It's decision time

[amandaree]

Tomorrow I will be 8 weeks but my baby died at 5 weeks 2 days. I've just been waiting for my body to clue in and start this awful process. Met with my RE today and he gave me a a prescription for cytotec. He said to wait until friday night and then use them to start. He also suggested that it might be a good idea to opt for the d and c and send the tissue for testing since this is my fourth loss.

So we can either fill the prescription or call his office and schedule the d and c for early next week. Neither option is appealing to me but honestly I'm leaning towards the d and c so we can do the testing.

The d and c thread has been very helpful. I just am ready for this to be over so i can heal physically and emotionally and move on.

Thanks ladies for reading. I guess i just needed to get my thoughts out.

[rablissful]

I hate that you're still in limbo. I'm so sorry.

If this was my fourth loss, I'd also opt for the d&c with testing. It's scary but you may find something that could prevent future losses.

Big huge ((hugs)) to you!

[mrssqueegy]

I'm so sorry that it has come to this. FWIW I had a D&C and I would definitely recommend it. But obviously you have to decide what is best for you. Big hugs!

[Winnifred]

Huge hugs to you! I'm so so sorry you find yourself in this position. If you opt for the d&c, I hope that the results can bring you some peace and help you to move forward.

[danenikki]

I'm so sorry you've just been in waiting limbo. It's the worst. Whatever you feel is the best for you.

[nikolie93]

I'm so very sorry you've been in limbo *hug*

I have no advice since all my losses were natural and I didn't deal with the limbo thing. I do understand why people in your situation choose a d&c and I would probably do the same instead of the horrible wait for my body to do it.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[babyzebra]

I'm sorry that you're still waiting. I personally would want some testing in your situation, but you'll make the right decision for you. Good luck with your decision. ((Hugs))

[craftcrazymama]

I was just dropping in and about to start a new post to ask how you're doing. You've been on my mind with having to wait so long and I just feel so deeply for you.

This was my 4th loss as well and I wish the option had been available to me to test and see what's going on. At this stage the only testing will be on me and none of any of my pregnancies. If you do decide to go the D&C option then at least you might get a few more answers.

I am so so sorry love, that you have had to wait and have your grief prolonged. It's such an unfair thing to add to your heartache.

Big hugs as you make this decision. We're all here to support you as you take your next step.

[hollyberry]

Oh my, I can't believe it is taking so long. I have never had a natural misscarrage and I just really can not imagine flushing. How do you get the strength to do that. So clearly I have only had D&C's. Mine were easy and almost pain free. I needed only one pain killer the whole time. The cramp for me were not too strong, like very mild period crams, I am a week a half out from it and still get the odd funny feeling, but they only last a couple seconds. Then are gone again. I think that the option of being able to have it tested is what would make me want the operation. You could get some answers you have never gotten before. That in itself is worth a lot in my mind. And let alone it gets this all over with and you can start healing. Good luck with your decision, I know it's not easy. * hugs*

[amandaree]

craftcrazymama, Thanks for checking on me! You're so kind (((HUGS))) right back to you.

buttercup, I think what worries me most about the D&C is that it is more invasive than the cytotec with a risk of causing scar tissue which can cause problems with future pregnancies. Although my dr assured me that risk is very small, my natural inclination is to be as noninvasive as possible and let my body take care of things naturally. Too bad my body doesn't want to do that. I also have to get around the mental factor that the D&C is the same procedure for abortions. I know it's not the same situation and I can't compare it but it is a bit of a mental hurdle for me.

hollyberry, with my last miscarriage in 2013 the thought of passing it at home freaked me out. I actually scheduled the D&C for the following Monday but that time my body had different plans and I miscarried at home on that Sunday. I also was freaked out by the idea of "Flushing" - I couldn't do it. I had labor like contractions and bleeding for several hours and then I felt it pass. This may be TMI but I couldn't flush. I felt the gestational sac pass and I had a plastic container on my sink ready. I retrieved the sac and it's precious contents and kept it in the plastic container in the freezer until I went to my dr on Monday. He advised me over the phone that he wanted to inspect it to make sure I passed all of the tissue. He opened it up and I actually saw my sweet baby. I took my baby back home and my DH and I buried it in a beautiful peace lily plant. Whenever I water it or see a new bloom, I think of my lost little one. It was quite healing for me. The hardest part was that I continued to have heavy bleeding and cramps for about 10 days afterwards. Where it's already been so long, I don't think I can do that this time. The quicker recovery time of the D&C is very appealing to me right now.

Even with all those mental hurdles I described above, my DH and I prayed about it, and slept on it, and decided this morning that the testing is important. I'm calling my dr today to schedule the D&C. Although I know he's out of town the rest of the week so it won't be until next Monday at the earliest...More waiting, but hopefully it will be over soon and I can start the process of grieving and healing.

Thank you also to rablissful, Winnifred, danenikki, nikolie93, mrssqueegy, babyzebra, for your kind words of support. Love and hugs to you all...none of us should have to be here.

ETA: Tagging is hard y'all.

[hollyberry]

amandaree, what a beautiful sentiment, you now have a wonderful plant to commemorate your sweet baby.

I am glad that you have made a decision, I am sure even though you have to wait a bit longer, your healing can start. *hugs*

[vballbaby]

amandaree, I'm glad you've come to a decision, and I'm sorry you're going through this. I think I would have made the same choice if I were in your shoes. Good luck with everything.

[raelynn71109]

Would it be an option to take the Cytotec and then bring in the tissue you pass to the doctor for testing? I've heard of women doing this. That way you can still get the testing done but avoid the D&C.

Either option you choose, I hope it goes smoothly and that you recover quickly. ((Hugs))

[crazycatlady6]

I'm so sorry for your losses.

I hope they will find some answers in the tissue samples from your D&C. My heart aches for the limbo you have been in for so long. The procedure is not bad at all, I had my D&E this morning and have experienced very little cramping and bleeding. I hope your procedure goes smooth and that the healing process can begin.

[nikolie93]

amandaree, I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and I hope you're doing ok *hugs*

[amandaree]

Thanks ladies. I went ahead and scheduled the d and c but my doctor couldn't get me in until this coming Wednesday. My body had other plans and i miscarried at home yesterday afternoon with dh by my side. My nurse was able to send over some sterile cups and i collected the gestational sac and just delivered it to the weekend nurse this morning. So we can still do the chromosome testing. I will keep my appointment for Wednesday and my dr will check to make sure everything passed.

I'm feeling ok today but it was awful yesterday. Now its just heavy cramps and bleeding like a heavy flow day. I have a combination of emotions. Relief that my body was able to take care of it naturally. Disappointed that i don't get the shorter recovery time promised by the d and c. Anxiety over the testing. And sadness for my little one. How i had the strength to hand over that little brown paper bag that contained my baby is beyond me. Only with grace from above.

[rablissful]

All the hugs to you! I'm glad you're finally done waiting though. FX for your testing!

[crazycatlady6]

(((Hugs)))

[hollyberry]

So many hugs, I am glad for you at least the wait is over and that you can still get the testing done. I can't imagine how difficult it was to hand your precious baby over. I am so sorry. So many thoughts to you.

[snakefisherbub]

Big hugs! I hope everything passed and your Re can give you some answers.