I don't have any business giving advice because I failed miserably trying to breastfeed both of mine. I just wanted to add another comment so you know you aren't alone in your struggle. I was terribly depressed about it, and it's at the top of my list for why I think I'm done at 2. I know for me I was letting the judgment of other people cloud my own feelings. In my heart I knew that I was feeding my baby and that was what mattered. Best of luck at whatever YOU decide to do because it is your decision and your baby will thrive regardless.
Thank you for the consolation. It truly helps. What doesnt help is the hospital staff practically shoving BFing down my throat, making me feel like a failure for resorting to formula for feeding my kid.
According to them, if you're not nursing every 2 hrs or demand, then pumping right after, and taking every supplement known to man to help with supply, then you're giving up and not trying.
I mean, honestly speaking I feel awful right now bc I've been struggling with this, and meanwhile I've spent zero quality time with my toddler (who is having a hard time with the transition and acting out constantly bc of it) bc all my time has been spent either nursing or pumping, it feels like. I just dont have the time Not to mention, my hormones dont make any of it easy to handle. The obvious answer is just say fuck it, save my sanity, and just switch to EFF..but IDK why its so gd hard for me to just pull the trigger and make the switch.
I don't have any business giving advice because I failed miserably trying to breastfeed both of mine. I just wanted to add another comment so you know you aren't alone in your struggle. I was terribly depressed about it, and it's at the top of my list for why I think I'm done at 2. I know for me I was letting the judgment of other people cloud my own feelings. In my heart I knew that I was feeding my baby and that was what mattered. Best of luck at whatever YOU decide to do because it is your decision and your baby will thrive regardless.
Thank you for the consolation. It truly helps. What doesnt help is the hospital staff practically shoving BFing down my throat, making me feel like a failure for resorting to formula for feeding my kid.
According to them, if you're not nursing every 2 hrs or demand, then pumping right after, and taking every supplement known to man to help with supply, then you're giving up and not trying.
I mean, honestly speaking I feel awful right now bc I've been struggling with this, and meanwhile I've spent zero quality time with my toddler (who is having a hard time with the transition and acting out constantly bc of it) bc all my time has been spent either nursing or pumping, it feels like. I just dont have the time Not to mention, my hormones dont make any of it easy to handle. The obvious answer is just say fuck it, save my sanity, and just switch to EFF..but IDK why its so gd hard for me to just pull the trigger and make the switch.
Fuck the hospital staff. You're there asking for help and guidance, so clearly you're trying. I think it's easy to brush off other's troubles when you either haven't had those troubles yourself or it's been so long that you've kind of glazed over how awful it is.
After I quit with my DS I felt so guilty for feeling such relief. I was free from the pump. I could give my toddler attention. I wasn't crying in anticipation of every failed feeding. Then a few days later this horrible guilt just came over me. I hated myself for not trying harder. DH said it was time to just let it go. I cried and cried about how I should have gone back to the LC or kept pumping or whatever else. He said that we both knew that we would end up in this place whether it was a week ago or two weeks from now. It just wasn't working, and I was unhappy. He said being a happy mom to DS and DD was more important than what was in the bottle.
Thank you for the consolation. It truly helps. What doesnt help is the hospital staff practically shoving BFing down my throat, making me feel like a failure for resorting to formula for feeding my kid.
According to them, if you're not nursing every 2 hrs or demand, then pumping right after, and taking every supplement known to man to help with supply, then you're giving up and not trying.
I mean, honestly speaking I feel awful right now bc I've been struggling with this, and meanwhile I've spent zero quality time with my toddler (who is having a hard time with the transition and acting out constantly bc of it) bc all my time has been spent either nursing or pumping, it feels like. I just dont have the time Not to mention, my hormones dont make any of it easy to handle. The obvious answer is just say fuck it, save my sanity, and just switch to EFF..but IDK why its so gd hard for me to just pull the trigger and make the switch.
Fuck the hospital staff. You're there asking for help and guidance, so clearly you're trying. I think it's easy to brush off other's troubles when you either haven't had those troubles yourself or it's been so long that you've kind of glazed over how awful it is.
After I quit with my DS I felt so guilty for feeling such relief. I was free from the pump. I could give my toddler attention. I wasn't crying in anticipation of every failed feeding. Then a few days later this horrible guilt just came over me. I hated myself for not trying harder. DH said it was time to just let it go. I cried and cried about how I should have gone back to the LC or kept pumping or whatever else. He said that we both knew that we would end up in this place whether it was a week ago or two weeks from now. It just wasn't working, and I was unhappy. He said being a happy mom to DS and DD was more important than what was in the bottle.
