I've always wanted to be a SAHM. My mother was until I was in Jr. High (and even then she was a crossing guard by my school and therefore home shortly after school) so I was never in any sort of daycare either. DS is 11 and I was a single mom, so no real way to be a SAHM then. After I got married DH and I discussed our finances and figured out that we could do it on just his income but it would be super tight. So when I got pregnant and had LO in December I got to stay home with her and DS!
Figuring out the expense associated with working was important. You mentioned most considering that as well. I just can't see the point in working just to pay for working expenses like childcare, gas, and clothing. Although, to be honest, another big contributing factor was that the company I work for has an uncertain future (I'm actually surprised it hasn't shut down yet). And yes I said work for. I agreed to come back to teach a class once a week for 4 hours. I still consider myself a SAHM and my mom watches LO for that time. I just went back 3 days ago.
So, do what feels right, but I agree that I would not be cool leaving my baby for two weeks (she's 4 months now).
Hi and welcome! My situation was a lot different than yours in my decision to stay at home. I was working part time at a bookstore. I didn't actually look into how much the cost of daycare would be, but I'm sure it would be more than what I was making or about the same. Plus, with it being retail I had the crazy hours that went with it so I decided to stay at home and my husband completely supported me in that decision. Now, if I did have a 9-5 job or family that would have been willing to watch DD while I worked, I probably would have changed my mind. DD is a July '13 baby, and as crazy as it sounds I miss being in a work environment...staying at home is tough!
Good luck with whatever you decide works best for your family. I will say however, that if you do decide to go back to work I would suggest looking into childcare sooner rather than later. I remember other people from my birth month board saying they had to be on a waiting list for day cares. I know you mentioned that you'd rather use a nanny, but it might take longer than you think to find someone that you would trust with your baby. Sorry, not trying to put more pressure on you for a decision...just something else to keep in mind.
Like beckyrosen I knew I wanted to SAH. It was something DH and I talked about before we got married. We did actually tour some daycare centers when I was pregnant with DD just to cement our opinion and I'm glad I did. I def didn't want her in a center. We were a bit worried about finances but DH ended up getting a promotion when i was about 6 or 7 months. I also didn't love my job, didn't make great money, and had shoddy benefits. It was actually going to save money for me to be on DH's insurance and I'd have better care.
I have to say being a SAHM was a very tough transition even though it was what I wanted. Going from waking up and getting ready everyday to having nowhere to go. Going from constant adult interaction to very little. Going from having tasks to complete and goals to meet to none all while taking care of a newborn I knew nothing about wasn't easy. I 100% am sure I made the right decision but it was still a very difficult transition at times.
If I were in your shoes I would not want to go back to your company. I would be 100% against international travel. And I would want a schedule that was part time or at least guaranteed certain hours. Have you looked into any other open positions? I would probably wait until mid maternity leave to decide because you might find being at home isn't for you. Or you might decide it definitely is. I would also look around because you might find a better position (after maternity leave) for you. Good luck and try not to worry about what others are deciding. It may feel like everyone knows for sure but I guarantee some people will change their minds once their baby is here.
Post by younglove316 on Apr 18, 2015 16:14:57 GMT -5
First off I just want to say good luck on your decision, whatever it is that you choose to do.
For us I graduated college in May 2013 and got our BFP in July 13. I was working part time retail and had not yet found a job in my field. My husband and I talked it over after not really finding much or finding anything that made financial sense for me to work. So we decided for awhile that I would be a SAHM, we just recently found out that we will be expecting #2 later this year so for us, it is mainly a financial decision.
I never really pictured myself staying home and to be honest in the beginning I really struggled with it. Now that she's getting older (13 months) it is becoming a lot more fun
I hope you are able to find what the right fit is for you. It definitely sounds like you current job doesn't match up with you wants and needs.
