SAHM: Doin' it Wrong

[TJ]

Hey girls. I know I've still been mostly MIA. We still don't have wifi so I'm using up valuable data bc I need your helpppppp!!!

But first off, hugs and high fives all around. You know who you are. I miss you all and I'm trying to keep up with everyone but not posting much.

Here's my dilemma. I suck at being a SAHM. For real. I'm just terrible at it. Today we had big plans to hit up the botanical gardens then meet mh for lunch. It took THREE HOURS to get out the door. What am I doing wrong?

It went like this: P wakes up, feed her and put her back down. Get myself completely ready. Get E up and dressed, get P up and dressed, feed everyone cereal. Take care of dogs and cats, change everyone's diaper,change my shoes and go pee. Now P is suddenly soaked. Change her whole outfit, nurse her. Put P in car seat, E pooped her pants. Change her completely, realize I'm covered in pee, poo, and spit up, change myself. Load up car with purse, diaper bag, 2 kids, drinks and snacks for everyone, type in GPS location for Starbucks bc keurig broke. 3 hours later, we actually got on the road.

What am I doing wrong? Is this normal? How do you get out of the house with more than 1 kid? Help me, please help me!!

[pinkmickey24]

Hugs TJ! I'm not a SAHM unless it's a snow day or summer vacation. For me I have to get myself and everything straight before the boys, including the diaper bag. Then I feed them, change diapers, get them dressed, and start loading them in the car. It took time for me to figure out what worked for me and you will figure it out as well.

PS- You don't suck at being a SAHM. Hugs.

[richzep]

I only have one kid right now but I was just with my cousin who has a 4 year old and 10 month old. She was complaining about the same thing.
So no advice, but you're not alone. And definitely not doing it wrong.

[mnj05]

During the summer when I'm home, I get snacks and diaper bag ready the night before if I know we're going somewhere. I generally don't plan to leave until right after breakfast and a diaper change or right after nap when the same thing happens. No clue if it all work the same once DS2 gets here.

You will hit a stride (the same mantra I'll have to have) and it will fall into place!

[Robeano]

You just described my past two weeks. My suggesgion is get up earlier. That's what I've had to do. Also I agree with PP about prepping things ahead of time.

Sometimes, depending on how cranky Bea is, I'll just feed her at the destination.

[amandaleigh]

you are not doing it wrong.

I think getting up earlier might be key. I know during my days as stay at home, i would not get up till dexter and well, that meant everything to get myself ready and him was more of a struggle. and i had just him to worry about. i never did set an alarm in spite of knowing that i could get a lot more done if i woke up earlier. it is really hard to do.

hopefully things are good in OK otherwise.

[ruthie]

PPs have great suggestions. I get up and ready before the boys. That includes making breakfast and packing the diaper bag. I get them up (always set out clothes the night before), give them breakfast (I usually eat with them), let them play while I clean, maybe do diaper changes if it's been long enough), put shoes on, and out the door. From their wake up to out the door, I can do an hour, but usually don't need to. Honestly, some of it is fairly easy for me because they are the same age and understand the system so well. It's like an assembly line around here.

[TJ]

Well I'm not getting up earlier than 6 am when I don't have to. Haha. I did get up and get myself ready first, if that wasn't clear in my post. I fed P at her 6 am wake up then got myself ready. I did mess up by not having the diaper bag ready, I just forgot before I put them in bed and all the stuff I needed was in their rooms.

I think part of it is still stress from the move. E was fully potty trained during the day, and now she's back to peeing and pooping in her undies. So her multiple changes are terrible.

And it took almost an hour to eat a bowl of cereal. Anyone know how to hurry a toddler along with meals? I guess with the nanny they never really had to rush so she's used to being leisurely.

I just don't see how I can shave off more than a couple of minutes here and there with an uncooperative toddler. Sigh. I just feel like I'm terrible at being their mom.

[kmc84]

((Hugs)) you are NOT terrible! It's so hard with just A and trying to get out of the house. I'm seriously afraid once dd2 is here, I'll never leave the house again

Try and get as much done as possible the night before. The rest is up to the universe as far as I'm concerned that move is a huge adjustment for all of you, things will start to fall into place a little better for you!