This is exactly where we are at right now. Mh and I have talked at length about this, bc he saw how bad I struggled with it when DS1 was a baby. So he's been by my side comforting me as I sob about this all over again. He keeps telling me to just let it go bc we at least knew wgat to expect this time around and were aware that i already had a supply issue, so this comes as no surprise. our first son obviously thrived on formula and I know ds2 will too, but each time my boobs feel a bit tight and full, I feel obligated not to waste what little bit BM I'm producing. Pretty ridiculous. And once again, I feel like its a vicious cycle of guilt..my kids deserve a happy and stress free mom, not a stressed out, exhausted mom thats chained to a pump.
Post by lucilleaustero on Jan 21, 2015 13:22:28 GMT -5
Breastfeeding is such a mindfuck and can bring on the guilt like nothing else can. With DD, I tried so hard. But, she had health issues and I was so overwhelmed and stressed. I spent way too many hours crying over this and beating myself up. I was dripping guilt.
With DS, it has been much easier, even though he was a preemie in the NICU. He latched from day one. A lot of it is out of our control.
If it means a lot to you, pump to keep up supply, seek out the LLL, or local LCs. The LCs in the NICU was amazing and really gave mea good foundation.
But, if it is too overwhelming, or you decide not to breastfeed, be easy on yourself. We are lucky. We live in a time where there are no bad options. Breastmilk? Great. Formula? Great. Either way your baby will grow and get nutrition and love. Winning all around.
Fuck the hospital staff. You're there asking for help and guidance, so clearly you're trying. I think it's easy to brush off other's troubles when you either haven't had those troubles yourself or it's been so long that you've kind of glazed over how awful it is.
After I quit with my DS I felt so guilty for feeling such relief. I was free from the pump. I could give my toddler attention. I wasn't crying in anticipation of every failed feeding. Then a few days later this horrible guilt just came over me. I hated myself for not trying harder. DH said it was time to just let it go. I cried and cried about how I should have gone back to the LC or kept pumping or whatever else. He said that we both knew that we would end up in this place whether it was a week ago or two weeks from now. It just wasn't working, and I was unhappy. He said being a happy mom to DS and DD was more important than what was in the bottle.
This is exactly where we are at right now. Mh and I have talked at length about this, bc he saw how bad I struggled with it when DS1 was a baby. So he's been by my side comforting me as I sob about this all over again. He keeps telling me to just let it go bc we at least knew wgat to expect this time around and were aware that i already had a supply issue, so this comes as no surprise. our first son obviously thrived on formula and I know ds2 will too, but each time my boobs feel a bit tight and full, I feel obligated not to waste what little bit BM I'm producing. Pretty ridiculous. And once again, I feel like its a vicious cycle of guilt..my kids deserve a happy and stress free mom, not a stressed out, exhausted mom thats chained to a pump.
The guilt blows. But you're going to have guilt no matter what you pick. Is he getting enough when nursing? Am I terrible mom to my toddler by chaining myself to the pump? Am I weak for going with formula?
Only you know what is going to work best for you. I'm sure everyone on here will be here for you if decide to power through all the bumps that may come along with building a supply either through nursing or pumping. And everyone will be here to reassure you that formula will make sure your baby is fed and happy. Try to take away what you think you should do and focus on what you want to do. Breastfeeding or formula feeding will not define you as a mother.
Post by ladyviking on Jan 21, 2015 14:35:17 GMT -5
The nicu staff at my hospital were very pro-bf but there were a handful of nurses who were awesome and had had to formula feed their babies. They were my support. Didn't make me feel ashamed or guilty. I finally told the rest of them that when I went home Id never feel comfortable with my supply (I had issues) and I would be so anxious that I knew I was going to supplement at home. So they stopped harassing me about the supplementation. I pumped for 3 months and that was all I could do. Thankfully at my 6 week checkup my dr was 100% on my side. Still took me longer and the guilt was ridiculous to finally quit. Now 9 months later I haven't regretted the decision once.
The nicu staff at my hospital were very pro-bf but there were a handful of nurses who were awesome and had had to formula feed their babies. They were my support. Didn't make me feel ashamed or guilty. I finally told the rest of them that when I went home Id never feel comfortable with my supply (I had issues) and I would be so anxious that I knew I was going to supplement at home. So they stopped harassing me about the supplementation. I pumped for 3 months and that was all I could do. Thankfully at my 6 week checkup my dr was 100% on my side. Still took me longer and the guilt was ridiculous to finally quit. Now 9 months later I haven't regretted the decision once.
