Please Get Off of Me

[SAK]

I don't enjoy bed sharing. I just dont. I don't feel rested. I don't like people touching me. I don't feel like the baby actually sleeps all that well. I just don't like it. Sleep in a co sleeper pulled right up next to my bed for as long as you want, but get out of my freakin' bed. 

With that said, how the heck do I get this kid to sleep on his own?  I created the bad habit of letting him sleep with me when he was a baby and nurse all night long, but now he sucks at sleeping without being held/nursing. 

I decided last night to just not let him sleep in my bed any more. I'd sit up and hold/feed him as needed but then I'd put him down to sleep in the packnplay. Problem is he wakes up every time I lay him down so I gave up and finally just put him in bed with me around 4 so I could doze a little until 6. 
He doesn't even nap well if I'm not holding/nursing him. M and O were just really excellent sleepers from day one, and H was terrible but not this bad. He also didn't improve until a year when I night weaned which I'm not ready to do with F (5 mo.). 

So where do I start?  Not let him in bed with me at night no matter what?  Start with making him nap in his own space at nap and do whatever it takes to go through the night?  Move him out of my room and give him time to fuss and settle on his own? Stop soothing with the boob?  Suck it up and just let him stay in bed with me for a few more months and deal with it then?  Tell me what to do because I'm so tired I could cry. 

tl;dr: how do I get my 5 mo. Old to sleep in his own space?

[TJ]

I don't really have an answer. I have lots and lots of sleepy, sympathetic hugs.

We moved P to her room at 6m and that made it easier for both of us to not rely on the boob and bed sharing as much. And I definitely let her fuss for a bit and see if it's going to turn into full blown crying or if she's going to sooth herself. Some nights I'm still in here 5 times. But the sleep I do get is usually better quality without her in my bed.

Hang in there. And go blend you some coffee.

[ellebeedub]

Oh SAK, sleep issues suck I agree with TJ that moving him out and letting him fuss a bit to get settled is a great place to start. I also like to get them used to napping in their room before trying to full on move them in there. Even if that means he's only in his own space for 15 minutes before he wakes up, I think it helps.
(((Hugs)))

[meesh]

I also only have hugs. I got to the point of hating bed sharing-but still did it til M was 18 months because otherwise he was up every single hour and I really wanted to kill myself (dramatic much?)

I really just hung in there for that long. Then it was toddler bed and I still get stuck in there because he nurses to sleep. But wakeups are much better

Letting him fuss ALWAYS turned into hysterics. And with the advice of others to get mh to do bedtime...yeah, right.

So, I'm just surviving bedtime

But, if you're really losing it, I do suggest maybe a week of lots of crying for you and F and try to get him into his own room. It did help my sleep a tiny bit-but getting up sometimes 6 times in a night and going to his bed is even more tiring than bed sharing

I'm rambling. Don't listen to me. Lol. Big hugs and coffee

[sarenu]

Let him fuss a little. It's not good that you aren't getting sleep.

We did this at about 7/8 months and I kick myself that we didn't start it sooner.

[sasq09]

Hugs to you. I have no advice, but I know how much it sucks!

[chickypoo2468]

OMG SAK. Please don't say that after 2 good ones and then a terrible one comes an even worse one. I was banking on this kid being the ideal baby.

[chickypoo2468]

And hugs. Bc I have no advice.

[SAK]

Jan 20, 2015 8:03:54 GMT -5 chickypoo2468 said:

OMG SAK. Please don't say that after 2 good ones and then a terrible one comes an even worse one. I was banking on this kid being the ideal baby.

People told me the 3 and 4 were supposed to just be really chill kids because they learned early that you can't attend to their every squawk instantaneously. People are liars.

[Stringy]

You know I'm still trying to do this at 20 months. Sooooo just big sleepy hugs.

[grumpycakes]

Do you think the MMSS might help? You can't use it if he's going to roll over in it, but it was like a miracle for us when we transitioned DS out of being swaddled in the RnP and into his crib.

[MapleMe]

Sleepy caffeinated hugs SAK. My morning sucked for this very reason. M decided that 4:45 was the perfect time to wake up for the day (instead of 6-7 as of late). I was sooo tempted to bring her into our bed, just so I could be lying down. But we all sleep worth crap in the same bed.