DH and I both had stay at home moms. I'm not sure if we ever really talked about what I would do when we had kids until we got pregnant with DD. I've been staying at home ever since she was born. She'll be 2 in July. I just recently found a Mommy and Me Group and a Stay at Home Preschool group in town and am very excited about that because I miss adult interaction so much. I taught 2nd grade before staying at home and really miss all the teacher friends I had and the recognition I got from administration. Staying at home isn't easy if you are an extrovert like I am, but it is very worth it. I especially feel that way now that DD is getting older and able to do more things.
I have always wanted to be a SAHM. I did consider working though, while I was pregnant. I got my BFP in March 2014 and graduated college in May 2014. But I never found a job in my field and worked a really crappy job that paid nothing between college and having DD. We were a little worried that we wouldn't be able to make it on just DH's income, but we reviewed our budget and decided that it was more important to us for me to stay home than to have more stuff/move quicker toward financial goals. We can very comfortably pay for all our basic needs and even a little extra. My H doesn't make a ton of money, but through careful planning and budgeting, we are able to live very well on his income. Now DH is planning to join the military, which will mean a pay raise and also that we will be moving. With one parent being gone often and moving frequently, we feel that it is even more important for DD to have the consistency of me being with her all the time, rather than changing from center/caregiver to another all the time.
I don't plan on SAH forever, though. I think by the time we have finished having kids and they are in late elementary/middle school, I would like to start working at least part time.
I think it would probably be a good idea for you to kind of plan for both- Practice living on one income, and see how you like being home on mat leave. But also check out centers and nannies, and look for other jobs. Then after you've been home for a few weeks, you'll probably have a better idea of what you'd like to do. Good luck with your decision!
Several reasons. A desire for a better life balance and more time with my children and the financial ability to do so, and the fact that I wasn't happy at my job, being the primary ones.
When DD1 was born, we could not afford for me to stay home. She had a major medical issue requiring surgery as a toddler, and I really wanted to avoid daycare for her until after that was done. My mom and inlaws helped us out her first 9 months while I worked fulltime. That stopped working out and I found a position working midnight shift and I worked while she slept, and tried to sleep while she napped and then again for a few hours after dinner once DH was home and before I had to return to work. That lasted until about 2.5 when the regular sleep deprivation started effecting my health and we enrolled her into childcare.
With this baby, I returned to work when she was 12 weeks, we enrolled her into the same wonderful childcare that DD1 had attended. I changed jobs at 8 months to one that was a little more flexible in regards to a work life balance, but I did not care for my boss, and people were leaving our team left and right. The flexibility started to decrease and with our oldest DD now in 1st grade, life was getting very busy and difficult to manage with sick days, weather days, vacations from school, etc. DH began a new position and after about 9 months, we made the decision that I'd stay home with the kids at least until DD2 goes off to KG.
It wasn't an easy choice, while we were financially "able" to survive on just DH's income, it meant cutting out every single extra and really having to make every penny count. While we spent years having to live frugally, it's still hard at times to not be able to buy the little extras that we don't need, but that make life more fun. Everything has to be planned out and budgeted now. It also means staying in our current home, rather than upgrading in size and area, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make, at least for now. I don't see myself doing this forever, I love the small moments and the extra time that I get to see my kids, but the days are still incredibly exhausted, the life balance doesn't seem all that much less chaotic and sometimes it can get monotonous (for instance I just read about 15 books in a row to LO). Im still figuring out a good balance and routine, I've only been doing this about 6 weeks, so I imagine in time it will become more of the picture I'd had in mind.
Post by penguin129 on Apr 20, 2015 13:09:26 GMT -5
@demanda88 I wanted to add something about insurance. DD was on medicaid for the first year and now in her second year we qualified to have her on Florida Kid Care for only $20/month and everything is covered. There may be programs out there you can qualify for to get insurance for you LO at little to no cost. ETA: These are based on income, so you might not qualify until you leave your job.
Post by redfraggle on Apr 20, 2015 13:34:47 GMT -5
To me, @demanda88, the bottom line was that I wanted to be home with my son way more than I wanted to be working. I went back to work for about 5 months after my maternity leave was up and just couldn't find a balance that made me happy while working.