Yeah, there were a few labor nurses (1 in particular was freaking awesome and I love her to pieces bc she took amazing care of me through and through) that were totally non judgemental and respectful of whatever I wanted to do when I told them I was on the fence about BFing bc of the struggles I had with it last time. The 1 nurse even brought some formula to my room for me and told me to stand up for myself and whatever I chose to do and not let anyone make me feel guilty forhow I choose to feed my baby.
But man, those recovery nurses were brutal. Especially the one that discharged us. She can eat dick bc she drove me fucking nuts. I get that its her job to educate patients on the benefits of BFing and all that jazz, but when I told her about the suspicion that I have IGT (insufficient glandular tissue- resulting in low supply in the right breast/almost nothing in the left discovered last time while working tirelessly with the LC when I had DS1), it was like she didnt even hear me...she just kept pushing.
Thank you for the consolation. It truly helps. What doesnt help is the hospital staff practically shoving BFing down my throat, making me feel like a failure for resorting to formula for feeding my kid.
According to them, if you're not nursing every 2 hrs or demand, then pumping right after, and taking every supplement known to man to help with supply, then you're giving up and not trying.
I mean, honestly speaking I feel awful right now bc I've been struggling with this, and meanwhile I've spent zero quality time with my toddler (who is having a hard time with the transition and acting out constantly bc of it) bc all my time has been spent either nursing or pumping, it feels like. I just dont have the time Not to mention, my hormones dont make any of it easy to handle. The obvious answer is just say fuck it, save my sanity, and just switch to EFF..but IDK why its so gd hard for me to just pull the trigger and make the switch.
Those hospital staff members should be reported and held accountable. That is inexcusable and I'm livid for you.
It's hard because you are a GREAT mom who thinks about things, and weighs your choices, because you care so much about doing the best thing for your baby. They should be telling you the truth - that LO will honest to God be exactly the same BF or FF, and that YOU matter here too.
Please don't let them get in your head. The fact that you care this much shows what an awesome mommy you are, and THAT is what is going to make the difference for your baby. You have very lucky kiddos.
@scoutnumbers Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to hear that.
Its sad that while there is endless support for BFing there is little to no support for the women out there who can't successfully (or just don't want to).
The nicu staff at my hospital were very pro-bf but there were a handful of nurses who were awesome and had had to formula feed their babies. They were my support. Didn't make me feel ashamed or guilty. I finally told the rest of them that when I went home Id never feel comfortable with my supply (I had issues) and I would be so anxious that I knew I was going to supplement at home. So they stopped harassing me about the supplementation. I pumped for 3 months and that was all I could do. Thankfully at my 6 week checkup my dr was 100% on my side. Still took me longer and the guilt was ridiculous to finally quit. Now 9 months later I haven't regretted the decision once.
Yeah, there were a few labor nurses (1 in particular was freaking awesome and I love her to pieces bc she took amazing care of me through and through) that were totally non judgemental and respectful of whatever I wanted to do when I told them I was on the fence about BFing bc of the struggles I had with it last time. The 1 nurse even brought some formula to my room for me and told me to stand up for myself and whatever I chose to do and not let anyone make me feel guilty forhow I choose to feed my baby.
But man, those recovery nurses were brutal. Especially the one that discharged us. She can eat dick bc she drove me fucking nuts. I get that its her job to educate patients on the benefits of BFing and all that jazz, but when I told her about the suspicion that I have IGT (insufficient glandular tissue- resulting in low supply in the right breast/almost nothing in the left discovered last time while working tirelessly with the LC when I had DS1), it was like she didnt even hear me...she just kept pushing.
Thanks sucks! Good luck! You know yourself and babe best so I know you are making the right choice!
If your hospital has a survey when you leave Id be sure to mention the recovery. My hospital did and I specifically talked about the bf push and how FF should be supported as well.
Post by outnumbered on Jan 21, 2015 15:29:44 GMT -5
I think that your emotional help is more important than feeding your baby breast milk. Looking back I realize nursing affected my attachment and mental health with DC#1. Once I switched to formula at 6 months it felt like the sun came up after dark days. I wish that I could go back and make the change sooner so I could have enjoyed my time with her. Good luck and try not to be hard on yourself.
Honey, you have been on my mind ever since I saw your post last night and I just didn't have the time at that second to give you the response you deserve.
