shellbell, maybe she was trying to ask if you wanted a living room in addition to a family room? Around here, a family room is standard but a living room is like an additional living space, typically with no tv.
tLex, you are my new hero with that pope comment. Hilarious!
(((Hugs))) to everybody. This stuff is just crazy!
My rant is not with the immediate ILs but with the extended family. Easter is always sort of a mystery guest situation ... For whatever reason, Easter is the holiday that random extended family members attend at the last minute. So this year, the random family members were DH's cousin and her daughter. The daughter is around the same age as my bigs and the girls all got along great so that was rather lovely, but DH's cousin is a mess (like CPS mess). After they left, MIL filled me in on the story. Apparently DH's cousin is homeless and has been for almost a year. This is not a case of her being down on her luck. It's that she's in with the wrong crowd, would rather sleep at friends' houses or in shelters than get a job, occasionally gets busted for drugs, etc. Apparently her daughter stays with her other grandma (on her dad's side) M-F so that she can go to kindergarten but then on the weekends, this poor little girl bounces around to friends or shelters with her mom. This was supposed to be a temporary arrangement while cousin got her act together but she's not making any effort to improve things. Well I guess other grandma has finally had it and is now fighting for custody of the little girl. Now DH's extended family (grandma, aunts, etc) is all up in arms and wants to fight other grandma so cousin can keep custody of her daughter. Why?!? Why would you try to ruin possibly the only chance this girl has at a normal life. Bouncing around to shelters with her deadbeat mom is not good for her so why would you fight to keep her in that situation? Why not let someone who can take care of her provide that for her? It just makes me so stabby how selfish they are! They don't want to lose the little girl themselves (even though none of them are caring for her) so they will fight this grandma who is just trying to provide a better life for her grandchild. It's ridiculous. The whole situation just makes me sick, and I see my bigs in this little girl and it just breaks my heart.
jammersc, that story breaks my heart. Why on earth would family fight against the one person trying to provide some normalcy/stability for that little girl??
::hugs:: to everyone. I just can't understand why some family members treat others so horribly. And shellbell, WTF is MIL thinking while she's stealing a blanket from a baby? (obviously a rhetorical question).
I didn't see my ILs (other than the brief MIL visit Friday), and she had wanted us to come to dinner at 6p on Sunday night...ummm, no? Thankfully I already made plans with my sister to get together, and SIL also declined because late. So we're supposedly getting together next weekend. I'll share in the IL pain then.
Post by homebrewgirl on Apr 6, 2015 10:13:07 GMT -5
Nope, still bothering me. Here’s a “short” version:
Food. MIL is an amazing cook. When she hosts H and I hang around the kitchen and she politely barks orders. It works very well. After almost 10 years of marriage, H and I can work together to host a very nice get together. He does the main dish and maybe a side; I do the sides and the puttering/organizing. It’s not gourmet, but everything turns out pretty well. MIL shows up and wants to take control in our kitchen- even down to what food should be served in what dish. Oh my god! I’m not completely incapable. Get out of my kitchen! On the topic of her thinking I’m incapable, she continually adds things to her list of what she is bringing. This went on even after H and I had done our shopping. We asked her to bring deviled eggs. She added: fruit salad, caprese salad, green salad, and some fish appetizer thing. With so much food I decided not to make a lot of what I had planned. I ended up only making brownies from a box and quiche, thus reinforcing her belief that I am incapable of hosting a holiday.
Gifts MIL had bought R a beautiful stocking with his name embroidered on it for Christmas. Unfortunately my mother had already made him one. She handled her disappointment well and said he could have one at home and one at Nana’s house. She asked if she could get him a special Easter basket. I loved this idea! I thought it would be very special for him to have a stocking from Grandma and a basket from Nana. I bought him a cheap grocery store basket to replace with the one I assumed she was bringing yesterday. I guess she forgot? I don’t know, but I’m disappointed. I guess we’re heading to the store to buy a half priced one today. I know this makes me sound ungrateful for all she did bring, but I feel like she made a commitment and then forgot all about it.
Random and weird She was concerned LO might choke on the strawberry seeds. She voiced this at least 4 times.
Other general complaints: she micromanages, gives outdated advice (like baby powder) as if it is gospel, is judgmental, is still upset I did a modified BLW and wouldn’t buy a baby bullet, and generally drives me nuts.
