Are you in limbo land? (TTC 6+)

[wanderingheart]

+1 to the wait list being dependent on where you live. In my state, there's only 2 cities with an RE. My wait list was 8 weeks. But I requested a female doctor, so that could have played into it too. I had a bad experience with a male OB, so I stick to females now.

[BrewGirl]

Apr 1, 2015 10:10:52 GMT -5 mugster said:

Apr 1, 2015 9:58:08 GMT -5 BrewGirl said:

mugster, your temps are just like mine. Pre-O, I am in the 96 range. Post-O, 97's. I worried about my thyroid as well but all tests came back normal.

It is just depressing to hit "Charts like Mine" on Fertility Friend. If I match by ovulation date and intercourse patterns 40% of charts are pregnancy charts. If I match by pre-O and post-O temps, 12% are pregnancy charts, and there aren't that many of them in total (200>pregnancy charts>20). I don't know if that means the sample size is just too small so the data is skewed or if low bbts correlate with more trouble getting pregnant (even if the thyroid is fine?). Or if I'm just crazy.

Some people just naturally have lower body temps. I was told by my RE that it isn't an issue since my Thyroid was fine. It hasn't affected my ability to get pregnant and per her, the temps aren't a reason for the losses. I wouldn't be too concerned.

[mugster]

BrewGirl, that is reassuring. Thank you.

[JulietRose]

Apr 1, 2015 9:06:53 GMT -5 cakewench said:

Total #cycles officially trying: 14
Total #months officially trying: 14
Known issues (ie multiple cps/losses, vitamin d deficiency, confirmed PCOS diagnosis, etc): As far as I and my ob/gyn can tell, I don't have any. Annual exam was clean. I confirm O with temps and opks and CM. MH on the other hand was diagnosed with low T last year. See rants.
Unknown issues (Worriers/hypochondriacs notes): Obviously I worry there is something wrong with my ute/something my ob/gyn can't see without more testing (ugh I do not want an HSG but if an RE wants me to, then fine). We need to call an RE. However, I am so convinced that it's MH that I don't want to call one until he sees his doc. I know this is probably stupid, especially since it's probably going to be 2-3 mo until one can see us. If it doesn't happen this cycle, I'll call. In the meantime my ob/gyn said to come in for CD3 blood work once my cycle resets, so we are working while waiting for the RE.
Rants about being in limbo land?
MH hasn't done shit about his low T since last year. His doc put him on testosterone shots, because MH told him we were having problems with sex (it affects his drive and honestly, his performance), but failed to mention we were TTC. When I told him those affect sperm count and to ask his doc about it, he said he would... And then didn't go back. At all. Every time I ask him about it he says he doesn't like his doc because he's always trying to sell him on something H feels he doesn't need, and that he wants to find a new one. Except he hasn't.
After my annual exam, I completely lost it and told him I won't call an RE until he sees a doc (part of what my doc said to do while we wait is to have MH get checked out). He keeps saying he will, but he hasn't. You'd think from this he doesn't want kids, but he talks about having them all the time, and lately been saying how he hopes we get KU soon because he doesn't want to be an old dad (he's 43, I'm 33), and he wants his parents to know their grandkids.
I think we are both in a loop where we keep thinking, if it doesn't happen this time, then I'll call a doctor. But if we keep doing what we are doing, we are obviously not going to get there, because it's been over a goddamn year and no BFP.
I'm sorry, I know there are women on here (and in my life) with far more serious problems than a stubborn H with low T. I feel guilty ranting like this. It's just so frustrating to hear H say one thing but do another. I'm 9dpo right now, so we will know soon enough if this cycle is bust. Then I'll call the RE. Hell, maybe I should call now, I can always cancel of the impossible happens...
Anything else you'd like to see / know of others also in limbo land?
Honestly it's just comforting to know I'm not the only one dealing with trouble TTC. I feel like everyone around us is getting KU, and while I am super happy for them, it hurts. Nobody really talks about it except to tell me to stop stressing, which most of the time just pisses me off (even if it's kindly meant).
Eta for spacing issues.

