NGKUR: bridal shower planning

[Ray]

Hi ladies! I am looking for some feedback/help/anecdotes re: a bridal shower for my best friend.

As the MOH I am not sure who if anyone I am obligated to plan said shower with. I am not saying I want to micro-manage it all - there are two other brides maids that I can ask for help - I am just not sure if I need to be running ideas by the grooms mom, brides step mom, grooms sister for this process. (She is has a good relp with MIL and step MOM but isn't super close. She tolerates sil)

What are your experience/thoughts?

TIA

[ironbaby]

You are not obligated to include anyone if you are hosting the party. I would reach out to the other bridesmaids to ask if they would like to be included in the planning/hosting, but they are not obligated either.

I would just check with the mom and MIL to make sure they'd be available on your preferred date.

[LadyNymeria]

I think the moms might appreciate it if you include them on big decisions, but I don't think you really need to run everything by them. I would at least work with them on picking a date and MAYBE a location, but unless they specifically request to be involved further, I would just give them updates on your planning once in a while.

[Deleted]

I am the MOH of my friends wedding as well and she just had her bridal shower. I talked directly to her mom about the shower because she wanted to plan it herself, then just told me to have the bridesmaids do certain things.

My mom also ran my bridal shower, and then talked to the bridesmaids. My MIL didn't contribute to the bridal shower at all, but that's a whole different story haha!

I think the best bet is to talk to the mother of the bride, see how she wants things to go, and then go from there.

[kellybenelly83]

You could ask MIL, SIL and Step mom for minimal help (I did that with a pesky sister once) give them 1 *Super important* job and tell them you'd really appreciate them taking that off your hands.
That makes them feel included but doesnt let them swarm you if you want to minimize their involvement.

Ask the other bridemaids for help, you never know if one of them is a super planner/baker/decorator...etc and can help a lot.

Ultimately you can take it on all yourself but its much easier with help.

[LadyNymeria]

Apr 6, 2015 9:21:01 GMT -5 kellybenelly83 said:

You could ask MIL, SIL and Step mom for minimal help (I did that with a pesky sister once) give them 1 *Super important* job and tell them you'd really appreciate them taking that off your hands.
That makes them feel included but doesnt let them swarm you if you want to minimize their involvement.

Ask the other bridemaids for help, you never know if one of them is a super planner/baker/decorator...etc and can help a lot.

Ultimately you can take it on all yourself but its much easier with help.

I love the bolded idea. I agree with you completely, but especially the bold.

[summerdonna]

If anyone maybe just the moms if you are hosting. I would update the bridesmaids and let them know if you need help. If you start getting a lot of people involved then you will end up getting a lot of differing opinions on everything. One of my friends bachelorette parties turned into a hot mess because the person planning it kept wanting peoples opinions.

[lemoncupcake]

I would just make sure that they're available for the chosen day, but beyond that they don't *need* to be involved. If they want to be, find a small way for them to help out, but don't bend over backwards to accommodate them.

[shemarie82]

I would suggest checking with the MIL and Step on dates/times, but other than that, check mostly with the mom of the bride. Likely, she is going to have the most input (wanted AND unwanted) since it is her daughter.

My SIL/MOH did everything for mine, but my bridesmaids were pretty shitty when it came to helping with anything.

[kellybenelly83]

Apr 6, 2015 9:22:51 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

Apr 6, 2015 9:21:01 GMT -5 kellybenelly83 said:

You could ask MIL, SIL and Step mom for minimal help (I did that with a pesky sister once) give them 1 *Super important* job and tell them you'd really appreciate them taking that off your hands.
That makes them feel included but doesnt let them swarm you if you want to minimize their involvement.

Ask the other bridemaids for help, you never know if one of them is a super planner/baker/decorator...etc and can help a lot.

Ultimately you can take it on all yourself but its much easier with help.

I love the bolded idea. I agree with you completely, but especially the bold.

I had to handle a brides sister like that, I made her get Balloons for the shower. It got her out of my hair.

