This article really irked me. What are others thoughts?

[emmagk]

I came across this article recently about how parents to be shouldn't say "as long as baby is healthy" when asked about preferences. 

It annoyed me because the author is clearly not a parent herself. I think every parent hopes for a healthy baby but no one would love their child less if they had any health problems. 

Am am I being overly sensitive to the article or does the author have a point? 

[flockofmoosen]

Can you link the article?

[haykay13]

I don't really like this article either.
I think you always wish good health upon your child. No one wants their child to have to deal with a sickness or disability, but if they do end up not being healthy I think 99% of parents will still be overjoyed, totally in love with their kid and think they're perfect.

[comicSans]

Weird. She's basically saying that how much you care about X is directly related to your ability to love your child? Even if I did care about my daughter's eye color and hoped she had my green eyes, I'd love her less because she has daddy's big blue eyes? Hoping for a healthy child disqualifies you from being able to love a child with health issues? Please.

Half the article is dedicated to her talking about how awesome and qualified she is to talk on these matters. I really hope the phrase "throwing shade" shows up in her dissertation too.

[kendy20]

I didn't care for it either. I don't think any mother or father would love their child any less if they had some sort of health issue. Honestly I think that would bring you closer as a family having to learn how to handle whatever illness or just "unhealthy" trait the child may have. We all wish for the best health for not only our children but anyone who we love and care for. If my sister had to have a surgery that changed that way she looked, as long as she's healthy after, that's all that would matter. So it doesn't just apply to babies like she's mentioning, at least that's my opinion.

[aimeefarrahfowler]

"So, if your kid turns out to have a heart defect, are they somehow a disappointment? If your child has severe asthma and can't play sports, will that completely destroy your bond with the little one?"

No, to both.

What a weird article.

Of course all parents want their babies to be healthy and develop into healthy children. Even if they aren't "healthy" (however you define that), we will love them anyway. Unconditional love, isn't that part of being a parent?

Strange, strange, strange.

[athn64]

I couldn't finish it. I don't even think she understands what that means to a pregnant woman.

[kittyriot]

I have a hard time believing a) this isn't a joke b) someone let her into a PHD program!

That being said, she clearly doesn't understand subtext or inference (or blatantly wants to ignore both). Because I am pretty damn certain most parents are simply saying, I don't wish sickness on my child.

All that aside, one of my closest girlfriends had a very sick baby two years ago. On day 2 of his life he had emergency surgery to remove 75% of his large intestine. He spent the next four months in the hospital. Mom and Dad spent the next four months shuttling back and forth between our home town and where he was. You go into survival mode at that point. The gf is still in therapy to deal with challenges of having a sick baby (who is a healthy, active as can be two year old), she willingly admits that she held herself back when A was born to protect herself if the worst was to happen. So articles like this one would have infuriated her. Because worse than struggling with the fear of losing a wee one, is some asshole PHD student telling you you're a bad person for having these huge, deep, intensely personal emotions.

ETA: for clarity

[lissiehoya]

I understand her point that words have meaning and we need to be careful with our words, but I agree that she's making too much of a big deal out of nothing. Of course everyone wishes for a healthy baby! I had more thoughts but I have to go deal with my crying baby right now.

[junebug060609]

Jan 21, 2015 10:05:32 GMT -5 @kitchen said:

I've had people give me side eyes when I say that my daughter was born healthy (because she has Down syndrome). I experienced both people mis-placing the word "healthy", people spreading the notion that "healthy" is all that matters, and the idea that "healthy" is okay and everything else is less than okay. Spending more than half of my first pregnancy knowing that DD had Ds made me very aware of language.

The "ten fingers, ten toes" comes to mind as another example of a problematic common phrase.

Not a very clear, concise evaluation but those are my pre-coffee thoughts.

Similar with my son except he has autism and we didn't have a clue during pregnancy, didn't find out until he was 1.5 years old.  The boy is healthy as can be...he's just atypical neurologically and has developmental delays associated with that.  Am I thankful he's healthy? You better freaking believe it.  Do I love him less because he has autism?  Absolutely not.  But does his having autism matter?  Yes.  It impacts his, and our families, lives constantly every.single.day. 

[flockofmoosen]

Maybe a better thing to say instead of "I don't care if X, I just want a healthy baby", is just to say, "I hope it's a baby!"

Jokes aside, I see what she's trying to say. Like Kitchen said, in a time when we are all trying to be more aware of our words and how we use them, it could maybe be misunderstood, by those more sensitive to it, that if your baby was non-typical with 12 toes, a cleft palate, etc, you may not consider that an acceptable form of health. Now, I think everyone HERE doesn't feel that way. We do and will love our children no matter how they turn out. I think we define "healthy" in different ways, but maybe mostly it's just the hope that they have the ability to survive in our world. They may be missing some parts or be re-wired somehow or whatever, but can they just be with us out here and be happy with us? I think that's what we want and what we mean when we say "healthy".

[haykay13]

I'm just getting sick of HuffPo telling me everything I'm doing wrong, which is apparently everything lol

[becole]

My baby has two webbed toes- does that count as 9 toes or 10?

On a more serious note, I am one of those people who desperately wants to use the correct inoffensive language but I don't always know what that language is. And usually you don't until someone tells you what to be offended by. Some words become heated because a group of people decides it's harmful and everyone else follows suit. It's hard not to be offensive. Sometimes words become barriers to people reaching out or discussing things because of that fear. It's tough.

[emmagk]

I'm glad I'm not the only one that found this article annoying. Thanks @kitchen for pointing out another side, you made a clearer argument than the entire article did.

[Deleted]

This article is ridiculous. Most (intelligent) people understand what parents mean when they say "I don't care about X, as long as he/she is healthy".
The author takes it completely out of context and takes a simple, loving statement and turns it into something it's not. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how the parent feels about "unhealthy" people in general.

[venyia]

I always understood the "as long as its healthy" phrasing to be in the nature of how we give "thoughts and prayers" to others. You know, as a general plea to the universe that all turns out well. Is this person trying to say we are bad people for hoping for the best outcomes? How silly of an article.

Mindfulness of language is definitely a worthwhile topic, though. I just am not sure this particular phrase deserves scrutiny....

[SpinsOffResonance]

This article is ridiculous. She has no idea what it's like to be pregnant. So many unknowns... Am I going to make it beyond 1st tri? Passed viability... Into third tri? Will the baby be born alive? What if LO ends up in the NICU... Sadly, We've seen all of these things happen to our May14 moms to be. These are the questions at the back of my head when I'm expecting, do I care about what color hair my kid has, no, because all I want is a take home baby.

[milasmommy2014]

I stated that exact phrase all the time during my pregnancy. She needs to realize the context is not always what she thinks it is. I would have loved my daughter anyway she was born. If I would have been pregnant 5 years ago I probably wouldn't have been as worried. But watching my niece be born and pass away peacefully after due to a fatal birth defect really made me think during pregnancy oh i hope he or she is healthy but not in the way the article makes the phrase out to be. A mother could never love her child any less due to being unhealthy. After becoming a mother I feel it'd be impossible.