First, you have sooo many hugs and love from me being sent your way. I have been there. The guilt and stress over being unable to BF along with other insanity after DS was born pushed me into PPD without a doubt in my mind. I struggled and struggled with the "what if" for months. And I KNOW there are other moms on here with the same story. And they will say the same thing, DS2 needs to eat. Who really cares what it is that he eats??? Yeah, you want to BF, and you should exhaust all options that are feasible for your family.
At this point, you have reached a cross roads. You have to ask what is best for your family? DS1 needs an emotionally stable mom to help him through this transition. Will being able to BF lead you to being emotionally stable? Or will it lead you to more frustration and in turn have him struggle even more with the introduction of DS2 into the family dynamic? How important is BF to you? Remember, this isn't an issue of not trying hard enough. You have been diagnosed with a physical deformity (per say, I can't think of the right word here...) that makes it difficult/almost impossible (depending on the severity) to BF. You want DS2 to grow and DS1 to know that he is loved. Being tied to the pump for an ounce, hopefully more if you can find a way to produce more, but if not, is that ounce worth it to you?
I know, after the past year of fighting with DH over my regrets regarding BF and sooo many tears, DH says that it isn't worth it to him. He doesn't want me to put myself through the emotional stress that BF another child would possibly cause. Second time around, there is another child to think about and even more stress and strain on the mother through recovery because there really isn't the time to rest and recover and bond with that new little squish. My DS BF story is much like yours, the pedi threatened to put him in the hospital for FTT...I managed to ward that off by every 2 hr feedings of preemie formula and got him growing and gaining. When I went back to work, my supply even disappeared more. At the end of the day after multiple pumping sessions, I only had a 4 oz bottle, at most a 6 oz bottle. It was at that point that I quit. DH was thrilled, I was miserable. I beat myself up for close to 7 more months after that moment. You ladies in parenting and some from my BMB helped me to see that I needed help and that BF was really my PPD trigger and that I needed to let it go.
If you choose to try to continue BF, let me know, I have several more tricks up my sleeve than were mentioned here. But, if you choose not to continue to BF, know that you are still a wonderful mother to your boys and that you are doing what is best for you, your DH, your DS1, and your DS2. And anyone that tells you different....Well, I have a whole lot of things going through my head as a response for them, but I shouldn't say all those things.... Big big hugs girl!!!
Post by marsinvestigations on Jan 21, 2015 16:03:48 GMT -5
Before I had my son, whenever people would ask if I was going to bf (and why do people think this is an ok thing to ask anyway?) I would say " oh I'll try, but if I can't, it's no big deal". Then the baby came and I couldn't ... And I was devastated. I beat myself up to no end and tried every last thing I could to make it work. And it still didn't. I honestly feel like the first month or so of his life I was so consumed with "fixing" this that I didn't even really bond with E.
So, I Am going to say to you what I wish someone had said to me ( and I hope you don't mind since you don't know me and I was a dirty lurker on the dump): You are an awesome mom. You are doing everything you can for your baby. Feeding your baby formula is not failing as a mom. And while it may not be what you originally wanted, formula is perfectly fine. Better than fine, if it makes you a happier mama. Please be kind to yourself.
ssm I can't even find the words right now, but your post is legit making me tear up. Thank you so much, from the.bottom of my heart for your incredibly heartfelt, kind words. It means so much to me. Also, I'm so sorry you had to deal with such struggles after your ds's birth. Recovery from childbirth is hard enough (IMO its harder emotionally than physically), without the added stress of feeding method.
Honestly, I cant thank all of you ladies enough for the outpouring of love and support. This is really helping to open my eyes and realize what's really important here...and thats the physical and mental health of me, MH, and my kids...not BFing. I feel so ridiculous for getting so stuck in my own head about this, especially when I promised myself I wouldn't this time.
Furthermore, I think without the added stress of trying to BF and worrying about ds2's weight gain bc of my supply issues, I'll be able to devote more time and energy into helping DS1 through this transition. Bc right now, both him and I are struggling a bit..and it breaks my heart. I know with time, all will be well again and we'll find our new normal, but man, is the transition period a scary and nwrvewracking one!
In the meantime, I made an appt with my therapist for tomorrow..its gonna feel so good to just get it all out! And I think I'll have a glass of wine tonight and maybe hop in the drinking thread.
@mrst0514 - You really do have big giant hugs and love and support coming your way from me! BTDT, I know. it doesn't help how the world views BF vs FF. You remember a few months ago how a bunch of us were all up in arms about the "national breastfeeding awareness month" and that list of things that tb posted as positives? holy cow, what a giant guilt trip that was. But, in the end, what is most important is you and your family. I know you will be fine. Keep your chin up and snuggle those boys. Maybe to a take out pizza and movie night on the couch tonight with the boys. They deserve your love and need their mom. hugs!
