independent time

[mightybee]

How often does your child want/get alone time or independent play time?

I'm curious because recently Dylan has been telling me to go away/leave the room sometimes when he's watching a show and that struck me as a change from the constant need for my attention and supervision. Part of me feels like I'm being a lazy parent if I don't spend all of the time with him, but then I think I don't need to be glued to his side.
Right??!



D plays alone in his bedroom after we put him down for a nap or bed. Sometimes this is close to 2 hours (!!) before he finally falls asleep. Throughout the day I will leave him for brief periods of time to do a chore or tend to Paige. I do check in often to make sure he's not doing anything too crazy.

What about you?

[britbratjf]

Dagny goes through phases where I am able to leave her in the playroom to play independently. I encourage it, especially since #2 is coming & she's not going to get my full attention anyway. She's better about playing by herself if I'm actively busy (dishes, dinner etc). I can't just sit & read a book. It's like she knows & hunts me down. At the moment she's in a clinger phase & will just follow me like a shadow. So I think it's awesome that D will play by himself! It's probably great for his imagination!! And color me jealous

[bliz1712]

Hanna is really good about playing on her own and sometimes tends to do it without me even asking or needing her to. Lately I've been trying to be more mindful of actually getting down with her and playing versus just letting her play on her own. We are working on lots of stuff together, numbers, colors, etc.  And then on the flip side, some days she only wants to sit with me.

I'm not opposed to alone time so if she ever goes off on her own I let her. I'd rather her use that imagination and play independently then be the opposite. There are lots of times she'll go play with her kitchen by herself, which is downstairs so I just make sure someone is down there with her, but not hovering. I would say for sure every day, and I know at DC they are allowed to just roam and play and she tends to go out in the "porch" to play and lately it's been just her and Eliza there.

[laurski81]

Mar 10, 2015 15:03:07 GMT -5 britbratjf said:

Dagny goes through phases where I am able to leave her in the playroom to play independently. I encourage it, especially since #2 is coming & she's not going to get my full attention anyway. She's better about playing by herself if I'm actively busy (dishes, dinner etc). I can't just sit & read a book. It's like she knows & hunts me down. At the moment she's in a clinger phase & will just follow me like a shadow. So I think it's awesome that D will play by himself! It's probably great for his imagination!! And color me jealous

This is the same for Henry and I.  I honestly think the longest he has ever really been content with independent play at any one time is maybe 20 minutes. Unless it is time for a nap and I put a movie on that he likes. Then he will lounge on the couch for up to an hour before falling asleep...but those times are far and very few.

[USCgirl]

LOTS these days! I am trying to gear her up for new baby, so she is not so needy. I know this could easily backfire, but it is working good for now, so I will just go with it!

[mightybee]

Mar 10, 2015 15:03:07 GMT -5 britbratjf said:

Dagny goes through phases where I am able to leave her in the playroom to play independently. I encourage it, especially since #2 is coming & she's not going to get my full attention anyway. She's better about playing by herself if I'm actively busy (dishes, dinner etc). I can't just sit & read a book. It's like she knows & hunts me down. At the moment she's in a clinger phase & will just follow me like a shadow. So I think it's awesome that D will play by himself! It's probably great for his imagination!! And color me jealous

I want to clarify that the playing alone in his room only happens because he is stalling his nap. We keep his room gated so he doesn't have the opportunity to come find me during nap time. There are lots of "what are you doing, Mommy" and "can I come downstairs" thrown in there in between spurts of play/who knows what he is doing in there!

[summergirl1211]

Riley gets independent time, but very little where she's actually alone somewhere. On the nights/weekends she's usually roaming between the kitchen, living room and her room and my H and I are usually around. We don't follow her too much (although I like to keep an eye on the dog more than her) and try to let her play with her dolls or read stories on her own when we can and she wants to. If she wants us to play with her we'll sit on the couch or floor and read books or eat her pretend food. I'm sure this doesn't help much but we all just kind of go with the flow. Sometimes she wants to be held and have us sit next to her, sometimes she doesn't care as long as we're not too far away.

[mightybee]

summergirl1211 it's all helpful! I'm mostly just interested in hearing where everyone is at. I like hearing the ranges of "normal," especially since amount of independent time depends on lots of factors--personalities, family dynamics, and stage 5 clinger phase status!

[nursedesi]

Henry doesnt do well with independent play well. He always wants me there. His favorite thing is to play guys (imaginext action figures) but he wont play unless I'm playing with him. I wish he would play by himself more. Especially since Logan is very easily distracted while nursing if Henry is anywhere near. He basicLly sits on the floor infront of me and waits till hes done. The only way I get anything done is with him watching tv.

[tribute17]

Patrick is in the clinger phase right now but will play in his own as long as I'm in the room. I will sit on the couch and he will play in front of me and show me stuff and talk to me. If I leave he follows. If he is in his room I try to leave so he can be alone but at most it lasts 10 minutes. I know I need to work on it but like you I feel like a lazy parent if I'm not there with him. I work all day so I want to hang out with him too.
I imagine this will just magically clear up when the new baby gets here.

[bantyrooster]

Gage is always in the other room playing with his trains. We have two living spaces on the first floor. The one off the kitchen has the TV and toys and the one in the front of the house has trains and his farm. He goes in there alone a lot.

[irish1213]

Jack told me last night to go away while we were eating and that hit a chord. Typically he gets a lot of independent time because I need to get stuff done. The only time he is truly supervised is when we are playing in the basement because it hasn't been childproofed yet. Even then, I find something to work on down there. He gets a lot of interaction at Grandma's because there is always a cousin around to play with and he is there about 3 times a week.