I don't really understand why you are so opposed to daycare, but I'm assuming you are using a very narrow definition of the term (i.e. large, center-style DCP with dozens of kids and lots of employees) because you are open to a nanny, which would still be childcare. I feel very differently than you about daycare settings, and I was actually pretty torn up about having to take DS out of his in-home care (for us: 1 adult watching 1 preschooler and 1-2 infants) because he loved it so much, in part because there were other kids around. But he also loves being with me and now has DD to play with at home.
One last thing I didn't see while skimming other responses is that there are a lot of considerations to take into account besides money. Removing yourself from the working world, even for a year can affect your ability to re-enter the workforce later on, your future earning potential, how you feel about yourself and your role within the family. If you are unhappy with your job but like your career, you might consider looking for a different job after LO is born that is more manageable for you but still allows you to be a working mom.
You don't have to have it all figured out now. You don't have to have it all figured out in July when your promotion goes through or in October when your boss wants you to travel, either. You won't know how you feel until after your baby is born and you give things a go. Best of luck with your decision!
ETA: One other thing I didn't see anyone mention, if you are WAH, you will still need someone to watch your LO while you work. (You said something about PT Nanny and WAH, so I wasn't sure when the nanny would be on duty.)
Well, I can't understand your negative feelings about "dropping a helpless 3 month old off at daycare", because that's exactly what I did and I have no regrets. She was fine, she slept, was held, played a little, was fed, was changed, repeated all day long, exactly the same way she would have been at home. I'd venture to say she even had MORE direct attention at the center, because at home I would be involved in a lot of other things (housecleaning, meal prep, etc).
Additionally, I breastfed until DD2 was almost 19 months old, all while working full time. If you want to make it work, you'll make it work. It wasn't easy, I pumped in bathrooms, my car, with my back against doors to prevent intrusion...but I did it.
I wanted to add one more thing, you were thinking that you'd like to have a nanny at home so that you could breastfeed at home. Please just know that breastfed babies, especially young ones, tend to nurse for a long time and frequently. Where you could double pump for 20 minutes every 3 hours to make baby's milk for the day, you might expect to feed baby every 2 hours, and for 30-45 minutes each time. Not trying to be negative, just sharing my experience!
I wanted to add one more thing, you were thinking that you'd like to have a nanny at home so that you could breastfeed at home. Please just know that breastfed babies, especially young ones, tend to nurse for a long time and frequently. Where you could double pump for 20 minutes every 3 hours to make baby's milk for the day, you might expect to feed baby every 2 hours, and for 30-45 minutes each time. Not trying to be negative, just sharing my experience!
This is not even a little accurate for me. I never with either child pumped more than 5oz. You will naturally make more milk with the baby breastfeeding than through a pump. I think by 3 months nursing sessions were about 20- 30 mins every 2.5 hours. It would have taken me at least that time to pump that much. I understand you were just giving your experience but every one is going to be different.
@demanda88 I just wanted to validate your feelings about sending an infant to daycare. I completely understand and feel the same way. It would be impossible for me to be ok with leaving my baby in a center. I know it works great for many families, and the kids are just fine. But it's just not for me. So I understand.
@demanda88 I just wanted to validate your feelings about sending an infant to daycare. I completely understand and feel the same way. It would be impossible for me to be ok with leaving my baby in a center. I know it works great for many families, and the kids are just fine. But it's just not for me. So I understand.
Thanks! I was starting to wonder if I was just some anti-daycare weirdo Glad to hear someone else feels the same way.
You are definitely not the only anti-daycare person. DH and I really dislike daycares and we met while we were working in one.
Post by tomorrowisanotherday on Apr 21, 2015 9:49:33 GMT -5
DH and I decided that I would SAH while I was pregnant. I taught sixth grade and was commuting 45 minutes to work from our new house. Between cost of daycare and work/commuting expenses, we decided it was a better fit for our family for me to stay home. I always wanted to be a SAHM though; I worked in daycare while I was in school to be a teacher and I knew I didn't want to have to send my kids to one. (No offense meant, just personal choice We plan on me going back to work (school) when DS starts school, hopefully at the same place he is going to go! If you have the opportunity and desire to SAH, I wouldn't want to regret not doing it later on! It is hard some days, like PP mentioned, but definitely worth it!