I'm sorry you're husband isn't getting tested. It's frustrating enough to deal with your own body, let alone someone else who won't get tested and it's the unknown that realllllllllly bugs the crap out of you. I really hope he goes in and gets tested so you at least have an answer. I hope it is a good answer!!!

[JulietRose]

Total #cycles: 7

Total #months:10

Known issues (ie multiple cps/losses, vitamin d deficiency, confirmed PCOS diagnosis, etc) I have PCOS and Hypothyroidism, which I've known about since I was 18, so we have handled that for the last 6 months. My cycles are slowly becoming more regular and manageable.

Unknown issues (Worriers/hypochondriacs notes) Just worried about never being pregnant and my body being a bitch forever and I want to slap my uterus and yell at it. All normal.

Rants about being in limbo land? I have never seen a positive pregnancy test. On my good days I feel I never will and on my bad days I give up entirely. I'm the last one in my family to get pregnant and same on DH's side. My mom has already given me things for a baby that doesn't exist and she doesn't talk about it but gives me silent support, which is nice. I talk to her because she had the exact same health and TTC issues, so I learn from her experience. Everyone else in the family you just look at them and they're pregnant, like literally on the first month. My IL's will call me and ask if there a surprise for them yet and they won't come visit unless there is a surprise and I want to yell at them FINE THEN DON'T VISIT! I just hand the phone to my husband and walk away and he gets after them for asking, but they still do because they think they can. DH is supportive, but he feels lost sometimes because he can't figure out what to say to make it better. He has already gone to his doctor and he is healthy over-all, but they won't let him take a semen analysis yet, understandable.

Edit: words

[kawaiikitsune]

achromia - Fertility is not inherited and your parent's issues conceiving have no bearing on your own.

[Deleted]

Apr 1, 2015 10:18:01 GMT -5 BrewGirl said:

Apr 1, 2015 10:10:52 GMT -5 mugster said:

It is just depressing to hit "Charts like Mine" on Fertility Friend. If I match by ovulation date and intercourse patterns 40% of charts are pregnancy charts. If I match by pre-O and post-O temps, 12% are pregnancy charts, and there aren't that many of them in total (200>pregnancy charts>20). I don't know if that means the sample size is just too small so the data is skewed or if low bbts correlate with more trouble getting pregnant (even if the thyroid is fine?). Or if I'm just crazy.

Some people just naturally have lower body temps. I was told by my RE that it isn't an issue since my Thyroid was fine. It hasn't affected my ability to get pregnant and per her, the temps aren't a reason for the losses. I wouldn't be too concerned.

mugster I also have low body temps and my TSH levels are always fine. I have my thryoid levels checked every 3-4 months due to the medications I take. Additionally, every couple years I will get a new doctor who is convinced that my Narcolepsy is really a thyroid issue they haven't caught yet; so they unneccessarily order further testing only to find my levels are normal.
ETA: I never got sent home from school with a fever, because the thermometer would never go past 99 degrees.

[anonymouseliza]

Apr 1, 2015 9:58:08 GMT -5 BrewGirl said:

mugster, your temps are just like mine. Pre-O, I am in the 96 range. Post-O, 97's. I worried about my thyroid as well but all tests came back normal.

Before I lost weight (before DD), my cycles were like that, and very, very long.  But a full thyroid panel came back normal.  For me, it was the excess estrogen stored in my abundant extra weight that seems to have been causing the issues that mimicked underactive thyroid.

[achromia]

Apr 1, 2015 10:43:25 GMT -5 kawaiikitsune said:

achromia - Fertility is not inherited and your parent's issues conceiving have no bearing on your own.

Thanks.  Logically, I know that. Emotionally, it's just hard that we seem to be repeating history.

We haven't told our families that we're TTC, and the last time I was home visiting both of my parents said something along the lines of, "I just hope that whenever you're ready, you guys never struggle to get pregnant like we did!" Smiling and saying, "Me too!" sucked. Nine months is certainly not seven years, but I never want to see seven years, yanno?

