At What Age is it OK to leave LO alone in the car?

[redhorizon343]

Just curious about people's opinions on the matter. 

Let's say it's 5 minutes. (Long enough to pick up carry-out, grab coffee, drop something off at the post office, etc.) At what age would you feel comfortable with this?

Someone else posted an article about how free-range parenting is punishable as neglect these days and it got me thinking.

[snowflake]

A teenager, maybe.

[leroybrown]

It depends on the situation, I think.

I've left one kid in the car to do daycare drop off. I've left a kid in the car to run inside to pay for gas. I've left a kid in the car when I forgot something inside the house. All of these things I'm gone for 30 seconds or less and/or can see the car.

Longer trips? Eh.... Probably 5-6 or older. I remember being 7 or 8 and staying in the car while my mom ran inside for milk or something.


I do not think it's neglect at all. Unless they are in a car that isn't running and their body temp can change or you have been watching the car for 10-15 minutes or more, I don't see it as neglectful.

[snowflake]

Jan 20, 2015 10:34:25 GMT -5 leroybrown said:

It depends on the situation, I think.

I've left one kid in the car to do daycare drop off. I've left a kid in the car to run inside to pay for gas. I've left a kid in the car when I forgot something inside the house. All of these things I'm gone for 30 seconds or less and/or can see the car.

Longer trips? Eh.... Probably 5-6 or older. I remember being 7 or 8 and staying in the car while my mom ran inside for milk or something.


I do not think it's neglect at all. Unless they are in a car that isn't running and their body temp can change or you have been watching the car for 10-15 minutes or more, I don't see it as neglectful.

I definitely disagree with running into the store and leaving a 5 or 6 year old in the car, there are way too many things that can happen in the blink of an eye that I wouldn't be willing to risk.  Maybe I'm paranoid or a bit on the extreme side when it comes to caution, but I would not feel comfortable doing that.  

[jamjoyful]

I say teenager as well. So many things can happen in even a brief trip. It is never acceptable to leave an infant or child alone in the car.

[those3words]

I've run into the house to grab something super quickly with DS in the car. But I should be careful because I live in the same county as the "Free Range" story.

Following for anything more than 30 seconds.

ETA:  The car is in my view the entire time when I run in to grab something.  Seriously, I need more hands.

[snowflake]

Jan 20, 2015 10:47:22 GMT -5 @addysmama22 said:

I'm gonna say around 13. I think a child that is 7-8 is capable of handling themselves for a couple of minutes alone in a car but, with the kind of world we live in, it's not worth chancing.

That's where I'm at.  It's not that I wouldn't trust my child, it's that I don't trust anyone else.

[leroybrown]

See, I live in fairly small town. The bus won't pick you up unless you live more than a mile from school now. So you either walk to school or get dropped off by a parent. I walked 1/4 mile to the bus when I was a kid (elementary). Once I hit middle school (so..10-11?) I walked the full mile to school.

We've lived here 6 years and DH is a police officer. There has never been a call of someone stealing a car while it was running outside of a home or business, let alone with kids inside.

[prairiegirl]

I think it depends where you live and on the individual kids. I'm another in the camp that id probably do it when he's 6+? Depending on what I'm doing and how long I'll be. If it's an all out grocery trip, yeah he'll come in with me. Paying for gas? He can stay in the car.

[redhorizon343]

13 seems so old! Three years later they can be DRIVING the car! When I was 13 I was allowed to hoof around the mall by myself for hours.

I'm more worried about crazy people calling the cops and reporting me for neglect than I am worried about crazy people actually trying to harm my child.



Here's a mother jones article on the topic. One of the incidents where a parent was arrested for going into CVS is in a neighboring town.

www.motherjones.com/politics/2014/08/parents-arrested-leaving-kids-alone-cars

[leroybrown]

Jan 20, 2015 11:24:58 GMT -5 redhorizon343 said:

13 seems so old! Three years later they can be DRIVING the car! When I was 13 I was allowed to hoof around the mall by myself for hours.

I'm more worried about crazy people calling the cops and reporting me for neglect than I am worried about crazy people actually trying to harm my child.