I wanted to add one more thing, you were thinking that you'd like to have a nanny at home so that you could breastfeed at home. Please just know that breastfed babies, especially young ones, tend to nurse for a long time and frequently. Where you could double pump for 20 minutes every 3 hours to make baby's milk for the day, you might expect to feed baby every 2 hours, and for 30-45 minutes each time. Not trying to be negative, just sharing my experience!
This is not even a little accurate for me. I never with either child pumped more than 5oz. You will naturally make more milk with the baby breastfeeding than through a pump. I think by 3 months nursing sessions were about 20- 30 mins every 2.5 hours. It would have taken me at least that time to pump that much. I understand you were just giving your experience but every one is going to be different.
ashiscute, I agree with you that every child and mother is different. I also pumped about 5 oz, 3 times a day. Baby took 12-16 oz in the 10 hours we were apart, so I was making plenty. Yes, mothers generally make more milk with baby nursing directly than while pumping. I was thinking more in terms of her trying to work and breastfeed a baby. With an older infant, most definitely, but with a 3 month old, many of them are still wanting to nurse around the clock if mom is around.
@demanda, of course your feelings of wanting to keep your baby in your home are validated, and of course you're going to get plenty of moms to agree with you here, after all, this is the SAHM mom board. I think you will see a different set of responses if you choose to post on the working moms board "What made you decide to return to work after baby". I think where I felt a little "sting" was where you mentioned dropping off your "helpless 3 month old", some of us have no choice in the matter, and I don't think you meant to offend, but you did.
Personally, from what you've shared here, if you can "more than afford a nanny" and you are opposed to daycare, I think you would be a good candidate for staying home, or at least trying it out to see if it's a good fit for your family.
This is not even a little accurate for me. I never with either child pumped more than 5oz. You will naturally make more milk with the baby breastfeeding than through a pump. I think by 3 months nursing sessions were about 20- 30 mins every 2.5 hours. It would have taken me at least that time to pump that much. I understand you were just giving your experience but every one is going to be different.
ashiscute, I agree with you that every child and mother is different. I also pumped about 5 oz, 3 times a day. Baby took 12-16 oz in the 10 hours we were apart, so I was making plenty. Yes, mothers generally make more milk with baby nursing directly than while pumping. I was thinking more in terms of her trying to work and breastfeed a baby. With an older infant, most definitely, but with a 3 month old, many of them are still wanting to nurse around the clock if mom is around.
I EPed for almost a year with DS because that was what our circumstances allowed. It definitely is possible for some people. With DD, BFing was a breeze, and bottle-feeding proved impossible. Every baby is different; every mother is different. I agree with @mommatotwo that BFing isn't an all or nothing kind of thing and that many moms make it work while working, some without ever giving their infant a bottle, as hard as that may be to believe. We could sit here all day sharing stories of BFing and pumping triumphs and tribulations, but at the end of the day, we still won't know what OP's circumstances will be until her LO arrives.
Post by sarahandeddie on Apr 21, 2015 13:51:57 GMT -5
I never wanted to be a SAHM until I had to go back to work after having DD#1. I hated working from that point on. She was at home with DH (who worked 7pm-3am at the time). It only got harder when I had to return to teaching after summer break.
I found out I was pg with DD#2 and DH said he couldn't continue to work his shift and care for a toddler and a newborn. We decided that I would take a year leave of absence. We knew it would be very hard financially but it'd be worth it. The cost of daycare, gas and insurance through my work was basically my entire check. If I wasn't working we were eligible for state subsidized insurance.
While I was in the hospital recovering from having DD#2 DH found out he had a chance at his dream job. This would require him to be away for 6 months (home on weekends) for training. He got the job and we ended up moving.
From there it was an easy decision. DH was making what we used to make combined. Now I SAH most of the time but also substitute teach to make extra spending money. I love having my girls with me!
