The Talk with SW
Mar 31, 2015 8:19:17 GMT -5
Post by lbey on Mar 31, 2015 8:19:17 GMT -5
Sorry, big vent here…
Yesterday we had our therapy session in the morning and our home study meeting in the afternoon. I figured it would be helpful seeing the therapist (do you use some abbreviation for therapist? I will use “T’ for now, but if it is something different, please let me know) before the SW because the T could help us how to best deal with the situation. As I talked to the T with my H, I asked her what was her thinking about us adopting, if she feels like we are ready and in a good place to do so. She said we are the only ones who can ever say that and no one else. It has to come from our heart. She sees us as having a good relationship and we have a good communication. We have been talking a lot about feelings during the sessions and it is good, but nothing new from what we already do on a daily basis. H and I tell each other how we are feeling; now we are just sharing with the T.
The meeting with the SW. Hum… last week I was suggested that we have a good conversation with the SW so I could tell her how I was feeling. At the end of the session yesterday she said she would take a step back and wait to see how we did at the therapy. I asked her what she is looking for? She asked what our T says. Does she say you are ready? And I said that the T said we are the only ones who can say if we are ready or not, but apparently it doesn’t matter what we think or feel. You (the SW) is the one who decides if we are ready, which is frustrating. Then I started telling her how I don’t think we are connecting. I asked her how common is for the agency to work with couples that are not Americans and if she had worked before with couples of other cultures. She said she had learned a lot about other cultures. Well, if that was the case, we wouldn’t be having “The Talk” for various reasons that are too many to just write here. She kept saying how she is doing her job and she is not working for the families, she is working for the kids. Anyway, I told her I was feeling frustrated because we don’t know what she is looking for exactly or hat she is seeing so wrong with us that is stopping her from letting us proceed with adoption. Well, all of sudden she said “Do you want to talk to my supervisor about it?”’ and I said “yes, sure.”. She went to get her supervisor before I could say anything else. There was so much more I wanted to explain her in the best and most respectful way possible. Her supervisor came and said she didn’t have time to talk now and we should call next day (today). The SW just showed at the door with her supervisor and as soon as her supervisor left, she left without finishing the session (there was 45 min left), or even a good bye. She was just mad. I never had a chance to say anything else.
What makes me most frustrated about this situation is that I feel like this woman never got to know who we are today. She doesn’t know I have 2 jobs, or we have a dog that we love very much. She doesn’t know we are buying a home this summer, or about the love I have for kids. She doesn’t know how great my H is with kids and how loving he is or even WHY HE wants to adopt. She never asked any of that or wanted to listen to anything positive about us. As soon as she heard something that in her views was negative, she asked more about that and didn’t ask about anything else. The issue H and I had in the past involving trust was business related, there was no violence, cheating, abuse, or anything like that. We never used drugs, alcohol, or even cigarettes! We are healthy and happy. We choose adoption because we wanted, not because it was the only option. We can have bio kids, but we chose adoption as a way to grow our family. We are not hiding anything! I just feel like this SW came with a vision about us, kept that, and never got to know us at all… She never even came to our home…
DH now wants to give up on the process and just have biological kids. I really don’t ant to give up because I feel like our kids are already somewhere out there just waiting for us and I have to fight for them…
Deep sight…
Yesterday we had our therapy session in the morning and our home study meeting in the afternoon. I figured it would be helpful seeing the therapist (do you use some abbreviation for therapist? I will use “T’ for now, but if it is something different, please let me know) before the SW because the T could help us how to best deal with the situation. As I talked to the T with my H, I asked her what was her thinking about us adopting, if she feels like we are ready and in a good place to do so. She said we are the only ones who can ever say that and no one else. It has to come from our heart. She sees us as having a good relationship and we have a good communication. We have been talking a lot about feelings during the sessions and it is good, but nothing new from what we already do on a daily basis. H and I tell each other how we are feeling; now we are just sharing with the T.
The meeting with the SW. Hum… last week I was suggested that we have a good conversation with the SW so I could tell her how I was feeling. At the end of the session yesterday she said she would take a step back and wait to see how we did at the therapy. I asked her what she is looking for? She asked what our T says. Does she say you are ready? And I said that the T said we are the only ones who can say if we are ready or not, but apparently it doesn’t matter what we think or feel. You (the SW) is the one who decides if we are ready, which is frustrating. Then I started telling her how I don’t think we are connecting. I asked her how common is for the agency to work with couples that are not Americans and if she had worked before with couples of other cultures. She said she had learned a lot about other cultures. Well, if that was the case, we wouldn’t be having “The Talk” for various reasons that are too many to just write here. She kept saying how she is doing her job and she is not working for the families, she is working for the kids. Anyway, I told her I was feeling frustrated because we don’t know what she is looking for exactly or hat she is seeing so wrong with us that is stopping her from letting us proceed with adoption. Well, all of sudden she said “Do you want to talk to my supervisor about it?”’ and I said “yes, sure.”. She went to get her supervisor before I could say anything else. There was so much more I wanted to explain her in the best and most respectful way possible. Her supervisor came and said she didn’t have time to talk now and we should call next day (today). The SW just showed at the door with her supervisor and as soon as her supervisor left, she left without finishing the session (there was 45 min left), or even a good bye. She was just mad. I never had a chance to say anything else.
What makes me most frustrated about this situation is that I feel like this woman never got to know who we are today. She doesn’t know I have 2 jobs, or we have a dog that we love very much. She doesn’t know we are buying a home this summer, or about the love I have for kids. She doesn’t know how great my H is with kids and how loving he is or even WHY HE wants to adopt. She never asked any of that or wanted to listen to anything positive about us. As soon as she heard something that in her views was negative, she asked more about that and didn’t ask about anything else. The issue H and I had in the past involving trust was business related, there was no violence, cheating, abuse, or anything like that. We never used drugs, alcohol, or even cigarettes! We are healthy and happy. We choose adoption because we wanted, not because it was the only option. We can have bio kids, but we chose adoption as a way to grow our family. We are not hiding anything! I just feel like this SW came with a vision about us, kept that, and never got to know us at all… She never even came to our home…
DH now wants to give up on the process and just have biological kids. I really don’t ant to give up because I feel like our kids are already somewhere out there just waiting for us and I have to fight for them…
Deep sight…
??) but she also said she cant guarantee that the next SW will be any different, which is true and understandable. We told her we need some time to think and we will step back. My H is feeling very disrespected and offended by this SW and for him to feel like that takes a lot. I am talking about the most patient and understanding person one can ever meet. We have contacted couple other agencies that are not state funded, but work with Waiting Children too.we are thinking about going with them. It would mean we will give up on buying our home this year and we would use the money we saved to pay for the adoption, but at this point, our kids are more important and we will do whatever it takes to bring them home.