What is wrong with ILs? Mostly MILs? Ugh! I never want to be like mine.
Yesterday at Easter brunch we had mimosas. A was reaching for my MILs glass. Her response to him reaching..."No, mommy wouldn't want you to have that." Really? Just mommy wouldn't want him to? Yeah and this is why I don't leave you alone with my child.
Sheesh, lighten up it's mostly orange juice.....
I read through these threads as a what not to do manual for when I'm (hopefully) a MIL. I want to be the one my future D/SIL likes visiting. Dear God, Please don't let me turn into NMG when I get old!
Post by broccolisgirl on Apr 6, 2015 12:04:23 GMT -5
We went for a visit with my family before going to dh's extended family gathering.
1) it took my 86yo uncle 5 minutes to spout off all of the textbook racist comments about those GD Mexicans. This has evolved over the last 20 years from black people, women, black people, women, and finally, the GD Mexicans. Oh, and all of 2007-08 was Obama.
MIL tried to bite m head off for giving ds1 a laxative. She started lecturing me on what a horrible decision that was and how I should be giving him cod liver oil every day and how a good parent would NEVER give their child a laxative. YOU ARE NOT A FDOCTOR. TRUST THAT I WILL CALL THE DOCTOR ON MONDAY, BUT TAKE A SIT.
1. I asked MIL if she wanted coffee. She said no. 5 mintues later my SO asks her and her response was of course, I've been waiting for a cup.
2. MIL tries to do our dishes. I hate the way she washes dishes. They are never clean and she uses so much water! We are in a drought. I asked her polietly and repeatedly to stop and she kept going, so I finally just shut off the water and told her I'd do it later.
3. She gave LO candy. We have asked her to not give LO candy over and over again, but for some reason she thought Easter was OK. She gave him a jelly bean (something he could choke on ). I had to fish it out of LO's mouth. Which made LO really mad.
4. She tells LO to clean up his toys. LOL Oh, yeah. He'll get right on that.
5. She bosses around my niece. Which pisses off my sister.
6. She tells my SO what he wants him to do with our house. Ummm, it's our house and we'll do what WE want to do with our house. And sorry, not sorry, you are not included in "we".
This is a big one. My SO brought up how he doesn't want any of our family members spanking LO. I told him that wouldn't be a problem because my mom doesn't believe in spanking and the rest of my family doesn't like to discipline other peoples children. He told me that he really has to talk to his mom because he's worried she will spank him. This bothers me to no end and now I am worried to leave LO alone with her. First he's too young to be spanked. Second it's our decision and us doing the punishment if we decide we are OK with it.
1. I asked MIL if she wanted coffee. She said no. 5 mintues later my SO asks her and her response was of course, I've been waiting for a cup.
2. MIL tries to do our dishes. I hate the way she washes dishes. They are never clean and she uses so much water! We are in a drought. I asked her polietly and repeatedly to stop and she kept going, so I finally just shut off the water and told her I'd do it later.
3. She gave LO candy. We have asked her to not give LO candy over and over again, but for some reason she thought Easter was OK. She gave him a jelly bean (something he could choke on ). I had to fish it out of LO's mouth. Which made LO really mad.
4. She tells LO to clean up his toys. LOL Oh, yeah. He'll get right on that.
5. She bosses around my niece. Which pisses off my sister.
6. She tells my SO what he wants him to do with our house. Ummm, it's our house and we'll do what WE want to do with our house. And sorry, not sorry, you are not included in "we".
This is a big one. My SO brought up how he doesn't want any of our family members spanking LO. I told him that wouldn't be a problem because my mom doesn't believe in spanking and the rest of my family doesn't like to discipline other peoples children. He told me that he really has to talk to his mom because he's worried she will spank him. This bothers me to no end and now I am worried to leave LO alone with her. First he's too young to be spanked. Second it's our decision and us doing the punishment if we decide we are OK with it.
One of the things I love about my parents is that they take their cues from us, even if it's not how they personally would handle a situation. So if lo is doing something we don't want him to, my dad prefers to deal with this by saying "no" loudly, repeatedly, and with a scaryish face. DH and I are fine with no, but we also redirect LO. My dad might not agree with that, but he does it because our baby, our rules.
shellbell, I really wish my MIL was that way. She thinks because she raised a child and that she is the grandparent she trumps us and our choices. It's really ffrustrating.