Hi! I posted on this board a bit when we first came over from TB, but it's been awhile. I have been lurking for a bit wanting to get more involved again so thought I'd just jump in again, if that's ok:) I know I'm a bit late, OP, but thought I'd give you my .02.
I have an almost 17-month old and SAH with him. My husband's career involves a lot of travel, including stints where he's away for weeks or months. My staying home and providing stability for our family made sense and is something my husband appreciates a lot. My mom stayed at home with my sister and me growing up, as my dad did a lot of business travel, and I hoped to give that experience to my children. It was a very secure feeling knowing Mom was at home and we were and are very close as a result.
From a financial standpoint, it honestly didn't even make much sense for me to work at the moment. My husband got a big promotion this year which moved us to the very top of our tax bracket, and we calculated that with me working, and the cost of childcare and work-related experiences (gas, work wardrobe/drycleaning, eating out, etc), plus being in a higher tax bracket, we would do just better than breaking even. I didn't make a ton to start with, and the extra money just wasn't worth it to us for the added stress of my working, having my child in daycare all day, and having the rushed, hectic nights and weekends that are kind of inherent when you work and have kids.
In my previous life, I was an interior designer, and I've toyed with the idea of starting my own business and doing some work on the side once I have DS in pre-school next fall, just b/c I miss design and it would be nice to keep a hand in it/have something on my resume if I ever need/want to go back to work FT. Sounds like you could do the same with accounting.
So those were the things we considered and so far, I've been really happy with our decision.
It just sort of happened. I was in school, not working, when I got PG. I've had a couple part time jobs here and there. Eventually though, I will go back to work.
Why are you adamantly against Daycare? Even as a SAHM, I had DS in daycare 2-3x a week. He got to hang out with other kids, I was able to go to Dr appts, get stuff done, do Homework, etc etc. I would check out a couple of places before you completely turn off that idea. You'll also get a better idea of cost. Which will probably be less than a nanny.
Its OK to not have it figured out, you have time. See how you feel during your Mat leave. Then decide. I really wouldn't stress about it now.
What about finances? Can you guys survive comfortably enough on just your spouses income, is staying at home something you really want? Can you easily go back if you decide staying home isn't for you?
@demanda, of course your feelings of wanting to keep your baby in your home are validated, and of course you're going to get plenty of moms to agree with you here, after all, this is the SAHM mom board. I think you will see a different set of responses if you choose to post on the working moms board "What made you decide to return to work after baby". I think where I felt a little "sting" was where you mentioned dropping off your "helpless 3 month old", some of us have no choice in the matter, and I don't think you meant to offend, but you did.
Personally, from what you've shared here, if you can "more than afford a nanny" and you are opposed to daycare, I think you would be a good candidate for staying home, or at least trying it out to see if it's a good fit for your family.
I never said that parents who put their children in daycare are wrong in any way, whatsoever. A three month old is helpless, which is pretty common knowledge, so I don't see why you would be offended over that comment. And the context that I used that statement in was that I personally wouldn't be able to emotionally handle that. I never insinuated that putting a three month old in daycare was neglectful parenting or anything of the sort, just that it wasn't for me and I listed the reasons why it wasn't for me, because I was asked why I felt that way. I don't think any of my comments were offensive, especially since as you pointed out, I did post on a board that is for stay at home moms, so my assumption is that most of the moms on here are also opposed to daycare for one reason or another.
I actually have posted on the working moms board because as you can probably tell, I'm completely torn over what to do.
Thanks, I am aware of the helplessness of a 3 month old, as I've had two. That wasn't the offensive part, it was the part about sending said 3 month old to daycare. Which is something that many mothers, even those that now stay home, have had to do (or, chose to do) with one or more of our children. I'm not trying to argue with you, you are here asking for opinions and I'm sharing mine. Daycare is not as bad as yours making it out to be, if you do your research and find the right one. Baby will have a warm, loving environment to sleep and be held and fed and changed, which is pretty much all 3 month olds do and as they grow, they'll have fun projects and enrichment and they might even make lifelong best friends. My decision to stay home was absolutely not because I was opposed to daycare, in fact, leaving our center was heartbreaking. Most states have strict rules regarding the care of infants, even more than older babies and children. I'm just saying, don't let your fear of daycare make your decision for you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with staying home or working and having done both, they definitely both have pros and cons. Good luck in your decision.
