How to refer to birth family

[pinkie]

DS2's BM has expressed liking for our kids to call her by her first name.  She is very young which makes it seem even more ok to do this.  I've been thinking of what is appropriate for her parents and her grandmom.  There is the added intricacy here that they are not the birth family for our older son but I think it would help avoid confusion for us to be able to call them the same name to both of our boys.  First names seems odd to me since they are so much older but maybe it's ok?  Moving forward we will be having visits (I believe her parents will come out with her this summer) so I'd like to start thinking of this before the time comes . Does anyone have advice?  

[drl]

All of DD's birth family goes by first name

[persianmaman]

Do you have any terms or titles used in your family, like aunt or uncle, that would be neutral enough to you guys to use in conjunction with a first name?

For instance, in Persian culture, it is considered appropriate (and rude not to) include joon after someone's name if they are older but not necessarily related. My mom's best friend is not Farzeneh, it's Farzeneh Joon. It implies a closer level of intimacy with her, but not relation. (Joon means "dear" or "beloved one")

[gnomesweetgnome]

We've only met our BM, but I imagine we'd just do whatever they felt most comfortable with. Perhaps if they aren't sure you could just all them Mrs. Firstname or Mrs. Lastname, depending on what feels right?

[perumom]

Sorry no help here but Gosh that would be a dilemma, since this is something that will be used forever. persianmaman, I absolutely  love that!

[carolinah]

Could you ask his birthmom for her thoughts? We thought that first names seemed odd so I'm Auntie C. My parents go by nicknames we came up with (JJ and RiRi) so it's not first name or Mr and Mrs. I think this works for everyone in our case.

Edited because I can't type.

[theholmanherd]

I'm not there yet, but I think I would prefer the BM, BF, and theirs families to be referred to be their first names. I would maybe entertain the auntie idea, but I think first name is best for us.

[theatrepal]

I would entertain the Auntie idea. We have some very close friends and their kids call us Aunt Theatrepal and Uncle Theatrepal. My godson also calls me Aunt as does his family. It's a way of showing that we are very important to them and they are very important to us. Each family has traditions. Does your family have a way they address very close friends?

[pinkie]

Thank you all for the advice. My family was very formal growing up...friends were all mr and mrs last name and I honestly don't feel my husband and I are that formal to carry that on. But I do feel kids need to respect adults so I struggle a bit with first names. With our friends we are sort of doing miss or mr first name (which is also what daycare does). For now I can just say "BM's mommy and daddy" but I can ask her to talk to her family about it.