DH and I came to an agreement a few months ago, that once I got a job, he would make the calls to set up meetings so we could start looking for a house. I held up my end, I got a job. But he won't make the calls, and I'm getting very sick of nagging him. So when he gets home this afternoon I'm going to sit him down to talk about it. I'd like to find out why he won't make the calls,and possibly come to a ccompromise. If he doesn't think we can afford to buy right now, I'd like to at least move. I can't deal with not having a dishwasher and laundry. Our lease is up soon, and I really don't want to renew it.
I think this is a good idea. You have mentioned a few times that he is supposed to be making a phone call to your "money guy" but it hasn't happened. You are obviously frustrated about it.
I would sit down with him and let him know in a non-confrontational way what your frustrations are with the house. Ask him if there is anything holding him back right now from beginning the house hunting process, and if he is not ready to buy if moving into a new apartment would be an option. I think that if now is not a good time he should at least share that sort of thing with you so that you are in the loop about what is happening.
Good luck! I hope you can get some things figured out with all of this.
Post by helloerrbody on Mar 23, 2015 15:15:20 GMT -5
Listen to starbuck27. That's good advice. Definitely avoid accusing him. If he's like my husband, it might be better to tell him that you want to have a conversation about moving/buying a house and then determine a set day/time to have that discussion, rather than just launching into it when he gets home.
I think I'd take the approach of asking him if he'd made the calls, and if he says no then instead of nagging I'd say, "I understand that you're really busy so I can make the calls to set things up to help out, because I think we really need to get rolling on this. I think we need to move either into a new rental or buy, and I know we have limited time left with our lease ending soon." That isn't really accusatory or confrontational, but it sort of forces his hand. If he truly has concerns about buying, then that's the time for him to bring it up.
Post by heatherj9603 on Mar 23, 2015 16:05:56 GMT -5
Stay calm. Getting angry or flustered won't resolve anything. Tell him how you feel. Not "why won't you call?" But say things like it frustrates me that you won't call. Express your need for a new house. Tell him you understand If it's a bad time to buy, you do need to move because laundry at your home is essential (I HATED our laundromat days)
bcp free since 2009~*~ttc since 2012~*~fibroid diagnosed 1/8/15, myomectomy 3/17/15~*~golf ball sized fibroid at the front of uterus removed, no blocked tubes. ~*~benched Til September 2015 for recovery ~*~
3T April siggy challenge. Animal hybrids. The Pugorilla!
We talked it out. He feels that we aren't ready to buy. And that there's no point in renting a new place for only a year. So we've agreed to buy a dishwasher (which is my bigger issue), and stay where we are for now. We are not going to put off TTC. We're going to take the next year to get our finances more in order. If 2.0 comes before we move, he/she will just sleep in our room for a bit
We talked it out. He feels that we aren't ready to buy. And that there's no point in renting a new place for only a year. So we've agreed to buy a dishwasher (which is my bigger issue), and stay where we are for now. We are not going to put off TTC. We're going to take the next year to get our finances more in order. If 2.0 comes before we move, he/she will just sleep in our room for a bit
Makes sense. Most newborns are in a bassinet in the parents room anyway.
bcp free since 2009~*~ttc since 2012~*~fibroid diagnosed 1/8/15, myomectomy 3/17/15~*~golf ball sized fibroid at the front of uterus removed, no blocked tubes. ~*~benched Til September 2015 for recovery ~*~
3T April siggy challenge. Animal hybrids. The Pugorilla!
We talked it out. He feels that we aren't ready to buy. And that there's no point in renting a new place for only a year. So we've agreed to buy a dishwasher (which is my bigger issue), and stay where we are for now. We are not going to put off TTC. We're going to take the next year to get our finances more in order. If 2.0 comes before we move, he/she will just sleep in our room for a bit
Makes sense. Most newborns are in a bassinet in the parents room anyway.
Smudge only was for 3 weeks. He slept better in his own room.
Is there a reason why he has to be the one to call a realtor or mortgage counselor?
I'm lost on this as well. Is the "money guy" a banker, financial advisor, or his bookie?
I have been in the situation of sacrificing at a rental that's not ideal while saving for the goal of buying your home. Moving always turns out to be expensive (things break, you need a new toilet brush, oh and a lamp for that corner and a table for by the door...).
He's a financial advisor. I could call him, but he won't tell me anything because we haven't met. I can call the mortgage people, but there's no point unless I know how much is in the account that the financial advisor is in charge of.
We're good now. I mean, H still has to call the guy, but it's for just a general meeting and to start putting more money into the account.
