Just tell me what to do....

[bazingaa]

This is going to be one of those threads where you could flame the crap out of me and tell me that I'm the only one that can make the decision, so let me just say.....I know, but I'm asking anyway! 

My brother is getting married in July and I'm supposed to be a bridesmaid. His fiancé sent the email today that she decided on the dresses! Stupidly I was thinking maybe she would let us pick our own or would pick a nice empire waist dress (ya know, since I'll be 6wks from due date at that point). Nope! It's a beautiful fitted dress and all the girls will be wearing the same one. And the kicker is we have to order by end of month. 

I'll just be 7wks tomorrow. I had no intention of sharing the news so early... But I don't want to screw her over by continuing to commit to something I likely won't be able to do and selfishly I would rather not spend the money either. I'm torn. 

Endulge me.... What would you do? Order the dress and keep my mouth shut? Tell brother and future SIL and ask them to keep the info to themselves? Just go ahead and tell them and immediate family? 

[jennyinheaven]

Tell brother and sil and ask them to keep to themselves is my vote.

[becole]

Depends on whether you think they have a big mouth or not. Why is this flame worthy? You can't wear a fitted dress 9 months pregnant. If you tell her, she could maybe change the dress, just pick a color, or let you be the odd person out in a different dress. Or my vote- tell her you don't think you can be in it.

[kc83]

I would tell them and ask them to respect that you don't want to tell anyone just yet.

[Deleted]

Jan 20, 2015 13:25:32 GMT -5 kc83 said:

I would tell them and ask them to respect that you don't want to tell anyone just yet.

This or is it possible in the style to order huge and have it tailored to your preg body later?

[mary97]

Tell them and ask them to keep it to themselves.

Hate to order a dress you might not be able to wear, it's of an obvious style that won't work for pregnancy. If you think they can't keep it to themselves, tell your immediate family too.

Telling rest of your family is up to you. I told mine that early and those few friends who actually knew we were trying.

[kendy20]

Same as pp. If you don't want to share the news just yet, ask them to keep it to themselves and let her know you can't wear a fitted dress. And maybe like becole said, she might even pick a completely different dress that would be more appropriate.

[zolten]

Are you still wanting to be a bridesmaid or are you looking to just be an attendee?

[bazingaa]

Jan 20, 2015 13:32:22 GMT -5 pistolpackinmomma said:

How far away is the wedding? I might be tempted to back clear out if it's too far away. If it's local then I would tell them and threaten to shank them if they tell a sole.

Well... That's the other thing. The wedding is a solid 12hr drive away without stops. It's going to take everything I've got to get there! But, he's my only sibling and I'm going. Plus DH is the ring bearer.

[bazingaa]

Here's the dress... www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/Modern-Vintage-Bridesmaids/8611S/?pg=1
I'm no seamstress, but I'm thinking no way. DH thought I could just shove the waist up the bump, which I think is crazy. Anyone good with sewing and such that could give their thoughts?

And thanks all for the feedback! Sometimes these 'tell me what to do' threads can be annoying. Maybe I'm reg enough that you guys will let it pass

[bazingaa]

Jan 20, 2015 13:33:43 GMT -5 zolten said:

Are you still wanting to be a bridesmaid or are you looking to just be an attendee?

I would love to be a part of their day, yes.

[skiandsurf]

well at least its a cute dress she chose! aside from that, yeah I don't think it'll work even tailored. What if you tell them about being pg and ask them not to tell anyone. Then maybe she'd let you pick a dress thats avail in the same colour that you think might work for you? Id ask about that anyways, as if I were in her position, thats what Id want to do

[zolten]

Then I would tell them the situation and ask for privacy. Maybe she will be totally awesome and change the dress or let bridesmaids pick similar but different ones.

[justforshow]

I'm going to echo and say the same as pp, tell them and ask them to keep quiet.

[haykay13]

Jan 20, 2015 13:39:26 GMT -5 bazingaa said:

Here's the dress... www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/Modern-Vintage-Bridesmaids/8611S/?pg=1
I'm no seamstress, but I'm thinking no way. DH thought I could just shove the waist up the bump, which I think is crazy. Anyone good with sewing and such that could give their thoughts?

