Article: How Should New Parents Navigate the Hospital Experi
Mar 20, 2015 13:01:21 GMT -5
Post by chicago on Mar 20, 2015 13:01:21 GMT -5
www.adoptivefamilies.com/openness/hospital-adoption-experience/
Here is another article I thought was helpful/insightful. It reminded me to put myself in the birthmother's place. We have bookmarked it to reread if/when we are in that situation Entire article is good, here are the highlights:
Advocate for the birth mother. If the nursing staff is giving her a hard time, speak up on her behalf. One birth mother I know described how much the adoptive mom’s support in the hospital meant to her: “It helped me realize that she cares about me, not just my baby.”
Be sensitive to the birth mother’s needs, and let her feel she is in control. It helps if you can view this as her hospital experience. Check in with her and ask how things are going. At the same time, offer her time alone with the baby while you take a break (go back to the hotel and take a nap, or shop for baby items). Some birth mothers have complained that the adopting couple was always in the room, and they never had any time alone with the baby. You will have plenty of time with the baby when you get home!
Bring a gift. A special token will show you are thinking about the birth mother. You might bring flowers or an album, with a couple of photos from the hospital already in it. Point out to her that there is plenty of space for the pictures you will send her in the coming months.
Keep an open mind. Remember that, in the hospital, the baby is still the birth mother’s, not yours! Be as flexible as possible, and take cues from her on how she wants to proceed. It’s OK if the hospital plan goes out the window once the baby has arrived. For example, the birth mother might have said in advance that she didn’t want to spend time alone with the baby in the hospital. Suddenly she is rooming in with him. Does this mean she is changing her mind about the adoption? Probably not. She has simply changed her mind about wanting time with the baby.
Be prepared to witness the birth mother’s mixed feelings and pain. Placing a child for adoption is a difficult decision. Don’t ask her for reassurance that she isn’t changing her mind. Instead, encourage her to talk to her counselor about her feelings and decisions.
Don’t involve friends and family. One problem I often see is that of the adoptive parents inviting friends and relatives to come to the hospital. Although you want everyone to see the baby, remember that this is the birth mother’s time with the baby. If she places him for adoption, this is the only time she will get to be the mom. The birth mother also needs to see you falling in love with the baby at the hospital. This is best done without the intrusion of friends and family members.
Here is another article I thought was helpful/insightful. It reminded me to put myself in the birthmother's place. We have bookmarked it to reread if/when we are in that situation Entire article is good, here are the highlights:
Advocate for the birth mother. If the nursing staff is giving her a hard time, speak up on her behalf. One birth mother I know described how much the adoptive mom’s support in the hospital meant to her: “It helped me realize that she cares about me, not just my baby.”
Be sensitive to the birth mother’s needs, and let her feel she is in control. It helps if you can view this as her hospital experience. Check in with her and ask how things are going. At the same time, offer her time alone with the baby while you take a break (go back to the hotel and take a nap, or shop for baby items). Some birth mothers have complained that the adopting couple was always in the room, and they never had any time alone with the baby. You will have plenty of time with the baby when you get home!
Bring a gift. A special token will show you are thinking about the birth mother. You might bring flowers or an album, with a couple of photos from the hospital already in it. Point out to her that there is plenty of space for the pictures you will send her in the coming months.
Keep an open mind. Remember that, in the hospital, the baby is still the birth mother’s, not yours! Be as flexible as possible, and take cues from her on how she wants to proceed. It’s OK if the hospital plan goes out the window once the baby has arrived. For example, the birth mother might have said in advance that she didn’t want to spend time alone with the baby in the hospital. Suddenly she is rooming in with him. Does this mean she is changing her mind about the adoption? Probably not. She has simply changed her mind about wanting time with the baby.
Be prepared to witness the birth mother’s mixed feelings and pain. Placing a child for adoption is a difficult decision. Don’t ask her for reassurance that she isn’t changing her mind. Instead, encourage her to talk to her counselor about her feelings and decisions.
Don’t involve friends and family. One problem I often see is that of the adoptive parents inviting friends and relatives to come to the hospital. Although you want everyone to see the baby, remember that this is the birth mother’s time with the baby. If she places him for adoption, this is the only time she will get to be the mom. The birth mother also needs to see you falling in love with the baby at the hospital. This is best done without the intrusion of friends and family members.