@mrst0514 - You really do have big giant hugs and love and support coming your way from me! BTDT, I know. it doesn't help how the world views BF vs FF. You remember a few months ago how a bunch of us were all up in arms about the "national breastfeeding awareness month" and that list of things that tb posted as positives? holy cow, what a giant guilt trip that was. But, in the end, what is most important is you and your family. I know you will be fine. Keep your chin up and snuggle those boys. Maybe to a take out pizza and movie night on the couch tonight with the boys. They deserve your love and need their mom. hugs!
ssm you're such a sweetheart. Thank you. I wish I could reach out and hug you right now (but if we're being honest, I'd probably end up a huge, sobbing puddle of tears!).
And holy crap on a cracker, its crazy how amnesia seems take over when it comes to childbirth/PP recovery! I remember the hormones were a bitch after I had DS1, but, shit...I forgot just how intense it felt at the time. How everything seems like a "life or death" type of decision at the time, only to realize months later after the hormones have dissipated, that it was really never that big of a deal in the first place.
Anyway, I cannot express how grateful I am to have you guys there to talk me through this. It so incredibly comforting to have people around who understand exactly how I'm feeling!
You've received great advice already, but I just wanted to offer words of encouragement for if you do decide to let it go... if you ultimately decide to switch to formula, do not let yourself feel guilty. You are feeding your child. Period.
And hey, we're in the same boat in that case -- a week into it I stopped BFing and pumping too, for various reasons, most of which many might argue are manageable and I should be able to "deal with" them and "fight through" but you know what... no. It just does not work for MY unique situation, it's not one size fits all, and I am in tune with myself enough to know and recognize signs that my sanity just isn't going to handle it, and that is reason enough.... sanity first.
You don't need a "good enough" reason or to justify to anyone. Feed your child and that is it.... you are doing great.
You've received great advice already, but I just wanted to offer words of encouragement for if you do decide to let it go... if you ultimately decide to switch to formula, do not let yourself feel guilty. You are feeding your child. Period.
And hey, we're in the same boat in that case -- a week into it I stopped BFing and pumping too, for various reasons, most of which many might argue are manageable and I should be able to "deal with" them and "fight through" but you know what... no. It just does not work for MY unique situation, it's not one size fits all, and I am in tune with myself enough to know and recognize signs that my sanity just isn't going to handle it, and that is reason enough.... sanity first.
You don't need a "good enough" reason or to justify to anyone. Feed your child and that is it.... you are doing great.
Thanks, mama the commiseration is much appreciated. Sorry you guys were struggling too though.
I've decided to just make the switch to formula though. Like you said, its not a "one size fits all" type of situation. And I feel like continuing to fight that battle would only create more anxiety. DS1 was on formula from 3weeks old on and has thrived..so I know ds2 will too. My sanity is more important than all the anxiety and mental craziness that comes along with BFing.
Post by fickleflamingo on Jan 22, 2015 5:54:30 GMT -5
I also understand the struggle. My son was tube fed for the first 3 weeks and then couldnt figure out nursing. A few weeks later we had to fortify him to a degree which didn't allow BFing. I don't produce with a pump so I dried up at 4 months. He had open heart surgery at 11 weeks and I was told throughout pregnancy that breastmilk would be vital to his health bc of his special needs. I was actually put in touch with an LC at 25 weeks pregnant to enforce the point. Luckily the LCs were very knowledgable about his special needs and were realistic about the extent of my abilities in the situation. But I still get random people questioning me about BFing and then thinking they know more than all the doctors and LCs I worked with. It's so frustrating.
I haven't read any of the other responses so if I'm repeating info, sorry!
Two things that I wanted to say:
1- I had issues w/ DS with latching. So I pumped and used a special bottle that helped him learn to suck. I EPd for 2 months. Totally randomly, when he was about 8 weeks old, I tried to put him on the breast and guess what? He took right to it and I ended up being able to nurse him. I only did it for 4 months. By that point, my supply wasn't great and I was supplementing a lot so when he was 6 months, I stopped. But - I was really happy I had those few months.
2- In the end, what matters is that you are feeding your child. THAT is what matters. whether it's through BF or FF, it doesn't matter. You want your child to be healthy and happy and he will be that through EITHER method!!!!
Please, please, please, don't feel guilt over FFing. Please. Being a mother is hard enough as it is!! Take this one piece out of the equation. Your child is fed. Focus on that!
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.