Like I said, I'm a new kid here, so thank you for the background. It makes it easier to understand why this has received 20+ pages of comments and advice when she is taking none of it.
I'm not not taking any of it. Bottom line if I am not going to take DD away I will stay with my husband. We would have an open marriage. Again, something discussed long before marriage. Hell even the guy before him I talked about it.
If I take her DH is not falling off the face of the earth. We don't have any negativity with each other. Nothing to fight about. I would still be assisting him with anything needed and he would be for me as well.
I guess I just don't get bothering with marriage at all if you know going in that you're making a vow of lifelong commitment with the understanding that you aren't actually especially committed.
Post by pearlofwisdom on Apr 21, 2015 22:43:09 GMT -5
Now he's telling me he doesn't really want us to leave. He wants me to get the job here and have enough money to visit down there whenever I please. We're texting because he's at work.
I'm not not taking any of it. Bottom line if I am not going to take DD away I will stay with my husband. We would have an open marriage. Again, something discussed long before marriage. Hell even the guy before him I talked about it.
If I take her DH is not falling off the face of the earth. We don't have any negativity with each other. Nothing to fight about. I would still be assisting him with anything needed and he would be for me as well.
I guess I just don't get bothering with marriage at all if you know going in that you're making a vow of lifelong commitment with the understanding that you aren't actually especially committed.
Because neither of us believe that monogamy is innate but a choice you make. It is possible to be committed to living a life with a person but still have the desire for someone else. I am sure this is not a popular opinion. This also brings us back to the point of he felt like he does now then we would never actually be married.
Post by sunnysideup26 on Apr 21, 2015 22:48:57 GMT -5
Okay, I've read the whole thing now. I kind of wish I hadn't. POW, for the love of everything, please take some time to step back and work through your feelings and issues.
(Not the same thing) but I'm currently taking some time/a step back from my marriage to figure out what is best for me and my CHILDREN. I'm not deciding anything right away I've been open with my husband that I'm having questions about our marriage, my happiness, how my children will see marriage (based on what they see in ours), etc, and I'm giving myself space and time to figure out what I want and what is truly best for me and my kids. I really encourage you to not make any life changing decisions right now but just take a step back, take some time, and really think things through.
I think if you got some space you might see things more clearly and make a better decision moving forward.
I also think that space needs to involve not taking to the Texas guy, at all. Nothing good is going to come of that situation, and I feel like it's clouding your judgement when your focus should be on what you want and what is best for you and your child.
I guess I just don't get bothering with marriage at all if you know going in that you're making a vow of lifelong commitment with the understanding that you aren't actually especially committed.
Because neither of us believe that monogamy is innate but a choice you make. It is possible to be committed to living a life with a person but still have the desire for someone else. I am sure this is not a popular opinion. This also brings us back to the point of he felt like he does now then we would never actually be married.
But you aren't.
This is what boggles my mind. Open marriages are not for me no way, but I know people who make them work. They make them work by being fully committed to their partner. Deciding whether to stay together or not based on a job =/= commitment.
Okay, I've read the whole thing now. I kind of wish I hadn't. POW, for the love of everything, please take some time to step back and work through your feelings and issues.
(Not the same thing) but I'm currently taking some time/a step back from my marriage to figure out what is best for me and my CHILDREN. I'm not deciding anything right away I've been open with my husband that I'm having questions about our marriage, my happiness, how my children will see marriage (based on what they see in ours), etc, and I'm giving myself space and time to figure out what I want and what is truly best for me and my kids. I really encourage you to not make any life changing decisions right now but just take a step back, take some time, and really think things through.
I think if you got some space you might see things more clearly and make a better decision moving forward.
I also think that space needs to involve not taking to the Texas guy, at all. Nothing good is going to come of that situation, and I feel like it's clouding your judgement when your focus should be on what you want and what is best for you and your child.
I am going to go to counseling. I have followed your situation as well. Best case scenario in DH's mind now is that I get the job here. Stack up money so that I can visit down South and Tx guy comes up here when he wants. There are plans for this anyway.
