DX: Unexplained, possible Endo. October 2014: Letrozole + Trigger + IUI = BFP!!! Beta #1: 32 Beta #2: 77. Little Miss E born July 9th, 2015 Previously DarcyHermione
I think this is something that this board/group has struggled with defining at least since I've been a member. It's a hard line to walk sometimes, but I do think you're right. I remember numerous conversations about letting people 'feel their feelings' about some months being hard, whether they'd reached a year or not.
I think feelings are valid, and I hope it is clear I'm not trying invalidate them. But since the board is a general ttc board, there are all kinds of women with all situations participating. And I feel like it's on the individual to monitor their feelings and react/respond appropriately, especially since a user can disable sigs on their side. It's the line between appropriate sensitivity, especially to long-standing posters returning home and asking for special accommodation for a select few.
Which I think just repeated what you said when I was trying to expand on it. I'm not drinking, but clearly, I should be.
This was my assumption when I decided to come here from CAL. I knew this was a general board, that people would talk about their kids and announce bfps. I think it should stay that way and that grads should NOT have to hide their siggies. If I'm having a shitty day, then I know I need to either not come here, or disable siggies. It's common sense.
I'm just catching up on this discussion and this has already kind of been covered, but +1 for more specific topic threads on the main board - polls, interesting articles, GTKY questions, etc.
I'm a shy person and it's difficult for me to jump into a drinking/randoms thread when the conversation is already going. Not that I think I can't or shouldn't post in those threads, but I'm just not very likely to do so. I enjoy posting more on specific topics when I feel like I have something worth sharing or adding to the discussion.
Post by wowcheezits on Mar 19, 2015 17:26:37 GMT -5
I think with the GKU board being heavily policed caused the overall traffic here to slow down and I think that's why we have so many flaming folders, not because they're popular, but because people are hesitant to start new threads. I think people should be able to freely post whatever and we just read only the ones we want. For me, the newbie playdates, drinking and random threads are really hard for me to keep up because they have so many pages. I get overwhelmed. I am actually pretty proud of myself for being able to read all the pages on this one.
Also, I think ANYONE can post in GKU, including the pregglies. I don't think they should be limited to just the grad thread or their BMBs. We've made relationships with these ladies and I get sad because they feel they need to go away, especially when they've went through so much with us and spent so much time here.
I think simple forum etiquette should be no drive-by pee sticks/BFPs from someone who has spent zero or absolutely minimal time in GKU or TCF. I think people should be able to go anywhere they want in TCF with their siggy and not feel like they have to hide it. If you don't want to see a siggies then disable them. Personally, I'm not bothered by them and I've had losses and other issues too. I think if there are too many limits on a forum people will go elsewhere and we need new people to come here to keep this place alive.
Lemme clarify, for siggies, I would say use your discretion when frequenting certain areas like TTTC, IF, loss, etc.,
Post by queenofcats on Mar 19, 2015 17:29:40 GMT -5
Can I add my two cents that I don't think a poll is really needed to decide whether grads can post every once in awhile? I know I'm a grad so my opinion may not be valid, but that's not really fair. This is a TTC board, not a TTTC board. Even when we were going through IF testing and treatments seeing grads and tickers never really bothered me, and on days that I was feeling more sad I just hung out more on TTTC instead. The grad hate has happened before and it hurt a lot of members. Would you want to feel ostracized after a BFP?
DX: Unexplained, possible Endo. October 2014: Letrozole + Trigger + IUI = BFP!!! Beta #1: 32 Beta #2: 77. Little Miss E born July 9th, 2015 Previously DarcyHermione
Can I add my two cents that I don't think a poll is really needed to decide whether grads can post every once in awhile? I know I'm a grad so my opinion may not be valid, but that's not really fair. This is a TTC board, not a TTTC board. Even when we were going through IF testing and treatments seeing grads and tickers never really bothered me, and on days that I was feeling more sad I just hung out more on TTTC instead. The grad hate has happened before and it hurt a lot of members. Would you want to feel ostracized after a BFP?
