Finally some little update

[lbey]

Again, I am sorry I havent been here on the site very much. Things at work are just crazy with 2 people quitting and Projects that dont stop coming in. Today is finally a slower day... (or night)

DH and I had our second Home Study. We talked about my childhood this time and SW recommended Individual Therapy, which I expected.
We found a therapist we liked very much. She has tons of experience with adopting families, in fact, she also adopted her children AND she is a clinical Social Worker too!
The summary was: She doesnt know how she can help my husband and I with our marriage as she sees us in a good relationship, now we are not perfect. We are constantly working on our relationship, and I told that to the SW, but she said she wasnt us to be at our best point. The problem is that I dont believe you can be Best because you can always be better!
Our therapist also thought it was strange how our process was going because usually, SW asks for a letter from the therapist with a summary of our meetings and how things were going, our SW wants all notes, progress notes, and she wants to know anything we talk about.
Anyways, together we decided that DH and I will do one more meeting with this SW and see how it goes. DH really wants to change SW so I asked to have one more meeting and if she still requesting and saying things that dont really make sense, we will request a different SW.
I dont know what the SW is seeing, but it feels like she is seeing us somehow unfit or dangerous...I dont know... We dont have any history of doing something wrong... 
I love our therapist and we will keep her because she can get to know us, help us through the process, and when we have our kids, she can help our kids too! But boy, oh boy, that SW...
In my personal opinion, I think the problem is that my husband and I are not Americans. He is Russian ad I am Brazilian. Our culture is very very very different than American Culture. There are somethings that are normal for us but not for people here and vice verse. I dont think our SW has experience with these different cultures and she is very young too. As an example, it is in my nature that I wont trust anyone 100%, not even my mom. Americans trust people a lot as I learned. Our SW sees it as a trust issue.
My husband has this culture that when there is a problem, you confront, solve it, and drop it. We never talk about it again and that is natural and normal for us. Our SW sees it as if we are in denial of the truth and we dont want to talk about it.

Well, we will continue the process by doing whatever she wants us to do for now, but I must say, this has been way harder than we ever thought, but we will not give up.

[theatrepal]

Ugh. Hang in there. I would be very worried about giving them all of the notes from a therapist. The appointments are and should be confidential. The SW really seems to be prying in a way that would make me pause.

[persianmaman]

Holding you in my thoughts - this must be putting so much extra pressure on you guys. I agree with theatrepal - wanting all of the information from your therapist would also make me start questioning whether or not there was a personal bias intruding on the process.

[theholmanherd]

The culture differences sound like a point of contention for the SW. If she doesn't understand it, that's not going to change. Have you brought that up with her? If so, and she still hasn't tried to be understanding, I would definitely switch SWs. That's not okay. I'm sorry you are dealing with that. I'm on the younger side, too (under 30), but I have always tried to understand other cultures. I actually find it all fascinating. That fact that she's not trying to see it from your cultural perspective likely has nothing to do with age; it's ignorance.

[lbey]

Thank you guys. I know the process is hard for all of us, but still, it is hard...
theholmanherd You are very much right. It has nothing to do with her age...
Do you guys have any suggestions on how I can bring up the Cultural subject in a nice way? I know my husband has talked a little about it to her, but she was not very happy about it...Tomorrow we have another therapy session before going to the next home visit. I would love to hear your opinions on how we should go about it in making a point of about who we are.

[theholmanherd]

I would explain your concerns to your therapist. She may have some insight.

To the SW, I would start with "I know we aren't seeing eye to eye on some things. I think that's been apparent for some time and we want to address it with you. We feel our cultural differences are being misconstrued as character flaws in your eyes. We aren't blaming anyone for it; it's clearly a misunderstanding, but we need to clear this up so it doesn't interfere with our adoption." And then go through her list of concerns and explain why there is a cultural difference. After each one, ask her if she has questions or if she can see where you're coming from. You may also want to prepare to answer with reasons why this won't affect your ability to parent. I've never run into this situation before, so I don't know if my advice is good or not, but I hope I was able to help in some way.

[jwinct]

This therapist sounds like a complete nightmare. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.