How do you react when a kid hurts your baby? *long vent*

[mels823]

Alright. We had some Easter drama today.  

I have 4 nieces and nephews that I love.  One of my nephews, who is 3, has down syndrome  He is such a sweet boy and is so funny and adorable!  He does have problems with throwing things.  He throws anything he can get his hands on.  He throws his bottle at his grandma all the time Toys, silverware, plates... anything. He hits when he is upset. He just can't help it. And I totally understand that.  I stand up for him all the time when my DH complains about his behavior. 

My LO is 11 weeks old and has a full head of hair. Lots of hair. We brush it into a mohawk because there is so much of it!  She was in her bouncer today when he came over and nicely pat her head (we were watching him like a hawk because he has hit her (lightly) a few times).  All of a sudden I see him keep his hand on the top of her head and clench his fist. My husband and I jumped up and shouted "NO!" but it was too late.  He had a huge chunk of hair in his hands and yanked SO hard.  If she hadn't of been buckled into the bouncer she might have come out of it. It was awful.

It took us a few seconds to get him to loosen his hand and let go of her hair.  She was screaming like never before. Cried for well over 5 minutes. SO many tears.  I have never seen her like this before. It was so heartbreaking

He hardly talks and I know he doesn't even know that what he did was wrong and that he hurt her, so of course he can't apologize, and I totally get that! I don't expect him to! His parents though, honest to god laughed it off.  Were like "oh, well, in a year she will be able to fight back!". Really?!?!?!  They didn't even try to tell him it was bad and that he hurt her.  This wasn't a gentle tug.  I'm not one to exaggerate. She's 11 weeks old.  Not even 10 pounds. So small to have her head yanked like that.  If she was a few years older I wouldn't be as upset I don't think.

All I expected, or really wanted, was his parents to apologize.  If my dogs barks at a kid and scares them I apologize immediately because I know that they can't! Not to mention it's just the right thing to do. It was just so upsetting to see someone hurt her. I know she won't remember it, but hey, I'm a girl and I know that if someone grabbed a big chunk of my hair and pulled hard it would hurt! Bad! I'm just so annoyed with my BIL and his wife.  Am I being over dramatic here? 

[mishka29]

I don't think so. When I got to the part where you said he can't apologize, my thought was true but his parents could. Then I read they laughed about it. Not cool of them because of amount of damage done to such a small baby. But then I think, my knowledge of how best to communicate or discipline a child with downs is nil so maybe there is a reason they didn't respond that way.

At this point there really isn't anything you can do. Maybe in the future keep her a bit closer until she gets a bit older.

[wimcgrath]

Oh my gosh! I completely get where you're coming from. Even though your nephew can't apologize for his actions and maybe can't rationalize them as being bad, his parents totally should have. Regardless of circumstance, I would have been mortified if my child had done and would've apologized immediately and at least talked to my kid about it. I wonder if maybe they are a little defensive and "over" correcting his behavior...

[abb1701]

I think they definitely should have apologized. Granted they probably laughed it off because they were embarrassed but that's still no excuse.

[mels823]

The thing that really bothers me is that he will be there while grandma watches her 2 mornings a week once I'm back to work (Thursday). we are having lunch with her tomorrow to talk about how important it is to keep them separated for a while. He really is the cutest, sweetest kid! It kills me! We will definitely be keeping her closer when we are around him from now on!

[aggiebug]

I am sorry about the situation and I can understand your frustration. It's hard when you understand that the kid doesn't get what happened but they parents don't seem to care.

It won't be his parents watching them so just because of their inaction doesn't mean the situation will repeat itself under grandma's care.

[miniwheat]

You are not overreacting, that should not have been laughed off. I agree with crazycornball that they missed a teachable moment.

[flyster]

Not over reacting. Parents should be watching their kid around the babies...i was just with 3 todlers and lo and the parents were all great making sure theirs didn't trample all over or poke him. It shouldn't be your job to have to watch him with her even!

[mommadozer]

I'm so sorry. That's awful the way the parents reacted. I don't think you overreacted at all.

[Deleted]

I agree with what others have said. The parents should have been attentative enough to stop him before it happend, but when it happened they should have apologized. You are not overreacting here!

I hope your LO is ok now!

[WittyLittle]

Oh my goodness! I've had a lot of experience working with children and adults with development difficulties (and often behaviour problems, too) and this always pisses me off a bit. From the parents' view, it's often that they're tired of excusing their child's behaviour and just don't see it anymore that a serious line has been crossed. They give up and think their child is essentially hopeless, while most of the time that is so far from true. I'm sorry they didn't apologise to you. And I'm sorry his parents aren't taking up these teaching moments. Maybe you could discuss with your H if you would like to start setting your own boundaries with your nephew. Many children with downs respond very well to these teaching moments when they come from others (relatives, close friends, teachers, etc.). They often wint understand the problem, but they will often understand that there was aproblem, and over time we do see that they become more careful. I'm not saying your BIL/SIL are bad parents, but we've seen it happen a lot that parents essentially give up on their LOs social development, excuse behaviours because they can't control it, stop feeling the need to apologise, and slowly the child gets less and less teachable because of the lack of consequences. Its really hard parenting a child with a learning disorder, but they're not doing themselves any favours with this attitude in my opinion i hope things get sorted out quickly!

[Mom2Ms]

I'd be furious. Not necessarily at the kid, but the parents conduct is atrocious. It would have been bad had your baby been the same age, let alone an 11 week old. I couldn't imagine. I would have not been able to keep my mouth shut.