Spice In the Sack

[verovladamir]

Way to jump right into it

I don't have any practical advice, really. We've never done any bed sharing because I'm just too light of a sleeper for it. I will say that every so often, when DH is out with his friends (or even at work) I will send him some suggestive snapchats to imply t hat he needs to be ready for me when he gets home. It sets very clear expectations (which he can obviously say no to if he wants) but also gives both of us time to get in the mood. For me that mostly involves some time spent getting myself primped and putting on something a little sexy. But obviously DH works second shift so I have time to do this after the kids go to bed.

[wineandcake]

What is sex? I can't remember the last time we actually had sex. This pregnancy has been so hard on me that it's the last thing on my mind. I was hoping second tri would bring me some energy, but at 16wks I'm still dragging and by the time Mac goes for a nap or to bed, I'm just beat. I know DH is getting antsy, but I just can't bring myself to do it ugh maybe this weekend I'll try to get the energy for it since I'm off work a week and he's off the next 4.

[may10587]

If you're getting it 2x a month you're doin good in my book. Lol That's sad for me, I know. And I only have 2. Oy.

[Deleted]

Jan 20, 2015 20:26:18 GMT -5 @uncaripswife said:

I had to go on a cruise to get in the mood, so I'm no help. Lame.

how was the cruise!!? Amazing?

[holly321]

I think my bcp has completely ruined me. I am trying to decide what to so.

[wolfpack]

I have had to seriously make a effort lately. That being sad I have been more open minded to it not so much "later after I have finished X Y Z". This lead to a very good time on our living room floor last weekend

[kbates85]

Read a dirty book maybe? That has worked for me in the past. It's not everyone's cup of tea though. I may even get flamed for suggesting it. There's always porn...

[mishka29]

I'm Almost 39 weeks pregnant...so I had sex at so e point...

[kbates85]

Jan 20, 2015 20:54:55 GMT -5 @uncaripswife said:

Jan 20, 2015 20:48:04 GMT -5 kbates85 said:

Read a dirty book maybe? That has worked for me in the past. It's not everyone's cup of tea though. I may even get flamed for suggesting it. There's always porn...

I think reading dirty books is literally trichie5 's job.  But that works for me. 

Well, apparently I missed some great conversation whilst on my bumpcation

[crimsonandclover]

Totally lame, I know, but we schedule it sometimes. 1) Then we know it'll happen unless something interferes, 2) We have time to get in the mood. Especially when O is approaching, if I see I'm probably in my fertile window, I leave him a playful note in the morning.

When DD1 was sleeping in our room, we would DTD on the couch in the living room. I just cannot get into sexy time right next to a baby. Nope no way.

[dc2london]

Who was talking about the sex bat signal thing? That was sheer genius.

IIRC, you have some kind of signal (I believe it was an object placed on the night stand). You have a standing agreement that, any time one partner would like to have sex, they place that object on the other person's night stand as a signal. Then the other person has 24 hours to initiate sex. The 24 hour window gives that person time to get into the right mood and frame of mind, and nobody has to fear rejection/rejecting. I seriously think it's brilliant. Who posted that originally?
We happen to have a Batman bobblehead that would be just perfect for this purpose.

Although...


don't judge me....


Since reading Larry Stylinson fan fic, our sex life has been pretty amaze.
::blushes furiously::

[colinsfebmommy]

How about sexy outfit or toy? Maybe a little role play?

[hangryhedgehog]

Jan 20, 2015 20:35:17 GMT -5 holly321 said:

I think my bcp has completely ruined me. I am trying to decide what to so.

This is why even though we don't plan on actually trying for another 5 months, I am totally dragging my heels about taking bcp again. I really feel they suppressed my normal drive/cycle. I don't know what we will do after the next kid when we need a more long term solution.

[draeray]

I am not even sure I know what sex is anymore. I haven't had any since I got my BFP which is almost 4 months ago. I have no drive #1 and my OB put me on pelvic rest until 12 weeks because of some spotting to be safe.