/Darcy out
If you're referencing my mentioning a poll, I meant for having siggies being shown versus hidden. I brought it up when I felt like it was still kind of a toss up between the two. At this point in the thread, however, it seems like a pretty clear majority don't care about pregnancy tickers in siggies, so a poll wouldn't give us any information that we don't already have. :)
Grads should absolutely be able to post on GKU like any other member and I couldn't care less what's in their siggies, too.
Another TTC board I'm on uses an ongoing pinned BFP post, which is especially encouraged for new people. That way those who like to read timing/symptom/chart breakdowns can do it there, but it's easily ignored by anyone else who isn't feeling it. It seems to be a good compromise which allows excited newbies an outlet while not requiring too much board policing. Maybe an option to consider?
What makes this place great is the fact that it's not like any of those other boards. Catering to what the newbies want sounds way too much like TD, in my opinion.
Except that's not what I said. Newbs everywhere tend to want to post their cycle 1 BFPs as new threads. One solution is to politely direct them to a pinned post where they can be congratulated or ignored as one sees fit, without it disrupting the main board or requiring someone to assess whether they have enough board tenure to allow it.
So, as always, I did not read all 9 pages of the thread, but just based on the few pages I did see, I also wish there would be more random threads with questions or interesting tidbits. If someone begins to PW because of this, then they'll probably get flamed - but I trust the judgment of most on this board to be able to differentiate between a PW and a fun thread topic.
Also, as someone who works in a job where I can't be online during the day, I have a really hard time with the long randoms, UOs, WTFs. They're extremely overwhelming to me and I end up never opening them even though I'd really like to chat more with all you lovely people.
Couple being incomunicado during work hours with my mountain time zone and board shyness to just jump in with my random musings, and I don't get to participate nearly as much as I'd like. I think having those random threads of articles, stories, questions would allow someone else in my situation (or close to it) to become a more active community member.
Can I add my two cents that I don't think a poll is really needed to decide whether grads can post every once in awhile? I know I'm a grad so my opinion may not be valid, but that's not really fair. This is a TTC board, not a TTTC board. Even when we were going through IF testing and treatments seeing grads and tickers never really bothered me, and on days that I was feeling more sad I just hung out more on TTTC instead. The grad hate has happened before and it hurt a lot of members. Would you want to feel ostracized after a BFP?
/Darcy out
If you're referencing my mentioning a poll, I meant for having siggies being shown versus hidden. I brought it up when I felt like it was still kind of a toss up between the two. At this point in the thread, however, it seems like a pretty clear majority don't care about pregnancy tickers in siggies, so a poll wouldn't give us any information that we don't already have.
Grads should absolutely be able to post on GKU like any other member and I couldn't care less what's in their siggies, too.
Oh, it was nothing personal. Promise.
I just know if I feel like a thread (loss/IF vent/IF check-in) calls for a disabled signature I'll disable it. Otherwise I would feel weird doing that. What if I come back after baby is born and she's in my siggy? Would I have to disable every time I posted? That's just what I mean.
DX: Unexplained, possible Endo. October 2014: Letrozole + Trigger + IUI = BFP!!! Beta #1: 32 Beta #2: 77. Little Miss E born July 9th, 2015 Previously DarcyHermione
Post by squeakyduck on Mar 19, 2015 17:48:05 GMT -5
Is there even a way to disable siggys on mobile? On tapatalk or just mobile web? I use mobile web, and I haven't seen a way to do it. I'll probably take my peestick out of my siggy if I'm going to play over here though.
If you're referencing my mentioning a poll, I meant for having siggies being shown versus hidden. I brought it up when I felt like it was still kind of a toss up between the two. At this point in the thread, however, it seems like a pretty clear majority don't care about pregnancy tickers in siggies, so a poll wouldn't give us any information that we don't already have. :)
Grads should absolutely be able to post on GKU like any other member and I couldn't care less what's in their siggies, too.
Oh, it was nothing personal. Promise. :)
I just know if I feel like a thread (loss/IF vent/IF check-in) calls for a disabled signature I'll disable it. Otherwise I would feel weird doing that. What if I come back after baby is born and she's in my siggy? Would I have to disable every time I posted? That's just what I mean.