[kh59]

Thanks for starting this!

mugster, if it helps to know, I have post O temps just as low as yours and had a perfectly healthy first pregnancy.


Total #cycles officially trying: 2

Total #months officially trying: 13

Known issues: There's a perfectly rational explanation for why I have only had two cycles in the past year, one with a short LP: I'm still breastfeeding my 22-month-old daughter. We always wanted kids close together in age, and we stopped preventing when LO turned nine months old and I stopped pumping. I kept hoping that my period returning was just around the corner, if we just cut out one more nursing session...so I hoped, and I temped, and I reduced nursing a little at a time, and I waited...for 11 months. I know that weaning probably would have meant having my cycles return sooner and that I probably sound like a crazy hippy to some of you for nursing my almost 2 year old, but it's still really important to her, and we do all kinds of crazy things for the people we love, right?

Unknown issues (Worriers/hypochondriacs notes) Now that I'm able to confirm that I'm ovulating again, I'm feeling pretty chill on this front.

Rants about being in limbo land? Sometimes I feel like I don't have a right to be disappointed that I'm not pregnant yet because I brought it on myself with the extended breastfeeding. If I had known I would be waiting a year, I might have made different choices. On the other hand, plenty of women get their periods back while breastfeeding, so I just kept thinking, "Maybe tomorrow." Besides, I really can't say I regret anything, because I love all the nice snuggles I've gotten the past year with my otherwise rambunctious toddler.

Anything else you'd like to see / know of others also in limbo land? Not that I can think of.

[kawaiikitsune]

Apr 1, 2015 11:21:22 GMT -5 achromia said:

Apr 1, 2015 10:43:25 GMT -5 kawaiikitsune said:

achromia - Fertility is not inherited and your parent's issues conceiving have no bearing on your own.

Thanks.  Logically, I know that. Emotionally, it's just hard that we seem to be repeating history.

We haven't told our families that we're TTC, and the last time I was home visiting both of my parents said something along the lines of, "I just hope that whenever you're ready, you guys never struggle to get pregnant like we did!" Smiling and saying, "Me too!" sucked. Nine months is certainly not seven years, but I never want to see seven years, yanno?

I get that. I have to hear my mom brag about being a fertile Myrtle all the time and how she just thought about having sex and she was pregnant. I know she doesn't mean to be hurtful but it kind of is. I'm like "Mom, I get that it was easy for you but as you can see, it isn't for me." I just grit my teeth and smile/laugh.

[pismoduo]

Total cycles trying: 7
Total months trying: 7 (as of this morning)

Known issues: I don't know if it's an "issue" but I used Depo Provera for BC for almost a decade. It took me six months after that to get my period back, and cycles are still somewhat irregular. But they're starting to get more consistent.

Unknown issues: Neither of us have any reason to believe we have issues, but that doesn't stop the random thoughts of "what if there IS an issue?"

Rants: Just when I think I've figured it all out, my body changes up on me. I'll think I've figured out my secondary indicators and have a good handle on it, then something changes.

Then there's that nagging voice in the back of my head that keeps pointing out that yes, it's been 7 months and 7 cycles, but of those 1 was annovulatory and 2 we completely missed the window. So really, we've only had 4 shots at this. Then I feel bad about feeling frustrated because really, it hasn't been that many cycles that we've actively been trying. Hell, I even feel weird participating in this thread because I know there are people who have been trying longer than I have and that I probably sound like a whiner.

[ceejay]

Thanks for starting this, meerkatmillie!

Total #cycles officially trying: 7

Total #months officially trying: 7 (as of today)

Known issues (ie multiple cps/losses, vitamin d deficiency, confirmed PCOS diagnosis, etc): Nothing known, I have textbook cycles and have been very regular since stopping BCPs in September.

Unknown issues (Worriers/hypochondriacs notes): I'm worried that if we do have any issues, it will be something with MH. I think he feels this way too, so I try not to mention it...