[Sparkly]

Depending on how well you know everyone involved, I would at the least, verify that the date/location works for all important people (mothers/MILs, sisters/SILs, and all wedding party, grandparents if applicable - can check via moms), and at the most, ask if they have ideas, suggestions, and/or what to be involved. Take all this in and then delegate as appropriate.

I would keep it so you are running the show, but if they express a strong desire to do certain things (or have any family traditions they want included or something), you let them do that as PP suggested, and have that be their "thing."

[ceejay]

I was MOH for my sister last year and was in charge of her bridal shower. She had a huge wedding party so it was very difficult to pick a date that worked for all the bridesmaids and both moms. I did check with everyone first for their availability and had to put together a spreadsheet to narrow down which weekend worked for everyone (there was only one weekend out of the 3 months we were considering!). My mom and my other sister were very helpful in planning and preparing for the event, but I took care of most of the organization, invitations, supplies, favors, etc. I asked the bridesmaids to help out with the food (it was kind of a potluck brunch) so they just brought one or two food items and many of them showed up ~1 hour before the shower to help set up.

Most importantly, I would first ask the bride's step-mom and groom's mom how involved they'd like to be. If they want to be involved, include them in some of the planning and give them specific jobs to do. If they don't seem as interested about being involved, I would still give them one or two small tasks to be in charge of. Same goes with the bridesmaids and SIL. Ultimately most of the responsibility for planning and organizing will fall on you as the MOH, but hopefully people will be willing to help with day of things like decorations, food, etc.

[Ray]

Apr 6, 2015 9:25:35 GMT -5 shemarie82 said:

I would suggest checking with the MIL and Step on dates/times, but other than that, check mostly with the mom of the bride. Likely, she is going to have the most input (wanted AND unwanted) since it is her daughter.

My SIL/MOH did everything for mine, but my bridesmaids were pretty shitty when it came to helping with anything.

Her mom passed away a few years ago thank you everyone for the advice so far!! I don't like stepping on people's toes generally but also didn't want it to turn into a too many cooks in the kitchen type scenario like some PP have described. You guys are awesome! I will hit up he bride for SM/MIL contact info. Honestly I think ill just invite SIL - groom tolerates her. Bride tolerates her. That's about it lol thank you also for your tid bits+advice re: bridesmaids, all. I wasn't sure with a wedding party so small if the three of us would be expected to co-host or if its okay to just ask if they want to help/confirm that the date works for them type dealio

[Deleted]

Apr 6, 2015 10:02:58 GMT -5 Ray said:

Apr 6, 2015 9:25:35 GMT -5 shemarie82 said:

I would suggest checking with the MIL and Step on dates/times, but other than that, check mostly with the mom of the bride. Likely, she is going to have the most input (wanted AND unwanted) since it is her daughter.

My SIL/MOH did everything for mine, but my bridesmaids were pretty shitty when it came to helping with anything.

Her mom passed away a few years ago thank you everyone for the advice so far!! I don't like stepping on people's toes generally but also didn't want it to turn into a too many cooks in the kitchen type scenario like some PP have described. You guys are awesome! I will hit up he bride for SM/MIL contact info. Honestly I think ill just invite SIL - groom tolerates her. Bride tolerates her. That's about it lol thank you also for your tid bits+advice re: bridesmaids, all. I wasn't sure with a wedding party so small if the three of us would be expected to co-host or if its okay to just ask if they want to help/confirm that the date works for them type dealio

Hey, this is my scenario. My sister and I were the only bridesmaids for each other. My sister pretty much planned mine by herself with some consulting from our SM and my two MILs. My sister's bridal shower was 3 x the size of mine so I had to enlist help from my SM and her two BFFs.
I created a little email account to coordinate dates and ideas. My SM still took over some stuff that I didn't want her to touch because that's how she is. But at the end of the day everything went pretty smooth.
*side note- My sister walked up to me during the shower and whispered, I'm going to guess SM picked out the favors because they are frightening. I laughed and said it was an uphill battle. She loved everything else. Thank goodness.

[Deleted]

One more tidbit- You can do a little consulting from the bride to get a sense of what they would like the overall feel to be. My cousin is super shy so she refused to have a surprise bridal shower. My sister absolutely loved that hers was a surprise.
Mine was co-ed with a max of twenty people at mine because, but the one I have to go to in 2 weeks is tea party themed and will have atleast fifty people at it.

