Husband got a job!

[Deleted]

So I have bittersweet news. On Saturday my husband and I were talking, and we were trying to come up with a plan to get rid of our student debt (OSAP- for fellow Canadians). We decided that the best option for us would be for my husband to get a job in Alberta, flying back and fourth every 2 weeks. But the problem with that is we would need a solution for September. So we decided that we would move to Saskatchewan for a teaching job, permanently.

No sooner did we talk about this, he got a call getting a year contract to work in Alberta. This is HUGE for us! It means no debt, and we can FINALLY purchase a house in September. But now we had to decide, do we leave our friends and family and go to Saskatchewan? It seemed like the most responsible decision, but it would mean we would have to move our family across country, and my kids, who are very close with my parents, would have to grow up with only seeing their grandkids a couple of times a year. So we decided to go the more financially responsibly route.

Well, that night I had a massive panic attack. I couldn't stop crying, couldn't catch my breath and felt numb. I couldn't do it. I can't leave my family, and I can't take my kids away from their grandparents. I love how close they are with their family, and I couldn't imagine moving away from them.

So my husband calmed me down and we talked about it more. We decided to have him commute back and forth to Alberta for the year, 2 weeks on, 2 weeks home. This would mean all of our debt goes away, and we get to buy a home. The gamble is it will most likely only be a year, maybe year and  half. Luckily he has the job, and can start applying at home until something pops up.

I just can't help but think my anxiety is keeping us from making a responsible, financial decision. He seems much more at ease knowing my anxiety has relaxed, but now I feel incredibly guilty because now he has to go back and forth for a year, rather than 5 months. BUT this does completely wipe out our debt. So it could be the best thing for us.

I hope we are making the right decision... what do you all think?

**Just a little tid bit of history- when we did live in away from home, I was hospitalized numerous times for panic attacks, so my husband doesn't want to move us away because of this.

Sorry for the rant, I just had a rough weekend when all of this went down, and I need to talk to my amazing online ladies!

::HUGS::

[yoshijo28]

Congrats to you both! That's wonderful news. Personally, I could not under any circumstances (that I can think of at the moment) move across the country and leave my family. I would have very bad anxiety about it too. I am close with my family and I don't have a large family. I'm my niece and nephew's only aunt and DH is their only uncle. I just couldn't leave them, my sister, or my parents. I would probably make the same decision that you did. I understand it will take longer for you to be out of debt but it will still happen. Financial stability is not worth your mental health suffering, especially since you will get out of debt but at a slower pace. There are many people who would jump at this chance and move but if that's not you, that's ok.

[Deleted]

Apr 21, 2015 10:02:29 GMT -5 yoshijo28 said:

Congrats to you both! That's wonderful news. Personally, I could not under any circumstances (that I can think of at the moment) move across the country and leave my family. I would have very bad anxiety about it too. I am close with my family and I don't have a large family. I'm my niece and nephew's only aunt and DH is their only uncle. I just couldn't leave them, my sister, or my parents. I would probably make the same decision that you did. I understand it will take longer for you to be out of debt but it will still happen. Financial stability is not worth your mental health suffering, especially since you will get out of debt but at a slower pace. There are many people who would jump at this chance and move but if that's not you, that's ok.

This made me feel a lot better. I needed to hear that. Thank you!

[bluerainfire]

@erin2021, when I was younger I did move across country away from my family- it was a great year, but I missed them a lot- and my mother was always worried about me. I couldn't at all move away from ohio because I am the only child, and really the glue in the situation. If your husband is ok with this decision, then be ok to- maybe he doesn't want to leave eaither-

[Deleted]

MH and I had to live apart for a few months when he got a job 3 hours away. I really struggled with moving away from my friends and family. Two years later I would still prefer to be back home, but we are making it work.

That being said. You need to do what's in the best interest of your family as a whole. Having a few extra dollars in your pocket will not give you the same happiness as stability in your life will.

[Deleted]

Thanks @wallflwr926. Our family is our rock! If we were to all leave and move 25 hours away, we have no one if there was an emergency or something. This way my husband will get more time with us, it's just spread out more. It will pay off our debts, but allow us to be close to our family.

I just know he wants to be a teacher, but no teaching jobs are around us. We may get him into french lessons, find him a tutor. If he has french he has a better chance at getting a job. So hopefully everything we have planned works out.

[Deleted]

You're not holding your family back, you are making the best decision for your family. Your attachment to your parents, and your kids' attachment to their grandparents, is a good thing! Many people don't have those kinds of relationships. Your kids will gain so much from having a happy mom and being close to their grandparents. And your husband will be at ease knowing you are in a good place. You're not some external negative force on your family, you are all a team, and your mental health is important to everyone.
Congrats to your H!

[blush]

I think you have made a great decision.  I wouldn't want to be away from family either.  In complete honesty I had a difficult time when I moved recently and I am a 7 minute drive away. Having  no debt is amazing and being able to buy a Boise will be a wonderful step. 

A year or a year and a half is not really that long. I have a relative who stayed here with her kids while her husband went to work out west. He came back every few weeks and that lasted about a year. They just bought a beautiful home and from speaking to then it was worth it.

Congratulations on the news! I  wish we could be in a position to do something like that. There would be no question. I wish you all the best. 

[Deleted]

blush, thank you! It's nice to hear a similar situation worked out for another family! It makes me feel like we are really doing the right thing!

[runnergirl812]

First, congratulations to your husband on his new job and FINANCIAL FREEDOM!! That's huge.

Second, kudos to you for understanding your limit, being able to express that, and having a supportive spouse who gets it. You have a prize there.

I think you made the right decision too. A move is a big change and for people with anxiety (like me), it causes a lot more than the usual stress levels. Also, remember that things can change (for the better). As time goes on, you may get more comfortable with the idea of moving. Also, is there a way you can visit him in Saskatchewan with the kids? It would be a nice little vacation and give him a break from traveling back and forth.

[juliayadda]

@erin2021, My family lives in Victoria and I have to say if I had the power to go back there to my family I would a million times. There is a lot that ties me to living away from them, and Ottawa has advantages that Victoria doesn't, but I miss it a lot.