The La job opportunity is actually better than anything I have found here. The potential one here is OK but there is the matter of convenience and keeping my family together. The time DH lived apart before we did not have a child so that's now the critical difference.
As far as tx guy, he wants my main focus to be on being near my family. He doesn't even understand why DH would be ok with us leaving. That wouldn't be something he would do. Tx guy would hate if he is the reason I broke up my family with DH but at the same time he wants me as well so it's conflicted. Tx guy and I would be long distance even with me being in La so I'm not banking on that by any means.
There's a chance it will all fade. DH was surprised that I had ever felt anything for anyone to begin with.
My best friend made her boyfriend cry during a game of monopoly when we were in high school (being a sore winner basically). She was such a bitch. As was he.
I'm not not taking any of it. Bottom line if I am not going to take DD away I will stay with my husband. We would have an open marriage. Again, something discussed long before marriage. Hell even the guy before him I talked about it.
If I take her DH is not falling off the face of the earth. We don't have any negativity with each other. Nothing to fight about. I would still be assisting him with anything needed and he would be for me as well.
But things might get negative if you actually start boinking someone else.
I say this sincerely out of deep concern for you: please see a therapist. You need a professional to help you sort this out and help you figure out what to do. Even if he won't go with you. You need to work on you.
I will. Now this was all pointless because DH is changing his tune and now "uncomfortable" with Tx dude pushing so hard to see me and wanting to be the only one. Like he actually plans to come up here soon.
dh says he wants his family (DD and I). I have asked him many fucking times if he wanted us to stay or go and he would consistently say it was my choice and he wants me to be happy. I have a feeling he didn't believe that I would actually have a chance to leave.
My sister did that. She mispronounced a LOT of words. I didn't mispronounce it, but I could not for the life of me remember the word spatula. For years I called it a "scuttle".
"I can't fathom a reason that you'd lie. But people also inject cement and superglue in their asses, so sometimes I'm just at a loss about people's decision-making abilities."-rocksforludo
Possible FFC ahead: This thread is weird as fuck (for many reasons obviously) but because I had my therapy appt earlier today, where I told my therapist I'm not totally happy in my marriage. I tend to spiral on to the "what ifs" and sometimes find myself thinking of a particular ex of mine.
For me though, I am 90% sure it's because of the age I got married, and my mental health. Throw together having your first child, your first home, your first year of marriage, your first adult-ing in general, and I am so surprised everyday isn't a shit show for me and MH. Do I get bored and cannot be content with "comfortable"? Yeah. Do I miss the shiny, newness of mine and MH's relationship? Yeah. But these are all mostly my problems that I work on weekly in therapy, and there are other things he and I can work on in couples counseling.
The point everyone's trying to make is: 1.) Get therapy. 2.) Decide what the fuck is the best decision for YOUR child. 3.) Figure out what the fuck you want. I don't know what else you're wanting us to tell you since you're not telling us everything. We don't have the full background and we don't know what you want or how you're feeling.
And I really don't meant this disrespectfully, but are you in a good mental state? How is your mental and emotional health? I am just asking due to personal experiences/mental conditions that I have that tend to cloud my judgment, make me lose touch of reality, cause me to continually seek out the "new/exciting/shiny" things...more, etc. Therapy helps.
We all agree no decision should be made based on Texas dick.
We all agree that communications with tx should stop. I don't believe you will do this. However I do feel this would just complicate things AND ask yourself, what kind of man be ok with me leaving my marriage and taking my child away from her father in such a way? What kms of man is ok with being on the side?
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
My best friend made her boyfriend cry during a game of monopoly when we were in high school (being a sore winner basically). She was such a bitch. As was he.
/relevent
My husband proposed over a game of Monopoly. Well, it was technically Oceanopoly, but same thing just everything is aquatic.
My best friend made her boyfriend cry during a game of monopoly when we were in high school (being a sore winner basically). She was such a bitch. As was he.
/relevent
My husband proposed over a game of Monopoly. Well, it was technically Oceanopoly, but same thing just everything is aquatic.
I love and hate Monopoly. I've won once in my entire life and I've played a lot. I have Middle Earth Monopoly.
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