Post by Leapinglizards on Mar 7, 2015 22:13:15 GMT -5
So DD's first birthday seems to be approaching faster then ever. My parents and sister are planning on coming up and have been for forever.
My SIL and MIL said tonight they wanted to come too. I really have a lot of apprehensions about them coming no matter what. My nephew is 10 and has autusm and is pretty much nonverbal. He also has no rules because when told no he emits the shrillest scream on earth. He can be pretty destructive also when unsupervised which he pretty much always is. We also stayed with them over Xmas and the kids are up ALL night My MIL is just drama I know I married into it but I really don't want to have to deal with the drama on her 1st birthday.
Should I just suck it up and agree to it to avoid a fight with my husband or should I try and suggest they come July 4th. We could have a separate party.
Edited: for fairness I should add a week later my parents are getting a beach house and we are going on vacay for a week
Post by littlemissmarla on Mar 7, 2015 22:43:59 GMT -5
When you say "coming up" does this mean for the day or are they planning on staying with you? If it's for the day, I would just suck it up - but I wouldn't be able to get away with not having my in-laws. If they are trying to stay with you I'd tell them to find alternate accommodations. Not sure what logistics/distance you are with them.
If they are thinking they can stay with you, then I agree with littlemissmarla that they need to find alternate accommodations. It'll limit the time you actually have to spend with them. When we moved into our home it "conveniently" didn't have enough rooms for a guest room for MIL to stay in so she has to get a hotel. It definitely works best for us because I can manage when she's actually visiting in our home, though I don't have the additional stress of SIL and autistic nephew.
Post by littlemissmarla on Mar 8, 2015 9:41:26 GMT -5
They should definitely stay at a hotel. Especially since you will be running around getting stuff ready for the party, it would just be too hectic - at least that's your excuse.
I also never understood why people want to stay with relatives, it might just be me but I'd rather stay at a hotel than in a family members house lol.
Post by surfmama106 on Mar 8, 2015 11:13:59 GMT -5
I have no backbone when it come to DHs sister. She's a strong personality and I typically cave in to what she wants because she lives 17hrs away and we never see her and her DH and DS. When Lainey was born though I 'put my foot down' as best I could saying that I didn't want them staying with us leading up to the birth or anytime after. My first baby, my rules deal with it. She actually handled it pretty well and even though they came up June 28th (Lainey was born July 8t) and stayed until August 12th they mostly stayed at a friends house.
However DH and I wanted to go out for our anniversary 7/28 and so because she was around we asked if she would want to watch Lainey (her goddaughter) also we all had a 1st birthday to go to around the block from our house a few days before so she asked if she could stay the night of the party and then the two days after and then stay here the night we went out to watch DD. So in total it was going to be sat, sun, mon leave tues. Well the day of the party she basically moved in with all her stuff and her 2 yr old mildly autistic son who throws temper tantrums at the drop of a hat. She's always yelling at him and is legitimately having a hard time with him in general. She did not leave until SATURDAY and never asked if it was ok or mentioned when she planned to leave. It was the entire 3rd week of DDs life.
You know, looking back I wish she'd just say 'would you mind if I stay the week' and bc I'm a pussy I would have prob said yes even though I had venomously said no previously. But waking up everyday and never knowing if she was leaving was horrible.
Fast forward to now and she's having her 2nd DS in 3 weeks and we are going down during my Easter break to see them (and stay with them) all with DD for 3 days. She's super pumped to have us but I wonder how much complaining/fighting will go down while we are there. I'm always on my best behavior but DH and her like to get into it. I'll have to read him the riot act.
Ok the point is, I'm right there with you. And I'm prob no help at all haha. I would want them all at the same party but I would just hang with my friends and family and try and ignore any drama because clearly I can't put my foot down about anything. Haha. Sorry that's prob no help.
Post by Leapinglizards on Mar 8, 2015 12:24:44 GMT -5
Thanks everyone surfmama106 I am the same way I went through this at my baby shower and they got their own place but that was because it was at my moms house. It was so much drama. They really can't afford to stay somewhere and it's not worth the drama of trying to arrange it
For DD's birth my MIL wanted to be here when she was born and the first week. I wanted my mom here. She essentially told everyone I was trying to break up the family and keep DD away from her. She tried to turn DH against me using the death of his sister last March as a reason that the family should be there. I am such a bitch but honestly all the shit his family has put him through I miss when they didn't talk as much before his sisters passing.
Just last year they told him he has a brother and sister that he never know about for over 30 years of his life. How fucked is that
Thanks everyone surfmama106 I am the same way I went through this at my baby shower and they got their own place but that was because it was at my moms house. It was so much drama. They really can't afford to stay somewhere and it's not worth the drama of trying to arrange it
For DD's birth my MIL wanted to be here when she was born and the first week. I wanted my mom here. She essentially told everyone I was trying to break up the family and keep DD away from her. She tried to turn DH against me using the death of his sister last March as a reason that the family should be there. I am such a bitch but honestly all the shit his family has put him through I miss when they didn't talk as much before his sisters passing.
Just last year they told him he has a brother and sister that he never know about for over 30 years of his life. How fucked is that
That's super shitty. Does she act the same way to the other kids or she doesn't have interaction with them?
Thanks everyone surfmama106 I am the same way I went through this at my baby shower and they got their own place but that was because it was at my moms house. It was so much drama. They really can't afford to stay somewhere and it's not worth the drama of trying to arrange it
For DD's birth my MIL wanted to be here when she was born and the first week. I wanted my mom here. She essentially told everyone I was trying to break up the family and keep DD away from her. She tried to turn DH against me using the death of his sister last March as a reason that the family should be there. I am such a bitch but honestly all the shit his family has put him through I miss when they didn't talk as much before his sisters passing.
Just last year they told him he has a brother and sister that he never know about for over 30 years of his life. How fucked is that
Wth??!!! Geez. I'm so sorry you and your hubs have to deal with all that crap
Thanks everyone surfmama106 I am the same way I went through this at my baby shower and they got their own place but that was because it was at my moms house. It was so much drama. They really can't afford to stay somewhere and it's not worth the drama of trying to arrange it
For DD's birth my MIL wanted to be here when she was born and the first week. I wanted my mom here. She essentially told everyone I was trying to break up the family and keep DD away from her. She tried to turn DH against me using the death of his sister last March as a reason that the family should be there. I am such a bitch but honestly all the shit his family has put him through I miss when they didn't talk as much before his sisters passing.
Just last year they told him he has a brother and sister that he never know about for over 30 years of his life. How fucked is that
That's super shitty. Does she act the same way to the other kids or she doesn't have interaction with them?
She treats him better then his sister. Honestly it doesn't even phase him I think she has done a lot and he will forgive anything she does or explain it away. It annoys the shit out of me
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