My advice is to start where you need relief first. So if naptime isn't a problem for you, start with overnight. I almost always let M fuss until it starts escalating into crying. Most of the time it does, but often it doesn't. And maybe just start with part of overnight. Work on getting him in his own bed for the first chunk of the night.

Could a MMSS or something help with making the transfer smoother? Putting M on her belly helped a ton, but I only recommend that if you feel 100% that F can move around enough. Is he rolling?

[secondaryPULSE]

Jan 20, 2015 8:16:15 GMT -5 SAK said:

Jan 20, 2015 8:03:54 GMT -5 chickypoo2468 said:

OMG SAK. Please don't say that after 2 good ones and then a terrible one comes an even worse one. I was banking on this kid being the ideal baby.

People told me the 3 and 4 were supposed to just be really chill kids because they learned early that you can't attend to their every squawk instantaneously. People are liars.

This terrifies me a little. I'm also banking on an "easy" baby. ha.
This is exactly how I was feeling right around 6 months with both kids. As opposed as I was to sleep training (especially before I had kids), we sleep trained both kids right around 6 months. I was working full time, but spent much of my night awake because I was being kicked, sucked on, clawed, etc. I was so tired. I felt like I couldn't be friendly with DH and was starting to resent my kid(s). So. We went cold turkey and did the Ferber thing. Probably one of the best decisions of my life. Everyone was sleeping better within a few nights. I intend to not even bring this baby into bed with me (ha, we'll see how that goes) to try to avoid the same problem in the future.
Sleep deprivation is one of the highest  forms of torture.

[SAK]

Jan 20, 2015 8:20:22 GMT -5 grumpycakes said:

Do you think the MMSS might help? You can't use it if he's going to roll over in it, but it was like a miracle for us when we transitioned DS out of being swaddled in the RnP and into his crib.

He's in it. It definitely makes his sleep periods longer, but only in bed with me. Last night I tried wrapping a blanket really tightly around his arms swaddle-style in his crib WITH the sleep suit and that lasted about 20mins until he coughed and woke himself up.

[grumpycakes]

Jan 20, 2015 8:24:46 GMT -5 SAK said:

Jan 20, 2015 8:20:22 GMT -5 grumpycakes said:

Do you think the MMSS might help? You can't use it if he's going to roll over in it, but it was like a miracle for us when we transitioned DS out of being swaddled in the RnP and into his crib.

He's in it. It definitely makes his sleep periods longer, but only in bed with me. Last night I tried wrapping a blanket really tightly around his arms swaddle-style in his crib WITH the sleep suit and that lasted about 20mins until he coughed and woke himself up.

Well I'm out of ideas then, haha.  The MMSS is the only sleep trick I know.

[ovenrack]

No advice. Hugs and virtual coffee.

[hurricanerek]

Our LOs are the same age though mine doesn't care to sleep with me. We also struggle sometimes with putting her in her crib because she wakes up. The arms really do it. I have her in a zipadee zip and then just the bottom half of a swaddleme with her arms (starfish arms) out. This made a big difference for us.

She still wakes up every 2 hours at night but I'm starting to notice some progress in that if I don't go in right away, sometimes she settles herself down to sleep.

Hugs. This is such a tough stage.

[clldll]

I have no advice. Just ((hugs)). I got one terrible sleeper and one good sleeper. Which kid is which varies by the day.

[DGM]

Jan 20, 2015 8:38:19 GMT -5 ovenrack said:

No advice. Hugs and virtual coffee.

This.

[flumma]

Jan 20, 2015 8:50:20 GMT -5 clldll said:

I have no advice. Just ((hugs)). I got one terrible sleeper and one good sleeper. Which kid is which varies by the day.

Lol....yea, the boys just switch off nights here too. If I'm really lucky is a tag team kinda night. No advice really, just hugs. The only thing I had to add wad with V,he would sleep in his crib at night just fine, but naps were a giant joke. He didn't nap in his own room by himself until we put him in the toddlertootiredtosleep bed at 16mo. So I just always kinda laugh when people say stay with naps. I'm sorry, that's not helpful either. 

[rugger]

Sleep issues are the worst. I'm pretty much a rookie compared to you, but I would start with naps to get him used to his own space a little at a time, and then make the jump one night and give it a shot. Will he take a paci? Neither of my girls ever took to one, but I've heard they can help with self soothing at night.