Rants: I never thought it would take this long for me to get pregnant. I know others have been trying much longer, so I'm not complaining (yet), but I've always had very regular cycles - 27-29 days, ovulation around day 15, with a 12-13 day luteal phase... So I never thought I'd have a problem getting KU. Ever since we started trying in October, we've had good or great timing with nothing to show for it. TTC has definitely lost it's initial appeal/excitement, and I'm starting to doubt if we will be able to get pregnant naturally without help. I know it's still early though.

Anything else you'd like to see / know of others also in limbo land?: Nothing I can think of!

[wowcheezits]

Total #cycles officially trying: 9
Total #months officially trying: 9

Known issues (ie multiple cps/losses, vitamin d deficiency, confirmed PCOS diagnosis, etc)
Hypothyroidism

Unknown issues (Worriers/hypochondriacs notes)
weight/age/PCOS maybe?

Rants about being in limbo land?
Am I too old? Too fat? 

Anything else you'd like to see / know of others also in limbo land?
Should I get tested for PCOS even though I ovulate every cycle? Dr. said my cycles are irregular. Other than that, no other issues that I know of. Dr. said other than the thyroid, which is stabilized I'm a very healthy person. I'm 38 btw. DH did an in-home fertility thing and his swimmers are good. 

[Deleted]

kh59, Wonderful job nursing for extended time! I did end up weaning my first ds when he was 14 months bc my cycles hadn't returned and I was anxious to become pg again. I didn't regret it as it worked well for us but I just want to say my hats off to you for bfing your dd.
Who knows, you may (if you want another) get my experience of then conceiving my 3rd while nursing my 2nd at 9months! Bodies are weird like that

[Deleted]

wowcheezits, just being nosy but are you planning on seeing an RE? You are (past) normally accepted practices of seeking assistance as I'm sure you know. If I were in your shoes and emotionally/financially ready I'd do so.

[Deleted]

Apr 1, 2015 11:28:38 GMT -5 kawaiikitsune said:

Apr 1, 2015 11:21:22 GMT -5 achromia said:

Thanks.  Logically, I know that. Emotionally, it's just hard that we seem to be repeating history.

We haven't told our families that we're TTC, and the last time I was home visiting both of my parents said something along the lines of, "I just hope that whenever you're ready, you guys never struggle to get pregnant like we did!" Smiling and saying, "Me too!" sucked. Nine months is certainly not seven years, but I never want to see seven years, yanno?

I get that. I have to hear my mom brag about being a fertile Myrtle all the time and how she just thought about having sex and she was pregnant. I know she doesn't mean to be hurtful but it kind of is. I'm like "Mom, I get that it was easy for you but as you can see, it isn't for me." I just grit my teeth and smile/laugh.

I come from ridiculously fertile family too. My dad is one of 12 kids. My mom's mom bragged about how successful they were with the Rhythm method (both Eww and props to my 90 year old grandma). I, myself, have 3 siblings and my youngest brother was a result of my parents not following instructions after my dad's vasectomy.
H also has similar background with a very large extended family. My MIL got her tubes tied after 2 c-sections, barely 2 years apart. Amongst our siblings who are/have TTC, we're the only ones who have gone past the 3 month mark.
Some days I really wonder what is so different about us.

[kawaiikitsune]

Apr 1, 2015 12:45:26 GMT -5 @wallflwr926 said:

Apr 1, 2015 11:28:38 GMT -5 kawaiikitsune said:

I get that. I have to hear my mom brag about being a fertile Myrtle all the time and how she just thought about having sex and she was pregnant. I know she doesn't mean to be hurtful but it kind of is. I'm like "Mom, I get that it was easy for you but as you can see, it isn't for me." I just grit my teeth and smile/laugh.

I come from ridiculously fertile family too. My dad is one of 12 kids. My mom's mom bragged about how successful they were with the Rhythm method (both Eww and props to my 90 year old grandma). I, myself, have 3 siblings and my youngest brother was a result of my parents not following instructions after my dad's vasectomy.
H also has similar background with a very large extended family. My MIL got her tubes tied after 2 c-sections, barely 2 years apart. Amongst our siblings who are/have TTC, we're the only ones who have gone past the 3 month mark.
Some days I really wonder what is so different about us.