Here's a mother jones article on the topic. One of the incidents where a parent was arrested for going into CVS is in a neighboring town.

www.motherjones.com/politics/2014/08/parents-arrested-leaving-kids-alone-cars

I agree. I can run inside to pick up our pizza in less than 30 seconds, while seeing the car the entire time. It's not even reasonable to think that someone could come to the car, unlock the door, get inside, and drive off in that amount of time. It seems more dangerous to unload them, try to wrangle/carry/coerce them across the parking lot, inside, grab the food, take them back out with food in my hand, and load them back up.

[leroybrown]

Ok.

It's not a risk to me, and I don't do it that often, but I don't feel neglectful or that I'm endangering my children. Letting my 4 year old walk across a parking lot who has impulse control issues is far more dangerous than locking her in the car buckled into her carseat.

[minervamae]

This is going to be one of the most subjective things. We all live in very different areas and have very different life experiences. Our girls go to an in home daycare that is set in the middle of several acres of open landscaped property. I leave the youngest in the car when I pick up the other two. I'm very cautious about the temperature I set the air at and mindful of how she's dressed. I can see the vehicle from the glass doors the entire time, but it does take several minutes to get two toddlers ready and out the door. The flip side of that is I won't use a gas station if I can't pay at the pump. No way am I going all the way in at such a high traffic area with children in the car.

That's where I draw the line for now. I'm not even going to try to guess at what age I'd leave them in a high traffic area.

[weeklyplanner]

I agree it depends on where you live. Some of the rural areas you all speak of remind of places I've only seen in a movie or read about in a book. (And, I think it's probably pretty neat to live there!). So, I can't pass judgement on what you do.

For me, probably age 10? 12? Depends on my child and his demeanor, as well as where we are living at the time. But damn, I wish I could leave him in the car for some of those quick things like grabbing a pizza.

[mimsy]

This sound similar to some of the European custom of parking a pram outside a shop while you go in and conduct your business- groceries, have a coffee, something like that. But here in the US it's neglectful.

I also live in a small town where most people leave doors unlocked and keys in cars without incident.

[leroybrown]

Jan 20, 2015 12:11:27 GMT -5 mimsy said:

This sound similar to some of the European custom of parking a pram outside a shop while you go in and conduct your business- groceries, have a coffee, something like that. But here in the US it's neglectful.

I also live in a small town where most people leave doors unlocked and keys in cars without incident.

Yeah, we sleep with the windows open from April-October, including the sliding glass door. It's freaking Mayberry around here!

[quietjoy]

What might be an okay age for someone might raise concern for another. So it's really hard to say. I think that a lot of it has to do with where you live as well as the behavior/responsibility of the child.

Right now, I would probably be fine with leaving LP (7) in the van by himself while I run into the gas station to pay or a quick trip into the post office. The van would also be locked and I'd have the keys. I also know my child and the entire time I would be gone, he'd stay in his seat with his seat belt on.

[DVMmomma]

Can I just say it sucks this has to be a conversation? I wish we lived in a world where people didn't steal babies.

That said, I left DD alone (sleeping) for about 48 seconds once while I ran into my classroom building to grab a coffee mug. She was just 4 months old. I guess once she's older, I don't see a need to leave her in the car because it's easy enough to have her walk in with me wherever. But if I had my Dutch Shepherd in the car with her? And child locks so she couldn't get out? I'd have no problem leaving her for 5 minutes or so at 4 years old-ish. At least I don't think so. But I'm a FTM and I might sing a different tune when we get to that age.

[mimsy]

We aren't even Mayberry. We have no town cops anymore aaaaand our population is ~2k.

[gingy]

I leave my kid in the car in the garage all the time when I'm trying to load up the car. But the car is in our garage and I'm never gone longer than a minute. But that's a much more controlled environment than a parking lot.
I think it just boils down to the location and child.

[mrsnorris]

Jan 20, 2015 10:50:40 GMT -5 snowflake said:

Jan 20, 2015 10:47:22 GMT -5 @addysmama22 said:

I'm gonna say around 13. I think a child that is 7-8 is capable of handling themselves for a couple of minutes alone in a car but, with the kind of world we live in, it's not worth chancing.

That's where I'm at.  It's not that I wouldn't trust my child, it's that I don't trust anyone else.