And thanks all for the feedback! Sometimes these 'tell me what to do' threads can be annoying. Maybe I'm reg enough that you guys will let it pass

Hmm maybe if you tell her she will let you get the long version of the dress and then you could shove the waist above the bump.

[kittyriot]

Just chiming in with a great big ditto. Just tell, under penalty of stabbings if they leak, and see what the future SIL says. They may just surprise you!

[ho11yday]

I'd just tell them that you ate flattered that they asked you to be pay off the wedding but that at this time you cannot participate. Then I'd lie and blame dh.

[Deleted]

Jan 20, 2015 13:39:26 GMT -5 bazingaa said:

Here's the dress... www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/Modern-Vintage-Bridesmaids/8611S/?pg=1
I'm no seamstress, but I'm thinking no way. DH thought I could just shove the waist up the bump, which I think is crazy. Anyone good with sewing and such that could give their thoughts?

And thanks all for the feedback! Sometimes these 'tell me what to do' threads can be annoying. Maybe I'm reg enough that you guys will let it pass

It looks like alfred angelo makes *some* maternity bridesmaid styles.. you should contact their customer service to see if they make that particular style in maternity. Here are the ones I saw..

www.weddingtonway.com/products/alfred-angelo-7016ma-maternity-bridesmaid-dress?secure=true

www.weddingtonway.com/products/alfred-angelo-6471ma-maternity-bridesmaid-dress?sku=aa-6471ma-mediterranean-blue

[aimeefarrahfowler]

wow, that's actually a really pretty dress she picked out. Depending on how it fits you, it could work with a belly. Is there an Alfred Angelo store near you that maybe you could go and try it on and see?

[becole]

I think the waist is cut too low to work for maternity. Plus I would afraid it wouldn't fit boobs either. I would order a maternity dress in same color. Usually those places have all the colors in most styles. If it was baby doll, it would work but I think if you wore it above your bump it would be really short in the front.

[SpinsOffResonance]

If it was me I would tell them and your immediate family. But then again we told our immediate family as soon as we got the bfp. Maybe she'll reconsider letting you each chose the dress, or at least you.

If you're set on not wanting to tell people yet, I would call the stores nearest you that carry Alfred Angelo dresses and try to find a sample you can go try on. They'll be able to tell you if this particular dress might work with a bump. it looks like you might be able to make it be an empire dress, depending on how fitted the top is and if the belt is in fact a belt or if it's sewn on. But you really can't tell from the picture. Then I'd get the long version way too big and tailor it down a before the wedding. That's a very pretty dress btw.

[lissiehoya]

Adding another vote here to tell her and ask about a different dress, but making it clear that you don't want anyone else to know yet.

[becole]

Yeah I'm also more worried about the 12 hour drive for you than the dress. Some obs might not want you to travel due to clot risk at that point.

[Deleted]

I'd definitely tell her what's going on and ask them not to tell anyone.

BUT, keep in mind that you might want to consider telling your mothers - some grandmothers can get a bit sensitive about others knowing before them and keeping it secret.

[bazingaa]

Jan 20, 2015 15:30:55 GMT -5 becole said:

Yeah I'm also more worried about the 12 hour drive for you than the dress. Some obs might not want you to travel due to clot risk at that point.

I know. I'm sure there will be lots of discussion with the doctor as the date approaches. 

[bazingaa]

And I guess we could fly... Although we had planned to stop by the inlaws for a couple days on the way there since they aren't too far from the wedding site. It's just a cluster.... But we'll figure it out somehow.

[lavendergiraffes]

Echoing the tell them and stress that they not share. I carried really low with S so that might have worked for me but someone else said the boobs - that would have been a mess. If there's a way to do the maternity version that would be good. It's a beutiful dress!

[bazingaa]

Jan 20, 2015 16:50:25 GMT -5 pistolpackinmomma said:

Fly to the inlaws? Hang there for the night then take a rental to the wedding?

That's a good thought! DH and I will need to have a serious talk about the logistics of all of this. Ugh. Wasn't supposed to be so complicated.