happy you found the perfect fit! I think healthcare workers take it less personal than people think. I see docs get fired a lot for bad or stupid things. They let it roll and keep going. Personal health is just that personal, you need to be with who you feel most comfortable with. Don't feel bad!
Also, the second doula seemed much more introverted than the first, and as someone who is very introverted myself, I realized that I need/want a doula that will help bring out the mama bear side of me more than support the introverted side of me.
Now I just have to figure out what to email the doula we won't be hiring. Any tips? I hate letting people down!
1. I totally get you on the bolded and vetoed someone for the same reason! If I'm around someone who seems quiet and timid, I'm going to be more reserved as well.
2. I think short and sweet. "Just wanted to let you know that we have decided to use a different doula service that I felt our personalities just clicked more with. Thanks again for your time in meeting with us." (But more well written, because I'm pretty sure what I wrote is not grammatically correct.)
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