@demanda, of course your feelings of wanting to keep your baby in your home are validated, and of course you're going to get plenty of moms to agree with you here, after all, this is the SAHM mom board. I think you will see a different set of responses if you choose to post on the working moms board "What made you decide to return to work after baby". I think where I felt a little "sting" was where you mentioned dropping off your "helpless 3 month old", some of us have no choice in the matter, and I don't think you meant to offend, but you did.
Personally, from what you've shared here, if you can "more than afford a nanny" and you are opposed to daycare, I think you would be a good candidate for staying home, or at least trying it out to see if it's a good fit for your family.
I never said that parents who put their children in daycare are wrong in any way, whatsoever. A three month old is helpless, which is pretty common knowledge, so I don't see why you would be offended over that comment. And the context that I used that statement in was that I personally wouldn't be able to emotionally handle that. I never insinuated that putting a three month old in daycare was neglectful parenting or anything of the sort, just that it wasn't for me and I listed the reasons why it wasn't for me, because I was asked why I felt that way. I don't think any of my comments were offensive, especially since as you pointed out, I did post on a board that is for stay at home moms, so my assumption is that most of the moms on here are also opposed to daycare for one reason or another.
I actually have posted on the working moms board because as you can probably tell, I'm completely torn over what to do.
@demanda, of course your feelings of wanting to keep your baby in your home are validated, and of course you're going to get plenty of moms to agree with you here, after all, this is the SAHM mom board. I think you will see a different set of responses if you choose to post on the working moms board "What made you decide to return to work after baby". I think where I felt a little "sting" was where you mentioned dropping off your "helpless 3 month old", some of us have no choice in the matter, and I don't think you meant to offend, but you did.
Personally, from what you've shared here, if you can "more than afford a nanny" and you are opposed to daycare, I think you would be a good candidate for staying home, or at least trying it out to see if it's a good fit for your family.
I never said that parents who put their children in daycare are wrong in any way, whatsoever. A three month old is helpless, which is pretty common knowledge, so I don't see why you would be offended over that comment. And the context that I used that statement in was that I personally wouldn't be able to emotionally handle that. I never insinuated that putting a three month old in daycare was neglectful parenting or anything of the sort, just that it wasn't for me and I listed the reasons why it wasn't for me, because I was asked why I felt that way. I don't think any of my comments were offensive, especially since as you pointed out, I did post on a board that is for stay at home moms, so my assumption is that most of the moms on here are also opposed to daycare for one reason or another.
I actually have posted on the working moms board because as you can probably tell, I'm completely torn over what to do.
Nope, most SAHMs are not opposed to daycare. They stay home because they want to and it works for their family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with daycare. It is very difficult for a lot of women to leave their babies at daycare because they want to stay home but are making a responsible decision in working to support their family. Saying someone is dropping off their "helpless 3 month old" is offensive and rude. Yes, the baby is helpless but do you also describe them as helpless when talking about other activities. "I took my helpless 3 month old to story time" or "I took my helpless 3 month old grocery shopping". Throwing around that word makes it seem like she is doing something that is harmful to her baby. Some people need (or want) to work. Let's not make the choice any harder.
Thanks to all who provided useful advice- it was incredibly helpful! I have no desire to get into a daycare vs. SAHM discussion, as that has nothing at all to do with the purpose of my post, whatsoever. Being a mom & making decisions for your child or future child is hard enough as it is; I don't think we need to add to that by berating those who say that daycare is not an option for them. No one is beating anyone up who's chosen daycare. I'm sorry to anyone who was offended by my wording but I think you're looking for things to be offended by, because nothing I said was hurtful to anyone choosing daycare. Also, just to be clear, I didn't ask for anyone's opinion on whether or not I should choose daycare. I pretty clearly indicated that it was either going back to work, with a nanny as my childcare solution, or being a SAHM. I simply responded to someone asking me why daycare wasn't an option so I really have no idea why this turned into some kind of debate.
