Intro/Advice Needed

[Winnifred]

Hi Everyone - I've been lurking on this board for the past couple of weeks, and figured I should really reach out to the group for advice. We found out on 2/20 that we have a blighted ovum (at least that's what I've gathered from all of my googling!), anembryonic pregnancy might be more accurate. I had to wait another full week for the follow up u/s, during which I made up my mind that the D&C was the best option for me.

It turns out that I won't be able to have the procedure until next week, and I didn't even set it up because I was so irritated with the scheduler/timeline. I then called my clinic and ordered cytotec.

I'm trying to figure out what's best for me, and finding it very difficult to make the call. I'm terrified of MC at home, but perhaps I'm over reacting? Or maybe it isn't the end of the world to wait another week or so for the procedure, of course MC could happen on its own while I'm waiting... Ugh.

At this point, its been about a week and a half since we found out, and emotionally I'm just ready to move forward.

I guess it boils down to this - would you be willing to wait a week or more for a d&c, or choose to get things started with meds? I could definitely use some experience/opinions from everyone. The experience with cytotec and natural MC threads have me in a panic

Maybe it isn't appropriate to ask this question, and I'm sorry if that is the case. I wish the decision was easier.

To all my January girls, and everyone else on this board - I'm so sorry to meet you here, but I hope I can be a part of this wonderfully supportive community.

[nikolie93]

I am so very sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. I cannot speak from experience as all of my losses were natural with no meds or d&c's.

I am sure someone else can chime in but in the meantime have you checked out the advice and expertise topic at the top of this board? That may help you a bit.

So many *hugs* to you. I hope it passes quickly for you.

[followthesun]

Winnifred, sorry for your loss. I waited a week to have my D&C as well. It was a difficult week for me emotionally, and I was fearful of having to miscarry at home. Fortunately for me, I only had minor spotting prior to the procedure. I think it is such a personal decision, and I went back and forth with what I wanted to do before deciding on the procedure. Best of luck and lots of ((hugs)). Welcome.

[rablissful]

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I had a natural miscarriage this past week, and although when it happened it was traumatic, it was also healing to know that I did it myself. I had planned on a natural delivery in a birthing center so I didn't want to go to a hospital for a d&c. I was also on vacation this past week so it was easier knowing it wouldn't start at work.

The choice is totally up to you though. If you want the d&c then wait, but don't be afraid if you miscarry at home between now and then. Just make sure someone is around or can get to you quickly just in case you need support or start hemorrhaging (very scary but can happen if it's a natural miscarriage).

[Winnifred]

nikolie93, followthesun, and rablissful, thank you so much for your kind words! Your advice and experiences are greatly appreciated.

I think I'm somewhat traumatized from my egg retrieval experience, and wish I would have opted for anesthesia. I don't want to look back on this and feel like I put myself through something that I really didn't need to.

I'm planning on calling back in the morning and seeing what appointments might be available, maybe then I can make a decision! I also know I will get through this no matter what, but these options all suck!

[nikolie93]

The whole thing definitley sucks

[Ann612]

Did they say why it was a week's wait? That is awful. I went in for my "make sure" ultrasound on a Tuesday and they scheduled me right then and there for Thursday. Is there somewhere else you could have it done? It just seems like adding insult to injury to have to wait another week!

I'm so sorry for your loss and this difficult situation. Definitely read the advice and experience threads for a sense of how each option can go.

I was like you - certain on the D&C before even going in for the ultrasound. But then I did spend a few hours thinking I would do it at home because the OBGYN told me a lot of scary stuff about scaring (looking back, it was not cool what he did to me). Finally another doctor called me back and laid out both choices for me and I switched back to the D&C. It allowed me to be done with it several days quicker, and I was pretty scared to do the meds at home. But ultimately, I wanted what would be best longer term. The D&C allowed us to test for chromosomal issues (which it wound up being) and while there is a risk of scaring, if you don't pass it yourself and wind up with a D&C anyway, the chances go up.

But it's a VERY personal decision, and of course there are pluses and minuses to both. Good luck.

[kcrkcs]

I am sorry for your loss. The D&C experience has been as ok as those things can be both times for me. If I had experienced a slightly earlier loss (like my original scare) I would have chosen the meds/natural. For me the major advantage to the D&C is that it is over quickly. I am rambling and probably not helpful. I hope whatever decision you make goes smoothly, and that you can find peace. Hugs.

[vballbaby]

Hey Winnifred, I have been struggling with the decision as well and saw my OB today and he helped me make the decision to do a d&c which we are doing Wednesday. For me, I want to be able to move along on the quickest path so that we can eventually give Ivf anither try. I was concerned about scarring and he explained that it's only about a 2-3% risk and he wouldn't be worried about me unless this was like my fourth or fifth d&c. He also explained that 25% of ppl who miscarry naturally end up needing a d&c due to leftover tissue which can also be concern for infection and some condition he mentioned with clotting (sorry I don't remember all of the details on the clotting deal). So for me, hearing all this helped me feel more confident about doing it this way. I'm not sure if that helps in anyway. I'm sorry you may have to wait. My RE couldn't do it until Friday so That's why I went to my OB. My Re actually recommended I do that in case I didn't want to wait so maybe you can ask your regular OB? We also wanted the chromosome testing done if that's a factor for you. I hope something opens up for you to make this easier. Sorry for the novel. (((Hugs))) hang in there. I'm really sorry for your loss and that these decisions aren't coming easier.