[amandaleigh]

hmm. it is awesome that E was fully day potty trained. we are so not there right now. that does throw a wrench in the works when you can't just rely on diapers.(we are threatening doing a weekend forced potty training very soon-- i am dreading it).

as for the leisurely breakfast. i get up with D and we have cereal together before I drop him off and we go to work. He gets about 10 min to eat. if he doesn't do much of that, he will get a second chance later (bring some milk and cereal along to snack on). I am pretty sure he eats a second breakfast every day that he goes to daycare.

again i only have 1 to worry about, so it is so much easier.

[mrsamyd]

Hugs TJ, you aren't doing it wrong. You are just finding your groove! With only J I can't attest to the two kid thing, but can you give E 15min to eat, or sit her down for breakfast while you are feeding P?

We often do snacks or food in the car. Obviously not cereal, but dry stuff like waffle (no butter or syrup). Muffins, anything that will vacuum out.

You will get it. Some days will be easy and fun, others not so much.

[luvboston]

Hugs, you are not doing anything wrong this is a transition period and you need to allow time for things to settle back into place. One thing I always do is pack the diaper bag the night before and get all snacks and bottles ready in the fridge. I also lay out my clothes the night before so they are ready. On days when we are going out early or to do something I always get myself up first and shower. I also plan the time, for example if I have to leave at 10, then from 9-9:45 I get LO ready, feed her and then at 9:45 I walk out the door. And that leaves me 15 mins for Lo to misbehave or need an additional diaper change.

Also because you stay at home unless your going to the doctor its not an emergency to get anywhere so I literally have all day to go somewhere if that's how long it takes, there is no pressure.

[kaf7]

Hugs TJ, I agree with having E eat when you are feeding P and don't feel pressure to get anywhere unless it is a true appointment. The stress of getting there will ruin the fun of the outing. Every few weeks P will be different again and things will get easier. Staying at home is HARD and I only did it for the first 4 months. I try to remind myself that when I get home and it seems like DH hasn't done anything. I agree with only letting E have so much time to eat. She will learn quickly to hurry up or go hungry.

[cinc1em]

You're just finding your groove. It gets easier. You develop tricks and adjust as you go. I try to prep a little when possible, but mostly I just dont stop moving if we have somewhere to be. We move straight from breakfast to clothes and shoes and out the door. I figure a stop at Target or the grocery (that open at 8am) to kill time is better than being late because we lost our momentum.

Breakfast takes forever... But on days where we have somewhere to be it ends when it needs to and I just travel with snacks in case they are needed.

Dint judge yourself by the first week or even the first month. You'll be a pro this summer!

[imoverit]

Nothing wrong at all. That was definitely an odd day with all those last minute changes. Some days will be like that no matter how early you get up and prep. But most days will go much smoother. I promise.

[karabear4409]

It just takes time and a lot if practice. I only have one, so right now, I can't imagine doing it with two. After a year, I feel like we just now have found our groove for getting out the door in a timely manner. But, sometimes, it doesn't always happen that way. We have off days where it does take use two and half hours to make it to the car.

With two, I think I would have to get up before they got up. With R, I just get ready during his first nap. We rarely go anywhere before that nap anyways. I know what you mean about breakfast. r takes 30-45 minutes to eat breakfast. I usually try to pack the diaper bag while he eats. We have a pretty open house, so I can see/hear him while he is eating. I also get his clothes ready for the day. This saves a few minutes.

You will get the hang of if though. It does still take me about an hour and a half to get both of us ready, fed and out of the house on a good day. But, I consider that an accomplishment. Don't be hard on yourself. Being a SAHM is a big adjustment. It will get easier as you go along!

[leahb12]

Sorry for the late response. You're not doing anything wrong. That's just how it goes a lot of days. It's hard. It will get a little easier once they're a little older, but we still have our days! You'll find your groove, but being a mom (working or SAH) is tough stuff!