I relate so much to this statement.

[mustloveerica]

Apr 1, 2015 12:51:48 GMT -5 kawaiikitsune said:

Apr 1, 2015 12:45:26 GMT -5 @wallflwr926 said:

I come from ridiculously fertile family too. My dad is one of 12 kids. My mom's mom bragged about how successful they were with the Rhythm method (both Eww and props to my 90 year old grandma). I, myself, have 3 siblings and my youngest brother was a result of my parents not following instructions after my dad's vasectomy.
H also has similar background with a very large extended family. My MIL got her tubes tied after 2 c-sections, barely 2 years apart. Amongst our siblings who are/have TTC, we're the only ones who have gone past the 3 month mark.
Some days I really wonder what is so different about us.

I relate so much to this statement.

DHs sisters both have gotten pregnant first or second try every time. One has three kids and is talking about #4 and the other has a 10 month old and just start BC because she "doesn't want to get pregnant before us". It's hard for them to relate to what we are going thru at all.

[morwen]

****** I always cheer harder for BFPs that happen after 6+ months because it gives me hope

[kawaiikitsune]

Apr 1, 2015 12:53:50 GMT -5 mustloveerica said:

Apr 1, 2015 12:51:48 GMT -5 kawaiikitsune said:

I relate so much to this statement.

DHs sisters both have gotten pregnant first or second try every time. One has three kids and is talking about #4 and the other has a 10 month old and just start BC because she "doesn't want to get pregnant before us". It's hard for them to relate to what we are going thru at all.

Both of my sisters got pregnant relatively easy. My younger sister keeps telling me that I'm trying too hard. And when she calls to complain about how hard it is with two kids and says "Oh, one day when you have kids, you'll understand" I want to cunt punch her in the taint.

[mustloveerica]

Apr 1, 2015 13:13:18 GMT -5 kawaiikitsune said:

Apr 1, 2015 12:53:50 GMT -5 mustloveerica said:

DHs sisters both have gotten pregnant first or second try every time. One has three kids and is talking about #4 and the other has a 10 month old and just start BC because she "doesn't want to get pregnant before us". It's hard for them to relate to what we are going thru at all.

Both of my sisters got pregnant relatively easy. My younger sister keeps telling me that I'm trying too hard. And when she calls to complain about how hard it is with two kids and says "Oh, one day when you have kids, you'll understand" I want to cunt punch her in the taint.

Ugh!!! Like my SIL that is going on BC. In her mind she's doing it out of respect and love for us. But it makes me feel guilty. Like its MY fault she's not allowed to have another kid. If she wants another baby by all means have one! She asked me if I would be upset if she got pregnant. I said I would be so happy for her and so excited for another niece or nephew but yes I would be sad. And then boom she decided she's going to wait for us. Awkward...

[kawaiikitsune]

Apr 1, 2015 13:16:25 GMT -5 mustloveerica said:

Apr 1, 2015 13:13:18 GMT -5 kawaiikitsune said:

Both of my sisters got pregnant relatively easy. My younger sister keeps telling me that I'm trying too hard. And when she calls to complain about how hard it is with two kids and says "Oh, one day when you have kids, you'll understand" I want to cunt punch her in the taint.

Ugh!!! Like my SIL that is going on BC. In her mind she's doing it out of respect and love for us. But it makes me feel guilty. Like its MY fault she's not allowed to have another kid. If she wants another baby by all means have one! She asked me if I would be upset if she got pregnant. I said I would be so happy for her and so excited for another niece or nephew but yes I would be sad. And then boom she decided she's going to wait for us. Awkward...

Oof, that does sound awkward. Don't schedule having kids around whether or not someone else can/can't. That's just weird.

[becwheat]

Apr 1, 2015 10:10:52 GMT -5 mugster said:

Apr 1, 2015 9:58:08 GMT -5 BrewGirl said:

mugster, your temps are just like mine. Pre-O, I am in the 96 range. Post-O, 97's. I worried about my thyroid as well but all tests came back normal.