My poor DH.

[singingsea]

Sex in weird places? Bondage? New toys?

Regardless you need a date night.

[singingsea]

Jan 21, 2015 13:53:57 GMT -5 trichie5 said:

Jan 21, 2015 12:58:41 GMT -5 singingsea said:

Sex in weird places? Bondage? New toys?

Regardless you need a date night.

Amen to date night! We so do. I was trying to get a sitter so we could go out, but it's really hard to find someone to watch 3 kids! It's like they have no idea how to function with more than one child and I refuse to higher more than one sitter... especial at $10.00+/hr.

Do you have any family in town or a good friend who could maybe watch them?

[dc2london]

We pay our sitter $15/hr :/
Buuuuuuut it's worth it

[holly321]

Dh and I had date night planned, we got sick, so we had to cancel a few hours before. So we rescheduled. MIL came over to watch the kids, and DD freaked out and wouldn't let us leave

[holly321]

Jan 21, 2015 18:34:36 GMT -5 trichie5 said:

Jan 21, 2015 17:39:46 GMT -5 holly321 said:

Dh and I had date night planned, we got sick, so we had to cancel a few hours before. So we rescheduled. MIL came over to watch the kids, and DD freaked out and wouldn't let us leave

With DD1 I was the queen of duck and run when I had to leave for work.

Until the day she said, "Go to work mom, me and grandma are busy."

She usually is thrilled when MIL watches her. She only watches her about every other month, and she really doesn't see her much more than that. It really caught me off guard that she got so upset.

[rosebean]

Okay, so is this normal? DH wants me to see a therapist about our sex life. Of course we have two under two and I have ZERO libido. I used to be pretty active and very interested in sex, and now when we do have it, I just wanna do it in missionary and make it quick. Part of me feels that I am turning into a cold, boring woman, and the other part is like WTF. I am a mom of two and maybe his expectations of me are too high? I feel like a prude.

[rosebean]

I want to be that woman too, but to be her, I have to take the time out to get ME back first. I told DH this. I can't keep up with everyone needing me and expecting me to give all my time to them without something back. DD needs me for everything, so does DS... feedings, changings, nap times, dinner, bedtimes. Then after all that, I get a few hours of downtime and damned if I'm not being cajoled into pleasuring my husband because I better keep him happy too. I want him to be happy, but if I don't get time for ME in there somewhere too, somethings gonna give and why should I be this crazy busy mom and his sex goddess? This isn't the 50's anymore. I am sure the sex will come around, but I really needed to start doing things for myself. This last month I started working out again. I'm getting an hour or two away kid free every day or so, so that I can work on me. If I don't have time to get myself right, how can he expect me to come into our relationship and work on us if I'm not whole. Does that make sense.? And with all that craziness, our sex life is very affected by it. All forms of intimacy are. I don't like to initiate any forms of intimacy., because with him it can't be a simple kiss or hug. If I go in for a nice kiss, next thing I know, I'm getting slipped the tongue and a boob grab and all I wanted was a nice kiss.... I go in for a nice hug, suddenly he thinks it's sexy time. And this is where my brain gets over worked and I avoid it because I wish it didn't have to be so extreme at either end.

We tried to do a 60 day thing where I was to attempt a daily form of intimacy. That could range anywhere from a hug to sex. But he had to respect the level that I set and not push it to the next one (like, if I want to go to first base, he doesn't push it to home). And I have totally failed my end because he's failed his. He's all about the end game and it drives me bonkers.

Now I wrote a novel and am taking over your thread.

[rosebean]

One out of every 2 people involved in a boob grab will always enjoy the boob grab....