Exactly. The TTGP/GKU community has always been a melting pot of all people at all stages of their family journey. We shouldn't be telling people to go away or hide very important parts of their lives just to hang out with us. There are safe places here -- it doesn't have to be ALL places.
Also, maybe UO, I *LOVE* seeing tickers and kids and progressions of people's pregnancies. It makes me feel more connected to them, like I'm just a bit more involved in their lives than hoping I catch a tidbit of info in passing conversation.
Is there even a way to disable siggys on mobile? On tapatalk or just mobile web? I use mobile web, and I haven't seen a way to do it. I'll probably take my peestick out of my siggy if I'm going to play over here though.
I don't know about tapatalk but I can't see any siggys on the mobile site.
No siggys on mobile, but if I post from mobile I can't disable my siggy for the person reading at their computer. But it sounds like siggys will still be allowed here.
I did replace the peestick pic though. I'd been thinking about changing it anyways.
I'm glad this thread came up. I saw one question thread where everyone sort of jumped the OP for not posting the question in WTO/TWW/Newbie Playdate and felt really sad and confused as to why they couldn't ask a TTC question on the main board.
I'm active here, but not really a reg. I was around on TD for a few months before the explosion and intentionally kept my TD SN to help me be more recognizable knowing I was not a reg.
As for the random/drinking threads, I tend to only play in those if they're only a couple of pages long. Being a non-reg I feel really out of place jumping into those when they're already 10+ pages.
+1 for grads sticking around, for TTC questions on the main board, and for reader discretion on censoring siggies.
As for BFP's, I don't really know since I don't feel right determining someone's individual worth and making that a deciding factor on whether they can post a BFP thread or not. I'd be lying if I said I never thought about whether I'd share a future BFP on the main board or keep it to TWW since I have no idea if I'm "valued" or "regular" enough to do so.
Good discussion. Thanks for keeping our board moving in the right direction.
I hadn't noticed the board policing, but I'm also not around as much anymore. I have noticed the slowness of the board and the popularity of the daily check in type threads.
I expected it to be a little quieter here, but I think we could definitely liven it up again with more threads about topics that get discussed in the drinking/randoms thread (TV shows, pop culture stuff, articles, etc). I remember one time when I posted about something and was told "oh yea we discussed that in the drinking thread yesterday".
Also, yes please to pregnants posting! I've been around for a while so most of the people I know well from TD are pregnant or have babies. And I miss them!
It doesn't really bother me other than when someone I know is already 20 wks along and I'm like "fuckkkk I'm still here". But I don't cry or anything and looking at the calendar could theoretically do the same thing.
TL;DR: I'm fine with it.
Oh, I agree that this is absolutely frustrating. Sometimes the grad thread is a little bit like "Holy fuck, you're how far along? I'm still here, yup."
But, I think it's made worse by not seeing these people all the time. They kind of drift away and then it's BAM! Grad thread becomes this overwhelming waterfall of favorite names and heavy tickers. It would be easier if we saw them all the time.
Maybe? I don't know.
Also, I agree with this. There was someone in the grad thread who had a loss around the same time as I did and she just had her rainbow baby, and I'm sitting here still not knocked up. It definitely sucks, but it doesn't bother me so much that I don't want prregnants to post here.
I think this is something we should make clear in this discussion. I don't claim to speak for the group, especially because I already have 2 kids. I think joy and I are a good team at representing the different ends of the spectrum. I, personally, am comfortable with siggies that include pregnancy tickers. But it would be good to hear from the group to see how the majority feels. It seems like most of us are okay with the pregglies continuing to post though.
As someone at the complete other end of the spectrum (no kids, no idea if it will ever happen), pregnancy tickers don't bother me, either. I have bad days, but I have a refuge in TTTC, where siggies are hidden and things are really careful. I appreciate that.
I don't think GKU should be TTTC-lite. I think it should just be. Let anyone post. Don't hide siggies.
But, this is my opinion.
It took me 2 years and treatments before I got LO#1, and when I was on TD the first time around I expected to see other LOs in siggies on TTGP, and if I was having a bad IF day I just stayed on 3T since that was a safe board.
i think GKU should be open for all women TTC know matter how many kids and shouldn't have to hide it. IMHO.
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