This account was set up by His parents years ago. My name is not on it. The guy won't do anything over the phone or email, unless it is for the person who's name is on the account. DH is not great with money, and isn't sure how much is in the account. He has been meaning to set up a meeting to add my name to the account since we got married, he just keeps forgetting.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
I'm lost on this as well. Is the "money guy" a banker, financial advisor, or his bookie?
I have been in the situation of sacrificing at a rental that's not ideal while saving for the goal of buying your home. Moving always turns out to be expensive (things break, you need a new toilet brush, oh and a lamp for that corner and a table for by the door...).
He's a financial advisor. I could call him, but he won't tell me anything because we haven't met. I can call the mortgage people, but there's no point unless I know how much is in the account that the financial advisor is in charge of.
We're good now. I mean, H still has to call the guy, but it's for just a general meeting and to start putting more money into the account.
If this is important to you. Call and make the appointment. Tell your husband when it is. Make sure you are at that meeting.
I know not all women will take care of their finances in their relationship, but I highly recommend all women educate themselves about their finances and know where they stand.
Your earlier skittles question makes me think you are Canadian? If so start watching Til Debt do us part on Slice Network, and learn about mortgage rules in Canada.
I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH: Education on Money Matters is the the most important thing a woman can have. (other than all the other stuff that is super important)
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
icaughtfire, it's actually not too bad. It's just that we're still figuring things out. So far I've been in charge of my stuff and he's been in charge of his. The problem is more that neither of us is "in charge". Now that I'm working we're getting straightened out. I think we might be making a joint account soon, and we will be having a meeting with the financial advisor to get my name on the account, figure out how much is in it, and to set up direct deposits into it. He will come to our house and talk to us, we just need to make sure that we'll both be home.
juliayadda,I am Canadian, and I have watched Til Debt Do Ud Part a lot. We aren't in debt, at least not much, aside from my student loans, and we only have one credit card. We have one bill to pay off, and then all money aside from our expenses (rent, bills, etc) will be free and clear to be saved or frittered away. The frittering is what we need to work on curbing. we really suck at saving, but we're trying to do better.
Automatic deposits into savings accounts will help us with that immensely.
Thanks for all of the advice. I'm feeling much better about everything now that H and I have talked and have a plan figured out.
Your situation is screaming red flag to me. Do you have any knowledge of any of your finances, or is it just this particular account?
It's just the one account. Like I said, it was set up for H when he was a kid, by his parents. Presumably to be used as a college fund. But since DH didn't go to college it, it has been used for wedding expenses, and buying a car (no payments, just cash). What in particular is screaming red flag?
Your situation is screaming red flag to me. Do you have any knowledge of any of your finances, or is it just this particular account?
It's just the one account. Like I said, it was set up for H when he was a kid, by his parents. Presumably to be used as a college fund. But since DH didn't go to college it, it has been used for wedding expenses, and buying a car (no payments, just cash). What in particular is screaming red flag?
The fact that your husband has an account he claims to know not much about & can't seem to make the time to add you as an authorized user or even set up an appointment to discuss said account. That's alarming.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
It's just the one account. Like I said, it was set up for H when he was a kid, by his parents. Presumably to be used as a college fund. But since DH didn't go to college it, it has been used for wedding expenses, and buying a car (no payments, just cash). What in particular is screaming red flag?
The fact that your husband has an account he claims to know not much about & can't seem to make the time to add you as an authorized user or even set up an appointment to discuss said account. That's alarming.
He's not doing it to be controlling or malicious. He's just lazy. @pineappleoranges, it is entirely possible that there isn't anything (or not much) left in the account, but I doubt that the advisor is manipulating the funds. He has worked with H's family for many years. If there isn't anything in the account, it's because we've spent it.
I still don't understand - you just want to know how much money is in the account?
If you're able spend the money, why can't you just log in to the account to see the balance? Or call an automated number and enter in account number/ssn/etc.
I still don't understand - you just want to know how much money is in the account?
If you're able spend the money, why can't you just log in to the account to see the balance? Or call an automated number and enter in account number/ssn/etc.
DH can have Don (that's the guy's name) transfer money from the one account into his everyday account. He's done it a couple of times, when we've had a big expense. I don't know anything about the account (even what it's called) to find out the balance. We are going to meet with Don soon, so I can get all of the necessary info. We can't spend directly from the account.
The fact that your husband has an account he claims to know not much about & can't seem to make the time to add you as an authorized user or even set up an appointment to discuss said account. That's alarming.
He's not doing it to be controlling or malicious. He's just lazy. @pineappleoranges, it is entirely possible that there isn't anything (or not much) left in the account, but I doubt that the advisor is manipulating the funds. He has worked with H's family for many years. If there isn't anything in the account, it's because we've spent it.
Meh. I don't know your life. I just assume if my husband had an account that was to be used for large purchases, like our home, I'd know about it.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.