Adoption Blues

[persianmaman]

How frequently do you (or did you) get adoption blues during this whole process? Not so much during the waiting, but the paperwork portion. We have our home study done, but rather than being super over the moon about it, I feel like I'm more unsure and unhappy about it than ever before. Almost like cold feet before a wedding, which I didn't have so I cannot compare.

I'm almost 99% sure that I am feeling stressed out about because of the other thousand non-adoption things that are consuming my thoughts and worries right now that I can do nothing about, which makes me focus on the one I still have to make decisions for. We're paying $$$ for this dying tree to come down, I'm trying to juggle this damn life insurance thing, my school, my work, job searching, keeping the house tidy, rehousing our big bunny boy with a new a family, helping DH arrange travel for his job, prepping to go to Vegas for a memorial service, and the damn list keeps going on.

At this point, I don't want to give up the adoption. I want that kid, I want that family, but I feel like we started the process one year too early with no time to prepare and now we have to do all the paperwork again (well, just the expensive paperwork, yay fingerprinting and doctor's visits). We're too far in to pause. It's making me feel incompetent - if I can't handle all this, how could I possibly be a good mom?

Blah, just wanting to know that it isn't just me and that this passes.

[jenn]

It's not just you, I promise. I got in the same 'funk' when we had to update our home study. It made me second guess our choices and I started to doubt the process. I just never imagined it would take us over a year of waiting to be matched. I thought we would have been picked much, much sooner, but it hasn't happened that way. And I'm finally okay with that. Again, it's not just you. /hugs!

[chicago]

I did ... I'm having a hard time putting it into words ... but I think due to all the reading/educating we were doing in preparation. I think part of it was that we were so positive with making the decision to move on from infertility to adoption ... but it's not all sunshine and roses with adoption. We learned so much about taking into consideration each part of the triad.

Hang in there ...

[perumom]

You are not the only one that has felt that way. We are doing an international adoption too and the process is super long, a year plus long sometimes and things go slow at times and then you are running against the clock at others. Depending what else is going on in your life, for me it felt like it was my other full time job:-(. When I realized I needed a break I couldn't because we were too far in to stop and things were expiring quickly to not run like mad to the finish line. All I can say is once I was done with the documents for the dossier (1 year to the day), it felt great!! It felt awesome to let the agency do the job I have given them soo much money to do and me sit around waiting for news:-). Now we are just waiting embracing the quite the paper free quite, just waiting:). Don't give up!! You can do this!! Lots of hugs!!!

[spooko]

My adoption experience was different because we had the kid before the decision to adopt BUT if it is any consolation, I really had a hard time right after I found out I was PG with DD. I think that as those big decisions start slowing down and the rest of life keeps piling up, it's easy to get flustered about something you "chose" adding to the mix. Hang in there.

[pinkie]

We had major adoption blues during our first wait. We had tried for bio kids for 4 yrs and really went through the IF ringer. Then we had a 1.5 yr adoption wait. DH who usually isn't negative told me he was starting to think it would never happen. We were totally depressed. Try to do things for yourself that you enjoy, live your life, and try to not obsess about adoption. I was not able to do this but it really is my best advice.

[persianmaman]

Thanks ladies! Already feeling much better about it. Got our appointments lined up for the renewed paperwork, which is good. I just hope that in two months once I'm done with school, the paperwork will be done too.