I am so excited to be expecting #2. However, I can't seem to wrap my head around how I will be splitting my time with DS with another child. I think it's because he is an extreme momma's boy. I'm already feeling guilty for his lost time with me. Anyone else feel this way or any btdt with advice?
Post by BeachBum678 on Apr 12, 2015 16:04:15 GMT -5
Oh my God, I could have written this post myself. My DD is a big time Mama's girl, and I love hanging out with her. I'm really worried about how to split my time so no one feels left out. I would hate for baby #2 not to get the same kind of love and attention that #1 did, and at the same time, I don't want DD to feel like she's being "replaced". All my BTDT moms promise that it works itself out and you'll eventually fall into a rhythm. I really hope they're right.
Oh my God, I could have written this post myself. My DD is a big time Mama's girl, and I love hanging out with her. I'm really worried about how to split my time so no one feels left out. I would hate for baby #2 not to get the same kind of love and attention that #1 did, and at the same time, I don't want DD to feel like she's being "replaced". All my BTDT moms promise that it works itself out and you'll eventually fall into a rhythm. I really hope they're right.
Oh man, I hope they're right. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one too.
Post by AmazingTulip on Apr 12, 2015 16:57:22 GMT -5
With my second pregnancy I had a lot of those same fears. Am I ready for this? Can I give both children enough attention? I wanted to get my DS potty trained and transitioned out of the crib, etc etc. Then before I knew it, my DD was gone. All of a sudden I went from trying to figure out how to introduce a new person to our family and schedule to trying to figure out how I was going to live without her.
My point is, yes things will be different, but as soon as that little baby gets here, you wouldn't have it any other way. You'll figure everything out and you won't be able to imagine your life not that way.
Hope I wasn't too much of a downer, I just have a completely different perspective now.
I think about it when I am doing bed or bath and how my time will be split. I plan on getting some good big sister books. I also figure things will just work out when baby #2 gets here. I have a twin brother and one who was 2 when we were born. My mother says things just worked out, and we all turned out just fine.
With my second pregnancy I had a lot of those same fears. Am I ready for this? Can I give both children enough attention? I wanted to get my DS potty trained and transitioned out of the crib, etc etc. Then before I knew it, my DD was gone. All of a sudden I went from trying to figure out how to introduce a new person to our family and schedule to trying to figure out how I was going to live without her.
My point is, yes things will be different, but as soon as that little baby gets here, you wouldn't have it any other way. You'll figure everything out and you won't be able to imagine your life not that way.
Hope I wasn't too much of a downer, I just have a completely different perspective now.
I am so sorry for your loss.
That definitely puts things in perspective for me.
Post by chuggingwater on Apr 12, 2015 18:20:42 GMT -5
I had this same fear for #2 (and now again for #3). There is a six and a half year age difference between my older kids. I was terrified that I would lose that bond with my oldest. My oldest also asked me how I could possibly love another baby as much as I love him. I have all always told my oldest that he was the piece that made my heart whole, & I never knew that I was even missing anything until I had him. He is what made my heart complete. Our second one is what made my grow. My heart is just so swollen with love.
Post by anonymouseliza on Apr 12, 2015 18:25:50 GMT -5
Basically, the first response we both had was,"Shit. What were were we thinking?" Are we ruining Viv's life? Our life? How will we make two work? How can we give her enough attention and stimulation? What about newbie? It's not something I really expect to be able to work out in advance. Just like she tossed out all my pre-conceptions when she arrived, they will do it again. I expect there to be some guilt forever, because that's life.
Post by hollandmama on Apr 13, 2015 7:33:07 GMT -5
I went to sleep last night after crying 20 minutes over this, I partly blame the hormones but you're not the only one... I think what chuggingwater said about the same love will hold for me, I don't think I will feel the same way about this baby but I know the amount of love will be as big.
DS is not a mamma's boy AT.ALL. still I feel the guilt.
Post by hungryhippo on Apr 13, 2015 11:18:21 GMT -5
I feel it too and I'm trying to focus on what DS will be gaining. A few days before my BFP I was watching DS play by himself and commented to DH that I thought he would really enjoy a sibling. Of course, it will be hard for all of us to transition, but I think of all the things he will gain with a sibling. Someone who understands how crazy his parents are, someone to cheer on and teach things to, someone to look out for/bug him at school, someone to share things with that he might not want to tell us, someone to play with (if they choose that kind of relationship), someone to share the load when DH and I are aging and needing help but won't admit it, etc...
I do get emotional over the idea of him feeling anything less than fully loved, but I think we'll be able to help him with this AND he will gain all the great stuff that can come with a sibling. Overall, it's net positive, I think.
With my second pregnancy I had a lot of those same fears. Am I ready for this? Can I give both children enough attention? I wanted to get my DS potty trained and transitioned out of the crib, etc etc. Then before I knew it, my DD was gone. All of a sudden I went from trying to figure out how to introduce a new person to our family and schedule to trying to figure out how I was going to live without her.
My point is, yes things will be different, but as soon as that little baby gets here, you wouldn't have it any other way. You'll figure everything out and you won't be able to imagine your life not that way.
Hope I wasn't too much of a downer, I just have a completely different perspective now.
I'm really sorry for the loss of your daughter. Thanks for sharing your perspective here.
I feel it too and I'm trying to focus on what DS will be gaining. A few days before my BFP I was watching DS play by himself and commented to DH that I thought he would really enjoy a sibling. Of course, it will be hard for all of us to transition, but I think of all the things he will gain with a sibling. Someone who understands how crazy his parents are, someone to cheer on and teach things to, someone to look out for/bug him at school, someone to share things with that he might not want to tell us, someone to play with (if they choose that kind of relationship), someone to share the load when DH and I are aging and needing help but won't admit it, etc...
I do get emotional over the idea of him feeling anything less than fully loved, but I think we'll be able to help him with this AND he will gain all the great stuff that can come with a sibling. Overall, it's net positive, I think.
This is very true. I'm now trying to remember that I never felt spiteful of my little brother who is 9 years younger than me and totally changed the norm for my older brother and myself. I don't know what is do without both of my brothers. You are very right, this is something DS is gaining.
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