FWP but WWJ12D

[bliz1712]

Sorry if advance, but this is totally a FWP but a dilemma I am currently faced with.

My parents started taking me and my brother (and our families) on trips every other year. Next February will be the year we are set to go with them. Since the last trip, H has voiced that until the 2 younger ones are older we either leave them home alone or we don't go. This next trip Hanna will be 3.5 and Eliza will be 22 months. H is refusing to go because based on upcoming smaller trips we have booked, he won't have enough to take for this trip. Because he isn't going he WILL NOT let V go since she wouldn't be with a biological parent. So my dilemma is do I consider going without H and V and just me and the younger two go? Or should I just opt out and my parents take my brother and his wife? I'm being hounded by my Mom for an answer because she wants to book it this month. Evidently if I go with the girls, then the destination will be different since a 6hr flight wouldn't be ideal.





Some of the cons: this really is my #1 con ) If I go without V, I think she will resent me even though H will express that it is his and her Mom's decision for her not to go (mind you she's been on 2 trips without the other kids) 2)a flight with 2 kids will have more odds of being horrible than good, not to mention the time before and after figured in. 3) overall it will probably be a lot of work for me alone and not all that relaxing 4) half of my family won't be there with me to enjoy it



pros: 1) it's a free trip!!! 2) the girls would have a blast and get to see the ocean 3) my parents are great with the kids so it could be a lot of fun
4) again, it's a free trip!!!

Any other things you think I should consider to make my decision?  Would you guys go?  There is no budging on getting H to go, he won't have vacation and no pay isn't a feasible option.  I've also expressed requesting to take V alone and he won't budge on that either.

[paddyb]

are you going to be on the same flight as your parents? if so, they could presumably help with them on that aspect.

[bliz1712]

Apr 7, 2015 10:43:47 GMT -5 paddyb said:

are you going to be on the same flight as your parents? if so, they could presumably help with them on that aspect.

Yes.  We all leave from the same airport and same flight.  It would be my parents, my brother and his wife and then our family.  So yes, potentially my parents would be there to help me and they have said that they will.  I wouldn't rely on my brother and his wife.

[sarahandeddie]

I would still go. It'll give your parents time to bond with your kids. I'm sure they'll help you out since H won't be there.

As far as V I would tell her that you'd love to be able to take her but you can't without H. Maybe H can plan something special for the two of them.

[xanthepants]

I go on trips without H at the request of my Mom every year. So in some ways it's a similar situation. I refuse to feel guilty about it. I think your 2 little ones will enjoy it. You have made every effort to include V in on it and your H has stopped it so at that point he is the one she should be angry with if she gets angry (not sure if she would). I think you should definitely go. Travelling alone is tough, but not impossible. People around will help and Hannah will be old enough to be helpful as well. Your family will help you out with their care once you get to the destination so it's really just the trip itself that is tough. You've mentioned he treats the girls a little different, I think that they deserve a little perk here and there.

[paddyb]

Ok, based on that I would go. (assuming you enjoy hanging out with your parent and brother and his wife). I didn't hesitate to stay longer (H could only do a weekend) on vacation with my mom with Henry in the past, and wouldn't in the future is the same situation arose. I guess my biggest hesitation in your case would be V feeling bad, but as you said she has gone on trips the girls haven't. Plus there is the added possible explanation for V that she is in school and the other girls aren't.

Who wouldn't want to go to the beach in February?

[barefoot84]

I wouldn't even hesitate if I were you. It's a free trip, and a great chance for your kids to spend time with your parents. I flew alone with both kids a month ago and while it wasn't the best time of my life, it was worth it.

[pinkluna]

Honestly in your shoes I would also have a hard time going without my H. Mostly because I haven't traveled for fun without him in years.

BUT, if your H doesn't have a problem with it, I say do not pass up a free trip and GO! Especially if your parents can help on the flight as well. Also at 3.5 Hannah would hopefully be easier to travel with.

[roo1582]

I would still go as well. As you said, its a free vacation and a chance for you and the girls to bond with your family. It sounds like even though H won't be able to go, you would still have help during the flights and trip. Although V might be upset, she has been on trips without the girls. Also, I think your H needs to be the one to explain to her why she can't go. That way if she blames anyone, it will be him.

