New to this board and this process

[sunshinelady]

Hello everyone!

This is my first post over here as we are just barely starting our journey into the adoption process. I figured I'd check in here for some information, support etc. 

A little about me and my family:
My husband and I have two boys ages 2.5 & 1. We really want to add to our family, and adoption is important to us, so we're beginning the process now as we understand it can take some time.

At any rate... here I am. I hope you'll have me. Where did you all start your process with adoption? We are looking at adopting an older toddler or child (or sib set) and I would love to hear your stories.

[jwinct]

Hello and welcome to the board! Are you hoping to adopt domestically or internationally?

My husband and I also have two biological children, ages 5 and 8, and are in the process to hopefully foster-to-adopt through Connecticut DCF. We knew going through the state was the way we wanted to go because he was in the foster system when he was a child. Our age range is 0-4, but the likelihood of us having a baby placed with us is slim. We got off to a really slow start and it's been over a year since we started, but we only have 3 more weeks of classes left and our social worker hopes to have us licensed by the end of April. I'm excited and terrified at the same time.

Good luck!

[gnomesweetgnome]

Welcome! I would firstly recommend reading the FAQs above to see if it answers any of your questions.

Are you wanting to adopt internationally or from the state? That will be the first thing to decide, and will guide what your process looks like the most.

MH and I adopted Bruce as an infant (he was 7 months at placement, but it was a private adoption, not CPS/state related), and we are currently in the process of getting licensed as a foster-to-adopt family through a private agency. We are hoping to foster infants and toddlers younger than our son, but are doing some research into fostering/adopting out of birth order, as there are special things to think about in that case.

[jenn]

Welcome!

We are doing DIA (Domestic Infant Adoption) and we are in the 'Waiting' process right now with an agency.

I don't know much about adopting an older toddler or sib set, but I do know they there are some pretty strong recommendations to not alter the birth order of the children.

Do you know if you would be doing domestic of international?

[sunshinelady]

We're looking to adopt domestically through DCYF. My H's father was in an orphanage throughout his childhood and adoption is very important to our family.

Several of my H's cousins adopted infants via an agency in AZ (although this is not where we live). We'd like to focus on an older child at this point. In my state you need to be licensed as a foster parent in order to adopt, so we're going to be starting that process as well.

I also was not aware of the birth order being a significant thought in terms of placement, but it really does make sense!

[sunshinelady]

also - side note - I am very active on my oldest son's BMB and came over form *theplacethatshallnotbenamed* in the whole debacle. It drives me crazy that I'm still a "noob" over here. Ha!

EDIT: AHA! No longer a noob! Member status! HAPPY TACO!

[jwinct]

Mar 18, 2015 12:19:10 GMT -5 sunshinelady said:

We're looking to adopt domestically through DCYF. My H's father was in an orphanage throughout his childhood and adoption is very important to our family.

Several of my H's cousins adopted infants via an agency in AZ (although this is not where we live). We'd like to focus on an older child at this point. In my state you need to be licensed as a foster parent in order to adopt, so we're going to be starting that process as well.

I also was not aware of the birth order being a significant thought in terms of placement, but it really does make sense!

It's the same here... you need to be licensed through DCF in order to adopt. We were just talking about birth order in our class Monday night and how it is recommended, but not required. A couple in our class has a boy that was placed with them somewhat recently (not through DCF) and he's now the oldest kid and their oldest biological child is having a hard time with suddenly not being the oldest anymore. Your kids are pretty young, so perhaps it wouldn't affect them as much as if they were older.

I have a link to my blog, which I just started a couple of weeks ago, in my siggy. I'm basically documenting the whole process.

[gnomesweetgnome]

I know Captain Serious has some good info about adopting out of birth order that she can c&p, so hopefully she'll chime in soon.

[Captain Serious]

Hello and welcome! I adopted two boys from Peru (in separate adoptions), at ages 7 and 5. They are now 12 and 8 years old.

With regards to birth order, I think preserving the order is a much bigger concern than it initially appears.

Adoption/foster professionals often cite jealousy and the child's understanding of how they fit into the home as a reason for preserving birth order, but there's a much bigger side to it that they often choose not to discuss when not relaying the circumstances surrounding a specific child. Many older children who are in foster care or are available for adoption have experienced trauma in their lives. This could be as simple as losing caregivers through death, but more often means witnessing or being the victim of abuse, neglect, or other violent behavior. Children who have suffered these types of trauma often act out those types of behaviors on younger children around them. This can happen even if they are getting all the emotional and psychological help they need; it's often part of their process as they learn to cope with what happened to them/what they witnessed. So in the minds of many adoption professionals, placing an older child, who may have had a turbulent past, in a home with young children is not ideal in most situations.

ETA:  This doesn't mean that adopting out of birth order can never work.  There are some families where it works out well, but you really have to be well informed about raising hurt children and aware of all the details of the child's past before making a decision, on a case by case basis.

[pinkie]

Hello and welcome. We have 2 boys through DIA and it looks like we are about 6 months behind yours in their ages . I have no advice but wanted to wish you well in your journey.

[chele]

Welcome! Good luck on your journey!

[spooko]

Hi!

[packerfan4life]

Welcome and good luck!

[jenn]

That taco man wins everything.

[persianmaman]

Welcome! I know little about the domestic programs but the ladies here are a fount of knowledge.

[perumom]

Welcome and we are doing international adoption of sibling groups so no advice here but certainly a great warm welcome and I hope you find this site helpful in your journey!!

[lovelyplanet]

Welcome! This is an awesome place.

[lbey]

Welcome! We are adopting Domestically too and open for sibling groups of 2 ages 0-10 ( we keep changing the ages so I guess it goes case by case)