[akraus2015]

Didn't read the whole thread, so sorry if some of this is repetitive.

My MOH and my mom are planning my bridal shower together. They are having tons of fun planning together. Mostly my MOH is making decisions on things, and my mom is giving her money here and there, and also giving her input on things. My mom helped decide the location since she knows where many of my friends and family members will be driving from.

I believe that my MOH asked my other bridesmaids for one lump sum of money at some point that would cover my bachelorette party (baseball tickets), t-shirts for the bachelorette party and for the wedding day, and decorations for the bridal shower. Both events are coming up this month so I'm not exactly sure what it all covered, but as far as I know they all happily wrote checks and let her do all the planning.

I hope this helps! Have fun the the planning!

[teraiin]

This just brought back all the nightmares from the time I planned a bridal shower. Ugh.

The one I planned was rough because the other bride's maids refused to help out. The mother of the bride was judgmental (but also did not help) and the bridge just said "I don't care" whenever I tried to get a sense of what she was hoping for.

My only advice is to stay fairly organized. I think you can be organized without micromanaging everything.

I like the idea of creating some sort of keepsake from the shower for the new bride. I had the idea of creating a recipe book for my friend since she was extremely concerned about her lack of cooking skills/knowledge. I was going to ask each person to bring a recipe (or as many as they wanted) to the shower and put it in a recipe box. Her mom told me I was silly for thinking of that and no one would want to bother with it... (There's a long story of what happened next but I'll spare the details since it's not relevant).

Thanks to Pinterest there are tons of great games and activities you can do. Also lots of decorating ideas. I made a 'dish towel cake' with cooking utensils on top.

[shadesofgold]

I think you've gotten excellent advice so far. I also wanted to suggest stalking the bride-to-be's Pinterest account for any gift themes, activities, special decor she might love to see at the shower. I did this with a friend's birthday recently. Lots of ladies pin things they'd love at their own showers (or birthdays) that can be really helpful hints!

[peaseblossom55]

I was MOH for my sister. I found the location for the shower and asked her other bridesmaids how much they wanted to be involved and I gave them smaller tasks if they wanted to be involved, like buy/create a guest book, favors, decor. We all chose a theme and I said for them to do what ever their budget allowed. I put together the invites, but I asked for input on menu invites and all of that stuff. I included my mom in stuff and my sister has an awesome MIL so I kept her in the loop as well. My sister's MIL & I planned her baby shower, just this past fall as well.

[Ruca]

My mom, aunt and grandma planned my wedding shower. I'm in a wedding this summer and the MOH is taking the lead in planning the shower. Since we're all over the country she started an email chain with the wedding party and the mothers/step mothers. Everyone has been bouncing ideas back and forth to each other which has been nice. It seems odd to me to be involved since like I said for my shower my family just took it upon themselves. I don't mind at all, just not what I'm used to. I've only been apart of one other wedding and her mom planned it so I don't' have much experience. Hope my ramblings offered some kind of help, ha.

[youdontsay]

For my shower my MOH asked my other two BMs for help. One helped and the other didn't and they were fine with that. My MOH contacted my mom and MIL to see if they wanted to help/what days worked/ideas. My mom lives 200 miles away so she couldn't help, she's retired so any day worked and she had no idea on what I liked.

My MIL couldn't help since she's disabled and has no income, any date worked for her and she has no idea of what I liked.

With that being said, my MOH assumed I liked Hello Kitty and made my shower Hello Kitty themed. I mean, I like Hello Kitty but not to that point. Whatever, it's over with, she didn't have to do anything so I appreciated what I got.

One more thing: if you need a guest list from your bride, have her double check it. By accident, I put my dad's bff's wife on the list and got hell for it from my dad. He said it made me look gift grabby. Also if anyone tries to invite anyone else and the bride isn't comfortable with that, "no" is an okay word to use. My MIL called my MOH and invited people that were H's family and I had never met. I was uncomfortable having them there, like I couldn't be myself. My MOH was afraid to say no to my MIL....