Push Presents??

[ginnyjones82]

I've never heard of such a thing until recently when the local radio station was talking about it. Then this morning I check my 'what to expect' app, and there was a conversation about it. One woman said that she told her husband that she wants him to pay for her to have the full mommy makeover. Breast, vagina, all the things to get her her pre-baby body back sooner. Most women say they expect necklaces or bracelets, or new ipads.

I'm shocked by this. The baby is my gift. And I know DH will get me flowers. But to demand an expensive gift for putting my body through 9 months of wear and tear?? I wanted this. I've worked for this, I will wear and tear my body with pride.

Just curious on everyone else's thoughts. This must really be a thing, but I've never heard of it before a few weeks ago? Seems like these kind of gifts should be saved for Mother's day or birthdays.

[nomnom]

That never occurred to me. Maybe babysitting dates so I can get back to the gym? Kinda thought that was part of being parents together though.

[IFinTN]

First, yes, the baby is the push present to me. Second, we can't afford a push present after paying for IVF:)

I would not mind a moderately priced piece of jewelry with birthstone in it....but I also don't want to spend OUR money on it!!

[nutmeg8484]

Wow. Baby will be both of our presents after everything we have been through to get here.

I have heard of push presents for a birth mother in adoption and for a surrogate. Both of those make sense to me. But demanding a present for giving birth to your own child seems rediculous to me.

[Deleted]

Thank you!!! My SIL basically demanded a push present after giving birth to her 2nd daughter a few years ago, and I thought the idea was insane. Would MH and I be supereffingexcited to have a baby? Heck yeah! Do I expect him to go out and buy me something, no. That's ridiculous. I'd rather use that money towards something more logical.

[purpledaisy923]

My DH asked me if I wanted a push present and I just looked at him like "has this man lost his damn mind?!?" I jokingly told him that I want a tequila sunrise and some sushi lol. The babies will be my presents! I'd rather spend money on their needs (diapers, formula, etc.) than spend money on a piece of fancy jewelry I'll never wear.

[DrHooch]

I've heard of this before, but I too think it's ridiculous. We have way better things to spend our money on and also how can you top the best present of all - a healthy baby?!?

[sewfie2]

I can see in cases of adoption and surrogacy, but I really would not understand it if mh got me a push present. Does he get a present for being there too? I'm thinking the only thing I'll want is for him to keep people away from me for a while. But that's really a present to us both haha.

[gsancho]

I was surprised to hear about this, too. I just heard about it a month ago. Maybe it's a new thing nowadays...

I like the idea of getting a thoughtful gift after growing and housing our child for 9 months, not to mention whatever I deal with through labor. But when DH asked me about it, I told him I'd be happy with something as simple as a bag of my favorite candy and a card, if he even decides to do something. A thoughtful gift doesn't have to mean expensive and over the top.  The idea of demanding something or expecting it to be fancy is extreme.

ETA: And I should note that yes the baby is the true gift after pregnancy and labor.  But I guess an analogy on a smaller scale would be like training for a race.  Finishing the marathon itself is the true reward, but that doesn't mean you can't treat yourself to a big meal or a foot rub afterwards in return for all the hard work.  I just don't know why people decided the gift has to be something expensive.  

[ginnyjones82]

gsancho, I'm with you. Something small. MH said I get flowers and a balloon or something like that. I'm just completely baffled by these women demanding expensive gifts! Especially with the costs of babies! Money is much better spent on what the baby needs!!

I agree though, if it comes to a birth Mom or a surrogate, then yes, a nice gift is ideal.

[kmc84]

Having pushed one out already, I can say that the 'push present' I want is a nice cold ice pack between my legs, and FOOD! Seriously, feed me after I go through labor!!! LOL!

[crazycatlady6]

I hear something new everyday that blows my mind. A pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream sounds like the perfect thing after delivery. Of course I just asked MH and he said that it's some "new a$$ hippie thing where everybody feels entitled to everything."

[bluefairy5]

The only time I encountered this was pre-Great Recession at one of the pricier restaurants here in NYC (just to paint you a general pic of the clientele; we had no business being there in our twenties, LOL). We were at the bar waiting for our table and struck up a convo with another couple, and somehow it got around to the husband very ostentatiously pointing out his wife's diamond tennis bracelet and large diamond earrings and identifying them both as push presents. It definitely struck me as odd, but I guess different strokes for different folks.