I'm going to step out of this thread now because clearly people have some heated opinions on this topic.
I think the people you offended get to decide that. Maybe you weren't trying to be offensive, but you still were. You're right, we don't need to make parenting harder by shaming someone who chooses DC. It's funny that you can be rude in your post saying someone is "dropping off a helpless 3 month old" but when we point out that you're being rude suddenly we're "berating". Obviously as SAHPs we all chose against DC and no one is berating you. I think you're the one looking for reasons to be offended.
I think the people you offended get to decide that. Maybe you weren't trying to be offensive, but you still were. You're right, we don't need to make parenting harder by shaming someone who chooses DC. It's funny that you can be rude in your post saying someone is "dropping off a helpless 3 month old" but when we point out that you're being rude suddenly we're "berating". Obviously as SAHPs we all chose against DC and no one is berating you. I think you're the one looking for reasons to be offended.
I'm not offended at all. Funny that you think my comments are offensive, yet you're saying that people dropping their kid at daycare and going back to work are making the responsible decision. Meaning, staying at home is not a responsible decision, apparently. I didn't come on here knocking daycare. I was simply asked why I wouldn't consider it and that was used as a way to jump all over me. Don't ask if you can't handle the answer.
Lol, your reasoning abilities are adorable. Staying home is not the responsible choice for everyone. Some people need to work to bring in money because, you know, babies are expensive. So someone being responsible and going to work needs to leave their kid in daycare. This is sometimes a tough choice for them and saying they're dropping off their helpless 3 month olds is only making it harder. Yeah, it was a rude thing to say and it was offensive regardless of whether that was your intent or not.
And FTR, I can handle the answer (though I think it makes you rude) and I didn't ask. Don't post something on the internet if you don't want to be called out on it.
Oh, and I stayed home with my kid, too, so obviously there aren't going to be many people knocking SAH on a SAHP board.
Post by redfraggle on Apr 22, 2015 16:13:00 GMT -5
TBH, @demanda88, I was offended by your OP and responses before mine. I felt judged for dropping my first child, who was probably far more helpless than the average NB, given his health issues, at a DCP. I'm not knocking your reasoning for being against a center-style DCP or your decision to use a nanny; you know what is best for your family, whereas I don't even know you, much less what will meet your or your future child(ren)'s needs. I disagree with you about the dangers of DC, BTW, but I won't battle you on it. I've done my research, and you won't change my opinion, as I most likely won't change yours.
But your wording offended people, and they aren't wrong for letting you know it. No one was disrespectful to you. A simple "I'm sorry I offended you," would have sufficed. FTR, I know lots of SAHMs but almost none who have expressed anti-DC opinions to me. You know what happens when we assume.
I also wanted to throw this out there, because you mentioned possibly quitting after your leave is up. In some companies, you will be required to pay back any income you earned while on leave (assuming your leave is paid), sometimes including repayment of what they paid for your benefits, etc. Each company is different, but I would talk to HR and find out your specific policy if that's the route you decide to go.
Post by KC thepouchh8r on Apr 23, 2015 6:24:41 GMT -5
We did because I wanted to. I initially transferred to a 15 hour a week position in my field but when they wanted more hours I resigned. I waitress one night a week to get out of the house/talk to adults still.
The one thing I will add is having a baby definitely ended up being a lot more than I initially budgeted for. My first had a problem gaining weight so we had to take him to the pedi every few days for the first six weeks or so on top of lactation consultant visits. $25 copays added up quick. Then he was diagnosed with reflux and I had to pay for medication/more pedi visits. They grow quick so that means buying more educational toys. Gas didn't end up being cheaper at all between errands and activities.
I can understand feeling Uncomfortable with center based daycare. I did as well and arranged my life to avoid it. The way you worded bringing a helpless 3 month old there did imply that those who chose to/had to were doing something wrong. I see why others were offended. You had two good reasons in wanting to breastfeed instead of pumping and area Centers not regulating vaccinations. You should have stopped there.
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.