It is just depressing to hit "Charts like Mine" on Fertility Friend. If I match by ovulation date and intercourse patterns 40% of charts are pregnancy charts. If I match by pre-O and post-O temps, 12% are pregnancy charts, and there aren't that many of them in total (200>pregnancy charts>20). I don't know if that means the sample size is just too small so the data is skewed or if low bbts correlate with more trouble getting pregnant (even if the thyroid is fine?). Or if I'm just crazy.

I totally feel you! The pre and post O temps "like mine" is very depressing.

And I know it is bad to compare, but my temps 5 years ago (before and at the time if my last BFP) were much higher.

[lynners]

Total #cycles officially trying: currently in the midst of cycle 8
Total #months officially trying: 10
Known issues: Obesity? Despite that, my blood work is consistently normal (thyroid, hormones, etc.), and ultrasounds ordered by my doc for suspected PCOS turned up completely normal as well. I've always had irregular cycles, however. And the "cycle" prior to this was 34 days of bleeding, so I had to get a progesterone prescription to get that under control.
Unknown issues:I don't even know what to put here. Since there doesn't *seem* to be anything wrong with me except my weight and irregular cycles, I sometimes wonder if my husband might have something going on.
Anything else you'd like to see / know of others also in limbo land? Nope! I think this is good, although I'm worried we might be "borrowing trouble" since we're not actually at that 12 month point yet.

[wowcheezits]

Apr 1, 2015 12:43:16 GMT -5 @kellbell said:

wowcheezits, just being nosy but are you planning on seeing an RE? You are (past) normally accepted practices of seeking assistance as I'm sure you know. If I were in your shoes and emotionally/financially ready I'd do so.

Problem is that my insurance does not cover fertility concerns and I don't have the money for an RE or the treatments. So for me, it is what it is. I think I'm going to go in and ask about being tested for PCOS. I'm looking at all the signs and symptoms and I'm getting depressed.

[SheilaTheTank]

Apr 1, 2015 11:28:38 GMT -5 kawaiikitsune said:

Apr 1, 2015 11:21:22 GMT -5 achromia said:

Thanks.  Logically, I know that. Emotionally, it's just hard that we seem to be repeating history.

We haven't told our families that we're TTC, and the last time I was home visiting both of my parents said something along the lines of, "I just hope that whenever you're ready, you guys never struggle to get pregnant like we did!" Smiling and saying, "Me too!" sucked. Nine months is certainly not seven years, but I never want to see seven years, yanno?

I get that. I have to hear my mom brag about being a fertile Myrtle all the time and how she just thought about having sex and she was pregnant. I know she doesn't mean to be hurtful but it kind of is. I'm like "Mom, I get that it was easy for you but as you can see, it isn't for me." I just grit my teeth and smile/laugh.

**Lurking** 

My mother is coming over this weekend for Easter and I'm dreading it. If she tells me one more time how she got pregnant while on the pill and with protection I'm going to lose my shit. 

[anustart]

locopollo I get the spotting too! It's very disheartening. As for the pull out method - according to my SIL, a family practice doctor, it is nearly as effective as a condom, in the 80s of percentage.

[setsuna17]

Total #cycles officially trying Fucking 13
Total #months officially trying 12
Known issues (ie multiple cps/losses, vitamin d deficiency, confirmed PCOS diagnosis, etc) NONE
Unknown issues (Worriers/hypochondriacs notes) Sperm quality? Me being fat? My anxiety? Aliens?
Rants about being in limbo land? It freaking sucks. I really thought I'd be on my way to baby land already. Seriously, I waited until DD was a certain age and now it's all for naught.
Anything else you'd like to see / know of others also in limbo land? Not right now

[mrsjene]

SheilaTheTank's story reminded me of something that happened to me when I was 18...

The doctor called my house and told me I was pregnant after testing my urine during a routine exam. I argued that I was on the pill and made bf use condoms. They forced me to come in for a blood test to confirm. Turns out, I wasn't pregnant. The lab switched my urine results with someone else's results.