Uncomfortable reunion **Warning- sensitive topic to some**

[MadisonPenny]

*Warning: Sensitive topic to some*

Over the Easter weekend, DH, LO and I packed up and made the long drive back to my hometown. While we were down, we were invited to my Aunts surprise birthday party. Lots of family who I hadn't seen in a long time were there, including one of my cousins.
This cousin in particular was in a major car accident 10+ years ago and as a result has an acquired brain injury, so he's not 100% but I would say has 80% cognitive function. Well he made his way over to me while I was talking to my mom and one of my aunts. Eventually it was just him and I seated at the table while we were catching up on what we've been up to.
When I got on the topic of being a mom and now expecting again, the most unbelievable series of statements came out of his mouth.

Me: Yes I have a daughter and I'm expecting again.
Him: Oh! Can I ask you something?
Me: yea, sure
Him:So like, was it an accident?
Me: What? My pregnancy?
Him: Yea
Me: No
Him: Oh! So like, your not gonna kill it then?
Me: (feeling super uncomfortable now) No
Him: oh, if it was me I would.

Thank God my husband called me over to him right at this moment and it was my way out. I politely excused myself and tried to continue to enjoy myself while we were visiting.

Now, I've worked in a group home in which they specialized in acquired brain injuries and I'm so thankful that I had that experience because I have a better understanding of expected behaviour and how to handle it. I know that I can't take anything he says to heart or seriously nor do I want to say anything that might trigger a negative/aggressive reaction from him, but I haven't been able to get this out of my head. It's like a broken record on replay in my brain. I think without that background I may have seriously throat punched him at that moment.
I told my parents and husband about it later in the evening once we were back at my parents. Needless to say they were stunned, but like me, know you can't take anything he says seriously because mentally he's just not 'normal'.
I just needed to vent and I guess get this off my chest. Maybe I'm looking for some words of wisdom here, IDK, I'm just floored this came out of anyone's mouth, regardless of their mental capacities. I'm also having a really hard time not letting these comments affect me. 

[MadisonPenny]

tLex, well 3 years ago he got his then gf pregnant. She knew he was in no manner able to take care of a child and she wasn't in a position to raise a baby either so she ended up giving the child up for adoption. He's fully aware of all this and that he is a father, it's actually how we ended up on the topic of me now being a mother.
I already knew about the pregnancy, daughter and then adoption when they happened.
I'm trying to focus on the fact that he still probably doesn't realize the effect of what he said and the meaning behind it.

[homebrewgirl]

I am so sorry that he said this. That must have been very hard. Just wanted to offer a hug.

[katybriggs]

Yikes..what an uncomfortable conversation. I'd dwell on that too. I don't have any words of wisdom, it sounds like you already knew not to take it to heart. It's hard to let things like that not get to you though, even if you know better.

Hugs momma. That's tough.

[dadalou]

I think you handled it well. I probably would have burst into tears hearing someone say that. I hope you can get it out of your head.

[squirm]

I'm sorry you had to hear that. Even though you have experience with TBI, it doesn't change how hurtful his words were. I used to work TBI too and understand how jarring that experience can be. I think it can be difficult with TBI bc one can present as normally functioning but in reality have serious impairment in impulse control, appropriate emotional response, and social behavior.

Completely understand why you are upset, but try to not let it get to you!

[MadisonPenny]

Thx ladies. I know as time goes by I'll think about what was said less and less, it's just still fresh in my mind.
squirm, yes, thats exactly the case with him. He appears completely normal physically and he can keep up in a conversation but he's obviously lacking in impulse control and knowing what is appropriate behaviour and what isn't.

[karlamo]

Oh, MadisonPenny, how upsetting to hear. I'm sure he wasn't "aware" of the impact his words would have on you but that still doesn't negate the fact that those words carry weight with them.

Out of curiosity, if you were to respond to him in whatever way you chose, would he have understood what he said was inappropriate?

[MadisonPenny]

Apr 6, 2015 9:05:33 GMT -5 karlamo said:

Oh, MadisonPenny, how upsetting to hear. I'm sure he wasn't "aware" of the impact his words would have on you but that still doesn't negate the fact that those words carry weight with them.

Out of curiosity, if you were to respond to him in whatever way you chose, would he have understood what he said was inappropriate?

In response to your question, yes I think he would. Before the pregnancy comments we were started talking about my brother. My cousin said 'do I hear your brother is a pig' when I said excuse me, he responded with 'oh, I meant a cop, you know a 'po-po'"
I think from my face he could tell that I was a bit taken back he called my brother a 'pig' in addressing his career and he did say sorry for that. 
I was really surprised also because everyone knew my cousin wanted to be a police officer before he was injured. 
When he said the comments about my pregnancy I was just in utter shock and I knew I better just not say anything because once I started Id probably start getting really emotional and just give him a piece of my mind. 

Yesterday morning before we left my parents to head back home, my dad brought my cousin up and told me that sometimes he gets like this and you need to put your foot down and not let him get away with. My cousins mom told my dad this and that this was actually his pschologists recommendation. I wish I had known, I may have said something. 
I mentioned in the OP that I worked with ABI before. While I was there at work one evening, one of the men insisted he wanted to go for a walk even though it was raining hard. I told him he couldn't go right then and suggested that we watch the hockey game instead. Well he didn't like my suggestion, and threw me up against a wall and pinned me there and started screaming at me. Thankfully it was right beside the office door where my colleague was doing paperwork and had managed to restrain him. This resident was 6'2 and around 225lbs, so a big guy and this experience scared the shit out of me, as I suspect it would anyone. So remembering that, I didn't want to cause any type of reaction out of my cousin, not knowing what could/would set him off.