[Winnifred]

Thanks everyone for your thought and support! I'm on mobile but plan to respond more fully this evening. DH and I talked it though last night, and want to schedule the d&c. So I'm working on some options at the moment.

Thanks again!

[doves654]

Hi Winnifred, I'm so sorry again about your loss.

I would be really upset about the wait as well - I found out that we had lost our pregnancy last Thursday and my D&C was Friday. I didn't even consider naturally miscarrying - I didn't feel that I could emotionally handle it. I had general anesthesia with the D&C and recommend it, personally, though I have nothing to compare it to.

[amylev80]

I'm so sorry Winnifred. It is so hard. On my 2nd loss, I was lucky. I found out I had lost the baby first thing in the am (on a Tuesday), and 5 hours later I was having my D&C. I couldn't imagine waiting. For me, it was easier to have the D&C and to start the physical and more importantly to me, the emotional, healing process. Huge hugs to you and your DH.

[Winnifred]

Hi ladies - after waiting ALL DAY to connect with the surgery scheduler at my clinic, I finally have a D&C scheduled for next Wednesday. I'm trying to be positive about it, since this is really what I wanted and there wasn't any way to speed the process up - but I'm extremely jealous of everyone who was able to move forward quickly! By the time our appointment rolls around, it will have been almost 3 weeks since finding out. That is ridiculous.

However, I do feel good knowing that if my body tries to get things started on its own, I'll have a backup appointment just in case I can't finish it.

rablissful - thank you for your comment about not being afraid. I know I'll get through it no matter what, as we all do, but I appreciate the pep talk

Ann612, I agree, it is a very personal decision and I know a lot of us wrestle with it. I'm with you, I feel like it is a safer option considering that I could end up needing one anyway. I'm no doctor, but that's where I've landed after much thought.

@sarahwithah, kcrkcs, doves654, amylev80, thank you all for your thoughtful comments and support - I appreciate it!

vballbaby, thank you! I'm so glad to hear that you have also made a decision that you are comfortable with. I think part of the hold up may be that I don't currently have an OB. When I tried to see someone at my old OB's office and again when I tried to schedule something with the OB's office I'd like to have... they also didn't have much availability for surgery within the next 1-2 weeks. It's my goal to get an OB set up after I have my first post d&c AF, just in case this ever happens again. And, ya know, for regular things like pap smears that seem to slip my mind when we're dealing with IVF!

I think I need to apologize to DH - he only received about 50 frustrated/complaining texts from me today while I played phone tag with the clinic. He brought home a cake mix to make for me, lol. I may have gone overboard.

Again, thank you to everyone. I plan to stick around and offer support as well, I think that's an important part of the healing process.

[cabgirl]

I don't really have anything to add, since I saw that you decided to schedule a D&C. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss, and that you have to wait. I had a D&C as well, and even though my wait was shorter, I will say it was the worst part of the whole thing. The procedure itself was simple and over quickly. I hope you can find some support here that makes the wait easier on you.

[nikolie93]

I hope the time goes by quickly for you! The wait sucks

[vivela]

I'm sorry you are being forced to wait. I went in to my follow up wanting a D&C, but my doctor convinced me that because it was quite early I should wait for a natural miscarriage. I was really fearful after reading some descriptions, but when it was actually happening to me I could understand the process and it went smoothly considering. I hope you get your D&C, but if it starts early, you are educated about the process and that helps.
Waiting really, really sucks. It is a deeply unpleasant feeling. I'll be thinking of you and I hope it all goes according to plan.

[zimni]

Hi Winnifred,

I am so sorry for your loss. No one should ever go through this pain, ever.

I read your response that you have a D&C scheduled - here's to a smooth procedure and a speedy recovery. This may not be relevant any longer for you, but thought I'll briefly share my experience with an early blighted ovum. It was somewhere in the 7th week, and like vivela, the doc recommended the med route. It went through like a little heavier period, but lasted like a regular period, and I got my next cycle on time.

Of course, this is a very personal decision, and one must go ahead with the doc's suggestion, and one's comfort level. May this week wait just breeze past!

[Winnifred]

cabgirl, nikolie93, vivela, thank you all for your support!

zimni, thank you! I appreciate your feedback. This was one of my major issues with trying to figure out what to do. Since my gestational sack and yolk sack were measuring on time during the U/S, I have a bit more fear that it wouldn't be like a period, necessarily. However, I couldn't find as much information online as I would have liked to regarding this. Thanks again for your support

[Deleted]

So sorry for another penguin loss I hope this time passes quickly for you.