outed myself again this weekend

[drl]

Thank goodness there was another adoptive mom. She took the edge off the lady who said, "my cousin HAD to do open adoption, it's the only way she could get a baby"

[chele]

I kind of dread that.

[theatrepal]

Ugh!! Would you mind sharing what you said?

[drl]

Apr 9, 2015 19:14:59 GMT -5 theatrepal said:

Ugh!! Would you mind sharing what you said?

I sad, "Oh, we have an open adoption, her birth mom is great." Another woman looked at me surprised. Maybe she expected me to bash DD's BM? I don't know

[theatrepal]

Great response! I have no idea what I would have said if I had to think on my feet...

[spooko]

I probably would have launched into my whole spiel about how in the vast majority of cases it's in the best interest of the children and on and on and on.

[pinkie]

I've been slowly and casually educating people about open adoptions. So many people assume birth parents want to try to take the kids back...there are just so many misconceptions and I've found once I explain that open adoption is not co-parenting and that once an adoption is final it's final that people realize they just don't understand.

It also helps a lot that we have a very very positive open adoption with DS2s birth mom...

[redandblue]

That is a great response. We have been trying to do some educating of our family and friends while we are waiting for our match.

[beeps]

I adopted two granddaughters last year (had them from ages 6 and 8, adopted at 8 and 10 and they are now 9 and 11). They have an older brother who was adopted at birth. We still maintain contact, visit and Skype and it's been extremely healthy for the girls to see and know their brother, and vice versa. As a matter of fact, I was on the phone with his dad just a couple hours ago to arrange to meet up next month because it's been a while since we've seen each other. We're going to try to bring my daughter (bio-mom) along as well, so she can see all the kids.

The bio-parents want to see that their child is loved and taken care of. The child wants to see his/her bio-family so he can have a sense of his biological roots and not just his adoptive family.  "Where did I come from?" and "Who are my people?" are questions that are answered from birth, first-hand.
(My older granddaughter, despite knowing her father is in jail and is a drug addict and alcoholic, still wants to meet him, because he's her bio-dad and her sister was able to meet hers so she should be able to.  She wants to know if she *really* has her dad's eyes or if that's something mom says.  It's that simple and that difficult.)

Studies have shown that it is extremely healthy for adoptive children to maintain a relationship with their bio family if there is enough stability in all their lives (e.g. no drugs, mental issues are controlled, etc.)