[xanthepants]

I'd say we are much like summergirl most days. Every once in a while she will go in her room and sometimes even close the door and play for a bit - maybe 1/2 an hour or so and I just let her since it is childproofed and I can peek on the monitor at her if it's too quiet. She asked for us to go inside while she played outside last night and we had to tell her no. So that is interesting. I'm not opposed to watching her in the backyard where it's fenced - but not in the front without us. She plays pretty well by herself, but often she wants to know we are in the room too.

[junkytrunk]

M likes to be in the same room as us, for the most part. Sometimes we will be playing and he runs to his room and says to leave him alone, but he usually comes out less than 5 min later. When I'm making dinner, he will play in the living room or watch tv while I'm in the kitchen, but he usually will still some and check with me at least every 10 min and I'm always checking in there to make sure he isn't doing something he shouldn't.

[pinkluna]

My LO's play independently or with each other most of the time, but always within eye-sight. Mostly because they don't have a separate play room so most of their toys are in the living room. Our house has a pretty open floor plan so really only bedrooms are behind doors. I also like to be nearby because they don't always get along. They'll ask me to join if they need help with something, or they'll "cook" for me, and I join them in potentially messy activities to help contain the mess.

I was just reading an article about Filling Your Child's Attachment Tank that I found interesting:

"Children who are securely attached to their parents do better on almost all growth and personality scales. Contrary to what some believe, you can't actually "spoil a child with attention" because the more attention you pour into young children, the more independent they become."

"When a child has a full tank, he/she feels comfortable to wander off on his own, knowing his parent is able to meet his needs as they arise. A child with a full tank doesn't need to beg his parents for attention, because he already feels full of attention — he knows he is seen, heard, and understood."

So sounds like D's attachment tank is just full

[mrsrek10]

JA is a really independent kid. The new daycare teachers even commented on it. He doesn't tell us to go away but he tends to just go off and do his own thing. We have a fenced in backyard and Sunday was so pretty here that he played outside for hours by himself. I had the windows open and could always see/hear him. He did come climb through the window a few times to update me on what he was doing but he didn't really ask me to play until after an hour or so. I told him I was cleaning (spring cleaning urge hit) and that I could watch/hear from the kitchen I was scrubbing; he went right back out and played more. So basically he does "check in" but clearly enjoys playing alone or with us. Like he played alone while we cooked tonight but now I'm sitting on the back porch watching JA and DH play football in the yard.

[somethingcleverer]

It depends on what's she's playing. If there's an iPad/phone she will play on it for as long as I let her. She will also play with her toys for 15 minutes before getting me. If her brother is home the can play together for longer periods of time but there is usually some fights I have to break up. She really enjoys playing with me. When shane is in school we have our special time so she demands a lot of attention during that time.

[roo1582]

We also range. Sometimes she really wants us around and playing with her, other times she could care less. When she does do independent play, it usually doesn't last too long, unless the tv is on. I often leave her to her own devices while I try to get work done around the house, but I do check on her pretty regularly because I'm always concerned she's getting into something (even though most times she's not). Most times she'll play independently for a few minutes, then ask me to play with her (pretend we're driving to the mall, play hide and seek, etc). She's getting more independent in that she often tells me that she wants to stay downstairs if I have to go upstairs to do anything. So sometimes she now stays downstairs in our family room watching tv/playing while I go upstairs to shower/get changed (maybe a FFC?). But as I said, I always check on her throughout the process to make sure she's doing ok.

[aimeefarrahfowler]

It really depends on the activity. If he's playing with trains or his animals, he is fine playing on his own. Coloring/ play doh he wants me to sit with him and help him draw things or make things.

I can pretty much always see him since we have a tiny house with an open floor plan and no separate play room. Occasionally he'll go upstairs by himself to get something but he doesn't stay up there alone. We also don't really have many toys upstairs in his room either. Also I still haven't tethered the dressers and theyre ikea and kinda tippy if you pull out the drawers so that makes me nervous.

Give the kid a tablet and he will ignore me for HOURS.

[jennmm]

Mine doesn't do a lot of independent play but that's mostly because her brother is usually there.

[paddyb]

He spends a great deal of time playing independently in front of us. He likes to do his on thing, but have us around so he can easily check in. He rarely plays alone alone (as in without one of us in the room with him), but he does sometimes at bedtime because we close the door and he doesn't always stay in bed/go straight to sleep.

[huskiefanuw]

Kinsley is really content playing by herself. She does it frequently. She spends a lot of time at her doll house making up conversations with her dolls.

[abseptember]

L is not good with independent time. I've been working with her on it but she pretty much wants me by her 24/7. It's not easy with 2 new babies in the house! I hoping it gets better in the near future!

[nesenotes]

Emery has really regressed in the play alone department. She wants me to put the baby down and play with her all the time. She rarely plays by herself. She requires much more attention now. She's always having to "help" me with every little thing. Everything. It can be really aggravating.

[mightybee]

Mar 15, 2015 13:16:03 GMT -5 nesenotes said:

Emery has really regressed in the play alone department. She wants me to put the baby down and play with her all the time. She rarely plays by herself. She requires much more attention now. She's always having to "help" me with every little thing. Everything. It can be really aggravating.

D does this, too. He waits to the moment I begin feeding P to tell me he wants me to play with him or do something for him. So aggravating.