He'll get there eventually(I know, least helpful advice ever). Until then, lots of hugs and strong coffee!

[LittleStarSweeper]

FWIW, if you are interested in sleep training, I can recommend the SleepEasy Solution. You can buy the ebook for ~$10 (it's by Waldberger). The method became very popular on my BMB. Anyway, it's sort of a "modified CIO" method (so similar to Ferber, but with check-ins). We did SleepEasy with our DD when she was about 4.5 months old. It helps you train naps and overnight sleep. It really worked for us. DD sleeps in her own crib for naps and at night (although there was some crying at first, of course). It has a section specifically about how to transition your baby from co-sleeping to sleeping in his/her own bed. It also has advice about continuing co-sleeping if that's what you decide you want to do. I really like that the book also explains how to help your child sleep in the future (thru 2-3 year old), too. So I feel like it'll useful beyond the baby stage. Just my two cents.

ETA: the SleepEasy solution also helps you night wean when you're ready to do that.... and how to sleep train while still feeding during the night.

[meesh]

Also. I disagree with starting with naps. Naps are short and I do whatever possible to get naps to happen at that age.

Nighttime is literally half your day...I would start making changes there

[sarenu]

Jan 20, 2015 9:48:24 GMT -5 meesh said:

Also. I disagree with starting with naps. Naps are short and I do whatever possible to get naps to happen at that age.

Nighttime is literally half your day...I would start making changes there

Agreed.

If it was working for you it's one thing, but the current situation is not.  Whatever you decide to do, consistency is the best.  We went back and forth about C sleeping alone for a few months.  I think it was our biggest mistake and I lost a lot of sleep because of it.  Now he sleeps like a champ most nights.

[ellie]

Omg. I could have written this word for word. I'm so sorry. Not sleep sucks.

Obviously whatever I'm doing isn't working so maybe don't follow my advice, but my new strategy is to nurse her to sleep in a twin mattress on the floor and then eventually sneak away. Not having to move her/ set her down helps a ton. I can sometimes get like 45 min before I have to go back in there. I'm hoping that will increase.

[mimsy]

With The Sageling, I found that falling asleep on me was good, but if I transitioned into the pnp too early, she would wake and the cycle would restart.
I started setting a timer on my phone (mostly because I was falling asleep too) for 20 min after she fell asleep. It's soft and one of the more gentle tones, so A doesn't get disturbed and she is usually pretty out of it.

It took a few days for the rhythm of it to start working for us, but it helped for us to transition in to solo sleeping at night.

I can't much help on napping. I still have issues with that.

Oh- fwiw, it took trial and error for me to get to 20 min. Sleep medicine background helped, but I started at 30 min to make sure she was really out... She wasn't.

[critter015]

DS had lots of trouble sleeping, but I just can't sleep with a baby in my bed, so I did whatever I had to do to get him to sleep not touching me so he could learn to sleep without me. At night he slept in the swing for a long time, but at least we were both sleeping. He transitioned pretty easily to sleeping in his crib with the help of MMSS. For naps many times we did the swing, or him in the bouncer with me bouncing it with my foot, which at least gave me my hands to do something with. Controlled crying never worked for him because he just never stopped, and it would take forever to get him to calm down. He finally started sttn at 9 months and now at 17 months goes to sleep prefectly on his own and always sleeps all night. Hang in there! There is hope!

[blondie]

Hugs. I'm a human pacifier.

[ABobLoblawLawBomb]

I don't know because so far the bed sharing thing results in the most sleep for all of us in my house, but I wanted to stop in to give you a hug and a cup of coffee if you need it.

[CurlieWhirlie]

Oh man I feel you so hard. My youngest is 9 months and he is the WORST sleeper. He wakes every hour, I swear. It's making me cranky and emotional and on edge, and I work full-time outside the home, so we finally just decided it's enough of a problem to start trying to sleep train. I will absolutely not bed share, it does not work for me. We're doing the modified CIO with the frequent check-ins so he knows we're there. We share our bedroom with him out of necessity, so while we're working on this we're sleeping on the pull-out couch pretty regularly so he has his own space. I think it's starting to work, he's sleeping longer stretches at night.

It's so so hard to stay strong with sleep training when you're exhausted and frustrated and you just want the baby to shut up and go to sleep.