Plus, she thinks that all she has to do is tell LO no once and he'll stop doing what he's doing. Ha! If it worked that way we wouldn't have to baby proof anything and people would have a lot more babies and DC would cost the same for infants and children.
Post by homebrewgirl on Apr 6, 2015 13:42:25 GMT -5
Ugh! I just thought of another. R is very high energy. She constantly says boys are like that. Yes, but some boys aren't and some girls are. My new response is always, "my dad said all 5 of us were very high energy."
[br
@hattrick your mil sounds like a peach!
] I have no problem with friends and family disciplining my child as long as, as shellbell said, they take cues from me as to what behaviors and discipline are appropriate or not appropriate. If someone else spanked my kid there'd be some hell raised.
Eta scaredofcats our moms can hangout. My mom constantly mocks the schedule I have R on. "Oh no, we can't distrupt Meghan's schedule for R."
Oh, homebrewgirl, you reminded me of another one! FIL constantly says things about "throwing like a girl" or "being a sissy girl" and the like while he's watching sports or goofing around with DH/BIL. Or he'll make a joking comment about how the women should be in the kitchen. I know he's just being a smart ass but it pisses me the hell off. Why the fvck would you make derogatory gender comments around your granddaughters? Just, no.
shellbell, I really wish my MIL was that way. She thinks because she raised a child and that she is the grandparent she trumps us and our choices. It's really ffrustrating.
Plus, she thinks that all she has to do is tell LO no once and he'll stop doing what he's doing. Ha! If it worked that way we wouldn't have to baby proof anything and people would have a lot more babies and DC would cost the same for infants and children.
My MIL did smack R on the hand. This is not something we do, or will in the future. I've told her this on several occasions (when it's been suggested we spank him for being busy) He was playing in the dirt, so she slapped his hand and he cried. I am still seeing red over this. I didn't say anything, as it was literally the day of FIL's funeral, so it just wasn't the time. But I am stunned that she would think it was ok to do. And it makes me uncomfortable to leave him with her alone.
She also once gave him 2 snack sized packs of M&M's in the same day. I said sure, he can have AN M&M, so I guess she assumed all of them?
MissDemeanor Yikes! You are a better person than me for holding it in and not going off on her for swatting LO's hand. It's just so upsetting because it's not something they should do and LO isn't going to learn anything from being hit.
shellbell, I really wish my MIL was that way. She thinks because she raised a child and that she is the grandparent she trumps us and our choices. It's really ffrustrating.
Plus, she thinks that all she has to do is tell LO no once and he'll stop doing what he's doing. Ha! If it worked that way we wouldn't have to baby proof anything and people would have a lot more babies and DC would cost the same for infants and children.
My MIL did smack R on the hand. This is not something we do, or will in the future. I've told her this on several occasions (when it's been suggested we spank him for being busy) He was playing in the dirt, so she slapped his hand and he cried. I am still seeing red over this. I didn't say anything, as it was literally the day of FIL's funeral, so it just wasn't the time. But I am stunned that she would think it was ok to do. And it makes me uncomfortable to leave him with her alone.
She also once gave him 2 snack sized packs of M&M's in the same day. I said sure, he can have AN M&M, so I guess she assumed all of them?
No no fuck to the no! I can't not even think of how I would react if someone else smacked my kid! Any of them! I don't even smack them ESPECIALLY a baby!!!!!! I'm sorry this happened
My MIL was telling us her choices of what we should name the baby. Saturday it was Averil which I think is pretty terrible. Yesterday her actual suggestion was Precious Blessing. She thought that would be such a good name. Um, no. Just, no. But apparently the name Heidi was not OK. She also decided that she is going to call BIL and SIL's coming child Sean Patrick because she likes what it means. When DH and I heard it we laughed since we were reminded of P. Diddly. This is why we do not tell her our name choices or even have an actual name chosen before our babies are born. We don't want her to think that her suggestions have a chance of being used. She already got to name her children. Why does she think she can name her grandchildren too?
She brought us a baby present on Saturday when we saw her for family Easter. It was all stuff off of our registry. Then yesterday when she came to the hospital she had another present for us filled with random things that she specifically did not give us gift receipts for. My favorite thing in the bag was two tangerines individually wrapped in tissue paper. Took me a few seconds to figure out what they were.
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