[britbratjf]

I would go without my H no problem. Free trip plus grandparents there to help you is a no brainer in my book:) I would explain to V that you would love to take her but her dad said no. I would have no problem throwing my H under the bus in that situation since I don't really agree with his reasons for not wanting V to go. Yeah it sucks that your H won't be there but swimming, sand, nice weather and a free trip? Wouldn't pass it up!

[bliz1712]

Like I said the #1 reason I'm hesitant is because of how V will take it. She's old enough that she should understand when I explain it to her. And H as assured me that he will tell her that it's his decision for her not to go. But there are times when she has been mad at me before for things that are out of my control and because H has made the decision for them. I just did want to have something of this magnitude push her away or build a wedge between us. She already puts up a fit when she finds out that Hanna goes to my parent's during the day while she is in school, and she had 9 years where it was her having my parents all to herself.

paddyb, I do like the school reason. Although we've taken her out on the past trips, but as she gets older it might not be as easy for her to catch up.

xanthepants It's also worth mentioning, that V also gets to go on a trip with her Mom to Virginia this year. And obviously while she is at her Mom's they do stuff without Hanna and Eliza, so I can always use that as a reminder to her. H also makes me feel guilty sometimes when I do stuff without him, and I've given up worrying about it or saying no to stuff just because he doesn't want to. It's not ideal to travel without him, but it's his loss.

[jennmm]

I'd go. DH has taken SKs places without me or E/A before so it wouldn't bother me. Unfortunately, with blended families, everyone can't be involved all the time with everything for all kinds of reasons. I would make him explain it to her.

[britbratjf]

Could you maybe do something special with V over her spring break? Like a night at a hotel with a water park? Dinner out, mani/pedi that sort of thing?

[jodielyn10]

If V is your biggest reason then I would go - like you said, she's old enough to understand that it's her parents' decision, not yours. Also, she's old enough to learn that you don't get to do everything you want and sometimes you aren't included in things. That may sound harsh, but she needs to learn to deal with that.

[aylafsu1881]

I say go. Your parents and brother will be on the flight to help with the girls, which will be great. It sounds like your H is OK with you going. As for V I can understand her being upset. It may hurt her feeling or look like you did not want her to to. I would explain the situation to her and have your H explain it. I also like PP's idea of doing a girls day/special trip/treat just for V. This way she still does something fun with you and does not feel left out.

[bliz1712]

Apr 7, 2015 11:20:27 GMT -5 britbratjf said:

Could you maybe do something special with V over her spring break? Like a night at a hotel with a water park? Dinner out, mani/pedi that sort of thing?

This is a great suggestion.  I'll make sure to keep it in mind for next year's spring break or on a weekend close to when we would be gone.

[junkytrunk]

I agree with everyone and I would go. I would definitely just let V know how much you wish she could come and that her dad would let her.

[aimeefarrahfowler]

I would go in a heartbeat. I need a vacation from my H.

I agree with PP about doing something special just with V. And make sure you bring her back something special

[xanthepants]

aimeefarrahfowler,
I need a vacation from my H too. Unfortunately I just took one and she got sick. It so didn't work how I thought it would. Boo!

I love the idea of a special day with V. I really think that you do a ton for her with all the games you attend and the efforts you put in. I hope she truly knows you love all your girls equally.

[somethingcleverer]

I agree with everyone else that you should go. Planning a special weekend with V before you go would be a nice way to make sure she doesn't feel left out. Would she stay home with your H then or would she be with her mom? Maybe your H could have some fun weeknight activities for them to do together.

[bliz1712]

Apr 7, 2015 13:54:47 GMT -5 somethingcleverer said:

I agree with everyone else that you should go. Planning a special weekend with V before you go would be a nice way to make sure she doesn't feel left out. Would she stay home with your H then or would she be with her mom? Maybe your H could have some fun weeknight activities for them to do together.

She would be home with H during the week and a possibility of being at her Mom's on the weekend, just depends on if it's her Mom's weekend or not.  I will suggest that to him as well so she's not just at home bored.

[mommymadness]

I would also totally go! I get V feeling left out but I'm sure she will get over it! I like the suggestions of doing a little fun day with her alone

[cookiesandwine]

I'm currently on vacation without my H and while I miss him, it's kind of awesome. Granted I just have the one kid plus my three younger cousins love to play and help with Sadie. I'd still go.