But as IFinTN says, after IF treatment costs?? LOLsob no.

[Deleted]

Mar 6, 2015 14:40:10 GMT -5 kmc84 said:

Having pushed one out already, I can say that the 'push present' I want is a nice cold ice pack between my legs, and FOOD! Seriously, feed me after I go through labor!!! LOL!

Holy crap, yes to all of this. I will also add pain meds to the list cause let's be honest: pushing out a present of any size leaves you w a sore bottom.

[IFinTN]

@ducky719, didn't you just have a baby!! Where is your announcement???

[Deleted]

Mar 6, 2015 17:10:06 GMT -5 IFinTN said:

@ducky719, didn't you just have a baby!! Where is your announcement???

haha...yes. I'm going to work on it now.

[hbanana18]

I agree that it is something I don't expect. My husband has been so wonderful, picking up my slack, putting up with my moods, making me whatever food I want, etc. We are in the together and him being a supportive partner is more than I could ask for. We have both wanted this baby for a long time and that is our gift. If he got me anything, I would want something small and thoughtful - the birthstone idea is sweet.

[cbnola71]

I've heard of this from my husband's cousin who is the type of person to demand a fancy piece of jewelry after she gave birth...it was a pretty ring for her to wear with her wedding and engagement band. I'd be lucky if I got anything--I don't even get presents for my birthday or Christmas...but not like I would expect or want one anyway. We aren't gift people (hence the no birthday/christmas presents). NOW a babymoon -- that's something I'd be willing to demand. Momma wants a vacation before baby comes! Nothing extravagant.. just a nice long weekend with just the two of us somewhere.

[ProfessorChaos]

I could see the people who are into bling enjoying a piece of jewelry to commemorate the day, so I suspect it's just an excuse for that. I told my DH that I thought it was absurd. Between us girls, he's never picked out a piece of jewelry for me (engagement ring was an heirloom), and I'd be terrified of what he'd pick, and I don't even like jewelry (said engagement ring is back in his parents' safe, as wearing diamonds makes me nervous).

We did decide to buy a tree to honor her birth, but, mind you, we're buying the same tree anyway, so...

[llm100811]

I've heard of this and thought if my DH wants to buy me something, that's sweet! We certainly can't afford anything crazy expensive, so I know it would be something small but filed with a lot of thought. It bothers me that women demand this. I just don't get that type of mentality. I can only imagine what their families deal with if they demand gifts!

[sunshinedaisies]

I had never heard of this either until MH mentioned it to me a few weeks ago. I told him he was crazy and didn't need to do it. I think, at most, I told him he could get me a combined mother's day gift/"push present" but all I want is a little initial necklace with LOs initial.

[jessimi06]

I've heard of push presents before. It's been around for a while with certain, more 'upper class' groups, and has just recently become popular with the general population. Personally, I think they're ridiculous, even if you do have gobs of money to spend. Our babies are our presents, especially after everything (and all the $) we've gone through to get them.

[dharmachick]

I have heard of this, too, and I was fairly surprised that women would either "expect" or "demand" such a thing. A thoughtful surprise, like something with the birthstone or otherwise celebrating the baby, is sweet, but it is not something that I would demand.

Mar 6, 2015 19:16:44 GMT -5 ProfessorChaos said:

We did decide to buy a tree to honor her birth, but, mind you, we're buying the same tree anyway, so...

MH's family has a tradition of doing this, and it is something that we would likely carry on, as well.

[julie216]

Mar 6, 2015 14:40:10 GMT -5 kmc84 said:

Having pushed one out already, I can say that the 'push present' I want is a nice cold ice pack between my legs, and FOOD! Seriously, feed me after I go through labor!!! LOL!

This!  Exactly!!!!  When I was pregnant with DD a friend of mine asked me what DH was getting me as a push present.  I had no idea what she was talking about!  Shortly after she was born, DH went out and bought a new iPad for pictures.... he came home and said.. "here is your push present".  He bought it more for him then me!  :-)   So... an ice pack and food is exactly what I want!

[viola]

Yep. I've heard of push presents. I doubt MH has so I won't be getting one but I think the idea itself is a TETO thing. Super expensive gifts for any occasion (especially if they are demanded) make me uncomfortable.