[draeray]

Jan 21, 2015 23:39:56 GMT -5 rosebean said:

I want to be that woman too, but to be her, I have to take the time out to get ME back first. I told DH this. I can't keep up with everyone needing me and expecting me to give all my time to them without something back. DD needs me for everything, so does DS... feedings, changings, nap times, dinner, bedtimes. Then after all that, I get a few hours of downtime and damned if I'm not being cajoled into pleasuring my husband because I better keep him happy too. I want him to be happy, but if I don't get time for ME in there somewhere too, somethings gonna give and why should I be this crazy busy mom and his sex goddess? This isn't the 50's anymore. I am sure the sex will come around, but I really needed to start doing things for myself. This last month I started working out again. I'm getting an hour or two away kid free every day or so, so that I can work on me. If I don't have time to get myself right, how can he expect me to come into our relationship and work on us if I'm not whole. Does that make sense.? And with all that craziness, our sex life is very affected by it. All forms of intimacy are. I don't like to initiate any forms of intimacy., because with him it can't be a simple kiss or hug. If I go in for a nice kiss, next thing I know, I'm getting slipped the tongue and a boob grab and all I wanted was a nice kiss.... I go in for a nice hug, suddenly he thinks it's sexy time. And this is where my brain gets over worked and I avoid it because I wish it didn't have to be so extreme at either end.

We tried to do a 60 day thing where I was to attempt a daily form of intimacy. That could range anywhere from a hug to sex. But he had to respect the level that I set and not push it to the next one (like, if I want to go to first base, he doesn't push it to home). And I have totally failed my end because he's failed his. He's all about the end game and it drives me bonkers.

Now I wrote a novel and am taking over your thread.



______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Quote fail.

I feel this way too. I also have no interest initiating or doing anything other than missionary to get it over faster. I believe it's because of the weight I have gained after having kids and the nasty way my body looks. I am no longer that sexy girl I used to be.

[singingsea]

Jan 21, 2015 23:39:56 GMT -5 rosebean said:

I want to be that woman too, but to be her, I have to take the time out to get ME back first. I told DH this. I can't keep up with everyone needing me and expecting me to give all my time to them without something back. DD needs me for everything, so does DS... feedings, changings, nap times, dinner, bedtimes. Then after all that, I get a few hours of downtime and damned if I'm not being cajoled into pleasuring my husband because I better keep him happy too. I want him to be happy, but if I don't get time for ME in there somewhere too, somethings gonna give and why should I be this crazy busy mom and his sex goddess? This isn't the 50's anymore. I am sure the sex will come around, but I really needed to start doing things for myself. This last month I started working out again. I'm getting an hour or two away kid free every day or so, so that I can work on me. If I don't have time to get myself right, how can he expect me to come into our relationship and work on us if I'm not whole. Does that make sense.? And with all that craziness, our sex life is very affected by it. All forms of intimacy are. I don't like to initiate any forms of intimacy., because with him it can't be a simple kiss or hug. If I go in for a nice kiss, next thing I know, I'm getting slipped the tongue and a boob grab and all I wanted was a nice kiss.... I go in for a nice hug, suddenly he thinks it's sexy time. And this is where my brain gets over worked and I avoid it because I wish it didn't have to be so extreme at either end.

We tried to do a 60 day thing where I was to attempt a daily form of intimacy. That could range anywhere from a hug to sex. But he had to respect the level that I set and not push it to the next one (like, if I want to go to first base, he doesn't push it to home). And I have totally failed my end because he's failed his. He's all about the end game and it drives me bonkers.

Now I wrote a novel and am taking over your thread.

After DS was born (and even now) I had a hard time mentally switching over from mom to wife. There needs to be a moment/period of time for transition. To help me switch gears. I've told this to my husband. There are some days where I am completely "touched out" from all the needs I'm trying to meet. After DS goes down for the night I either work out, shower, read or have a glass of wine.

I think the biggest thing that will help all of us is to let our significant others know that we need a couple minutes (insert time here) before they initiate intimacy. And a signal that they're interested. DH and I have resorted to..."Is it a sex night?" If we both agree then it's on. It's not always full on sex. Sometimes it's just foreplay.