I totally agree with this, but possibly from a different angle, not sure.  I know that statistically, it would take tens of thousands of years before a kid left alone in a car would be abducted.  Statistically, taking your kid into a store is way more dangerous (more kids die getting hit by cars, etc, in the parking lot than sitting in a locked car) and most kids who die being left in cars is because the parents forgot the baby or something and didn't intentionally leave them.  That said, if I left my seven or eight year old for five minutes I'd be genuinely afraid that I'd return to the cops being there.  I leave LO in the car with my fourteen year old and I STILL worry occasionally that someone will freak out.  Not because there is any reasonable chance that something would happen- DD1 is legally old enough to drive in less than two years. But people are crazy.

[mrsnorris]

Jan 20, 2015 11:41:54 GMT -5 leroybrown said:

Ok.

It's not a risk to me, and I don't do it that often, but I don't feel neglectful or that I'm endangering my children. Letting my 4 year old walk across a parking lot who has impulse control issues is far more dangerous than locking her in the car buckled into her carseat.

This is where I am on lots of things- my DD1 has some special needs and as a result we make lot of parenting decisions that we wouldn't for a neuro-typical 14 year old that I know get us side-eyed. She LOOKS like a normal 14 yo to random passers by and casual acquaintances and people just assume they know everything. You have to know your kids.  I don't care if people side-eye my decisions but the fact that they might decide it was their place to call the cops or CPS... that's an entirely different ball game and one that's kept me up at night before.

[leroybrown]

FWIW, DH is an officer and he gets these kinds of calls all the time. He takes his sweet ass time getting to the call (unless of course, weather plays a factor or there's more danger or something) because it's not illegal and it's not neglectful. The most he says to parents if he sees them is 'Hey, someone called in concerned, just FYI."

[mrsnorris]

Jan 20, 2015 14:18:32 GMT -5 leroybrown said:

FWIW, DH is an officer and he gets these kinds of calls all the time. He takes his sweet ass time getting to the call (unless of course, weather plays a factor or there's more danger or something) because it's not illegal and it's not neglectful. The most he says to parents if he sees them is 'Hey, someone called in concerned, just FYI."

That sounds like the perfect way to handle it, and probably more officers handle it that way than the horror stories you hear. I always worry about the worst case scenario, unlikely though I'm sure it is.

[lingchow8655]

I also agree it depends on where you live and the personality of your child. I have also run back into the house to get something but was gone less than 30 secs and had car in my view the whole time.

For me, i think teenager is excessive. I would 8-10 depending again on what the scenerio is, where its occuring, and if i felt they were ready yet for that responsibilty

[leroybrown]

I was babysitting a 2 year old and a 4 year old at age 12. I'm super glad my mom felt comfortable enough to leave me in the car alone for 30 seconds.

[khopec]

One other thing to consider only becuase I have experience...when I was around 5 my mom left me in the car while she ran into drop something off at my great grandmas when she got back the car was backed into the nieghbors...yeah I kind of crawled into the driver seat and released the parking brake...oops!!  I also once almost drove through our garage because she forgot something in the house and ran back in...what can I say I really wanted to learn to drive at an ealrly age.

I am leaning towards older is better.

ETA that I am a horrible typer!

[mimsy]

At 12, I rode my bike to school..I had to cross a major road to do it.

[leroybrown]

Jan 20, 2015 15:16:21 GMT -5 khopec said:

One other thing to consider only becuase I have experience...when I was around 5 my mom left me in the car while she ran into drop something off at my great grandmas when she got back the car was backed into the nieghbors...yeah I kind of crawled into the driver seat and released the parking brake...oops!!  I also once almost drove through our garage because she forgot something in the house and ran back in...what can I say I really wanted to learn to drive at an ealrly age.

I am leaning towards older is better.

ETA that I am a horrible typer!

Meh, I did that when I was 9. And again when I was 12. And then again at 14 with my learner's permit.

Apparently neutral does not do what I thought it did.

[puffandstuff]

It really depends on the situation and maturity of your child. I pay at the pump and use carry out with curbside service right now. Once I'm comfortable with my child understanding safety than I might be more lenient. I'm no where near a Mayberry type town.