Controlling your own happiness

[lexus]

If I see one more meme or hear one more person say this I wlll scream. Please tell me how I am supposed to choose happiness with one of my children dead.

[heartpresidents]

Agreed! I am so sick of those motivational sayings talking about how you have to move on from things and choose happiness. They can all kiss my ass.

[happyin14]

Motivational things of all kinds can be rough. I figure they are all just written and shared by people who don't actually know. I just think of them as blissfully ignorant. Now I can almost laugh... But it took me a year.

But. Then you see some meme or painted sign at a gift store that is EXACTLY it and it makes you feel really good. Hang in there. The world is full of so much.

[lexus]

Apr 1, 2015 9:01:08 GMT -5 happyin14 said:

Motivational things of all kinds can be rough. I figure they are all just written and shared by people who don't actually know. I just think of them as blissfully ignorant. Now I can almost laugh... But it took me a year.

But. Then you see some meme or painted sign at a gift store that is EXACTLY it and it makes you feel really good. Hang in there. The world is full of so much.

Very true. I'm a year out and I have happy days, heck even happy stretches of a few days. I feel like choosing to be happy isn't always an option and I get pissed when someone implies that I'm choosing to be sad... It takes everything I have not to ask them which of their kids they would like to see die and if they could still choose to be happy. I know people say things because they are uncomfortable with my grief. When I posted this because someone on my fb feed posted about choosing to be happy with her healthy toddler dd and her healthy pregnancy with a baby boy, a good marriage, and fulfilling career. I had all those things too and then we got in a car accident. Now I have a healthy preschooler, a dead son, an okay marriage, and a fulfilling career. To imply that I have the same opportunity to be happy this morning as she does is shitty.

ETA: you aren't being shitty. i was pointing out the reason why I think this idea of choosing to be happy is shitty.

[happyin14]

Apr 1, 2015 9:54:16 GMT -5 lexus said:

Apr 1, 2015 9:01:08 GMT -5 happyin14 said:

Motivational things of all kinds can be rough. I figure they are all just written and shared by people who don't actually know. I just think of them as blissfully ignorant. Now I can almost laugh... But it took me a year.

But. Then you see some meme or painted sign at a gift store that is EXACTLY it and it makes you feel really good. Hang in there. The world is full of so much.

Very true. I'm a year out and I have happy days, heck even happy stretches of a few days. I feel like choosing to be happy isn't always an option and I get pissed when someone implies that I'm choosing to be sad... It takes everything I have not to ask them which of their kids they would like to see die and if they could still choose to be happy. I know people say things because they are uncomfortable with my grief. When I posted this because someone on my fb feed posted about choosing to be happy with her healthy toddler dd and her healthy pregnancy with a baby boy, a good marriage, and fulfilling career. I had all those things too and then we got in a car accident. Now I have a healthy preschooler, a dead son, an okay marriage, and a fulfilling career. To imply that I have the same opportunity to be happy this morning as she does is shitty.

ETA: you aren't being shitty. i was pointing out the reason why I think this idea of choosing to be happy is shitty.

I am not saying you will ever AGREE with the sayings. Things like "God only takes the good ones" or "Things happen for a reason" will never ring true with me. I meant that there will be some sayings that will. I wish I could remember but there was a sign somewhere that said something about heaven and home. And I loved it. It felt more right to me.

I hate when people post shit without thinking. I had a friend who complained about "how awful" three year olds are just a few months after J died and a few weeks after his should have been 3rd birthday. Hugs!

[flutterfly88]

I'm sorry, people just  don't understand sometimes.  (((( hugs))))